Cultivating Resilience: Flourishing Through Change in Midlife

Dear Midlifers,

Reflecting on my own journey through midlife, I've discovered anew the profound joy and fulfillment that writing brings to my life. It was during a period marked by both personal upheaval and immense growth—through the dissolution of my marriage and the challenging transition into divorce—that I found my true voice.

Rediscovering my love for writing wasn't just about putting words on paper; it was about weaving my accumulated wisdom into narratives that could touch others, sharing insights that had been shaped by both my experiences in the classroom and life's unexpected lessons. This renewed passion led me to remarkable opportunities: from being chosen as a Contributing Article Writer for the esteemed publication, Luminous Wisdom: SOPHIA (LWS), Sibella Publications to being selected for the Diverse Wisdom Mentoring Programme with Hay House Publishers. Here, I not only drafted my first book proposal but also began to contribute more extensively, culminating in a chapter for the forthcoming 'Power Of Coaching II' anthology.

Each step was a testament to flourishing, not just surviving, amidst life's tumultuous waves. This journey has underscored for me that flourishing is about more than thriving in favourable circumstances; it's about finding a way to bloom vibrantly, even in the rockiest of soils.

Defining Flourishing:

Flourishing in midlife is more than just managing or navigating challenges. It involves reaching a state where you thrive mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. To flourish is to grow luxuriantly, to reach towards one's full potential, and to reap the joys of this growth. It encompasses well-being in its fullest sense—living a life imbued with meaning, satisfaction, and happiness, even when faced with the complexities and adversities characteristic of midlife.

Introducing the Theme:

This month, as we explore the theme of 'Cultivating Resilience: Flourishing Through Change in Midlife,' we aim to uncover the various ways we can not only adapt but truly flourish during this transformative period. Whether it’s through reconnecting with old passions, embracing new interests, or forging deeper connections with those around us, there are myriad paths to discovering and nurturing our flourishing selves.

We will delve into strategies that foster resilience, highlight stories of individuals who exemplify what it means to flourish, and provide practical tips that can be integrated into daily life to support this journey. Our goal is to inspire each of you to create a life that feels rich, fulfilling, and vibrant, no matter the circumstances.

What does flourishing mean to you, and how can you cultivate resilience in your daily life?

The Foundations of Flourishing

Have you ever stopped to consider what your best years could look like? Imagine a time in your life where every day brings a sense of achievement, contentment, and health. Does this vision match your current experience of midlife, or does it feel like a distant dream? Recent data highlights a compelling narrative about midlife experiences globally: 61% of women say they are eager to pursue new interests and passions at this stage of life (HBA, 2022). However, a significant barrier remains, as 48% feel held back by fears and self-doubt about making changes (HBA,2022).

This juxtaposition of confidence with concern encapsulates the midlife paradox—a period brimming with potential yet riddled with challenges. How can we tip the balance to not just navigate this phase but truly flourish within it?

The Multidimensional Nature of Flourishing

1. Emotional Flourishing

Emotional health is crucial for a flourishing life, particularly as we navigate the rollercoaster of midlife. Managing stress effectively and cultivating a positive outlook are fundamental. Adapting to emotional upheavals with resilience, rather than broadly embracing changes, can profoundly impact our emotional well-being. We know techniques such as mindfulness and gratitude practices can profoundly impact our emotional well-being. Mindfulness encourages us to remain present and aware, reducing stress and promoting a peaceful state of mind. Regular gratitude practice, such as maintaining a gratitude journal, can shift our focus from what is lacking to what is abundant in our lives, enhancing overall happiness and satisfaction. By setting aside time for these practices we can build stronger emotional resilience and enjoy a more contented life.

• Question: Reflect on a recent challenge. How did you feel, and how did you respond? Could a shift in perspective have altered the outcome?

Recommended Reading

• 'The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World' by Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, and Douglas Carlton Abrams (2016).

