Alzheimer's Society’s Post

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'When I met my wife Kate in 1981, there was an instant connection and that connection has remained through thick and thin. 'Tragically, Kate was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease around 2016, but her symptoms appeared much earlier. Being a same-sex couple has added an extra layer of difficulty to what was already a hugely stressful time. 'When accessing health and social care, it has quite often felt and feels as though our relationship is not treated as a “proper” relationship, so the extent of the trauma of Alzheimer’s on us is not taken as seriously as it would be if we were a heterosexual couple. 'These days people are mostly wary of being too outwardly homophobic, but they show it in the way they talk and act towards us. I call Kate my wife because she is, but in many ways, that is still a bold move because I find that, generally, people don’t seem to like it. 'Attitudes still very much need challenging and examining. I too often feel people’s awkwardness around us. Sometimes it is clearly homophobia, other times it’s a kind of self-conscious embarrassment; the person not knowing what to do or say about the fact we are a same-sex couple, as well as awkwardness around dementia, a double whammy effect! '3 years ago, I had to make the horrendous decision for Kate to go into a care home. I’d had enormously difficult times coping with Kate on my own for several years, I’m not physically well myself, either. Her condition had progressed and I couldn’t get enough help and we couldn’t afford the number of carers we needed to keep her at home. 'The loss I feel living without Kate and alone now is indescribable and as intense 3 years on, if not worse. It’s horrendous – as it would be for any couple who are joined at the hip and have shared a life for so long, same-sex or not. 'I can only hope and continue to speak out.'

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Michelle Wild MSc

Programme leader BA (Hons) Business with Management - Level 5&6

2w

Sending a big hug. My mother has Alzheimer’s and the pressure on the family is also very difficult to deal with daily. Best wishes

Dear reader I'm so sorry for this predicament you have been placed in, due to your gender on top of your loved one who's now has to live elsewhere because of her dementia, and the severity it has become. Any kind of separation at this crucial time is huge and can have major effects on both parties and usually does over time. Because of the significance changes that occur in ones brain, that suddenly continue to break down, can have devastating effects, leaving you without you numb. Your love one, whom you spent most of your life with, not being able to respond as she use to do shows how far this dementia has gone leaving abandoness, as well as so much emptiness how you both had to separate without realising the impact it has taken on yourself too. Emotionally this has effected you deep within almost to the brink of no return. Whatever creed, colour or race people are, everyone should be treated the same with dignity, love, compassion and kindness. There is no room for ignorance especially when someone is grieving there loved one before there passing. I'll treatment, there is no room for this in our profession. We have to remain nuteral at all times. No-one could never be prepare for this shock.

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We’re here to listen, advise, and guide anyone who is affected by dementia. We have specific information, advice and support available for LGBTQ+ people living with dementia or those caring for a loved one. Click here for more information http://spkl.io/6044473aO.

Robin Bryce Mech

Supervisor, 55+Active Living Centre and Fit@Home Program at YWCA Hamilton

2w

So strong of you to share your experience. I can feel the immense hurting you are experiencing. No one should have to feel uncomfortable or misunderstood or treated poorly because of who they are! We are all humans. *may your favourite memories help heal your heart and give you strength when you need it most.

Rona I. Wright, AIC, PCLS, CCLS

Proven successful and well experienced insurance claims professional in General Liability and Litigation Management.

2w

You deserve to be treated, care for, and supported like everyone should. Get rid of the bad apples because I know it would be a honor to the majority to care for you most. My mom passed from Alzheimer’s, and it isn’t just painful for that person, it’s more so the family and loved ones. I support you writing this post and love the 2 of you share. Definitely continue to speak out! Best wishes.

Oh gosh heartbreaking that you were treated this way. Love of same sex or not, that should of been far from any concern. You deserved support and care. My heart goes out to you 💓

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Thank you for sharing, and I'm so sorry that society is so judgemental, I believe everyone should be treated equally. With dignity and respect... whoever we love .... God bless 🙏

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Dawn Grover (née Curwen)

Portfolio Career Professional: Career Coach/Consultant ~ Recruiter ~ Expert Witness

2w

Thank you for bravely sharing your story

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Rebecca Drew

GoodOaks Homecare Sussex South

2w

Thank you for sharing this ! I am sorry you have had to deal with this on both counts … ❤️love is love ❤️ End of !

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