Steven Lacey’s Post

The language of ‘Vulnerability' is a hindrance, not a help. Often, when discussing masculinity, we hear that men need to be vulnerable and show emotions. Whilst I agree that men need to open up, for instance, this was always a problem for me. Coming from a working-class family, I was taught to hold emotions in When my Mum died when I was 18, I didn’t cry for fifteen years In my thirties, I didn’t recognise that I was having a breakdown until it was too late. I just told myself that I was all right Being disabled(lobster hand, bow legs), I was always Toxic positive, which meant that opening my feelings was a weakness. I had to project strength to the world - which is bloody exhausting. Being honest about who I am as a person and opening up changed my life. As well as understanding, many might disagree(but my journey) is that we all have male and female energy, and it is about using the right energy at the right time. However, then as now, I would never go to a safe space to be vulnerable. The concept is good, but the word is destructive and certainly doesn’t help those we need the most help with.  Based on countless interviews with men, I contend that the word is a barrier, not a strength, for the following reasons. Vulnerable is not a word of personal growth; it is a word of outside actors protecting you; for instance, the Elderly are vulnerable to internet fraud, those in care are vulnerable to abuse and substance abuse, and the disabled are vulnerable because of society. All this puts the emphasis on an outside actor, not on self-development Sadly, men associate the word vulnerable with weakness. But it is not weak to open up; honestly, it is a strength. Young men especially associate it with a word that will mean they will be bullied. For some, vulnerability is a luxury. To be vulnerable, you need to self-reflect and to self-reflect, you need to pause. For many men, this is a luxury. It is an extremity word that suggests that you need to be at ’ rock bottom’, i.e., going through a divorce; hitting rock bottom means men are only picked up when they crash and burn, not when they are at the beginnings of a downward spiral. It is a self-centric word. Men often want to grow for others, not for themselves. They want to have better relationships and be better Fathers.  Lastly, it is a ‘middle class’ word that suggests privilege, i.e. self-actualisation, when most of the UK are in belonging or security needs. So, what words should we use? We need much less loaded words like ‘being ‘honest’, ’sharing thoughts’, ‘opening up’ or a safe space to ‘express yourself’ in order to become a better son, Father, partner, friend, etc. In summary, the process of vulnerability is super important, but the language in its current form is disempowering, a barrier and not a help

Doing an exciting self funded studies love to bring in progressive political parties Labour, Liberals and Green to see if they have specific questions to add. Anyone with senior contacts especially in coms can they intro me. Kind regards Steve

So important