From the course: Negotiation Foundations

Developing a negotiation mindset

From the course: Negotiation Foundations

Developing a negotiation mindset

- Many of us come to the negotiation table believing it's a contentious process, a battle to be won, or an attempt to convince our conversation partner to do something they don't want to do, or to persuade them to stop doing something they want to continue doing. That's known as competitive or positional bargaining, and I want to show you a better way. It's called interest-based negotiation, a process that relies on discovery and attempts to meet the priorities, needs, and preferences of everyone involved. To develop your skill as a negotiator, let's tweak your mindset with a few basic definitions and principles that'll set you up for negotiating with ease and confidence. First, negotiation is simply a conversation in which you're trying to get something you want. This is something you've been doing ever since you first put a string of words together and asked for more, or for help, or for somebody to push you on a swing. Next, negotiation is a conversation in which the goal is to find your way to an agreement, an agreement that's good for you and good for your conversation partner. Third, getting to a good agreement requires curiosity and creativity. Now, borrowing from the world of improvisation, it's what's known as the Yes-And Principle, incorporating your conversation partner's ideas and expanding on them, as opposed to knocking them down one by one. Now, it's true that preparation, research, and developing a strategy are incredibly important elements in most every negotiation. But it's curiosity and question asking that helps you gather the information you need to propose solutions that move things past pushback and no. On that note, I want to make a distinction between asking and negotiation. If you're having back pain and you asked the office coordinator for a more comfortable chair, and 30 minutes later, he wheels it over for you, that's asking, and good for you. You asked, and you received. But if the coordinator tells you there's a chair deficit, and for budgetary reasons, it'll be six months until new chairs arrive, you and your back have a problem to solve, and that means a negotiation is about to unfold. Now, most of us have heard more than a lifetime share of nos, and it's the fear of no and potential conflict that stops us from asking in the first place. If you're someone who rarely or never asks for what's important to you, I have a challenge. Become a daily asker. Make 10 asks every day for a week. Ask for a ride to work. Ask for your partner to pick up the kids. Ask for someone else to take notes in a meeting. Your goal is to notice how often you get a yes, and what you do when you get a no. I predict that you'll get far more yeses than you expect, and that should give you more confidence to work your way through and past no.

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