Learning on Purpose: Reflections from the Messy Middle

By popular request, I’m excited to share some reflections on the adventure we’re on this year with our kids – an undertaking I’m starting to think of as our own #PurposeYear. 

I’ve been writing a ton (more on this soon!), but the shiny instagram-reel often obscures other dimensions of the story — which include plenty of exhaustion, meltdowns, and existential angst (note: we take ourselves wherever we go…)

So, I gathered up the questions I’ve received, and put together some thoughts on each:

1. What’s been easier than expected?
2. What’s been harder than I thought it would be? 
3. What are some of the invisible forces making this whole thing possible?! 
4. How is this experience changing you?
5. Once you’re so far from “normal” life — what matters less? What matters more? 
6. What doors is it opening?  And what doors is it closing? 

Question 1: What’s been easier than expected?

Living out of a carry-on.

We packed sparingly (like, Joel has one pair of pants...I have two) - and somehow I still ended up with way more than I need. Honestly, I can’t even remember the clothes I’ve packed into our attic at home. 

It’s totally refreshing to not choose what to wear each morning.  I totally understand why Barack Obama had just one outfit ; )

(Almost) no FOMO.

I’ve been delightfully unconcerned about everything I’m missing out on socially & professionally.  I’ve unplugged from the “feeds” (podcasts, news) and the headspace is golden.

More ease in our family dynamic.

I’d expected more familial friction over the things we typically fight about — division of labor, my fluid sense of time, Joel’s need for clarity & plans. But somewhere along the way our edges have softened and we seem to be forming kinder & more generous patterns.…may they stick 🙏

Question 2: What’s been harder than I thought it would be? 

Finding short-term schools for the boys.

Ok I don’t know why I thought this would be easy….?! Maybe because the first few places I called were game for short-term enrollments…..Anyhow, it’s all worked out, but has taken some serious persistence & creativity :) 

Balancing the things I care about. 

It has been amazing to have so much sweet time with my boys (big and small). And it’s also been energizing to have my various “work” pursuits (that gratefully rarely feel like work) gaining traction and momentum. Most days there aren’t enough hours for it all (which seems obvious as I write it) — so the juggle (even and especially on the road) is real!

1:1 time with Joel.

Periodically we’ll luck into a day-date (a trail run or a lunch in some obscure and colorful perch), but given everything that we’re managing in a day/week/month….focused time together (when we aren’t also focused on something else) can be hard to come by. 

Question 3: What are some of the invisible forces making this whole thing possible?! 

Partnership. 

Joel has a black belt in logistics. He’s calm under pressure, and  more resourceful than his Swiss Army knife.  He carries nearly 100% of the administrivia (travel, lodging, food) and I’m leading on schools / education.  We’re making space for each other’s daily needs — whether it’s time to exercise and meditate each morning (me) or time for naps & long bike rides (Joel)….and have also gifted each other periodic weeks “off” for social and professional adventures.

Money.  

We are on a budget but recognize that we’re wildly privileged to not be stressed about money as we travel. I have a salary from my role as Entrepreneur in Residence @ Emerson Collective, and we’ve rented our house in Oakland since we’ve been gone (which brings in >2x what we typically spend on lodging). None of this would be possible without a financial cushion — but it also doesn’t require a windfall. 

Kids being game. 

I’ll never know what’s nature v nurture, but for whatever reason, our boys have been totally up for the adventure. They are remarkably willing to move moving in and out of schools each month, and even more remarkably able to sleep in any context (wooden boards, cranky cots & all). 

Question 4:  How is this experience changing you?

How has it NOT changed me?!  I’ve spent so much time reflecting on this question it’s possible I’ve written the better part of a book ; )   

In some ways I feel like a completely different human than the person who left California last fall; at the same time I’d imagine I won’t have a full sense of how I’ve changed until we’re back in familiar territory this summer.

One change that feels clear is finding delight in wanting what I get (vs. getting what I want).  Family travel requires countless trade-offs and sacrifices, big and small.   There’s liberation in letting go of the small desires (this food, that route) in the service of my deepest desire: ease and enjoyment. 

It has also reminded me of how many ways there are to be a human in the world and that it’s on us to remember that we get to CHOOSE OUR CHOICES.

Question 5: Once you’re so far from “normal” life — what matters less? What matters more?

It’s been fun to see routines and habits that felt so engrained….become superfluous in our current life.   

I remember packing my bag after our month in Argentina realizing that the only toiletries I’d used were my toothbrush and a bar of soap.  I didn’t even remember what was in the rest of my stash!  It’s been a relief to live in places with fewer mirrors, and a revelation to care less about how I look. 

Another thing that matters less (well, not at all) is my resume & professional identity.  Who are we when we shed society’s idea of who we are?  So much juicy growth in this stripping back down to our core….

What matters more….is prioritizing how things feel (vs. how they look).  

• Am I saying a whole-body yes when my boys bid for my attention?  
• Am I doing things that feed my energy (vs deplete it)? 
• Am I able to find delight and insight even (and especially) in the tricky/sticky spots?   

I’ve also discovered in leaving “normal” life behind that framing the right questions matters far more than getting to the answers…

Q6: What doors is this opening for you?  And what doors is it closing? 

So many doors (inner & outer) have been blown wide open for me this year. 

I’ve followed the pull toward creative projects that I’ve never made time for.  Turns out, I love to write (I thought I hated it?!), and photography feeds my soul as a form of expression. I’ve also started thinking much more expansively about the “work” I’m here to do…..

Other doors have definitely closed. 

I’m done making important decisions based on fear. 

And if a container/context feels too tight, or people want me to think smaller — it’s time take my thinking somewhere else.

What other questions do you have? Other topics you're curious about? Leave your questions below and I'll weave them into future posts....

If you're interested in learning more, check out the musings on our website Learning on Purpose, and my periodic pics on Instagram