Luvvie Ajayi Jones’ Post

My directness has always been an issue for some people. An executive director I reported to once told me to adjust my "direct" communication because some senior staff didn't like it. Shall I mention that I was the “only” on that senior staff at the time. I did. 🤣 Apparently, being straightforward was too much for them. I left that position for different reasons, but I walked away thinking I needed to "fix" something about myself. So, I adjusted my approach, only to discover that my direct communication style is an integral part of who I am. It's not to be mistaken for rudeness or anything like that. It’s called being clear and efficient. Adjusting my directness only led to more confusion and inefficiency. Imagine that! It turns out, people actually appreciate clarity and honesty—who would've thought? So here’s my message to you, stop “fixing” yourself to fit someone else’s comfort zone. The lesson in this was that the journey taught me the importance of self-belief. Embracing who you are—flaws, strengths, and all. It is the foundation of your personal brand. Are you adjusting yourself to fit into someone else’s mold? Ask yourself, “How’s that working out for you?” Embrace who you are, ignite your self-belief, and let your unique strengths shine so that you will craft a brand and career that’s authentically and powerfully you. #WalkInWhoYouAreCreated2B #WalkintheKNOWING #careerandpersonaldevelopment

I love Shevonne Joyce's comment around being told this too. I can relate and like her I'm only 5'2" (157cm), though I accept I can be loud and unafraid of responding. I do wonder if it's less about us being intimidating and THEM being afraid of our brilliance or not measuring up to who they think/feel we are. As someone who has been treated as "too much" most of my life, I'm in the phase of life of learning that it's not about ME, and more about them, so I gotta stop worrying about or taking ownership of what other people think. Worry about what other's think can be a huge trip hazard for people with ADHD because for most of us we want to be accepted and make friends. The problem is our actions and our expressed intentions do not always line up, so we face the challenge of apparent incongruence, at least in the first place. As a late diagnosed (2022) ADHDer, I've had to navigate life without the background information about why I had issues with behaviour, learning and building relationships. I feel fortunate to have begun my transformation BEFORE I received a diagnosis, because to me, I've discovered how to live beyond the label and avoid the temptation of making it an excuse. I do feel for the ADHDers who were raised in an environment that knew they have ADHD and still expect them to behave and succeed the same as typical people. I've lived that expectation of "fitting in", without the benefit of the background knowledge. Understanding myself has been the pathway out from rejection sensitivity. The more I understand myself, the easier to interpret the behaviour of others, without taking things personally. I don't know about it being ok to be intimidating, but I do believe it's appropriate and necessary to discover how to be YOU, without crossing other people's boundaries. Emotional safety is about mutual respect. Mutual meaning both ways. Not just what we want, but respecting other people's boundaries in healthy resourceful ways. If other's take our behaviour personally, we have to appreciate that is about them, and not about our reality (unless of course that is in your own mind). Our responsibility is to reflect, Is what is said true? Is it true for us now? Was it ever true? Is it something we can to do anything about? Is it anything we want to do something about? Otherwise, we are dealing with opinions and other people's experiences and thoughts, and they aren't our responsibility. Only we can make this true for us. Empowering YOU and opportunity to discover yourself in a way to enable the fresh perspectives and healthier responses. Want to learn more, feel free to reach out. Together we ARE Stronger. #emotionalfitness #evolveonpurpose #relationships #empowerment #ADHD

We all have occasions when we say yes to someone when we had promised ourselves we would say no. And there is nothing wrong with saying no. We have a right to choose, but instead we allow guilt to override our choices. Later on we may feel anger and resentment when we have said yes when we meant no. Instead of following this pattern we could ask ourselves why we feel guilty when we say no. Most people say 'I have to...' or 'I ought to....' or 'Its my duty....' where does this come from in your life? Who does it sound like? Name it and then do different next time. There are different techniques to saying no as well. Here are a few. #justsayno

Life behind bars isn't a life to celebrate, but it was my life. My hustle. I thought I was winning until a voice reached out, challenging me to be better - to live a different life. A life outside these walls. 20 years later, here I am. Here's the raw truth. It's all about getting out, but it's also about what you do once you're out there. The world outside doesn't come with a manual. You've got to find the blessings where they're scattered, pick them up, and build your life from there. In the penitentiary, there were lifers and short-timers. There were people who wanted to help me. Their support wasn't just a want - it was a necessity. Their help was instrumental in my journey to long-term success. Without Gordon Haas speaking into my life, I wouldn't be in this position today. My message to you: Embrace the challenge. See the opportunity for growth even in adversity. Don't overlook the blessings. And remember, it's not just about getting out - it's about what you do when you're out. As we navigate our journeys, let's ask ourselves this critical question: How can we transform adversity into opportunity? Let's commit to turning our adversities into victories. Together.  💪 #Redemption #HopefulFreedom

You’ve done it again, haven’t you? You've given in to everything she wants to do even though you had your own plans for the weekend. And now you’re pissed off. You're angry. And you're frustrated. And you’re not even looking forward to seeing her, let alone doing the things she has lined up for you both. And it’s going to be a challenge to put on a brave face. It's going to be a challenge to smile through it all. But this is your fault, mate. You have to take responsibility for letting things get this way. No blaming her. Once again, you didn’t speak up. You didn’t communicate what you wanted or needed. You just gave in at the first sign of an awkward conversation. And now you're dreading the weekend ahead. How long are you going to keep doing this? How long are you going to repeat this cycle? How much resentment can you carry? It's time to start standing up for yourself and speaking your truth. She'll respect you more for doing that, and you will too. DM me right now, and let's get this sorted once and for all. #selfworth #selfleadership #selfrespect

One of the things that can cause us to feel like we’re “damaged goods“, we’re not good enough, is comparing ourselves to others… We compare ourselves to people who have lived very different lives than us… We compare ourselves to people who may have had more or less trauma than us… We compare ourselves to people who may have lived a similar wife to us, or who have had the same types of trauma… No matter what way we may be comparing ourselves to others, the whole point is when we do that, we are not looking to our unique set of life experiences, strengths and weaknesses, or core values. THOSE Are the things that make up our unique ruler. Those are the things that we should be measuring ourselves by! What about you? Have you been measuring yourself with other peoples rulers?

The let it go and move on cycle applies to many areas of life. You may have to let go of a relationship or significant person. Or you may have to release a painful experience like losing a job, a financial loss, or the death of a loved one. Beginning the cycle is difficult because we tend to hang on to what we know – what is comfortable – even if it is pain. Click link below to read more. https://lnkd.in/eakEAYgc #cyacyl #cyacyldigital #lettinggo #healing #changeyourattitudechangeyourlife #mentalhealth

L♾P: The right path is narrow, tortuous and difficult one to run across. The wrong path is wide, simple and easy to run across. You’ve already been warned several times, if it’s too good and easy to be true it’s because it’s not, but it’s certainly a trap, a deception. DISCERNMENT. Now just have to wait for the upcoming events which will confirm their plans and which will reveal the various deceptions undertaken even among those who think are awake. When will you be really awake it won't be so comfortable, soon you'll see what you don't want to see now. There is no Rebirth without Destruction. First the Worst then the Best. Be Strong. A tough path awaits us guys so if you think you're ready convince yourself that you're not so consequently you will be and give your best. Be ready to change your perspectives and vision without blocks. BE WATER, which no one can stop and which shapes itself to every reality.

Let shame help you

What is your internal dialogue like? Mine varies from 'pep talk' style: You got this! To mean older brother: You'll never do that right. Confidence and self esteem are the foundation of a good life. In case you need some tips, I summed them up here: https://lnkd.in/gniD65_i