Pam Alvord’s Post

Why did we start BackThen? It's a question I'm often asked but the answer stems from a complex set of questions. If childhood is a story that never stops being told, how do we tell that story? Any parent will tell you that we take thousands of photos, shoot hours of video, but in the process set ourselves up for a myriad of worries. How can we make sure we never lose these memories? How can we know the context when we look back years later? How can we make sure our whole family gets to enjoy the story as it's told? How can we show our children how important they are to that family? How can they understand the strong foundation they came from in a world of anxiety and stress? And, in a digital world hungry for data, how can we ever tell that story while keeping them safe? 😨 When we started BackThen, my wife and I had just had our second child. That baby will be a teenager in months, and some of our greatest joys are looking back over his early years, and those of his two sisters, to remember how they got here. We live so much in the 'now', every social media platform is about 'today', but the past matters - no story is complete unless you read it from the beginning. I was excited about BackThen because my own family needed it. Early on we made a conscious choice that we weren't going to add photos of our kids on social media, instead we'd let them choose what their digital footprint would look like. But that left a void - what could we do with every memory we were desperate to capture and share? BackThen was born - and now their lives are at our fingertips. What was a series of worries is now a joy - we all get to remember so many positive family moments, so many smiles and laughs, none of it perfect, all of it real - just as family life is. 👪 In reality though, it isn't  about us - we might be the storytellers, but our children are the story. Not only is that story at our fingertips, but at theirs too. If they ever doubt their place in the world, they can look back across their whole life at every memory we've made along the way, and how connected they are to a wide family that goes far beyond our home. In a world where mental health issues, especially in young people, are on a terrifying upturn, the stability this brings is beyond measure. So, why did we start BackThen? Because this story is the most precious one we'll ever tell, one that forms the basis of everything our children can become, and we never want them to forget where they came from, what they can fall back on, and where they will always belong. 🤗 #childhood #photography #familyphotography #mentalhealth #family #familyphotos #memories #phototherapy #psychology

Over the course of this week and last, I have been hearing more about the return to the Northwest Territories, and Yellowknife in particular (a story playing out in many more places than the NWT). What stood out to me in the stories I’ve heard are how the “greeters” are making a difference for the people and the families returning to Yellowknife. The people returning, worried about their homes, worried about what life will be like in Yellowknife now are made to feel at ease and cared for on their return. What was evident for me in this, was that the safety the returning people must feel in those moments. There may still be risks and people may face things they didn’t expect on the way back into the city. However, it felt that knowing that someone cares and is willing to show it – from what I saw – has the effect of making people stronger. I see that the result is that the people returning are stronger in their resolve to return, clear of purpose -- that boosts their reserves to overcome unexpected obstacles – we know there will be some! So, their state of mind, no matter what is really waiting for them, is stronger. That stronger state of mind allows for better mental health! The things is: IT’S THE CARE WE SHOW EACH OTHER THAT GIVES US HOPE AND STRENGTH TO DO MORE THAN WE THOUGHT WE COULD. I see hope as a powerful force. I’ve seen it facilitate unexpected effort when things are unknown and ever changing. I know, too, that, when hope is generated by having someone else care about us, I get the feeling that person “has my back” or at least wishes me well – that is also empowering. So, in the case of NWT, I saw people returning feel stronger, happy to be home and maybe a little surer of themselves; and it was evident that the people helping knew that their selfless support of the people returning made a difference. In business, at work, or school etc., this lesson, for me, translates into how care is shown for the people we work with every day. Whether we are bringing people back to the office – post Covid -- or helping with a different challenge, the difference we make is embedded in how our care for the other person shows up? Do people meet the “greeter” when they get to work or the reaper? It’s simple in my mind: if people don’t feel cared for, in some way, they work with less hope, less purpose and less resolve and potentially see otherwise challenging obstacles as insurmountable. From my experience, the result: People disengage from the work, the team, and the leader. My ongoing effort: find a way to care more for people, show it appropriately, and create hope, belief and results!

