TED Conferences’ Post

I loved hearing this, I am very aware of these behaviours and often try to point this out to people that are not as aware. When they answer: "it´s just a joke, people know I am not like this", I will ask, "Why do you think people will hear your intentions before your words?" And then, I like to put them in the same spot. "if you didn´t know me and would hear me say this to you or anyone, what would you think of me?", this tends to be an eye opener for many, but there are always some hard headed people that think they are more entitled to their jokes, than others are to their feelings...

People who have been victims of bullying in a very severe way can take years to recover. I don’t see how that will ever stop when high leaders continue to have so much power over everyone else and team up with others to pray on good humans. Additionally, abused employees have nowhere to go for real help. They always end up leaving or their roles become mysteriously and unexpectedly “redundant.” As long as companies don’t have organizational psychology and leadership experts who can examine C-executives and similar for red flags on the human side, nothing is going to change and having a good manager or even a voice will continue to be a gamble.

I've been a victim of incivility first-hand. I am part of the 12% who left the company. I left even not having another work to go to. I still experience panic attacks when I see a person who resembles the look of this person. And unfortunately, I also witness this in my new organization. It is disheartening to know that people believe this is a way that can be used to push their own agenda.

So it actually pays to be kind…

When coworkers are bullying their peers, I can name it a game, but when leaders team up with them for the bullying I can’t put a name on that.

It's not just in cooperate environments. The brain does not differentiate the impact of harmful treatment nor environments based on location purpose. Work, home, school, social endeavors, society, etc...incivility ("uncivilized behavior" as it's been termed for centuries) and other similar unvirtuous behaviors wreak havoc on any environment, and negatively impact every human subjected to it - directly or indirectly, public, private, or personal sphere.

Good talk! I think there's one more angle to it - cultural differences. What's okay or casual or acceptable in one culture could be frowned upon or incivil or simply unacceptable in another. It's important to be mindful of cultural differences especially now that the world is shrinking and we have global teams. Better to ask if you don't know, never assume that it'll be okay!

Great insight, and very much worth spreading. Thank you for sharing. Not everyone will ,unfortunately, be convinced by the empathic approach argument, so let's let the numbers and results on their planned path to success speak 👍🏻 My personal view is : Wrong is always wrong, even if everyone is doing it. Right is always right, even if no one is doing it. And by not reacting to incivility, in any form - we allow it. That's not right. Ever.

cant agree more, these are sometimes small comments, little jokes, references, however cumulated affects are unimaginable. With time these behaviors become habit, accepted and normal. The danger is that the culture and environment becomes so toxic that people who are in it don't even become aware of it, and only when someone from outside joins it becomes evident, and it is so difficult for the new comer to make a choice... to go with the flow or stand up and do the right thing..at this point the company must have the right culture and psychological safety to allow the employee to do the right thing...unfortunately I rarely see companies do this, and take bold actions to stop it...