Real Housewives Of Cheshire star Nermina Pieters-Mekic has bravely shared how she was heartbreakingly told she 'couldn't keep her baby' after being diagnosed with cancer while pregnant.
Nermina was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer at age 33 after finding a lump in her breast. She was at the early stages of pregnancy at the time of the diagnosis. In a candid interview, she has now opened up about her diagnosis in the hope her story might "save a life".
She said: "I was pregnant when I found out I had cancer, it broke my heart we couldn't keep the baby nobody should ever find themselves in that unthinkable position." Nermina is mum to daughter Alaya, two, who was born in 2021. She shares her daughter with her footballer husband, Erik Pieters.
The couple had been trying for a second child since Alaya's birth and took a pregnancy test just before Nermina was due to get her biopsy results. She'd taken her toddler to the appointment for the biopsy results as Erik was at training. "Alaya was on my knee and she was trying to cheer me up, and I felt heartbroken for her that she had to be in the room with me," she recalled to OK! magazine. "I would never have wanted that."
"I could see from her body language that she was trying to cheer me up, and it's not her job to do that. As her mum, I felt I should have been keeping her away from these situations and protecting her. Normally I don't get upset, I'm a very calm and positive person, but when someone tells you have breast cancer, it's like an out-of-body experience. I was looking around, and the doctor was saying all these things to me, and I have no clue what he said. When he stopped, I said, 'I'm pregnant', and he told me, 'That changes everything.'"
Nermina and Erik were told that continuing with the pregnancy would significantly affect her treatment. She would need an immediate full mastectomy and chemotherapy up to 30 weeks of pregnancy, which would also delay other treatments. The couple sought second opinions as the lumps in her breast were growing quickly. "We visited a clinic to see what our options were with the pregnancy. Could the embryo be frozen as it was still so early? Could I freeze my eggs too?," she said. "But when we returned to my doctor for a follow-up appointment, he confirmed that in one week, the lump had grown and that delaying the treatment would not be good."
Nermina, who has completed four out of six planned rounds of chemotherapy, said she finds it hard to talk about their decision to terminate the pregnancy. However, she wants people to understand the harsh realities of cancer. "I have to do everything and anything I possibly can to give myself the best chance to beat this because I have a little girl here and she needs me," she says.
Erik was fully supportive of his wife. He said, "As a partner, you have to be there for support," and "I told Nermina from the start I would always be open and honest, and ask questions. No one expects this to happen, but when it does you can't change it, you have to face it. And there's no better way to face it than to face it together."
After her pregnancy, doctors tried to protect Nermina's reproductive organs from chemotherapy, but they won't know how it has affected her fertility until after her treatment is finished. She couldn't freeze her eggs, which is another issue she wanted to address. "If I didn't have a daughter already, my heart would break into a million pieces if we couldn't have children," she says. "You just never know what's going to happen or when it's too late. So I really want to tell women, if they want children and are in a position to freeze their eggs, then to go for it. And I want to tell all women to check their breasts regularly!"
After receiving her diagnosis, she revealed she couldn't help but also worry about her daughter's future. She said: "One night when I couldn't sleep I sat in Alaya's nursery.
"I looked at her height chart on the wall, and thought, 'What if I'm not here to witness this in a few years? What if I don't see her grow up?' They couldn't do all the checks [cancer tests] because I was pregnant so I kept thinking, 'I'll never forgive myself for not seeing Alaya grow up'."
Nermina shared her diagnosis on Instagram and was overwhelmed by the 14,000 likes and well-wishes she received – but she has admitted that, like many people, she never imagined she would be diagnosed with cancer as she leads a health lifestyle.
"I never in my wildest dreams thought this would happen to me. I never get ill, I eat a good diet, I exercise with my horses, I barely drink, I'm very healthy," she said. "But cancer doesn't discriminate. One in seven women will get breast cancer in their lifetime, and a lot of those will be young women. It's easy to think 'it won't happen to me', but it can happen to anyone I'm proof of that. I need women to check themselves, and be checked."
Nermina has been very open about her feelings and experiences because she wants other women to "know they're not alone". Despite their situation, the couple have found moments of laughter among the tears and trauma.
"I'm trying to accept things as they happen," said Nermina. "You have to take the good days and go with the bad days." Nermina's new short hair has been a huge adjustment. She's had almost waist-length chestnut locks for as long as she can remember. The star said that experiencing hair loss in the shower was "like you see in a movie", and she insisted Erik hand over his razor so she could shave it all off.
"I managed to convince her to use scissors because I knew that however much she cut off, she could still fix it, but if she shaved it, there's no fixing it. I wanted her to be happy," Erik explained, who said he prefers his wife's shorter hair as it shows off her face. Ever the optimist, Nermina is currently compiling a mood board of pixie cuts and short shaggy styles that she wants to try further down the line and there's even a peroxide blonde look in there!
"I'm actually quite enjoying it," she laughed. "It was a big thing for me to cut my hair because I've always had really long hair. But if I have to shave it off, I'm looking forward to getting a pixie cut, or maybe bleaching it." It's now three months since her initial diagnosis and Nermina only has two more rounds of chemotherapy, which is administered through her port. Once that's finished she'll need radiotherapy and regular screening, and a lumpectomy or mastectomy still isn't off the table.
"An operation is something we'll talk about in December, once the chemo is done," she explained. "I'm going to do whatever is safest and whatever the doctors recommend, even if that's a full mastectomy. I'll just do it and have a reconstruction, I'm not afraid of that. It's going to be a long journey and I have to remind myself how lucky I am that I found it early and that I've got my family around me. It's a challenge, but I can do it."
Nermina and Erik's parents all live in the Netherlands but they've been taking it in turns to come and help out around the house when Nermina is not feeling well as a result of her treatment. Her mum Hasima and Erik's mum Stella have worked "in shifts" while Erik continues to train and play in the first team of his football club, West Bromwich Albion, which he said have been "incredibly supportive".
Having good and bad days is "par for the course" for them now, Nermina said, and she's careful to manage what Alaya sees and feels. If she's feeling low, Nermina will take herself off to see her beloved showjumping horse Sydney or for a reiki session which she's currently convincing Erik to try.
"As a mum you just worry about your child," she said, as her voice cracked. "The first thing I thought was, 'Am I going to see you grow up?' I don't want her to feel that energy, so if I feel sad I just go away for a while so she's protected. She knows I am a bit unwell, but I don't want her to feel scared or insecure." Doctors are optimistic about Nermina's fight, and if her bucket-load of positivity and willpower make any difference, she's likely to prove them right.
On her good days, she insists on getting out and about with Erik and Alaya, or seeing friends. "When Erik's at work, he's all about the football and he's actually been playing really well," she said. "When he's home, he's all about us. I take each day as it comes and celebrate the small wins. We recently went to a pumpkin patch and had lunch with friends. After this round of chemotherapy I'm going to be wiped out so I try to focus on the positives when I'm feeling good. These moments keep me going and keep me happy, and that's what is important right now."
If you have been affected by this story, advice and support can be found at Breast Cancer Support.
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