ILV Consulting’s Post

Reflecting on a pivotal moment in my life: Five years ago, my husband dropped a bomb: "Babe, you achieve every goal you set because you don't pay attention to other people." My inner voice was screaming, "Am I a complete idiot? What’s wrong with me? I'm not a good person. A good person pays attention to others." I shot back, "That's not true. I always pay attention to other people. I'm a recovering people pleaser. If anything, I should focus more on myself." He tried to clarify, "That's not what I meant..." but I cut him off. "It's fine, I don't want to talk about it." The next morning, he left for work, and all I could think was how selfish I must be. Weeks went by, and I wasn’t myself at work or at home. I put on a big smile and told everyone, "I'm great!" but deep down, I felt like 💩 One night, he asked, "Babe, what's going on? Did I do something wrong?" I 🤯, "I can't believe you think I'm selfish. After everything I do for you and our family, you think I don’t do enough? You might as well find another wife. I've reached my max." He stayed silent and then said, "I meant what I said, and you're taking it wrong. I admire it. Despite the BS, you show up every day, believing in yourself. You don’t let people crush your goals. You don’t tolerate BS. I love you for it because it's made me a better man." In that moment, weight lifted. I hadn't cried in a long time. I apologized for my reaction, recognizing that my behavior, not my worth, needed adjusting. Shame says, "I am bad." Guilt says, "I did something bad." As Brené Brown highlights, shame is dangerous, while guilt can be healthy, adaptive, and productive. Guilt gives us the opportunity to acknowledge a mistake and seek to fix it. Every painful misstep has been a stepping-stone to a better me. 🥰 Think about your past "not so great" moments—projects that went nowhere, relationships that took unexpected turns leaving you feeling like 💩. Your flops are events, not permanent character traits. Mistakes is not who you are. You are not a mistake and can never be one. 💗 If you’re dead serious about changing your life, start with honoring and respecting yourself. Align your actions with what is most important. 💖 Because if it’s important enough, you’ll make time for it. If not, you’ll avoid it. You don’t have to do ALL the things, just what matters. I’ll be with you, working on my most important goals too. 😎 ✌