What it feels like to be an 'outsider.'

On June 2nd, I (virtually) sat down with Fidel Vargas, President and CEO of the Hispanic Scholarship Fund, and José Mallabo, CRO and CMO at Morehouse College.

I listened in awe of their stories and when our hour was up, I can't tell you how many times I went back to listen, thinking, "WOW." Simply, wow.

Their stories – so different. Yet so similar.

And while the transcription of their words won't give you the emotion of their voices or their laughter in the background, I want to share them with you.

I don't know how many of these articles I'll post, because there is just SO MUCH POWER to be shared from that conversation. But for now, here's a snippet of them sharing about times they've felt like outsiders.

And of course, I encourage you to watch the on-demand recording here. The transcription below starts at minute 28 in case you want the full experience. :)

The Outsiders

The need to change the narrative

Transcription - Speaker: Fidel Vargas

"I've experienced things that when I explain to my wife, who's Jewish, she says, "that couldn't have happened." No, really.

I've been followed around the department store by the security guard because they thought I might want to shoplift. 

One day we went to dinner, a very nice restaurant ... And when we left the restaurant, we went outside to get my car. I gave my ticket to the parking attendant, and we were waiting for my car when two women came out of the restaurant and handed me their ticket for their car. 

I sort of looked at them, and my wife looked at me, and her mouth was like, "Oh, my God, I cannot believe that this is happening." I just smiled. I couldn't do anything, but just smile, and said, "I'm sorry, I don't work here."

They were mortified. They were just mortified. So one of the things that's important for me is to understand that it's coming from a narrative about who our communities are, and not understanding that you're not supposed to paint everyone with the same brush.

So one of the things that's important for me is to understand that it's coming from a narrative about who our communities are, and not understanding that you're not supposed to paint everyone with the same brush.

I've experienced lots of times where I felt like an outsider. Some of which I've handled well, and some I haven't handled so well. But we have to continue to be committed to educating. To teaching. To sharing our perspective. We have to do a better job.

We have to continue to be committed to educating. To teaching. To sharing our perspective.

And I'm trying to do as best a job to help bridge the gap, and help to educate others so that they don't make assumptions about people based on how they look or based on where they are."

Meaning vs Feeling

Transcription - Speaker: José Mallabo

"I was laughing with you, Fidel. I share many of those same instances.

When I’m with people that have never gone through that, they're incredulous that in today's day and age, even as grown men, it still happens to us.

Particularly when I'm bringing in a power tool or something, I get asked if the owner [of my home] is home. And you just have to kind of go, “He didn't mean it that way," But it felt that way.

And you just have to kind of go, “He didn't mean it that way." But it felt that way.

And sometimes I have to find the penthouse to that discussion quickly. 

I was literally bringing in a Rug Doctor into my building the other day, and a nice old gentleman asked me if I was going to clean his rug (maybe because I'm very dark skin and had a mask on). And then I took my mask off to address him and he was so apologetic.

 But I saw where he was emotionally at that moment. I chose not to be angry.

I chose not to be angry. 

What is America? We are.

Transcription - Speaker: José Mallabo

I tell my friends this all the time– black and white. You don't see it until you travel across an international border, how different my experience and our experience might be. 

When you cross the US border, today's America, you go, "wow, there's some perspective and education that needs to happen still," because everyone takes it for granted. We're all going through life the same way."

Transcription - Speaker: Fidel Vargas

... "I'll never forget, in the 1990s-91s, I was on a traveling fellowship throughout Europe. The Gulf War had just happened. And there were a lot of mixed feelings about America, a lot of folks in Europe had the perception of the sort of ugly American and conquering American or whatever it was that people had in their head. And it was interesting because wherever I went when people saw me, they didn't see an American. That wasn't their perception of what an American looks like. 

Wherever I went when people saw me, they didn't see an American. That wasn't their perception of what an American looks like. 

And I think that's partly what is at the heart of the unease that our country is going through. We're trying to define “What is America?” “Who is American?” 

And I take great pride in being American – In understanding our history, as a nation, and as a country of immigrants from the beginning. And knowing that that's what made this country so strong and such a wonderful place for opportunity.

 While we may look how we may look – like something “else” – I am, in fact, American.

I am, in fact, American.

What's your story?

As a Mexican immigrant, their words are also my words. Their stories – my stories.

I'd love to learn about yours.

And again, I encourage you to watch the on-demand version of the webinar here. 

Also – if you're able to, consider donating to the Hispanic Scholarship Fund and Morehouse College Human Rights Film Festival – two organizations that are impacting the lives of many more of us that share these stories.