Make plans with a friend six months in advance. As you sit in the restaurant waiting to order, have her delay the plans by an hour, then eleven hours, before postponing them indefinitely.
Empty the contents of your purse and hold them as you also remove your shoes. In a standing position, put your shoes back on while still holding all your loose stuff.
Pay your receptionist fifty dollars so that you can be allowed to bring your briefcase to work.
See how long you can surround yourself with the smells of food and not succumb to spending thirteen dollars on a small bag of pretzels.
Watch six nonconsecutive episodes of a sitcom that you only sort of liked fifteen years ago.
Sit in a toddler chair. Ask a total stranger to sit on your lap, and a different stranger to kick the back of your chair at sporadic intervals for the next few hours.
Lock yourself in a small crate during an earthquake. Attempt to pee.
Attach your purse to a moving ceiling fan covered in other purses that look exactly like yours. Try to grab the correct purse.
More Humor
- Dating is so hard when you are an insufferable person with a bland personality.
- I finally listened to my body, and this is what it had to say.
- May I steal your dog?
- I will have kids in a few years, when I am successful and wealthy and my life is finally perfect.
- Compliments I have received in my thirties, translated.
- How to experience New York like a true local.
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