Bordello of Blood (1996)
Dennis Miller: Rafe Guttman
Photos
Quotes
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Rafe Guttman : You're reminding me why being married to you drove me to the brink of homosexuality.
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[talking to a she-vampire]
Rafe Guttman : I'd rather Crazy Glue my dick to the bullet train than fuck you.
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Rafe Guttman : I feel like I'm in a bad episode of Tales From The Crypt!
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Zeke : Step outside!
Rafe Guttman : Sorry, Zeke - I'm just not in the mood for a blowjob.
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[Rafe is trying to gain access to the whorehouse, which is disguised as a funeral home]
Rafe Guttman : I'm here for the, um, Cunningham wake.
McCutheon : I'm afraid the wake is closed tonight. Come back tomorrow.
Rafe Guttman : I, uh, really must pay my respects right now.
McCutheon : Then I suggest you come back TOMORROW.
Rafe Guttman : Maybe you don't understand me. I'm feeling excruciatingly SAD.
McCutheon : I'm so sorry.
Rafe Guttman : And if I don't grieve right now - maybe even grieve two or three times - I'm going to go out of my mind, okay?
McCutheon : Then I suggest you go mourn somewhere in private - with a box of tissues!
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Rafe Guttman : I'm not going to tell you those aren't the Breasts of the Century, but I'm just not digging the owner, so why don't you put those away; you're just not my type.
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[seeing a televangelist's glitzy chapel]
Rafe Guttman : Nice place, Katherine. Kind of like Superman's dad's place on Krypton.
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Rafe : [after Tamara stands in front of window letting in sunlight] Tammy! Tell me again why vampires hate sunlight?
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Rafe Guttman : Ah, the girls! Let them eat a guy named "Cake."
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Tamara : Guess where you just landed, lover?
Rafe Guttman : Larry Flynt's id?
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Rafe Guttman : Sorry Katherine, but that wasn't your brother anymore.
Caleb : Wrong! I'll always be your brother, sis.
Rafe Guttman : Katherine, run from your brother.
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Rafe : [after finding and confronting Rev. Current in the bordello] Come on, Rev, I'm feeling a little jumpy - friend or foe?
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Rafe : [to Police Deputy Noonan] You know, Noonan, you don't wear irony too well. Why don't you leave that to the big boys, okay?
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[Zeke's shot knocks a beer onto a girl]
Rafe Guttman : Six pack in the side cleavage!
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[a vampire bursts into flames after being squirted with Holy water]
Rafe Guttman : Cha-Ching!