I’ve been divorced twice, which is why I’m worried about Rory McIlroy’s off-on marriage

Every hopeful bride and groom knows they currently have a 42 per cent chance of getting divorced. For some, it kicks in remarkably soon after the confetti is blown away; for others, decades later, after infidelity, “growing apart” and other gloomy midlife issues. Most who split eventually move on.

In fact, the idea of returning to the ex-spouse is slightly less appealing than waking up in your childhood bedroom, with double maths first thing. For some couples, however, instigating divorce proceedings is not a blessed relief, but a wake-up call.

This week, Northern Irish golfer Rory McIlroy called off divorce proceedings with Erica Stoll, his wife of seven years. A month ago, she was served papers with 20 days to file a counterclaim. Now, however, he’s changed his mind, and all is rosy in the marital garden (although what Stoll felt about this is not reported). According to McIlroy, their “best future is as a family together”, and they have “resolved their differences and look forward to a new beginning”.

Can it really be that simple? As a battle-scarred veteran of two – count ’em – divorces, I would argue that it’s rare to reach the point of ending the marriage without some fairly compelling reasons. Nobody drifts into divorce – it’s a process that can go one of two ways – either a gradual, building awareness that you should no longer be together, or the short, sharp shock of a huge bust-up, often featuring the discovery of serious betrayal.

Yes, the words “I want a divorce” can be bandied about, usually after a few drinks, but reaching the stage of signing legal forms in indelible ink suggests a certain lack of doubt.

Yet according to statistics from the US, around 15 per cent of couples regret divorcing, and a significant 6 per cent retie the knot they painstakingly undid, rather unfairly getting double the wedding presents from weary guests. There aren’t stats available to indicate how many of the divorced and remarried couples found it didn’t work and divorced once again, returning several expensive blenders to John Lewis along the way. For celebrities, however, this sorry outcome is as familiar as a spell in rehab.

The go-to queen and king are, of course, Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, who married, divorced in 1974 due to excess drinking and screaming, then remarried in 1975 – only to divorce for good less than a year later. Some might see a murky reflection (but with more wheatgrass juice and frosty glances) in JLo and Ben Affleck’s storied history of a broken engagement, marriage nearly 20 years later, and now a swirling mist of divorce rumours.

Other couples who broke up again just when they thought it was safe to go back in the water include Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon, whose second time around lasted six months (just enough time to build “I told you so” in 200ft-high wooden letters), and Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson, who married when she was 18 and divorced after six months. They remarried 13 years later and made it a full seven years till the itch struck. Elon Musk and Talulah Riley married twice and divorced twice, and Eminem and muse Kimberly Scott remarried for roughly three months before going their separate ways again.

It’s almost as if remarrying the partner who drove you to divorce the first time doesn’t work. If it does, I suspect it’s because both of you truly love each other and want to invest energy and emotion into the remarriage in a brand-new way. But returning to the scene of the crime, and continuing exactly as you left off, is a recipe for disaster. Let’s hope Rory and Erica really are beginning again – and not heading for the same old bunker.