Indy loves a 'difficult' woman

When IndyReads announced Roxane Gay, the author of "Bad Feminist" and "Difficult Women," was coming to town, tickets were snapped up within minutes. The Jan. 24 event was moved from the intimate Mass Ave bookstore to a 300-seat auditorium at Central Library — and again, tickets went instantly.

"Glad it sold out; sorry I didn't get a ticket," read one Facebook post, echoing a widespread sentiment. 

So when IndyStar had the chance to interview Gay — internationally known writer, Purdue associate professor of English, and yes, self-described "difficult woman" ("If having a personality and having opinions makes me difficult, then yes, I am very difficult." she told Vogue this month)  — we decided not to keep her all to ourselves.

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We asked women in Indy: "If you were given five minutes with Roxane Gay, what one question would you ask her?" Questions went wide and deep, from what inspires her comic book series to how victims of domestic violence can find their place at the "feminist table."

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Question: You seem so strong and unflappable. What is your worst fear? — Shari Rudavsky, IndyStar health + medicine reporter

Answer: I am only human, so my biggest fear is disappointing the people I love most.

Q: The "World of Wakanda" is such an incredible and empowering (comic) series. Who or what inspires the story and characters you are writing? — Janneane Blevins, owner & art director, PRINTtext 

A: When writing "World of Wakanda," I am inspired by the opportunity to have black women, and black queer women more specifically, be centered in a narrative. It’s also great to have those women be interesting people — complex and fierce and tender and heroic.

I think about all the young black women, who so rarely see themselves in pop culture and who even more rarely see themselves in comic books, and I want to write characters they will love and hate and feel connected to and want to follow from one issue to the next. 

Q: In Indiana, with a conservative governor and the House and Senate chambers controlled by strong GOP majorities, what are some concrete political actions we can take to advance or defend women's rights?— Rachael Heger, Support the Girls national director of affiliate outreach

A: We can make financial contributions to Planned Parenthood of Indiana and Kentucky. We can volunteer in our local communities with organizations that explicitly serve women. We can stay informed of what our state legislators and the governor are doing with regard to women’s rights and hold them accountable for decisions they make that are not in women’s best interests.

Such accountability can come from staying in touch with them, from protest, and from how we vote. We can run for local and state office so that we are representing ourselves and the people of our community. And always, we can vote in the best interests of women, not only during presidential election years, but every year.

Q: You celebrate the bonds of women in your short stories, and highlight  their ability to comfort and care for one another in difficult times. I have seen a similar phenomenon locally, here in Indianapolis, since the election.  Women have come together to find support and comfort during this scary time, regardless of race, culture or religion. The sisterhood trumped our differences.

Do you see this occurring in your own community and do you feel that this sisterhood will propel women to encourage each other to become more outspoken in all aspects of our lives?— Jennifer Nelson-Williams, co-founder, Women 4 Change Indiana 

A: In truth, I don’t have much of a connection to my local community. I’m relatively new to the area and travel constantly. But in Los Angeles, where I spend my time when I am not in Indiana and where I have stronger ties, I have seen women coming together. People are really motivated since Nov. 8 and that’s heartening.

As we saw with the Women’s Marches all over the country on Jan. 21, people are willing to stand up. What we need to do now is capitalize on that momentum and on these communities of support that have become enriched since the election. And we need to foreground the more vulnerable among us. We need to remember we’re not just women — we are equally defined by race and ethnicity, gender identity, class, sexuality, ability, faith and so much more, so we need to be sure we’re considering this complexity of identity as we try to help one another and create real change. 

Q: As a POC, do you have any useful tools to share about working with “white feminists,” who might not understand how they leave their sisters of color behind? – Keri Jeter, Primary Colours board member

A: When it comes to working with “white feminists” or anyone who may not believe in intersectional feminism, I try to pick my battles and I always try to foreground the importance of remembering, as I said in the previous question, that identity is complex and never singular and if you’re unwilling to understand that, you’re not really practicing strong feminism.  

Q: In your article "Bad Feminist" that appeared in the Fall 2012 issue of the Virginia Quarterly Review, you declare your favorite definition of feminists as "women who don't want to be treated like sh**." You explore the hesitancy of claiming to be a feminist "for fear of what that label means, for fear of how to live up to it, for fear of feminism as something essential, for fear of the punishments — both obvious and indirect — that come with openly owning feminism or doing feminism wrong."  

Where do you see the space in feminism for women who are quite literally being treated like sh**?  I work with victims of domestic violence. It's not politically correct to call these women "victims," but that's the current state of the situation for them and they feel it.  But, they also feel that they don't want to be treated like sh** anymore. 

But until  they become "survivors" or, better yet, "thrivers," there is no place for them at the "feminist table."  Where is the space in the feminism narrative for this kind of feminist: the one who doesn't want to be treated like sh** but is? — Julia Kathary, president/executive director, Coburn Place

A: I don’t believe there is no place for women who are being victimized at the feminist table. In the best of all worlds, there is room for everyone who needs to be included in feminism. Clearly, we’re not there yet but we can work toward that better world. In truth, I haven’t really seen such women excluded from feminism. It isn’t anti-feminist to be treated like sh**. That’s something largely beyond a woman’s control.

The responsibility in these situations is on the abuser. And feminism as a whole could and should have better conversations about women in abusive situations. All too often, people subscribe to the narrative that a woman in an abusive situation must leave as if leaving is that easy. In the better world, I’d love to see feminism, and our culture at large, recognize the physical, emotional and financial challenges of leaving an abusive relationship. I’d also like to see communities develop programs that can support women (or men) in abusive relationships in facing these challenges.

Q: Indiana has one of the worst records of sexual violence against children, particularly girls. Here, the problems are predominantly in the home or with trusted adults in seemingly safe places.  How do we more effectively engage women as a first line of defense against such crimes before they escalate? — Indiana House Rep. Christina Hale 

A: My initial response is that we should more effectively engage people to not commit sexual violence against children. And I don’t mean that idealistically. I mean that we need to find ways to combat sexual offenders and also rehabilitate them when they are incarcerated. 

How do we engage not just women but everyone as a first line of defense? The protection of our children is everyone’s responsibility. We need to encourage people to believe children, or any victims of sexual violence, when they come forward. We need to educate people about the signs of sexual abuse in children. We need to train law enforcement on how to treat and BELIEVE children who are sexually abused. We need a judicial system that prosecutes these crimes to the fullest extent of the law, instead of deeming these cases too difficult to prosecute, and a judicial system that applies appropriate sentences for such abuse, not mere slaps on the hand.

But really it starts with believing children, even when we don’t want to believe they have been victimized. Until we do that, far too many children will suffer. 

Q: If you could have five minutes with one of your favorite writers, what question would you ask? — Amanda Kingsbury, IndyStar consumer experience director

A: I would love to spend five minutes with Zadie Smith and I would ask her if, in this new now, she would write a different version of her essay “Joy.”