- Maria: Remember, Paris, protect the poulaki - eyes open knees shut!
- Aunt Voula: [to Maria] If your knees are open, shut your eyes.
- Gus: She's only coming there if you teach greek history.
- Northwestern Rep: Ofcourse, we have an outstanding classics program. Greek. Italian.
- Gus: The greeks invented italian.
- [Northwestern rep laughs and then realises that Gus is being serious]
- Maria: It's okay, Mrs. White.
- [Mrs. White's dog barks. The Portokalos dog, Socrates, barks back]
- Mrs. White: [to Socrates] Quiet! Sh-shhh! Stop! Quiet!
- Maria: He doesn't speak English.
- [to Socrates in Greek]
- Maria: Bite her tomorrow.
- Aunt Voula: Stop trying to fix everything. You baby your parents because you can't parent your baby no more.
- Gus: We need to find a boyfriend for Paris.
- Uncle Taki: How about Ariana Skoufis's boy, huh?
- Gus: Everybody on that island has six toes.
- Uncle Taki: Let's wait until summer. We check his feet.