The Downside of Mentoring & How to Avoid Common Pitfalls

Taking on a protégé can be an exciting turning point in your professional life. As with any relationship, there’s always some chance that things might not work out, and mentor-protégé partnerships are no exception. I’ve seen both sides of this issue in my own career — the good and the bad — and things can get messy in a hurry.

Besides making mistakes and poor choices, you can overreach when trying to help your protégé. Though it’s natural to want to give them every advantage, you can take things too far. Keep in mind that your goal is to enable your protégé to grow and succeed on their own merits. If you do too much for them, they will come to rely on you instead of trusting themselves and rising to the challenge. This defeats the whole purpose.

It can be frustrating when you first start to see signs of trouble and you realize that things just might go sideways. If you find yourself in this position, take heart. There are steps you can take to salvage the situation and help your mentorship meet — or even exceed — your expectations. Being proactive is a great fix, but it’s not the only one.

Untangling A Messy Mentorship

With these challenges in mind, the following list includes the most common problems of mentoring and the best ways to avoid them.

Problem 1: As mentor and protégé, you’re not a good match.

Solution: Try to find common ground and navigate your activities in that direction during the life of your mentorship. Maintain a high degree of civility and treat each other with mutual respect.

Pre-Emptive Action: Take your time during the selection process. Evaluate prospective protégés carefully to ensure the best chance of choosing one you can work with successfully. Don’t leap at the first opportunity to mentor someone. Be selective and evaluate any recommendations or suggestions before making your decision. Investigate thoroughly before agreeing to take on a protégé.

Problem 2: You or your protégé have unrealistic expectations of your engagement.

Solution: Discuss your goals openly, and adjust them based on time and resources available. If time is a factor, try padding your schedule for completion by 50%. That is, if you expect a project to take 2 days to finish, allow 3 days in the schedule. This will greatly reduce disappointment.

Pre-Emptive Action: Make sure you are clear about what your protégé can expect to receive from your mentoring. If their perspective does not with what you expect to deliver, don’t commit to the relationship unless or until the two of you are on the same page.

Problem 3: One of you breaches confidentiality.

Solution: Developing trust between yourself and your protégé is paramount from the beginning. If that trust is broken, it can take a long time to restore it — if it can be restored at all. If the breach resulted from a misunderstanding, work together with your protégé to communicate clearly, set boundaries and restore trust. Agree to put the past behind you and move on, accepting the lesson.

Pre-Emptive Action: Be sure that your protégé understands what confidentiality is, and be prepared to extend it in return.

Problem 4: Unrealistic expectations of financial support.

Solution: Your protégé may ask you to buy a product, invest in a business or help with other financial needs. Providing financial support is not a good idea. If you are asked to do this, refuse gently, explain succinctly and offer to discuss the opportunity at the end of the mentorship. If the issue is about personal bills, your agreement to help your protégé may cause them to become dependent on you.

Pre-Emptive Action: Financial investments change the dynamics of the mentor-protégé relationship. Don’t have a monetary stake in an enterprise run by your protégé, or else you will no longer a mentor. Keep the relationship simple and avoid becoming their partner.

Problem 5: Working for your protégé.

Solution: Your protégé may ask you to perform tasks for them that they would be better suited doing themselves. Examples include writing a proposal or attending an investor meeting. These are skills your protégé needs to develop independently. If your protégé asks, you can bow out gracefully by saying that you’re are glad they have faith in your skill. Explain that it would be to their advantage to take on the task themselves.

Pre-Emptive Action: While you might offer assistance and guidance, don’t do the work for your protégé. Avoid painting yourself into a corner by being clear about your relationship and agreed upon tasks up front.

Problem 6: Becoming your protégé’s personal counselor.

Solution: It’s only natural that some personal exchanges will happen between you and your protégé. You’ll probably exchange innocent comments about your families, hobbies and interests outside of your career. But some personal issues are best not to get involved in, such as marital problems, mental health issues, struggles with substance abuse or other potentially damaging hardships.

Pre-Emptive Action: Once again, you can avoid too much personal involvement by setting clear boundaries in the beginning. State up front that there are certain issues that should be left outside the workplace. Let your protégé know that you care, but your focus is on their career success.

Naturally, if your protégé is having a huge personal struggle, you can suggest appropriate avenues for resolution. A counselor, a help hotline or community intervention program may be what’s called for.

You can avoid making mistakes and poor choices in your mentorship with a little forethought. Remember your goal is to help your protégé grow on their own, not do things for them. Help them learn to how to trust themselves and rise to meet the challenges they face. When you do, you’ll be helping them to be strong and prepare for the next generation.