Honing Intuition as Coaches: Emotional Intelligence from the Tao te Ching 🌱

The most frequent question I’m asked after a demo coaching session: “How did you know to ask ____(some question)?”

Honest answer: I don’t know exactly.

I used to feel frustrated by this question and my inability to answer, so over the last decade, I’ve paid more attention to my own attention… and the clues that guide my awareness.

Take a look at the International Coaching Federation (ICF) competency 7,

“Evokes Awareness: Facilitates client insight and learning by using tools and techniques such as powerful questioning, silence, metaphor or analogy.”

There are 11 indicators, all of which are about the client, eg, 7.4, “Asks questions that help the client explore beyond current thinking.”

How do you do this without first strengthening your OWN awareness as a coach?

If you follow me on LinkedIN, you know I frequently turn to the ancient wisdom of a Chinese philosopher-poet named Lao Tzu, the founder of Taoism. He wrote a collection of poems called the Tao te Ching. The sixth is about awareness:

“Complete and full awareness

Is like an open valley

Of endless generation

That doesn’t reach finale

It is a simple presence

It’s a nothing you can see

You’ll find it right at center

Wherever you may be”

– Lao Tzu, Tao te Ching verse 6 

(trans Jim Clatfelter 2020)

What does this suggest to you about your awareness and your clients’? Three messages resonate with me. Here's a summary -- for more details, and a video, see the web version of this article

Open valley… without finale

Awareness is ongoing. It flows on and on, so keep the doorway open. I’ve noticed when I think, “I know the answer,” I shut down my own awareness – conversely, when am humbly uncertain, I learn more.

It’s a nothing you can see

Pay attention to the neuroscience of attention: To focus is to ignore. Our brains work through networks, as some networks become more active, they take more energy. To get the energy, the brain suppresses other networks. Most of us have learned to focus our attention on quantitative, external data such as studying a math problem. We learned to suppress our discomfort, suppress other interests, suppress our self-awareness in order to do that well.

You’ll find it right at center / Wherever you may be

We’re conditioned to look outside ourselves. Literally billions of dollars a year go into sending us the message that we need to chase after success & happiness by acquiring… that what we long for in a product or other external commodity. The commodification of self-worth is magnified by social media and the outsourcing of our self-regard: we’re bombarded with not-so-subtle messages that we’re less-than, and our value is measured in external validation. How many ‘likes’ does it take to feel whole?

Again - please see the web version of this article for more details, a video and citations.

Whether you’re a professional coach, or contemplating earning certification as a professional emotional intelligence coach*, or you’re someone who uses coaching techniques to support others: of course these questions apply to us first.

* Did you know? In addition to top-level accreditation from the International Coaching Federation, the EQ Coach Certification is one of a handful of coaching certifications in North America that also provides master’s level credit? You’ll earn almost ⅓ of your MBA or MA in this program.

Please share your thoughts, and join our monthly COACHING CONNECTIONS live-online session (or get the recording) to engage in the emotional intelligence community: https://6sec.org/webinars