Christian is a friend of mine, and wrote perhaps the best thing I've read on LinkedIn ever. I encourage you to take a moment to read it.
One year ago today my friend Will died by suicide. He was 23. And a truly beautiful, unique, brilliant, kind soul. I talked to Will a few times in his final days. During one of those, we ate my favorite pizza in the shade of a huge tree at a lovely park. Talking about his problems (which appeared very solvable to me), Will was highly distressed and not thinking straight. I know what it feels like to be delusional and irrational when the brain has been covered by the dark fog of depression or anxiety, and I could see this in Will. He was suffering profoundly. That day at the park, I could see all the good things around us. The sensory pleasures of good food and cold water, birdsong, kids playing, the warmth of dappled sunlight through the leaves, browns and greens and blues. I could also envision what an incredibly bright, happy future Will had before him. How many great paths he had to choose from. He could become a musician (he was a brilliant cello player), or a programmer, or hitchhike around Europe for a year, or go surf and wait tables in Hawaii. He could literally become anything he wanted. ANYTHING! And there was no hurry. He could take whatever time needed to heal his brain. His highly supportive and capable family would do anything required. And so many friends would help him along as well. Guidance, resources, jobs, money, whatever he needed. But Will couldn't see any of that in his compromised brain state. As he spoke about the problems he felt were insurmountable, it was evident that his usually sharp, logical brain wasn't working properly. He just wasn't seeing reality as it was. I tried to help him see that these really were very normal challenges and that he absolutely could and would work through them, and we would do it with him. But the fog was apparently too dense, and we lost him. You might be struggling right now. Maybe you're even suicidal. If so, please get help right now. Call a trusted loved one this minute and tell them you are suicidal and need help. Feel free to call/text me at 801-404-8994. Or call the suicide hotline at 988. Be vulnerable and let people help you. Things will change and you'll get better. No feeling is permanent. I have had just a small glimpse of the intense suffering of Will's family and friends and it's unfathomable. A nuclear bomb going off in the lives of hundreds of people. Please don't do that to the people you love. Stay, and let us help you. You are greatly loved.
