Having a child with a dominant and assertive personality can often be perceived as "bossy," a label given by parents or others.
But being a "bossy" toddler is a completely normal reaction in a world where they have little control, according to Jaimie Bloch, a parent educator and child psychologist.
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"It's developmentally normal and age-appropriate for them to use their voices and for children, in general, to want to control everything," Bloch (@mindmoverspsych on Instagram and @jaimieblochpsychology on TikTok) told Newsweek.
Whether it's in the playground, at home or other social interactions, bossiness occurs as kids and toddlers start developing a sense of autonomy and independence.
"The brain starts to develop awareness and concepts of self," Bloch said. "Therefore, they are beginning to understand their preferences and desires but are lacking the ability to fully regulate their emotions and understand social skills."
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As a mom of two, Bloch told Newsweek that she is helping her daughter navigate her assertiveness without guilt or shame attached.
"I really like how she knows what she wants, so I wanted to work on using alternatives to help her develop more social awareness but not squash her spirit," Bloch said.
In an Instagram reel, Bloch shared her top five phrases to channel them into positive and productive behaviors:
1. "I love your honesty, but let's find a way to make your words kinder."
This phrase opens the door to constructive conversations and gives your toddler a platform to voice their feelings.
2. "I hear you giving lots of directions. Ask child name/sibling name what she thinks about the game."
It is important to encourage your child to think about quality and fairness. This phrase can help them consider the impact of their decisions on others.
3. "I see that you only want to play with the ideas in your head. It is important to include your friends'/siblings' ideas also."
Validating your child's contributions while encouraging them to listen to others is a balanced approach.
Valuing diverse opinions can help them be assertive with kindness.
4. "It's OK to choose what you draw, and I'll choose what I want to draw."
"Toddlers and kids have limited perspective-taking skills," says Bloch.
"Their prefrontal cortex (responsible for these higher-order thinking skills) is in the construction phase.
"This means young kids are often very self-centered and self-focused and struggle to see how their behavior affects others in the moment."
5. "I can see you really want (friend/sibling name) to do (activity). But you only need to be in charge of yourself."
Having a child with bucketloads of confidence and a strong sense of autonomy is by no means a bad thing.
As Bloch explains in her Instagram post, Giving your child support in a situation is more helpful than offering judgment, labels, and invalidation.
"We want to encourage our kids to be assertive but with kindness and awareness," she said.
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
About the writer
Daniella Gray is a Newsweek Family & Parenting Reporter based in London, U.K. Her focus is on family dynamics, childhood ... Read more
