I'm a Pastor—I Was Afraid to Admit My Diagnosis

Fifteen years ago, this was my story. I was 22 years into my career as a pastor when I suddenly found myself unable to think clearly. I was left without the capacity and energy I once had to serve my congregation.

I was struggling—trapped in a fog of exhaustion and undiagnosed depression—and hiding the truth from everyone around me. Though I was burnt out and discouraged, like many other leaders, I found it challenging to ask for help.

After all, being a pastor means being wired to think of others first, often by prioritizing the well-being of others over our own. GuideStone commissioned a study conducted by Grey Matter Research in 2023, that found that eight out of 10 pastors said that they sacrifice their personal wellbeing in the course of ministry work.

While it is a blessing to dedicate your life to serving others in ministry, it can lead to severe burnout of the exact type I began to experience. After over two decades in ministry, it was difficult to reach out and ask for support—to be helped instead of being a helper.

People like me who answer the call to serve others need support to sustain a lifetime of service and to serve well. Like me, approximately 2 in 3 pastors say they experience stress throughout the course of their ministry, and nearly 50 percent are distracted or discouraged in ministry. Yet, Grey Matter Research reports that 63 percent of pastors struggle to ask for help when they need it.

In my case, it was after months of silently battling distraction and discouragement and numerous attempts to self-diagnose before I acknowledged I could not fix myself in my own strength. And I did something that felt radical: I reached out for help.

I called my family doctor who diagnosed me with clinical depression and prescribed medication that could put me on the path to becoming healthy again.

A week after receiving this diagnosis, I was approached by a member of my church who was a licensed therapist who set an appointment with me to ensure I was getting the help I needed. Reaching out for—and accepting—help took courage and humility, but I learned that in the same way that I cared for my congregation as their pastor, they also wanted to care for me.

Taking care of myself and my mental well-being was strategic—not selfish. My unaddressed mental health challenges only got in the way of me being able to serve my congregation. And they nearly even resulted in me walking away from ministry altogether.

Staying quiet about my mental health wasn't what was brave—speaking up was. Finally, the dark clouds of depression began to lift when I was honest about my inability to overcome it in my own power.

With the correct diagnosis and help from a doctor and licensed therapist, I was able to understand that the clinical depression I was struggling with was a chemical problem, not a character problem.

With this knowledge, support from our faith community, and most importantly God's healing hand that provided natural and supernatural rest and restoration, I was finally on the path to become healthy again.

On the other side of my season with depression, I am able to serve others in a new way by advocating for them to begin the journey to better health so they can not only start well in ministry but also stay well and finish well in their service to others.

In fact, today my ministry has been shaped by the dark season I once walked through. I served for nearly another five years as a pastor before stepping into pastoral wellness ministry. In 2022, I joined GuideStone as the Director of Pastoral Wellness, where I get to work with pastors every day to help them stay well and finish well.

We deal with the same issues—health problems, family challenges, financial uncertainty—as anyone else. Though it can seem counterintuitive for leaders and shepherds to reach out for support, it is critical for us to continue to serve well.

I am grateful for the professional help I received that brought me out on the other side of a challenging season in my mental health journey. As a Christian, I was called to love God with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength. By reaching out and getting professional help, I have been able to more fully love God with my mind, and as a result, I have been able to continue serving others both in my most difficult season and today.

Dr. Mark Dance is the director of pastoral wellness at GuideStone.

All views expressed are the author's own.

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