Giving a speech on your wedding day? It can prove to be a stressful challenge. Whether that’s due to trying to strike the right balance between heart and humour, avoiding any embarrassing revelations or calming your stage fright so you don’t stumble over your words.
Heidi Ellert-McDermott is the founder of Speechy and author of The Modern Couple’s Guide to Wedding Speeches, available here on Amazon for £7.08, down from £14.99. She’s written wedding speeches for celebrities, politicians, well-known entrepreneurs and hundreds of other brides and grooms around the world.
And to make sure your wedding speeches are memorable for all the right reasons, we asked Heidi to reveal the classic speech mistake nearlyweds should definitely avoid…
OPENING WITH WEDDING WAFFLE
"The first 30 seconds of your speech is crucial as it’s when you can win over your audience or lose them altogether", says Heidi. "Unfortunately, so many speakers make the mistake of reading old-fashioned etiquette advice and thinking they need to say exactly the same thing as couples did fifty years ago.
"These days weddings are bespoke and full of personality, rather than formal affairs. Yes, be polite, be welcoming and be grateful but don’t feel you need to be overly solemn or spend the first minute of your speech talking about how beautiful the venue is or anything that feels Generic.
"Welcome the guests to the day and then crack on with great storytelling, rather than ticking the out-dated etiquette boxes."
GOOGLED-GAGS
"Humour is a social bonding juice. If you get it right, guests feel connected to the speaker and strangers in the audience feel more bonded. It’s basically a sure-fire way of getting everyone in the mood to party. But (and this is a big ‘but’) hunting down a laugh is never an excuse for adding a cheesy wedding joke or Googled-gag to your speech."
"Gags like 'Without all of you here today, it wouldn’t be the same…but it would be cheaper', or 'Good afternoon, everyone. I had prepared a superb speech for you today, but unfortunately, now that I am married … I’ve been told to read this one instead.'
"While there’s nothing wrong with these lines in themselves, but after you’ve heard them a dozen times, they just elicit groans, not giggles."
THANKING TOO MANY PEOPLE
"While thanking people is important, don’t let your speech turn into one boring, long list. Let’s face it, thank yous are really only interesting if you’re the one being thanked, or they are particularly entertaining. That’s why Oscar acceptance speeches must now be 45 seconds or less; even celebrity thank yous were tedious!
"Of course, parents and the wedding crew need to be sincerely thanked but don’t get sucked into name-checking everyone who’s travelled or thanking anyone you’ve paid (the venue, photographers, caterers would all prefer an excellent online review!).
"One thing I advise newlyweds to avoid is handing out gifts during the speeches. No matter how well you plan it, the delivery of the bouquets always results in an awkward moment and puts the speaker off the flow of their speech. If you do plan on giving gifts, do it privately earlier in the day."
CLICHÉ OVERKILL
"So many speeches are dull because, despite a word count of 1,000 or more, they say very little. It’s easy for a wedding speech to get overwhelmed by clichés, platitudes, and generic adjectives. The trick is resisting the obvious lines about love and weddings and instead concentrate on what makes your partner, and your love story, unique.
"So, don’t talk about your soulmate making you a better person, instead tell everyone about why you love their obsession with libraries, how you’re in awe of their ability to eat raw chillis and why you would never want to have a Friday night kitchen disco with anyone else. Be specific, be real and be original."
GOING ON TOO LONG
"We all know size matters; especially when it comes to wedding speeches. I once sat through a 45 minute speech, which was quite frankly, painful", says Heidi. "The speaker started to get heckled but carried on regardless. Wedding speeches should ideally take between six and ten minutes to deliver, depending on the speaker and allowing for laughter.
"This means a word count of between 800-1,300 words – and yes, this still applies if it’s a joint speech. Remember, no one ever listened to a speech and wished it was longer. Once you’ve written your first draft, try to edit it by a third. I guarantee it will feel punchier and more entertaining as a result."
READING FROM YOUR MOBILE
"Speakers are increasingly using their mobiles or iPads to read their speech from on the day. While I encourage people to use notes, I always find it grating when they’re not printed on paper or cue cards and speakers are using technology", says Heidi.
"It may seem like the modern thing to do, but actually, we’ve all been programmed to resent people looking at their phones in our company. It suggests they’re not really present; that they’re in another world. It also looks overly casual; like you’ve written your speech in your notes app. I like to see speakers using good old fashioned paper. Try to memorise your speech in advance so you only need to glance at your notes rather than reading from them."
LOOKING MISERABLE
"Honestly, it’s amazing how many newlyweds look like they’d rather be anywhere else when they’re delivering their wedding speech, and guests pick up on it", says Heidi.
"I get it. Some people genuinely hate public speaking, but you really do have to make the effort to look like you’re enjoying it. A speaker’s demeanour rubs off on the audience so if you’re nervous and uncomfortable, everyone else will be too. Whereas, if you start by smiling and laughing along with your own speech, everyone will relax and feel like they’re in safe hands. Make the most of your facial expressions. A well timed eyebrow raise can gather as much laughter as a well crafted line.
"Remember, a smile has been scientifically proven to be infectious and even a fake laugh can trick your body into feeling more relaxed, so make the most of it."
THREE MEN TALKING ON BEHALF OF WOMEN
"Finally, a point about the line-up. While, no one has to give a speech on the day if they don’t fancy it, I’d really encourage brides-to-be to consider giving a speech or making sure there’s at least one woman on the speaker line-up," says Heidi.
"Talking from personal experience, delivering my speech was one of my wedding highlights and I don’t know why there aren’t more women grabbing the mic on the day. Rather than letting the same three blokes take control, it would be lovely to see more women get their say on the day, whether it’s the bride, bridesmaid, or mother. I promise you, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to pay a tribute to everyone you love and make your friends and family smile."
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