Rachel Feintzeig’s Post

Excellent thought provoking The Wall Street Journal article on the corrosive nature of cynicism at work. As a recruiter I spend all day talking with people about their jobs & “the market” in general. It’s reasonable to say 2024 is proving tougher for many people than recent years &, if I’m frank I’ve noticed a change in tone in some people I’m speaking with. I agree with Rachel Feintzeig when she wrote there appears a rise in cynicism in our workplaces. Reading the article had me stop and assess my own attitude at the office at the moment. Am I displaying a positive & grateful attitude or am I taking a different less positive approach? How about you? What attitude are you currently displaying in your workplace? A read of this article and then some reflection on this question is a useful exercise.

It seems like we have taken our cynicism at work to an extreme. From not wanting to be friends with co-workers to distrusting the CEO, boss, and colleagues, our negative attitude may have gone too far. According to Jamil Zaki, a Stanford University psychology professor, this level of cynicism is harmful. He likens cynicism to a poison if it were a pill. Zaki, who typically studies positive traits like empathy and compassion, highlights how our cynical beliefs about others being selfish and dishonest can be damaging. Zaki's research suggests that constantly expecting disappointment from others, known as "pre-disappointment," can hinder our careers and impact our overall well-being negatively. While it may initially feel like a protective measure, in reality, it can limit our success and harm our mental and physical health in the long term. https://lnkd.in/dgVa_RH3

Thought-provoking column on: (my words) not being your own worst enemy at work. Here are the first few paragraphs: *** We don’t want to be friends with our co-workers. We don’t want to help out with that project. We don’t trust the CEO…or our boss…or that guy in accounting. Have we taken our cynicism at work too far? In some ways, our bad attitude makes sense. Many of us made work our church, only to end up laid off, burned out or underpaid. Now we check out, do less, gossip and snark. It isn’t getting us anywhere good, according to Jamil Zaki, a Stanford University psychology professor who runs the school’s social neuroscience lab. “Cynicism, if it were a pill, would really be a poison,” he says. Zaki has spent years researching sunny concepts such as empathy and compassion. One of his studies, for example, found that giving away money activates a similar part of the brain as eating chocolate. His forthcoming book, “Hope for Cynics,” explores the rise of our darker sides, our belief that other people are selfish, greedy and dishonest. Betrayed once, we practice what Zaki calls “pre-disappointment,” always assuming others will let us down. The mindset feels productive and cunning, like we’ll be able to protect ourselves. But Zaki says it can actually stunt our careers in the long run, and hurt our mental and physical health. “By never trusting, cynics never lose,” he writes. “They also never win.” #cynicism #work #workplace #attitude #employee #managment #business #organizations https://lnkd.in/gcBWEquk

The authenticity, mindfulness, and intentionality shared in this article should be spread far and wide--not just within the legal field. I won't say much more about the piece because I hope people read it for themselves (and maybe give OptimalWork a try, too). When I started at Federal Defender Services, I knew I would hone my technical skills and learn from strong advocates. But working with Joe has taught me that technical skills mean so much less when used solely for efficiency. Time management tools exist not just so you can achieve more, but so you can spend your energy where it counts. To put it simply: working with Joseph Bugni has been an honor and a privilege. I can't wait to put these lessons into practice as an attorney. https://lnkd.in/gJbS48Pe

Have you ever wondered what's holding you back? You can use the 5 simple moves to get going. Comment below and tell me about your experience. https://lnkd.in/gzVMRhNA #OvercomeResistance #SelfDiscovery

Ever feel like people are ganging up you or blaming you for everything that goes wrong in your family, friends’ circle, workplace or neighborhood? You may be getting scapegoated. And, if you don’t do something to stop it, it will keep happening. Read my new blog post.

