Winning Through Loss: The Hidden Gains of Failure

What’s top of mind: 

I have a lot of good memories as an amateur athlete, but my most vivid sports memory is from a game I lost when I was only 16 years old. My high school basketball team had made it to the final four in the state, which meant we would finally get to go to the Pennsylvania State Championships in Hershey, the town known for the famous chocolate of the same name. As a sophomore, I had only been a part of very successful teams and this team was one of the best. I was convinced we were going to win that night and go on to win the championship game. It felt inevitable. 

But things didn't go our way in that semi-final game, and we lost.  I was absolutely devastated. We had worked too hard to lose. I remember fans throwing hundreds and hundreds of Hershey’s Chocolate Kisses onto the court to celebrate our opponents. It’s a tradition I wanted to be part of. Instead I cried on the bus ride home, and I was absolutely dejected for the next little while at school—or at least until baseball practice started the next week. But more than 20 years later, I still don’t care for Hershey’s chocolate. 

That memory stuck with me because, just like the great American Sportscaster Vin Scully said, “Losing feels worse than winning feels good.” But, what if losing that game was one of the best things that ever happened to me?

Hear me out:

Taking the “L” as the kids call it, very rarely feels like it has any benefit. But just this week I came across a fascinating study from 2019 that was published in Nature, titled Early-career setback and future career impact.  

The study followed junior scientists that applied for grants from the National Institute of Health (NIH), and specifically compared those who were narrowly approved for funding versus those who narrowly missed out on funding. Here are two key takeaways:

1. More than 10% of those who narrowly missed out never reapplied to the NIH system
2. Individuals who narrowly missed out systematically outperformed those who were narrowly approved in the longer run

You read that right! People who failed once were actually more likely to succeed later. 

What’s in it for you:

You’re probably thinking to yourself, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. You’re just telling me not to get down on myself about a loss.” And, yeah, I am.  But, more importantly, I want to remind you (and myself) that, in order to lose (or win!), we have to enter the competition. Making ourselves vulnerable to loss and rejection is the only way to reap the benefits from a success or a failure. And we only benefit from failure if we keep trying. 

So, hang in there. And make my Big Sean remix your motto: “Last night I took an L but tonight I bounced back, Nature magazine says chances are I’ll count stacks.”

What I’m learning: 

Some of you know I play Australian Football, and over the last couple of years (as I get over the hill) I’ve started coaching, too. This year I’m working on my Level 2 Coaching Accreditation, which requires me to develop my coaching philosophy, or a sort of mantra or “north star” I can look to when I’m not sure how to handle a situation. And even though I’ve done a lot of teaching, I’d never officially written my philosophy down. It was challenging, but here’s what I came up with: 

“I’m an authentic leader that fosters an environment of openness and learning to help each individual reach their highest potential as footballers (or SAP users, or learners) and as human beings.”

What’s new with SAP: 

SAP is in hot water with the European Works Council for the way they’re going about laying off 7000 people.  

Despite SAP’s attempts to justify the layoffs by branding them “internal re-skilling measures” and voluntary leave, the works council basically said, “Nah. We think you’re doing it just to save money.”  Or as they put it, the layoffs are “...solely or primarily based on costs, and not on the actual value that existing employees, teams and locations represent for our customers.”

Hot Take:

SAP stock is up more than 30% year-over-year. And cutting out an expense as big as 7000 salaries goes a long way toward keeping their finances tidy and their shareholders happy. From where I sit, it’s tough to think about all those people getting pushed out unfairly, and I’m glad the Works Council is acting on their behalf. 

What I’m reading (or listening to):

The Comfort Crisis: Embrace Discomfort to Reclaim Your Wild, Happy, Healthy Self by Michael Easter

I’ll admit it: I am constantly curating my experience to be as comfortable as possible. I want my bedroom to be exactly 68 degrees to sleep and I want my office to be orderly so I can crank out this newsletter.  I skipped getting into the Pacific Ocean last weekend because the water was too cold—even though I feel better every single time I dive in. And this book is calling me out. It points to the fact that all these perfectly comfortable scenarios can sometimes cause more harm than good. Embracing the things that suck (AKA losing!) help build resilience and lead to feelings of satisfaction and accomplishment. Point taken.

What else?

I’m curious what your philosophy is–even if you’re not a coach or teacher. What’s your north star that keeps you on track and aligned with your values? Do you have an example of where it got you back on track? Let me know in the comments.

Looking forward,

JV

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