• Why Read: This book offers profound insights into achieving enduring happiness through conversations between two of the world's most revered spiritual leaders.
• Key Takeaway: Joy can be found through adversity and is achieved by embracing compassion and understanding towards ourselves and others.

2. Mental Flourishing

Midlife can be an exceptional time for mental growth and enrichment. Continuous learning and intellectual engagement are vital for keeping the mind sharp. Adapting learning strategies and embracing intellectual challenges, rather than generally embracing new challenges, can stimulate mental acuity and growth. During this coming month of May, why not explore subjects you are curious about or have always wanted to learn; this not only provides mental stimulation but can also be deeply fulfilling, bringing a sense of achievement and excitement into everyday life.

• Question: What is something new you’ve always wanted to learn but haven’t yet started? What’s holding you back?

Recommended Reading

• 'Mindset: The New Psychology of Success' by Carol S. Dweck (2013).

• Why Read: Dweck introduces the concept of 'fixed' vs. 'growth' mindsets, providing a framework for developing a mindset that embraces challenges and pursues growth.
• Key Takeaway: Understanding and shifting your mindset can fundamentally change how you face life’s challenges, enhancing personal and professional growth.

3. Physical Flourishing

Physical health serves as the foundation of our overall ability to flourish. Adapting physical activity and health routines to our changing physical capabilities, rather than broadly embracing changes, is essential. Focus on proper nutrition, regular exercise, and sufficient sleep to maintain our body’s well-being. Consider the needs of your midlife body—it's not the same as it once was. Adapting your physical activity tailored to your abilities and interests can buffer against the unique stresses of midlife. Be active – at least 150 minutes of moderate intensity per week (increased breathing and able to talk) or at least 75 minutes of vigorous intensity per week (breathing fast and difficulty talking), or a combination of both (CMO, 2019) and strength train. These elements not only improve physical health but also enhance mental and emotional resilience, as a healthy body supports a healthy mind.

• Question: How does your body feel after physical activity compared to a day without it? What changes can you make to be more active?

Recommended Reading:

• 'The Telomere Effect: A Revolutionary Approach to Living Younger, Healthier, Longer' by Elizabeth Blackburn and Elissa Epel (2017).
• Why Read: Written by a Nobel Prize-winning scientist, this book explains how telomere science can influence the way we live and age.
• Key Takeaway: Positive lifestyle changes can improve telomere health, thus enhancing overall well-being and slowing the ageing process.

4. Spiritual Flourishing

Spiritual growth offers a profound sense of purpose and connection, contributing significantly to overall flourishing. This dimension can be explored through organised religion, meditation, spending time in nature, or personal reflection—whatever resonates best with your individual beliefs and experiences. Engaging in spiritual practices can help you connect to something greater than yourself, whether it is a community, nature, or a higher power. This connection can offer comfort, provide guidance, and foster a sense of belonging and peace, which are especially meaningful in midlife as you seek deeper understanding of your life purpose.

• Question: What practices or places make you feel most connected to something greater than yourself?

Recommended Reading

• 'The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment' by Eckhart Tolle (2000).
• Why Read: Tolle discusses the significance of living in the present moment as a path to true peace and enlightenment.
• Key Takeaway: Liberation from anxiety, fear, and depression can be achieved by disconnecting from past and future-focused thoughts and grounding oneself in the present.

Strategies for Building Resilience

Introduction to Building Resilience

Resilience is often celebrated as the ability to bounce back from adversity. However, true resilience is more dynamic and proactive—it’s about forging a path through life that allows you to adapt and thrive in the face of challenges. In midlife, this becomes particularly relevant as we encounter inevitable changes in our personal lives, careers, and relationships. Building resilience is not merely about surviving these changes but about learning how to use them as catalysts for growth and renewal.

As we delve into the strategies for building resilience, consider how each approach can not only help you navigate difficulties but also enhance your everyday life. By developing a growth mindset, fostering strong relationships, and setting meaningful goals, you create a robust framework that supports continuous personal development. These strategies empower you to transform potential obstacles into opportunities, paving the way for a life that isn’t just about enduring but flourishing.

