Breaking Free

In today’s urban existence, we want everything to be perfect.  Our families have to be perfect, we want to be one with nature but our lawns have to be manicured right, our houses completely in order and our jobs just right.  Let’s start with the job – jobs have to be well paying, at the appropriate level, should have work life balance, should be in a company whose culture is right, you should be able to take off whenever you want without it affecting your prospects.  At work, you have to look right, dress right, say the right things, never rock the proverbial boat.  If you have principles and ideas that differ from the mainstream, you better check them out at the turnstile. Just blend in.  Diversity is good for blogs and vision statements, but diversity of thought and opinion is not to be practiced in real life.

Plants in our garden cannot grow in an unruly manner – they have to be the same height and the right size.  Christmas trees should remain small and cute, God forbid they actually become trees – then they need to be pruned.  The house has to run like clock-work – from the morning filter coffee to the green tea post dinner, everything has to appear at the right time, looking the right color, served the right way and in the set pre-ordained manner. 

When we take a break to go on vacation, everything has to go as per plan.  Winters in Asia, summers in Europe/America.  Vacations can’t be too long or too short.  Should be only about a week, maximum ten days.  Well before boarding the flight, there is a pre planned itinerary, TripAdvisor’s advice is taken right down to the restaurants and cafes where stops will be made. 

Kids have to look and behave just right.  Hair always in place, wearing the right branded clothes.  No bruised knees showing.  Kids have to be going to the right school and doing atleast three activities outside school. Ideally one team sport and one individual sport.  Depending on the year, there are always the “right” activities that must be pursued.  Cricket is now passé, it’s all about soccer.  Painting is okay but communication essential.  So communication related themes are hot especially during summer breaks. There after summers will need to be spent doing complex sounding summer courses and then spent doing inane internships in branded companies.

In all this what I see is order.  It’s almost a regimented thought process resulting in a pre-planned execution path and the desired outcome.  When the desired outcome is not achieved, it results in depression, a sense of failure and added stress.  There is also a sense of being inside a trap – most probably set by oneself conditioned by what we observe around us.

So here’s my recommendation – once in a while, just let go.  Let chaos take over. Go to Bali in the rains – not only will it be beautiful, it will also be cheaper. Plan your vacation, reach your destination and do something absolutely different from what you planned.  Even better take a holiday and stay at home! Maybe have cereal for dinner a couple of times and miss the post dinner green tea for once.  Next time a topic you are passionate about comes up for discussion and your view is different from the boss or the majority, take the first step and say it out loud.  Your child doesn’t want to play a team sport and instead wants to only pursue an individual sport, let him/her do it.  Don’t have the same colored flower pots – go crazy and have one of each color instead, definitely not white.  Let the plants grow into unruly trees without being cut right into shape.  Above all let chaos run your thoughts and actions once in a while – it’s fun and if not anything, it will give you a better appreciation for order.  Let there be some room for spontaneity.  

If all we see is order, when there is real chaos, our ability to deal with that is so diminished that we feel very threatened.  Also, we are not able to teach our kids how to deal with situations which are not the norm.  Dealing with such situations by themselves will teach them important life skills about how to handle adversity and results that are not always wanted. 

As long as your chaos doesn’t interfere with anyone else’s sense of order, feel free to be chaotic .  Wear a maroon T shirt on this Friday instead of your proverbial khaki pants and black T shirt.  Be spontaneous and drop in to see a friend without a fixing a date or time.  Go out in the rain today without an umbrella.  Try it – I guarantee you will feel lighter, free and happier!