All you need for a manageable day at an amusement park is a good night’s rest, a high tolerance for waiting in long lines in the heat and patience of a saint when it comes to negotiating snacks and souvenirs. Also, about a quarter of your annual take-home pay.
Here, some of X’s (formerly Twitter’s) most quick-witted parents describe what it’s like to experience the magic of a theme park with children.
We're off to Legoland tomorrow!
— Dadding Around (@DaddingAround) July 10, 2018
So tonight I'm preparing by selling off all of my worldly possessions in order to buy some lunch there. 👍🏼
74% of being in a theme park is stopping your entire family in the middle of a walkway to decide where you want to go next.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 19, 2023
[planning a trip to an amusement park]
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 30, 2023
8-year-old: We should do bumper cars first.
Me: Why?
8: I'm really good at crashing.
Took the kids on their first trip to Disney World. It took exactly 49 minutes before one declared she was bored and the other approximately 106 minutes before he asked to go home.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) November 29, 2022
Bumper cars broke down at the amusement park while we were sitting in them and my 10 y/o daughter captured the moment for all of us, “I guess they’re just bummer cars now.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) June 18, 2022
*amusement park*
— The Dad (@thedad) September 2, 2019
Me at 10: this is the place with the awesome coasters!
Me now: this is the place with the comfortable benches!
H- I think we should book a trip to Disney.
— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@AnecdtlBrthCtrl) May 11, 2019
Me- Well then we need to get the kids watching Disney movies because I am not spending that much money for a trip to a place where 3 only knows one character.
And thinks his name is "Mickelly Mouse."
All you need for your kids to fall asleep at a reasonable hour is wake them up before sunrise and go to an amusement park in the blistering heat for 9 hours.
— Marissa 💚💛 (@michimama75) July 2, 2023
Disney update 3:
— Tired Dad of 2 (@Tired_Dad_of_2) November 10, 2019
12 people, 1 bathroom. It’s cool, I’ll just poop next week. 👍🏻#Disneywiththeinlaws
The kiddie coaster at our local amusement park is all about safety, it even gives you a free Heimlich maneuver at the end in case you happen to be choking or you just enjoy super painful experiences or something idk.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 23, 2021
One minute you’re joy riding every roller coaster in the amusement park and then in a flash you’re the mom holding all the bags, waving goofily at the kids, making excuses about your tummy
— amil (@amil) August 7, 2023
Took kids to a family theme park. My 5 year old went on a roller coaster, zip wire, go kart, maze, sand pit, huge water slide and even did some archery. His favourite part? The toilets because they automatically flushed when he put the seat down
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) August 4, 2022
"Hungover at Six Flags," a father's story of triumph over adversity
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 8, 2022
I was planning a Disney trip with my kids. As I saw my money disappear, I started to think that maybe we could just go camping? Let the kids experience the wilderness... for free. Nature heals.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) August 9, 2023
[at an amusement park]
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) July 7, 2023
Me: And what do we do if we get separated?
Kids (in unison): Find you in the bar
Me: That’s right
Disney is the happiest place on earth.
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) November 14, 2018
It’s also the place where 100% of parents with kids 4 and under lie about their age. #parenting #momlife
Take your kids to an amusement park so you can hear "I'm bored" after you've spent a trillion dollars.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 3, 2017
Me: Kids, lying is wrong.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 22, 2018
Also me, to 8yo: [entering theme park] Now, sit in the stroller and pretend you’re 2-years-old.
I posted that article about Disney World being difficult and everyone was like "its not difficult you just download Genie Plus to check for wait times and Aladdin Ultra Carpet to book rides, book all your meals and snacks through Rataoullie Rat Meal Extreme 4 years in advance"
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) April 4, 2023
Taking three kids and infant to an amusement park today. I am not amused.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) October 27, 2013
Lot of rookies here at the amusement park.
— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) September 18, 2022
Don’t play games early. Play at the end so:
1. If your kid wins a 5 foot stuffed banana, you don’t have to carry it all day.
2. If your kid doesn’t win a 5 foot stuffed banana, they are already melting down due to the full day.
When you try to be fun mommy & ride the tube with your kid at the water park & she yells "MOM! Your cactus legs are hurting me!"
— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) August 10, 2016
3-year-old: Can we go to Disney World today?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 25, 2018
Me: That’s hundreds of miles away, and it costs lots of money.
3: Tomorrow?
Nothing like seeing a new dad at Disney World find out a Mickey shaped balloon with a glow stick in it is $35. Welcome to the club buddy.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 2, 2023
All I'm saying is, if I were a Disney princess I wouldn't spend my days taking pictures with shitty kids.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) September 22, 2017
Both kids have fallen asleep at Legoland.
— Dadding Around (@DaddingAround) July 11, 2018
My wife shouted "Yaaaaaaay!!!" then ran off to go on all the rides by herself. 🙄
Disney world is just a sweltering outdoor Walmart
— 🍁Graham Kritzer (@GrahamKritzer) September 3, 2022
I’m currently sitting on a plastic lounge chair at the kiddie water park that’s located in the middle of a crowded theme park like some kind of jet-setting socialite.
— The Mom at Law® (@TheMomAtLaw) July 18, 2018
Took my kids to Disney and when we got home I said welcome to the crappiest place on earth.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) March 27, 2024
Me, waking up after a night of drinking in my 20s: I hope I didn’t do anything illegal
— The Dad (@thedad) December 24, 2022
Me, waking up after a night of drinking now: I hope I didn’t agree to take the kids to the amusement park
people who haven't traveled with a large group of kids at an amusement park will never understand the importance of implementing a strict one-pee/all-pee policy
— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) January 10, 2023
Someone with a look of disgust just said, "I guess this place is cool...if you're like really into Legos...."
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) September 22, 2019
Yeah, Karen. We're at LEGOLAND.
me: this guy online wants me to be his sugar baby
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 15, 2019
husband: do it, we need money to pay for this Disney trip
5: How come we never do anything fun?
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) July 13, 2017
Me: We went to an amusement park..
5: Yeah but that was a really long time ago
Me: It was yesterday
Me: I try really hard to not lie to my kids
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) October 15, 2019
Also me: We can’t go to Disney world it’s locked
Curious what your child would look like on cocaine? Observe their behavior the day before you leave on a trip to Disney World.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) September 19, 2017
In hindsight, admission plus a two-hour round trip drive was a steep price to pay to learn that our kid’s favorite amusement park attraction was a restroom hand-dryer.
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) May 19, 2019