Bride Refusing to Let Mother-in-Law Pay Tribute to Her 'Dead Babies' Backed

It isn't uncommon for couples to involve their loved ones who have passed away on their big day but on this occasion, a bride has refused.

In a viral Reddit post that has over 12,000 upvotes, u/ThrowAwayQQQQQ212, 26, explains she doesn't want to keep a seat empty for framed photos of her mother-in-law's "dead babies".

According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, miscarriage is the most common form of pregnancy loss. It is estimated that as many as 26 percent of all pregnancies end this way.

The fiancée explains her mother-in-law lost three babies before giving birth to her fiancé, 27, and now she puts "all of her motherly love and attention" on him.

The bride-to-be states she is due to tie the knot in a few months and she has recently been planning their guest list with her partner.

"We consulted our families about which, and how many, relatives we should invite. Future MIL asked that we "invite" [my] fiancé's dead brother and sisters. When we asked what she meant, she wanted us to put up a framed photo of the dead babies in the pews at our wedding ceremony, and then save them seats at our reception," she wrote.

The request left the woman feeling "horrified," she said, explaining it is a small and intimate venue with limited seats. She points out her in laws are paying for 75 percent of the wedding but she thinks it is "gross and weird" to include the photos.

She wrote: "[My] fiancé agrees that three of 50 seats reserved for dead people is too many."

Newsweek reached out to Emily Cummin, who is the founder of Untangle, a U.K.-based grief support app.

Cummin said: "When we grieve, it isn't just for the past we had with that person, it's also for the future we thought we were going to have. Big life milestones are often a huge trigger for grief because they remind us what is lost; perhaps this wedding has caused her mother-in-law to realize that she will never see any of her other babies get married.

"We cannot fix someone's grief, but we can make them feel seen by asking questions and listening. If she can, acknowledge her mother-in-law's pain and the weight of what she has lost.

"Perhaps offer some other ideas for how she could honor these babies as part of the wedding, in a way that feels appropriate for the bride—maybe her mother-in-law does a toast to loved ones who have died, or an item of theirs is tied to the bouquet."

There's no right or wrong way to remember a loved one at a wedding, states leading wedding expert and editor of Hitched.co.uk Zoe Burke.

"Some couples also choose to dedicate a reading to them, to toast them in their speeches, or to have a 'memory table' where their pictures can be displayed, with candles to light and guests can pay their respects on the day," Burke told Newsweek.

However Reddit users aren't as understanding and 5,000 people have commented on the post since it was shared on August 6.

The top comment, with 24,900 upvotes, said: "NTA: I have no words other than no god damn way. That's the weirdest and creepiest thing I've ever heard."

"At my sons wedding there was a memorial table for dead loved ones, recent dead loved ones. Like my father. It was nice. But a chair? For dead babies? I'm weird, but not that weird. Tasteless," said another.

"This. Infertility/child loss isn't always openly talked about. You have no idea how many people this could deeply upset. And it's a HUGE bummer. Why would you want to have that vibe put on your guests, especially without their consent? Find a less triggering, jarring compromise if you can," suggested another person.

Newsweek reached out to u/ThrowAwayQQQQQ212 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

Correction 09/08/23, 3:00 a.m. ET: This article has been updated to amend the description of Untangle.

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