While we’re on the topic of #mentalhealth, I wanted to specifically talk about #mensmentalhealth and how it matters. My wife, Hali Stevenson, shared the song “To Be A Man” - Dax (Darius Rucker Remix). It talks a lot about the invisible burden, we as men carry, due to individual pressure, famalial pressure and societal pressure. It talks about the invisible toll it takes and the thanklessness, hard working men, often experience. Life is tough. It’s even tougher as a man sacrificing time away from their families to work on the road, to provide. (This can be about women, too, it’s 2023) MOST MEN, most of the good fathers I know, struggle with this feeling of isolation. That isolation is only amplified when they’re not receiving recognition, love and affirmation from their spouse/kids within the confines of the home they’re helping to build. But they struggle in silence. Men don’t talk about our feelings, especially with other men. I see y’all. We’re going through it together. NOW TALK ABOUT IT. LOUDLY. Talk about the dark stuff. Talk about the trials and tribulations, the scarcity of resources despite how hard you work. Talk about being tired. Talk about the grind, and what it’s worth. Before someone you know loses the ultimate battle to the demons inside their head. If you have a partner who works every day to provide for you and yours, Is willing to go to the pumpkin patch on a fall Saturday instead of watching college football, is attentive, caring, and yes, still actively pursuing you, take a step back and ask yourself what more could he really be doing? We struggle enough feeling like we’re not enough. But when our wives HYPE us up, that’s a high we can ride for days. Tag your partner. Tell them you see them. And if you don’t want to do it publicly, pull them aside before/after work. Give them a BIG kiss, look them in the eyes and say “I appreciate you and all that you do for me, for our kids, for us.” They’ll probably brush it off and head straight to their man cave, confused as shit, but I promise they’ll appreciate it more than they’ll ever express. To the men out there, who are raising families, especially those who’ve stepped up to taking care of kids they didn’t produce. I SEE YOU. I AM YOU. We’re in this together! If you’re not getting the recognition from your partner or struggling with your mental health, my inbox is always open. I too have battled at the gates of despair, wondering if I had the strength to make it one more day. Call your OGs. Even if you don’t have anything at all to say. That one phone call (not text) can fundamentally shift a man’s perspective. Hug one another. Tell each other you LOVE EACHOTHER, everyday. And make it WEIRD. Life is tough, but is it beautiful. A house full of love and laughter, no matter the size or condition, can heal even the hardest of hard men. BE REAL. BE RAW. BE A MAN. Take care of yourselves out their friends. And never, never think you’re battling all alone.

Society is at war with the family. ⚔ Here's 65 ways you can fight back. 1)Prioritize the relationship with your spouse above all others. 2)Be present with your children. 3)Get active as a family. 4)Take responsibility and actively participate in your children's education. 5)Go to bed when your spouse does. 6)Focus on a high protein diet. 7)Read with your children EVERY night. 8)Eat dinner around the table as a family. 9)Value critical thinking over feelings. 10)Pray together with your family. 11)Get outside daily. 12)Express gratitude daily. 13)Avoid porn and discuss its negative consequences with your sons/daughters. 14)Seek out like-minded families. 15)Take personal responsibility and encourage your children to likewise. 16)Fear God and no one else. 17)Grow a family garden. 18)Be capable of violence but seek peace. 19)Create boundaries with screen time for yourself and your kids. 20)Go on adventures as a family. 21)Talk about money around your kids. 22)Teach them about sex before someone else does. 23)Journal to gain control of your thoughts. 24)Avoid negative self-talk and provide positive affirmations. 25)Don't lose your temper. 26)Teach them that questioning things is healthy. 27)Show the world life is better when men are men and women are women. 28)Find a tribe. 29)Analyze your subconscious actions that control your day. 30)Create structure with your time. 31)Lift weights. 32)Purchase what you need, not what you want. 33)Take individual time with each child. 34)Win the first hour of your day. 35)Understand sound money. 36)Get uncomfortable daily. 37)Connect with local farmers. 38)Turn off the news. 39)Put your faith in God, not politicians. 40)Create more than you consume. 41)Consistently learn new skills and teach them to your kids. 42)Build wealth in something other than just your finances. 43)Take more risks and seek out failure. 44)Define clear values and draw a line in the sand. 45)Kill the dad bod. 46)Have an emergency plan. 47)Be skilled to defend yourself. 48)Eat whole foods. 49)Take responsibility for your health to avoid dependency on the "sickcare" system. 50)Build a personal brand/business. 51)Emphasize experiences with your family over stuff. 52)Don't EVER be a victim. 53)Find your voice and speak up. 54)Be intentional at keeping yourself and your family out of the rat race. 55)Control what goes into your body. 56)Have consistent family meetings. 57)Seek purpose in something bigger than yourself. 58)Love on your spouse and allow others to see your love for her. 59)Learn how to say yes to opportunity and no to busyness. 60)Find your identity outside your career. 61)Choose positivity. 62)Tell your family you love them daily. 63)Date your wife. 64)Pour into your kids’ interests, don't push your own. 65)Fully rest in the confidence that God is in control.

