Well-being centered Industrial-Organizational Psychologist; Trauma-Informed Business Practices;
When you tell someone to “just be positive” you’re denying their very real experience… and often that experience wasn’t “just positive.” Being able to hear and validate negative emotions is a critical skill for any trauma informed leader. Something can be both frustrating and career launching. Unfair and necessary. Sad and transformative. Emotions are complex, and denying someone’s reality is not the right way to work through them. Trauma occurs in the absence of repair. Acknowledgement is the first step towards repair. The difference between someone seeing something as traumatic versus really really stressful often is explained by the strength of personal connection to others, especially those in authority. So validate. Be open to hearing another’s experience. And explore your own emotional triggers that make “think positive” your default response when things get tough. #leadership #eq #toxicpositivity
I have mixed thoughts about the post and comments.Dr. Nicole DeKay (She/Her) I read through the 38 comments and didn't see preferred alternatives or solutions. I think 👀, raising eyebrows, or ghosting or silence is unfair but some folk are hurting to the point of attitude crises that it seems only natural to say, "Be positive." Please share so I can be better.
YES YES YES! Do you know how many times a day I hear this and I defend myself as a chronically ill, disabled, single mother, working three jobs? I got fired last time I stood up for myself. Now I don’t defend myself. It’s one no, and then I leave. It’s a lonely life standing up to people. I’ve lost a lot of friends and work putting up boundaries. And guess what?!? I am one of the most positive people out there… despite my challenges, I volunteer and give to the unhoused anything left I have. I practice gratitude all day long, which is the magic of the disabled. Seeing the world daily as a the gift, noticing every tiny little bug and leaf and shift in the wind. Don’t cut me off and tell me what to be, or feel, when you don’t know me. And don’t fire me for my disability and standing proud about it. It’s my superpower. Toxic positivity is lazy and dangerous. Time to dump it.
Another one is “hang in there” - after a while you’re just hanging while nothing happens, nothing changes. Then your just left out to dry, no transparency, no one tells you how long it’s going to be this way, just be patient, change is coming, hang in there. It’s all useless jargon to give you hope for a few seconds and utter defeat after days, weeks, months of hanging in there. It’s exhausting, it’s demeaning, to work in such a negative and hostile environment for too long. If change is needed, be the change and leave. It isn’t going to get better.
Dr. Nicole: Amazing insights Your point about “acknowledgement being the first step towards repair” stands out. As someone intentionally learning in order to be a trauma-informed leader I see how needed it is to: ↳ understand and validate real emotions ↳ to not just brush off emotions with positivit because the (negative) results could be harmful for many💔 How can we foster this mindset in more leaders? The connection between trauma and personal relationships is so important to consider. 💡 #Leadership #EQ #ToxicPositivity #MentalHealthAwareness Dr. Nicole DeKay (She/Her)
I had two months from hell in 2016. My dishwasher broke (and I couldn't get it fixed), my car needed a major repair, then, my mother suddenly died. A few weeks later, I got a haircut to try to feel good about something and ended up with the worst cut of my life! One "friend" told me I need to think positive because I'm bringing all these bad things on myself with a negative attitude. Yes, the stress over my broken dishwasher caused mechanical problems on my car, which killed my mother... you get it. We're not friends anymore.
‘Think positive’, ‘ Stay positive’ , ‘ Be positive’ and other such terms are certainly not what that someone wants to hear when they are in the thick of their feelings. These words don’t reach them and if they do, they might be silently saying ‘ Back off, u don’t even know what I’m going through’. These are generic statements that can sometimes feel dismissive to someone who is struggling. They may want to hear,’ Your feelings are valid’ or ‘I’m here when you want to talk’. And mean what you say. You’ve brought up a meaningful conversation via your post Dr. Nicole DeKay (She/Her)
I've lost track of how many people have told me to 'just get over it' with various issues, emotional or otherwise, in my life. Is getting over it meant to be better for me or is it meant to make things easier for the other person? The pain of others can be difficult to cope with or comprehend but choosing to disregard it because it's inconvenient can be even more destructive to the person who is experiencing pain. You are invalidating their experience at a time when they need to be seen and heard. It can be devastating.
It'll get better Don't be a glass half empty person Hey, we have a three day weekend coming! Suck it up! You can't fight city hall. Hey, you're getting a regular paycheck. It's been like this long before you got here and will be like this long after you're gone. Mental health is very important to us at "XYZ". If you are having issues talk to your manager. I'll see what I can do.
Agree in principle and is important to acknowledge. However, excessive and repeated negativity in the workplace is toxic and can trigger others who are functioning well. A suitable time and place needs to be found to offer tailored support.
TRAINING, DISABILITY & ACCESSIBILITY DIRECTOR, WORKPLACE, REAL ESTATE & FACILITIES (WREF) - STRATEGIC PROGRAMS
4wYes! The term I have heard used to describe this behavior is toxic positivity.