In the following sections, we’ll explore practical ways to cultivate each aspect of resilience, inviting you to integrate these practices into your daily routine. Whether you’re looking to deepen your connections with others, embrace new challenges, or find greater purpose in your actions, building resilience is a journey that can lead to profound satisfaction and well-being.

Developing a Growth Mindset

Understanding Growth Mindset

Your abilities and intelligence can grow with perseverance and effort. Embracing a growth mindset, especially during midlife, allows you to view changes and challenges as opportunities for personal development, rather than obstacles.

Practical Tips:

Challenge Your Own Beliefs:

• What to Do: Identify any beliefs that limit you.
• Why It Helps: Reflecting on past successes when you changed your perspective can demonstrate how altering your mindset in difficult situations can open new possibilities.

Value Learning Over Failure:

• What to Do: View each challenge as a learning opportunity.
• Why It Helps: Treating setbacks as stepping stones builds resilience and enhances your understanding and skills.

Cultivate Curiosity:

• What to Do: Maintain a 'curiosity journal' to record and explore new questions.
• Why It Helps: Regularly engaging with new ideas can invigorate your daily routine and encourage continuous learning.

Reflective Questions:

• Think about an area in your life that could benefit from a growth mindset. What is it, and why?
• Remember a recent instance where you felt stuck. How could a shift in your thinking have altered the outcome?

Case Study:

• Lisa’s Transformation: At 58, Lisa, a former Director of Education, encountered a series of life-altering challenges that tested her resilience. Following a significant career setback due to restructuring at her institution, Lisa also navigated through the emotional turmoil of a recent divorce and the process of downsizing her home. These events compounded, leaving her with feelings of failure and a reconsideration of her professional life. No longer wanting to endure the pressures of an office-based, management role, Lisa decided to shift her focus towards a healthier, more fulfilling path. She took up a remote job that offered her the flexibility to work from home, alleviating the stress of direct management responsibilities.
• Embracing a growth mindset, Lisa recognised the importance of her health and well-being over traditional career achievements. She educated herself about nutrition and began growing her own vegetables. Settling in an area surrounded by nature, Lisa found solace and rejuvenation in daily walks with her dogs. This new lifestyle not only improved her physical health but also her mental well-being, demonstrating that embracing change and prioritising personal growth can lead to profound life satisfaction and success in unexpected ways.

Building and Maintaining Relationships

Understanding the Importance of Social Connections

Robust social connections are fundamental to our emotional resilience. They provide support, reduce stress, and enhance our sense of belonging and purpose. Actively maintaining and nurturing these relationships is crucial as we navigate through life's transitions.

Practical Tips:

Be Proactive About Socialising:

• What to Do: Make plans to meet with friends and family regularly.
• Why It Helps: Consistent interactions strengthen emotional bonds and ensure a supportive network during times of need.

Join Interest Groups:

• What to Do: Find and engage with groups that share your hobbies or interests, whether it's a local book club, a gardening community, a choir or a volunteer organisation.
• Why It Helps: Expanding your social circle introduces new perspectives and reduces feelings of isolation, enhancing overall well-being.

Improve Communication Skills:

• What to Do: Focus on enhancing your ability to listen actively, ask open-ended questions, and express gratitude and appreciation.
• Why It Helps: Effective communication fosters deeper relationships and prevents misunderstandings, building stronger connections.

Reflective Questions:

• Which relationships in your life make you feel most understood and supported? How could you strengthen these bonds further?
• Are there new types of relationships you’d like to develop? What steps could you take to start these connections?

