First come the pleas. Then come the promises.
“Please, Mommy, can we get a puppy?” says your little one. “Dad, I promise I’ll take care of it!“
If you’re a parent with a child begging to bring home a dog, cat or other pet, you’re not alone. These same conversations, calculations and emotional bargainings happen all the time as parents consider the benefits and disadvantages of pet ownership.
The good news is that child development experts say adding a pet to the family can lead to a plethora of positive outcomes, life lessons and meaningful memories as long as your family is properly prepared for what is coming — and has a plan in place to deal with it all.
Here are some tips for preparing your family for pet ownership and teaching age-appropriate lessons in responsibility.
1. Teach the basics. “Just like a child, every pet needs three things: Time, touch and attention,” says Roni Cohen Leiderman, Ph.D., dean of the Mailman Segal Center for Human Development at Nova Southeastern University in South Florida. She recommends teaching a child from the onset that having a pet is a time commitment that cannot be shirked, whether this means feeding, walking or even playing time.
“If your child can give at least those three things, he or she may be ready for a pet,” Cohen Leiderman says.
2. Set clear expectations. “Make sure your child understands your expectations and is capable of meeting them,” says Daniel Bagner, an associate professor in the Department of Psychology at Florida International University in Miami and a faculty member at the university’s Center for Children and Families. For instance, if your child has problems remembering to brush their teeth every morning, it may not be fair to expect them to feed a pet every morning. And rather than tell a child to fill the food and water bowl every day, be clear and specify a daily time, like 4 p.m., or before you get a snack after school.
3. Be age appropriate with expectations. All pets need basic attention, and children of all ages may participate in meeting those needs, says Cohen Leiderman. A 3-year-old, for example, may be capable of helping to feed a pet. A 5-year-old may be able to take the dog out and clean up after it. And a child 8 or older may be ready to walk the dog and feed and water a pet every day as a chore. Older children may enjoy training pets.
“They can teach a bird to talk,” says Cohen Leiderman, “or teach a dog to give a paw.”
4. Set clear consequences and be consistent. “Have clear consequences set up for when the responsibilities are not taken care of,” says Bagner. And provide positive reinforcement when children behave responsibly. “There need to be positive and negative consequences to teach responsibility,” he adds.
For example, as a positive reinforcement, you could let your child watch a favorite TV show if they remember to take the dog for a walk. It’s important for the parent to follow through, by giving the reward each night — or taking it away as necessary. “The most important thing is to figure out what your child likes and what is motivating for them,” he says.
5. Be a role model. The experts recommend you don’t just dole out all the pet chores to your child. “Be a role model and take on some of the responsibility so that feeding, walking and care of a pet is not just a burden on a child,” says Bagner. “Giving too much responsibility to a child can lead to resentment and tension. But when a parent pitches in, it really helps a child buy into the whole thing.”
Pets not only teach a child a lot about responsibility, says Cohen Leiderman, the experience of having one at home can also enlighten a child about bigger things, like unconditional love, gratitude, empathy, compassion, loyalty and trust — and, eventually, even loss and bereavement. She says her grandson describes his dog, Tucker, as his “brother from another” and the “best gift” he ever received.
“So, yes, giving a child a pet can be a wonderful thing,” Cohen Leiderman says. “But you and the child must know going in what to expect and what to look out for.”
—Daniel Vasquez for Publix
