You're facing a conflict with a colleague. What's the best way to resolve it?

Root cause analysis can often be more nuanced and interpersonally dependent than we think. If there is conflict and you assume both parties have intentions aligned with the organization's goals and values, a helpful questions can be: What do they know that I do not, or who do I know that they do not?

- Think from other person point of view. - Being transparent about what you feel and how it’s impacting you is helpful. - separate the problem from the person , it always helps in having constructive discussion.

Conflict brings a lot of emotions and different perceptions of colleagues. A simple way to resolve the conflict 1. First, listen to and understand their views. 2. Trigger a fact-based discussion, not your own imagination or perception. 3. Explain the overall expected impact and create a win-win situation. 4. Gain short-term trust from colleagues and monitor the impact through follow-up. 5. Adjust the situation based on the outcome and align with colleagues to gain more trust permanently.

One thing I have found helpful is first using one of the 7 habits of highly effective people (by Steven Covey) ‘Seek first to understand and then to be understood’. Practice active listening to understand their perspective and be able to paraphrase rather than preparing for a response while listening to them. Once I have understood their perspective then I would attempt to present mine and request them to paraphrase. And make an effort towards creating a win-win by taking a synergistic approach. Starting with clarifying the purpose of the discussion, our intention, establishing ground rules during the conversation and verbalizing the desired outcome in the beginning of the conversation keeps us on the track and helps us achieve the outcome.

I believe that effectively resolving conflicts with a colleague requires maintaining calmness and professionalism. Therefore, I would certainly invite them for a discussion, actively listen to their concerns, and express my perspective respectfully. Seeking common ground and being open to compromise, if necessary, are essential steps. Involving a mediator or supervisor for impartial assistance could also be considered. The focus should be on finding a solution that benefits both parties and maintains a positive working relationship. Open communication and a willingness to collaborate are crucial for successful conflict resolution.

Timing is crucial when choosing the right time and place to have a serious conversation with a colleague. Just like trying to tell a joke during a meeting, it's essential to wait for the right moment. It's best to chat when you and your colleague have had time to cool down from any immediate stress. Also, choose a private and neutral setting, like the 'Switzerland' of office spaces. It's more professional to schedule the conversation in advance as it shows respect and prepares everyone involved for a constructive dialogue, similar to giving a heads-up before a surprise comedy skit.

I'd say get out of your comfort zone -- meet at a place that neither you or your colleague have a preconceived relationship with. This will allow you to open up and be vulnerable with each other. If you meet in the same old dingy office space that you normally face the conflict in, the walls will dictate the tenor of your conversation. Change the mood, change your location.

Use of proven method like Thoman Kilman conflict resolution model certainly helps. It allows individual to choose the best approach among the available options

Choosing the right time and place for addressing peer-to-peer conflict is a cornerstone of effective resolution. It's admirable how this approach prioritizes mutual respect and professionalism, ensuring the conversation happens in a calm and focused atmosphere. By scheduling a meeting in advance and setting a clear agenda, it not only respects the other person's emotional state but also their preparation time. This strategy can significantly reduce tension and foster constructive dialogue, making it valuable advice for anyone navigating workplace conflicts.

Choosing an appropriate time as well as atmosphere to discuss difficult encounters is key in resolving conflict. My experience operating in the capacity of union representative has definitely been a guide in how and with whom I have difficult conversations. I recommend creating an atmosphere that allows calmness and peace for all parties involved it’s; not easy but it’s definitely possible. Giving my history, mediation processes and a desired to come to an agreement are the best approaches.

Attack the problem, not the person. I like to metaphorically place the challenge in front of us, standing side-by-side, to explore solutions together rather than confronting each other and feeling as though we are in a debate. By detaching the issue from the "personal" dynamics, it makes it much easier to collectively find the solution.

Read up or watch up on two concepts: Radical candor and Crucial conversations. These have been game changers for me. You can be kind while still being direct. You must follow a process of establishing shared goals and knowledge before laying on the heat. You can do it but you need to prepare. Don't go in cold and hope that everything will work out in the moment.

- Prioritize clear and empathetic communication. - Practice active listening to allow each party to express perspectives without interruption or judgment. - Acknowledge feelings and foster collaboration focused on solutions rather than blame. - Use respectful language to maintain a constructive tone, even when addressing sensitive topics. - Focus on discussing the problem, not the person or what they did wrong. - Know when to conclude the discussion without reaching a concrete resolution to prevent further escalation. - Revisit the issue after gathering more information, ensuring open and solution-oriented communication.

The "scary" part is that our Amygdala is always on alert when it comes to feedback. It tries to protect us from a threat. So no matter how you give feedback, the initial reaction of the person receiving your feedback will always be a defensive one. You can however mitigate the perceived threat, by asking the person for permission to give them feedback on something very specific first. If they agree, then you know. Personally I also wouldn't wait too long between the permission and actually giving feedback. Otherwise the other person has too much time to catastrophise about the worst possible outcome. That's not very empathetic.

👏🏻 It also often disarms the person more quickly than you even realize. The walls go down and real trust is built. Personal attacks are ego-driven and usually rooted in insecurity. Those with strong EQ truly seek first to understand and position everyone as allies toward the ultimate solution.