Case Study:

• Joanne’s Journey: Joanne, a 55-year-old Director of Apprenticeships, has recently found herself at a turning point in her personal life. With her 15-year-old daughter becoming more independent and a partner who keeps a busy schedule, Joanne felt somewhat taken for granted and recognised the need to expand her social circle. Despite having lived in her neighborhood for many years, Joanne realised she had not made significant connections locally. Motivated to change this, she decided to venture out and engage more with her community. Spotting an opportunity, Joanne joined the weekly ParkRun held just across the road from her house. The event not only improved her physical fitness but also allowed her to meet a diverse group of local residents, fostering new friendships. Additionally, Joanne started volunteering at the local community centre, where she could contribute her skills and knowledge while interacting with others who share her interests in supporting local youths and community development. These steps helped Joanne feel valued and connected, greatly enhancing her sense of community belonging.

Setting Goals and Creating Meaning

Understanding Purposeful Goal Setting

Setting meaningful goals is about more than achieving targets; it’s about aligning your daily actions with your deeper values and finding purpose in your pursuits. This alignment brings clarity and motivation, enhancing your overall satisfaction with life.

Practical Tips:

Reflect on What Matters Most:

• What to Do: Take some time to think about what truly matters to you. Use mindfulness or journalling to explore these thoughts.
• Why It Helps: Understanding your core values helps you set goals that are not only achievable but also fulfilling and aligned with your personal beliefs.

Break Goals into Actionable Steps:

• What to Do: Divide larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks.
• Why It Helps: Smaller steps make the process less daunting and more achievable, maintaining motivation and focus throughout the journey.

Celebrate Small Wins:

• What to Do: Acknowledge every bit of progress, no matter how small.
• Why It Helps: Celebrating small victories enhances your motivation and encourages persistence, keeping you committed to your long-term goals.

Reflective Questions:

• What are your significant goals for the next year, and how do they reflect your personal values?
• What’s one small action you can take this week to move closer to a bigger goal?

Case Study:

• Pam’s Endeavour: Pam, a semi-retired bookkeeper nearing 70, embodies the spirit of active ageing. Despite her years, she is far from ready to settle into a quiet life. With two grandsons who are the light of her life, Pam is determined to remain as engaged and energetic as ever. Each week, she looks forward to their visits after school, filled with activities that keep her on her toes. To ensure she keeps up with her grandsons, Pam has maintained a robust routine involving gym sessions, regular walks, and tending to her garden. Recently, she decided to expand her horizons by exploring photography, a hobby she’s long been interested in but never pursued. By setting a goal to learn photography, Pam plans to not only capture the precious moments with her grandsons but also to document her gardening progress and nature walks. This new venture provides Pam with a creative outlet and enriches her interactions with her grandsons, allowing her to share her newfound skills and perhaps, in turn, learn from their youthful perspectives.

Conclusion and Invitation

As we wrap up this exploration of flourishing and resilience, remember that growth is not just a journey, but a transformation that touches every aspect of your life. The strategies we've discussed are your tools to not only face life's challenges but to thrive amidst them. This month, I encourage you to select one strategy that resonates deeply with you. As you integrate this into your daily routine, observe the changes—both big and small—and reflect on how they enhance your journey.

To further support and enrich your transformation, I invite you to join my Ultimate Goddess Journey programme, launching this May. This personalised one-on-one experience is designed to help you harness your inner strength, connect deeply with your desires, and manifest a life filled with joy and purpose. Whether you're looking to redefine your personal or professional life, this programme offers the guidance, accountability, and support you need to flourish. If you’re ready to embrace your full potential and embark on this transformative journey, I would love to talk more about how the Ultimate Goddess Journey can specifically benefit you. Please direct message me to start a conversation. Let’s unlock the door to your most vibrant, empowered self together.

As you make strides in your resilience and growth, don't keep your successes to yourself! Share your story with our community to inspire and encourage others. Your experiences can light the way for someone else on their path to flourishing.

With passion comes joy.

Valerie x

Follow me on Instagram for more content valerie.cronegoddess

NB: Case studies real names removed for confidentiality.

Sources: Healthcare Businesswomen's Association (HBA)(2022) Global Midlife Women's Health and Wellness

UK Chief Medical Officer's (2019) Physical Activity Guidelines