Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humor lives on.
Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
My 4yo told me this morning: I won't be having tantrums anymore now that I'm four. That was when I was three. Huge if true. Watch this space.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) June 24, 2024
filling out a passport application form for my four month old pic.twitter.com/ZwKwdrVHia
— michael 🙆🏻♂️ goldsmith (@mgoldsm) June 24, 2024
raising a kid in dc is so goofy, like why were we driving over to grandma’s house and my 2 year old points out the window and (accurately) says “Watergate” ?????
— elaine filadelfo (@ElaineF) June 26, 2024
My daughter asking who left the cap off the glue like she thinks I sit around crafting and shit while she’s at camp.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) June 25, 2024
Nobody victim blames more than my seven-year-old when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother
— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) June 24, 2024
My kid wants to earn money to go on a pricey school trip next year and asked if the tooth fairy gives money for other body parts.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) June 23, 2024
My picky eater kid who refuses to eat CHEESE has recently decided he loves sardines, make it make sense
— meghan (@deloisivete) June 26, 2024
My kid & I are trying to decide on a movie to watch while we eat s’mores in our blanket fort.
— Kelly (@kelly__le) June 24, 2024
He suggested a horror movie & then tells me “I’ll call it horrs and smores!”
No, son, I don’t think we will call it that.
In a local mom group. The comment section is not going the way she planned 😂🤣 pic.twitter.com/89fwj1ornV
— Fall Out Mom ✨🖤 (@wimpymomdiary) June 24, 2024
Interesting how my kids get through a 7 hour school day with one snack and one lunch but when they're home for the summer they will die if they go longer than 20 minutes without eating something
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) June 23, 2024
me: [jumping on the trampoline]
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 24, 2024
9: hey dad can you land on your back and stand back up?!
me: yea! I used to do that all the time! Here we go!
Narrator: he in fact could not. He felt as though all his organs hit his spine and every breath he had was knocked out upon impact.
*7yo plucks a sesame seed off his hamburger bun.*
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) June 24, 2024
7yo: If I plant this, will it grow a burger?
We have begun introducing honey into the baby's diet now that he has passed his first birthday, and despite his general affinity for sweets he regards this new substance with grave disapprobation. The 3yo attempted to upsell today. "TRY IT. YOU WILL LIKE IT. IT IS MADE OF BEES."
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) June 26, 2024
That feeling when you wake up in the morning and have to do parenting despite the fact you already did it the day before.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) June 27, 2024
my 3yo was melting down over applesauce pouches and my dad was comforting him and said, "are you sad mommy said no??? it's okay to be sad! we will allow for the full expression of feelings" and then he paused and said, "unlike how your mother was raised." and 💀💀💀💀
— emily may (@emilykmay) June 22, 2024
My 5yo was having a rough day and said through tears “I just want to go so far away to outer space!” Honestly one of the more relatable things she’s ever said
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) June 23, 2024
My son’s new landlord asked if I wanted a key to the house he will be sharing with three other 19 year old boys and I’ve never wanted anything less in my entire life.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) June 22, 2024
my kid had a horrible coughing fit in the middle of the night. Too young for cough medicine, the internet suggested a lollipop. 30 min later, he was still coughing so I’m still trying to find solutions when he declines and says, “I’m just waiting for the lollipop to kick in”
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) June 24, 2024
My favorite summer activity is called “friends with pools who live within a 5-mile radius.”
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) June 26, 2024
My son texting me from the barber chair about his barber talking too much lmao pic.twitter.com/nCDcl2hc07
— Tommie (@tommiedotjpg) June 26, 2024
My sons, 8 & 11: “How come teenagers get embarrassed by their parents?”
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) June 26, 2024
Me: “It’s a common thing for kids once they become teenagers sometimes.”
8: “Well that’s not gonna happen for me.”
11: “Me neither.”
8: “Plus you’ll probably just stay in the car most of the time.”