Now that we've dug into what's happening when we avoid giving trust to others or ourselves and can see that it's really the uncontrollable consequences we want to avoid, let's shine the mirror back at ourselves even more. Yesterday, we established that when we withhold trust, it's because there is a result we want to avoid, and the phrase "I don't trust..." keeps us safe from having to confront whatever that is. (So we're going to catch ourselves using that phrase and turn it around.) Now the doozy. It isn't actually the consequence or result we want to avoid; it's our feelings and reaction to the result. I'll repeat. It's our own internal experience of the result that we're desperately trying to avoid when we hesitate to offer trust. We don't want to feel crappy so we make up all kinds of weird rules about trust, try to exert control and stop short on looking at what's really going on. In short, it's ourselves we don't trust. More accurately, we fear (disguised as trust) that we'll collapse if we have to feel the consequences. Let's return to our examples: - In the past, the team has shipped updates that didn't hit my standards and I believe (or trust) they will do it again -- and I feel afraid that if that happens, I will feel shame, our company will go out of business, I'll have to lay everyone off, and no one will love me - In the past, my employees have logged hours they really weren't working and I believe (or trust) that our team will do that if they aren't working in an office environment in which I can monitor them -- and I feel afraid that everyone is trying to steal from me, money is really hard to come by right now, and I'll beat myself up for trusting people to not steal because I know better - My client's insights come more slowly than I want and I feel afraid we're not moving quickly enough -- and I feel afraid that not moving quickly enough means I'm a bad coach, all of my clients will quit, I'll be embarrassed and my parents will be right that I can't do this on my own - My client's old wounding is playing out in our work together and I believe (or trust) if I tell them the truth, they'll feel abandoned and enter into despair -- and I feel afraid that I can't handle their despair, especially if they blame me, and my fears that no one can trust me will be proven right Now, these are all completely made up and might come off as extreme...but tell me you don't see at least a little bit of yourself in them? We don't choose to trust because we're afraid to trust ourselves. We're afraid we won't be okay with what happens. Trust forces us to confront our core beliefs and wounds and the patterns that keep us exactly where we are in life. It's completely reasonable for anyone to not want to actually practice trust. It's a heroic, courageous, and vulnerable act. If you're game to take on the challenge, tomorrow, we'll cover what trust actually is and how we can start choosing it. Hint: it's an inside game to start. #coaching

We’re human. And being a human means being imperfect. And the hard truth is that try as we might to be perfect, that’s actually an imperfection in itself. It’s kind of ironic, right? The fact that we hold ourselves to these high standards is irrational. It defies logic. Because try as we might, we’re not always going to handle things in the right way. We won’t always make the right choices, or say the right things. This is especially true in our workplaces. That’s why there’s so much power in an apology. Apologizing is HARD. It’s uncomfortable to admit you were wrong, right? It’s a painful blow to our self-esteem—and if that sense of self is already fragile, it can feel really heavy. But the more we’re willing to acknowledge our own errors, the more opportunities we have to really build relationships and encourage risk-taking in our businesses. In my work with family businesses, I’ve seen how the inability to apologize—coupled with the heightened emotions that are simply the result of being related to the people you work with or take direction from—can lead to distrust and dislike. And in extreme cases, not apologizing—or not stepping back and taking a moment to understand the origin of the hurt feelings—can have consequences for not only the family but for the business. So, what’s the solution? One thought is to get clear on the rules of engagement with your family business to proactively mitigate conflict. One of these rules might be that you don’t compare one family leader to another in public.  Another could be that there’s no speaking about business at family functions.  Or, maybe it’s simply agreeing to separate behavior from intent, and not jump to conclusions when a family member suggests a plan of action or an idea. Because yes—there is power in the apology. There’s also a lot of control and power in setting boundaries and protocols for communication that reduce the need for those apologies in the first place. #FamilyBusinesses #FamilyConflict #ConflictResolution #Apologies

“(…) it’s easy to assume that everyone but you knows what they’re doing. But, in reality, imposter syndrome is an issue for most people, including the most talented and seasoned among us.” This fear is often true for me too, but over the years I have learnt how to use it to push myself forward. This short read captures some of my key practices and I felt they can serve many more of us in becoming better versions of ourselves. #PayForward #PursueProgress #IgnitingPotential #DiscoverExtraordinary

Latest blog post on my years in the corporate world. Some of the pieces of my story may resonate with many of you. #corporate #mentalhealth #mentalillness #bipolar https://lnkd.in/gTG78R43