Here is an example of an email recently sent to a shipper transportation decision maker from a sales executive at a carrier. We have removed only identifying information: 👨💻
Good Morning,
My my name is _________ with ________, and I just called in and left you a voicemail and wanted to follow up on the previous emails below and make sure they had been received. Please let me know if you could benefit from our services and if you are interested or not.
Again we are an Asset Based Carrier based out of ____________ that has been running for ___ years strong. We have our own fleet and are looking to expand and in area's with companies like yours.
I would love the opportunity to discuss this further with you and show you the ways that we could help alleviate the issues you may be having with moving your freight safely and on time. Please feel free to call me or reply to this email with a good time for us to talk.
The Problems:
❌ No name, general address: shows lack of effort and intentionality, and using a person's name is one of the simplest forms of respectful address
❌ The use of some of our "no-no phrases" like "just" and "wanted to follow up on the previous emails.." which make sellers sound desperate, pitchy and untrustworthy among other things
❌ Do not ask someone to give you something you have not earned. "Please let me know..." in this use case is premature and lazy, asking your prospect to do their homework on you and give you an answer.
❌ The word "again"... just trust us it's not the right attitude here
❌ "In areas with companies like yours" likely a clear copy and paste paragraph that had no customization to this shippers' industry or company and again shows lack of intentionality and purpose
❌ "show you the ways we could help alleviate the issues you may be having with moving your freight safely and on time" In polite words, this is tone deaf. This was sent in the last few months. Where shippers have experienced nearly perfect OTP and OTD KPIs. If we were this shipper, we would be insulted that this carrier thinks our operations are struggling with issues we cannot alleviate
❌ We don't know a single shipper who ever needed a sales person's permission to call them or email them back "Please feel free to call me or reply to this email" is very unnecessary and misses an opportunity for a stronger closing and next step.
We provided ONE possible example of a re-write of this email in the comments, check it out and let us know what else you would add to this email scenario!
Here at Samantha Jones Consulting we take meticulous care in helping our clients to craft the best outreaches, and train their sellers to be more intentional in the words they choose, the tone they take, and the ways they communicate. Reach out to us to learn more!
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