How Creating Your "Tree of Life" Unlocks Your Freedom and Courage to Live and Impact “Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose.” Viktor Frankl Let's face it. Caregiving is a loving, accepted, and intuitive aspect of women's lives and is certainly intrinsic to motherhood. Being "other-focused" and "of service" to our families and aging parents for years and often decades often leads to the subtle yet painful disappearance of our own vitality, essence, and confidence. Since this role is accepted and expected of women - no one notices that your essence has slipped beneath the surface. Even by those who love it the most. We wonder, Where did I go? Who am I? What is my purpose and meaning for my own life outside of caregiving? You can love and care for your family and yes - live with purpose, mission and impact - here is a great way to access your best self. Try this Tree of Life Exercise to rebuild Meaning and Purpose and a Vehicle for Impact and to reclaim YOUR Authentic Voice. This beautiful exercise is adapted by Denborough and Cartwright - Use colored markers to create your tree with the following components listed below. DRAW YOUR TREE. Write down 3 ways to build connection and community in your life looking in each of these categories. Once finished, choose one or more categories weekly to focus on and insert tiny, tiny action steps into your calendar from selected categories of your tree each day to have a touch point for authentic living and to put yourself in the “right room” to feel like your best self again. • Roots: Self-Care and Mental Health • Ground: Deeper Connections to Family and Friends • Trunk: Care for Physical Body and Health • Branches of Tree: Professional Goals, Professional Development, Brain Growth • Leaves: Strategies to end Isolation and Loneliness • Fruit: Caregiving to those in need or relationships that need attention, nurturing, or setting limits and boundaries. • Flowers and Seeds: Happiness, Fun, Joy, Adventure and Inspiration • Sky: You Mission Statement, including values and drive for impact • COMPOST HEAP: Identify what you DON'T want in your life ( past trauma, loss, abuse, social pressure, toxic relationships, etc.) --- Buy My Book on Amazon - https://amzn.to/3vSniRf My Website - https://lnkd.in/BPEtXh Insta - https://lnkd.in/e9c6jNJA Face- https://lnkd.in/eKWA5hPe YouTube - https://lnkd.in/erbgXG4i LinkedIn - https://lnkd.in/eqJWR23U --- #stayathomemoms #motherhood #ACA #americancounselingassociation #capecodinstitute #enchantmentresort #womenhealing #mothersreinvention #hayvncoworkingcommunity #EMDR #stayhomemoms #teacherscollege #hayvn #workingmothers #returntowork #womensmentalhealth #therapy #enchantmentresort

