APOLOGY: This column avoids politics as it's the weekend and life's too short. I regret to inform you that this weekend is an exception.
Sometimes things happen that I can't ignore, as much as I try to. I've been successfully ignoring Simon Harris ever since he first happened.
I worked in a toy shop around the same time Simon Harris would have been a toy shop customer - since then our lives took different paths. I left the toy shop for a demotion into the less serious world of journalism, Simon Harris became a politician.
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Now, many years later, those paths are merging again. Something strange is happening - something I'm obliged to flag even on a Sunday. And it's this: When I worked in the toy shop there was a toy that was really popular with kids, and possibly Simon Harris.
It was a spindly doll, and when it shook it made a squeaky noise. Now, years later, Simon Harris is turning into one... The Taoiseach of Ireland is turning into a Jibba Jabber. I repeat: Simon Harris is TURNING INTO A JIBBA JABBER.
I'll leave it to the political experts to analyse how or why he took the job of Taoiseach when it's the only job less attractive than Ireland football manager. But having some first hand professional experience of toy crazes in the 1990s, I think I know a bloody Jibba Jabber when I see one.
The key characteristics they had were they initially looked inanimate, almost lifeless until let out of it's box. And when they got a shake they'd wobble all over the place, spindly legs and arms flying, and make a loud, high pitched and distinctive squeaking sound.
They were popular among a few - briefly. Then everyone realised they were irritating. A while later nobody could understand the fuss in the first place.
Today, when I look at or listen to Simon Harris I see and hear a Jibba Jabber. There's nuances to their movement that's unmistakable to an expert's eye. The more rapidly Simon Harris moves from side to side, the higher his voice becomes, trademark Jibba Jabber stuff right there.
I'm not comfortable with the thought of a Jibba Jabber as Taoiseach, either in its original 1990s form or as Simon Harris. And I didn't vote for either of them. Then, given the state of the nation and the problems we face, I struggle to have confidence in a Jibba Jabber Taoiseach.
It's Sunday, but it's serious - Jibba Jabbers weren't designed to run nations, except perhaps a nation of Jibba Jabbers. I don't think we're that. I hope Simon Jabbers - sorry Harris - and his wavy arms feel better soon. And apologies again.
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