After sharing SBI feedback, it is important to recognize common goals and common ground. I fully believe that no one comes to their workplace in the morning saying “I’m going to be a problem” or “I’m going to be mediocre today” . People wake up, wanting to do good and wanting to perform at their top level. If they’re not, then that could be a totally different problem. It’s important to always keep lines of communication open and always treat feedback as a gift. You must role model that behavior in your interactions with all of your associates.

Try to put yourself in their shoes to empathise with what they are feeling. There's a feeling behind the behaviour that you can relate to and create understanding from that

Finding common ground and solutions with a colleague after sharing perspectives and feelings involves collaborative problem-solving. Here's how to do it effectively: Identify shared goals: Focus on areas where both you and your colleague agree. This could be the desire for a harmonious work environment, the success of a project, or the satisfaction of clients. Acknowledge differences: While seeking common ground, it's important to acknowledge and respect each other's differences. Recognize that you may have different approaches or priorities, but work towards finding a compromise.

It is important to understand that there is a common goal. Both parties need to look at the best ways to achieve the goal. Both will need to negotiate and determine responsibility of each party to achieve the goal. This is a good time to put system in place, including plan of action, that will prevent conflict from happening again. Most important, this is not about ego, this is about common goal.

Conflict Management and Conflict Resolution are two terms. The first one tells us to manage the conflict before it actually occurs and the later talks about solving the conflict when we see it. There are different ways to resolve the conflict. the famous ones are : - Accommodating - Avoiding - Competing - Compromise - Collaborate The best among all is collaborative approach as it leads to a win - win situation for both the parties involved.

Sit down with them and discuss the issue. Listen to them and their opinion and share yours. We live in too much of a "it's either this or that" society. We have to get back to compromising where we can and if we can't, then we need to agree to disagree. Also, I would say don't dig in your heals just because of the principle. This digs us a hole more often than not. We need to make sure our decisions and reasons are based on solid research and thought process. In the end you may not agree and that is OK, but you may learn something you didn't know and broaden your thought process.

Follow up and feedback show you value and care about the other person in the conflict. Avoidance can seem easier. You don't have to make the other person agree with you but hopefully, you can find common ground together through follow up and feedback. It could be there is more than one way to correctly do something. It could mean you learn something valuable in the follow up and feedback. Regardless, you tell the other person they have value and you have the ability to self-reflect also. You might even find you, now, have a colleague you can trust in the future to tell you the truth, even if it is not what you really want to hear. Finding that in another is worth a thousand conflicts. It is invaluable.

Follow ups can at times be viewed as condescending or a reminder of a problem. For me, I ask my colleague to take the lead on follow up's. Let me know if it is working, if YOU feel our relationship is improving. Of course, if the conflict remains, then yes you will need to follow up and provide feedback directly.

Keep in mind that following up is not always or only about circling back on the response to the conflict. It is also important to connect on forward focused opportunities and begin to write a new script for your relationship and ways of communicating and collaborating. It can help to break the ice left behind by a conflict and demonstrate that you are willing and able to move on. This does not mean sweeping under the rug that which still requires attention, but it does mean knowing when to let go and move on and how to give room for people to write a new story and not be forever defined by old ones. Use follow ups as a way of showing through the actions you model how things can be different and better, not just talking about it.

Tracy, your first two sentences sums it, "Sit down with them and discuss the issue. Listen to them and their opinion and share yours". Many people want to avoid those conversations, when they can actually clear up matters, and resolve any issues to the benefit of all involved parties.

A field that has been leveraged effectively to help resolve conflict is Emotional Intelligence (EI). The four key elements of EI: Self- Awareness, Self-Regulation, Empathy and Social Skills are critical for effective negotiation and positive relationship building. Each of these elements play a role in conflict resolution. Self-Awareness helps us understand how the problem could be affecting us personally and to identify any particular emotion connected to it. Self-Regulation helps us to stay balanced, professional and unbiased, to try to better understand the situation and look for solutions. Empathy helps us to better understand the other position and feel motivated to resolve. And Social Skills help us with connection, trust and respect.

Reflect on what could be the potential causes of the conflict. Engage in an open and authentic conversation to clarify what is expected from both of you in your organizational roles while keeping personal emotions in check. Take a broader perspective on the issue, avoiding personal projections.

I approach feedback as a gift when I coach and train. I am not a fan of 'constructive criticism' and who doesn't like a gift? With that in mind I recommend beginning with focusing on the situation. ie This morning at the team meeting this was the situation observed ...followed by the behaviour witnessed by me and others and then articulating the impact of that behaviour on me and other team members. I then pause to allow for their perspective (maybe they had no idea, or if they did, they can explain the root cause of the behavior etc ...) The intent is to focus on behaviour and not personality, get acknowledgement and work towards better outcomes.

All of the approaches listed above can be relevant but just as leadership is situational, so is conflict.The key to resolving conflict is to establish trust. It helps to set ground rules before a conflictual situation develops

Always approach the situation with curiosity rather than judgement. You never know what someone is going through, and all behaviour is communication. That said, some people just aren’t nice people, so if that’s the case conscious distance is a good approach. HR can be useful, but be reflective before contacting them as it may uncover areas where you could have handled things better, so be prepared for challenge back if this could be the case.