I was 27 years old, married, and had three children when this picture was taken. I was sitting in my cubicle at the Wisconsin Department of Public Instruction where I served as the agency’s first “Minority Student Achievement Consultant”. By age 35, I had five children and was making an impact nationally in K-12 education.
As a young father, I did not smoke, drink, or do drugs. I did not hangout at bars or engage in activities that weren’t good for my family or that would embarrass them. I went to work, came home, and hung out with friends mostly on weekends when my children didn’t have sports or other activities. I rarely missed any of my childrens special events despite my busy work schedule, and I either drove my children to school or picked them up from school, every day.
I took my children grocery shopping, taught them how to cook and do yard work, and put art supplies, legoes, and other creative tools in their hands when they showed an interest in them. I didn’t buy many things for myself; instead, I invested in my children. They saw me wash and fold clothes (with them), make beds, and clean the house from top to bottom. I arranged and took them to health appointments, registered them for school every year, and took care of them when they weren’t feeling well. I also stayed in their schools: most of their teachers knew me. I didn’t expect their mother to do all of these things on her own: absolutely not.
Although I wasn’t raised by my parents, I raised mine. I put them first. I only met my father twice as an adult and knew my mother but rarely saw her during my childhood. My father was in and out of jail and prison. My mother was a bright and kind women who lived on the streets for most of her adult life. Instead, I was raised by my aunt, grandparents, other family members, my friends’ parents, and other adults in my neighborhood. Several of my teachers and sports coaches played critical roles in my upbringing, too.
My life hasn’t been easy at all. It hasn’t been a crystal stair. However, my five children know their father loves them, invested in them, and was there for them despite my parents not being there with me. I have loved every minute of raising them too.
It’s why I hold parents of the children in my schools (One City Schools) and in our community, to a high standard. I expect parents to put their children first, and to hold themselves and their children accountable. I expect them to conduct themselves in a manner that is conducive and facilitative of raising healthy and caring children. I didn’t make excuses for myself and I don’t accept excuses from others. I am always willing to help when help is truly needed, but I expect parents to show up, be present, and be engaged in positive and life-affirming ways with their children.
So yes, I was a fatherless and motherless Black boy who decided to break the cycle & be present in the lives of my children. Dads, let’s be there with your children. They need us. Onward.