CEO @ MuseLab | Former Sr. Dir RelEng @ Salesforce.org | Creator of D2X, CumulusCI and Cumulus Suite | I’m passionate about the fun nuances of DevOps for ISV-style Salesforce Products at massive scale
I've long identified as someone who faces at times pretty extreme Imposter Syndrome. It was incredibly common at .org, but it's something I've felt throughout my whole career. Two recent events have caused me to change my understanding of my own brushes with Imposter Syndrome and shed that self-identity from my conscience (or at least start trying to): 1. I was diagnosed with Adult ADHD and started medication 2. I read about and understood a new term: Toxic Shame The two are quite intertwined. I've struggled with the feeling that I didn't belong for most of my life. Like there was something so different or weird about me, not my choices, not my actions, but just who I am, and especially how my brain works. Finally getting over my reluctance to consider ADHD, I now understand there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just wired differently. But the real breakthrough was coming to understand that my own, at time self-deprecating, joking about Imposter Syndrome was really just another way of saying I was suffering from Toxic Shame. So what is Toxic Shame? First, both guilt and shame are normal emotions. We all feel them. The distinction is nuanced, but I see guilt as more about your internal ethics where shame is more about external morality or the perception of others. Both can be good things to feel. When we do something wrong, they motivate us to do better. Toxic Shame is when shame becomes a demotivating force, when that feeling starts to become part of your identity like there's something fundamentally flawed about you. Here's a hint, there's not anything wrong with you ;) Keep an eye out for that toxic shame self talk though. Confront it. You might discover you're capable of way more than you ever imagined! Hence, I no longer identify as someone with Imposter Syndrome. Realizing it was actually Toxic Shame helped me see it less as a joke and more as a barrier to overcome.
Thank you for your vulnerability here Jason Lantz This post really helped me. And though I know you don’t need validation, I want to say I never thought anything other than this person is brilliant, kind, and values oriented every time I got to work with you at SF. I left every conversation feeling lucky to work together. And compelled to be best version of me that I could find to do good work together. Thank you.
I def battled this a few years ago. It's not good at all, especially someone who was just starting a family as well. But I came to realize I was just in bad situations. I met the right people and started jobs with the right companies and now I have made a complete 180. I hope you do as well Jason Lantz
Thanks for sharing this post. You are kind, helpful, and generous with your knowledge. I've learned a lot under your guidance and now from your post. Thank you so much for that.
When I feel Impostor Syndrome light up, I say this in my head: "impostor syndrome? more like impasta syndrome, pasta syndrome, antipasti syndrome, yum yum yum!"
Wonderful post, thank you for sharing! 😀
Love this, Jason! What a powerful, vulnerable post. Thank you for sharing!
Salesforce AI, Data Security and Privacy
2wHey Jason Lantz You are not alone. My undergraduate is so far removed from my career choices, that I always felt out of place, with Engineers, as well as with Designers during my Masters. I was the guy who was by himself, and alone in far too many conventions and trade meetings because a lot of folks won’t associate or talk with me. In the end, I just had to shrug it off and keep grinding. The thing I love most about technology is that it’s fundamentally non judgmental and we can all express ourselves however we like with code. It’s inclusive in a way that a lot of other things are not. Whenever I feel down, it’s either exercise, learning some new technology or spending time with family that cheers me up. To me, programming is a refuge, that just happens to pay the bills also 😅 Thank you for sharing this. It’s relatable to see that people I admire for their smarts, all have their battles. We are more similar to each other than we think…or imagine.