Hi! I like your fancy nails! Did you know this is National Loneliness Awareness Week? I didn’t, until yesterday. There’s an irony in that. We hear about the loneliness epidemic, but it can be hard to see. That’s because loneliness is an emotion, a feeling – not the physical state of being alone (although that can be a contributor). Loneliness is rooted in human connection, or rather the lack of it. You can feel lonely working at home, at a party or in an office with dozens of colleagues around you. My worst feelings of loneliness have been when I’m with other people. It’s born from not feeling understood or appreciated (which is at the core of what loneliness is). It’s feels like no one hears or sees you. Or if they do – they only see you as they want to – not as who you are. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ve felt it at some point.  It can even make you confused about who you are. You hope someone will reach out, turn toward or say something to you, ask if you’re okay, but often people don’t, because they don’t have the awareness or emotional capacity at the time. Like most hard things, the worse it gets the more challenging it is to reach out for help. The connection is lost. I think many of us think that social connection means some big grand gesture. In truth, it can be as simple as a quick hello or wave, or telling someone you like their nails. Everyone is different, but research shows that simple acknowledgement is all it can take to make a positive impact. A simple “hi” or wave is a gift that you can give others that will make you both feel good. As someone who is a workplace of one, walking has been my daily vitamin in the fight against loneliness. I walk multiple times a day and often it’s the only time I see or talk to other people. I say “hi” and smile at anyone I pass. It was work at first. I had to break the training we seem to get to look down or straight ahead and mind our own business. Now it’s easy – a quick smile, a head nod, a “hi there”… that’s all – no expectation of conversation. I see them, and I can tell they saw and heard me. Often people do start talking to me (being Canadian – the weather typically is the opener). Now I see the same people repeatedly and feel like the mayor of my neighbourhood. We don’t know each other’s names – but we nod or smile or say “hi” in familiar recognition. Give those little moments of appreciation to people around you and accept them when they are returned to you. It can be the smallest moment that brings you or someone else that little connection that keeps loneliness from taking root. Read more at the link below. Another great organization to look into is GenWell. Peter and his team are doing great things. And…even if it’s just one person each day – say “hi” or send a quick “Hey, thinking of you.” It could be doing as much for you as the other person. https://lnkd.in/gpkgR2Yj #GenWell #reachout #connection #curiousity #community #

Keeping Up Appearances – it is the scourge that can afflict so many. And what is the point? It will only make you feel worse. Who are you really kidding? Certainly not yourself. Keeping Up Appearances. The reality is, there are many like you who are doing the same self thing and with the very best of intentions. Keeping up a calm exterior, trying to exude 'being in control' – to trustees, colleagues, stakeholders – when internally you can be in turmoil. How can you strategize and plan well if you are in turmoil? Keeping Up Appearances. It takes a whole lot of energy that can be best used addressing the issues that are constantly waking you up at night. Sailing through storm after storm can take its toll. So here is what to do: Dock Up. You are only really ever in control when you can drop the pretence that everything is always and forever ok.  The pretence that YOU can always and forever be ok. You are only human. Mark this week's Mental Health Awareness Week by ditching the pretence. I've listened to enough leaders in the homelessness charity sector to know the reality. To know that, at the very least, everyone goes through "a bad patch" from time to time. People work with me when they are ready to be honest with themselves and want to find a new way of working. A new way of working that works for them so that it works for others. DM me and I’ll get back to you.

Wellness Weekend As we approach the second last long summer weekend, I find myself reminiscing about the carefree days of my childhood. Those summers were magical, filled with adventures and memories that still warm my heart. However, I also acknowledge that not all memories from the past are positive. There are events and experiences that we may have suppressed and never properly dealt with. These unfinished emotions can manifest into something else and impact who we are as adults. That's why the Hopeful Horizons Fund, the charitable arm of my company, holds a special place in my heart. It's dedicated to helping parents and children in times of crisis and, more importantly, preventing such crises from happening in the first place. One of our affiliated partners, the How are you Feeling? program is crucial to this mission. This incredible program empowers kids to identify, understand, and healthily process their emotions before they become overwhelming. Witnessing the positive impact on over 300 kids in our volunteer program has been nothing short of inspiring. Recently, I had the pleasure of meeting two program graduates, sisters Olivia and Simone, in person. They shared how the program continues to guide them through life's challenges and has even enabled them to support their friends in times of need. Bob Calvert and Janice Berger, the masterminds behind this program, have always envisioned making it a part of the school curriculum. I hope school administrators and the government share the same motivation for positive emotional change as these remarkable program graduates. Let's create a world where emotional well-being is prioritized and our children are equipped with the tools to navigate life's ups and downs with resilience and support. Together, we can build a brighter future for the next generation. #HopefulHorizons #HowAreYouFeelingProgram #EmotionalWellBeing #BrighterFuture https://lnkd.in/gmSiZH_Y Bob Calvert Melanie Rousseau

