'He knew I was desperate for love': Sacramento survivor describes manipulation that leads to sex trafficking
Emily Sanders says some women don’t know where to turn for help when they’re in the grip of a sex trafficker who is constantly monitoring them.
The women may have a short window of time to seek help but when they call a phone number off a sheet of resources, they can’t get an appointment right away. Or they feel judged. Or they don’t fit the criteria.
Sanders said those were her experiences as a survivor. She is now the founder and executive director of Connect2Change, which offers “immediate action” with shelter and support to women fleeing sex trafficking in the greater Sacramento area.
“I believe that if we could take a more of an individualized approach to many of the women who are escaping, we can have more success stories such as myself,” she said. “If we can help and transform and change the life of one woman, that’s going to trickle down to their children and ripple out into the community.”
Sanders said people often have misconceptions about sex trafficking. One is a belief that it only involves when someone gets kidnapped and taken from state to state. Another is that the problem only affects young girls.
“What is more typical are women having a false pretense of a romantic relationship or being told that they were going to be doing something else,” she said. “And then in turn, it turns out that they’re having to perform sexual acts for money.”
That’s what happened to her in her 30s when a man a decade older than her came into her life when Sanders was out of work, depressed and struggling financially.
Sanders said the man knew about her vulnerabilities which included having experienced poverty and sexual trauma as a child.
“He knew I was desperate for love,” she said. “He told me everything that I needed to hear. He helped out with some bills.”
Federal law describes sex trafficking as when "a commercial sex act is induced by force, fraud, or coercion." The Department of Justice says coercion could be "subtle or overt, physical or psychological."
Sanders said her trafficker was able to convince her, over a period of time, that drug use and sex work were something they could do together temporarily to get through hard times.
She reluctantly agreed but the situation wasn’t temporary. It lasted from 2016 to 2019, a period when “his love turned to anger and rage.”
“I lost everything. My apartment, my car, my livelihood. I mean, everything,” Sanders said. “And I became solely dependent on him.”
At the time, her trafficker would arrange for buyers to meet her in hotel rooms by using the online portal Backpage, which has since been shuttered.
“I would be in his truck and we would wait and watch for the so-called date to show up,” she said. “And I would run out, meet the gentleman, and we would get the room and he would sit outside and wait. And there's always a time factor. You know, was it a 15-minute date? Was it a 30-minute date? Was it an hour date? Each one had a different price. And God forbid if I went over that time. I would be punished.”
Sanders said the physical assaults she endured “were the easiest because it would happen. It would be over.”
She said her trafficker knew one of her biggest fears was being abandoned on the street.
Part of the sadness that comes with being trafficked is the “trauma bonds” with traffickers, she said.
Over a period of time, “You’ve done so many things that make you feel so ashamed and guilty of what you’ve done that your trafficker is the only person who knows everything that you’ve done,” Sanders said.
Sanders said that after attempting to escape her situation a few times, it wasn’t until her trafficker abandoned her that she was able to connect with support, first when she was treated for her pregnancy at a Sutter hospital in Sacramento and “didn’t feel judged.”
Later, she received temporary housing at Bishop Gallegos Maternity Home and was connected with a therapist.
“And that’s where my journey of hope and healing began,” she said.
The story was produced as part of the KCRA 3 Investigates documentary "Escaping The Blade" about sex trafficking in Sacramento County. Watch the full report here.