This column originally ran in 2023.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several weeks ago, I sent a lunch invitation to a family whose sons are in both of my sons’ classes. The mother accepted the invitation, and yesterday (two days before the lunch), I sent her a reminder text.
She replied that she will check her calendar, as one of the sons may have a track meet. Then she informed me that she has three additional, older children, and asked if they were invited. I extended the invitation to them and asked if she could confirm the number with me as soon as possible.
The lunch is tomorrow. Today, I sent a text asking how many chairs I should set out. She replied that she didn’t yet know, and -- here’s the part I am a bit miffed about -- that her kids are vegan.
How would you suggest I avoid getting myself into this type of scenario in the future?
Stories by Judith Martin
GENTLE READER: A bit miffed? This person invited extra people, would not tell you if they were actually coming, and then asserted that if they did come, they would need a special menu. Miss Manners would be livid.
But since you asked, she does see your slight misstep. After you issued the original invitation, the mother accepted. Your reminders only served to exacerbate the situation. Twice.
Next time, quit while you have the answer that you want. Certainly, this person might still have shown up with extra children and their dietary constraints, but at least with no warning, you would not have had to scramble in advance -- and she might actually have felt some embarrassment.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.