The Empty Nest Chronicles…. Writing Your Next Chapter You knew it was coming and now it is real. As our children spread their wings and embark on their next adventures, it's natural to feel a mix of emotions. For them? Probably excitement (perhaps tinged with a bit of anxiety). For you? How did the years pass this quickly? Will they be ok? Will I be ok? CSI Empty Nest It's not just the absence of our child from home; it's the small, unnoticed fingerprints they leave behind as evidence they have moved on to a next phase. These might look like: ·       a fridge which now has too much food in it ·       no small mountain of shoes at the front door ·       an absence of the washing machine or dishwasher going ·       an absence of your second life as a cash machine/taxi service The list goes on and is different for each of us. Being left behind Being the one 'left behind' can feel tough. We might experience grief as we process this loss, and it can start even before that final goodbye. We might also feel that a core part of our purpose (preparing kids for their adult journey) is coming to a close (it isn’t). But here's the twist – this period of feelings can also be a new beginning. A beginning that starts with purpose. It really depends on the lens you are prepared to look through. Filling the Void with Purpose First: adapt. You don’t have to adapt but life is a lot easier when you focus on the things you can control/influence and your level of expectations as to what ‘should’ happen is lower than the level of acceptance of what actually does happen. Then we can build something new. Here’s a list to get you started: ·       Be kind to yourself – it's okay to feel a whirlwind of emotions. Stay accountable, though, so you don’t drift and isolate ·      Support not stifle – find the right balance in staying in touch with your child, supporting their growth while leaving room for them to fall and learn how to respond in a new environment. ·       Stay connected – share your feelings with someone you trust (or someone independent) ·       Re-frame the situation – just like we'd encourage our child to embrace new opportunities, let's do the same ·       Deja vu – remember how resilient you were during lockdown? You can adapt again ·       Help others – friends and fellow parents are on a similar journey; supporting them can help you too ·       The (mini) bucket list – use your newfound time to pursue fulfilling goals, for yourself and your community. Start with the thing you have been saying you’d love to do but haven’t had the time A new beginning in disguise The Empty Nest isn't an end; it's a new beginning filled with opportunities and growth. You won’t get it all right, but neither will your child. If you share your journeys as well as providing the support they need, bonds will get deeper. And, of course, share your wins and losses, thoughts and experiences with others who are in the same boat. Let's inspire each other!

My husband and I finished the NYRR Mindful 5k on Saturday to kick off Mental Health Awareness Month. 4 down. 5 more to go for 9+1 🥳. I never paid much attention to MHAM 😬. Of course, I’ve always talked to friends + family about the importance of mental well-being. But this year, mental health has taken on new meaning because I am a mom. According to research out of Mass General Hospital, 85% of women experience postpartum mood disturbance. 10-15% result in severe cases. This is the average so it likely doesn’t account for witnessing the in real-time horrors happening around the world. Reading stories of Black maternal and infant death. Or postpartum rage at the societal failure to invest in families. So what am I doing differently this year than last year knowing my vulnerabilities? - Connecting with people. Last year, I was pregnant and didn’t want to hang out with anyone 😅. This year, I’m part of a monthly founders circle, have attended a writing workshop, + have connected with other runners, run crews, female founders, and new moms! Where and with whom are you seeking connection? - Strengthening systems + expanding the village. I brought on a VA for a couple hours a week to support The Runner's Apothecary. At home, we’re decluttering and organizing our space to accommodate life + a growing kid. Who and what might support you and your multiple roles?   - Doubling down on small donations. I’ve linked a few orgs I support in the comments. It's not much but every dollar counts. Where do you want to increase your support? Research shows that longevity and well-being is tied most closely to our relationships. While there are so many things that we can individually do to take care of ourselves, I believe investing in each other, our communities, and in our humanity leads to the collective well-being we all seek. #maternalmentalhealth #maternalhealth #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #mentalhealth #wellbeing