Review: Unashamed; Notes From The Diary Of A Sex Therapist by Neha Bhat

In a country where conversations about sex are even rarer than those about mental health, Neha Bhat’s book, Unashamed: Notes From The Diary Of A Sex Therapist is groundbreaking. It merges these two often taboo topics, offering insights into the complex thinking around pleasure and desire, which shapes the experience of sex.

Bhat, a licensed sex and trauma therapist, practises psychotherapy through the lenses of creative wellness, art and feminism. In this, her debut work, she curates a blend of personal anecdotes, relatable case studies, and clinical expertise to craft a compelling narrative that delves into the psychological underpinnings of shame. Her writing guides readers towards achieving acceptance and sexual liberation.

Strikingly empathetic and engaging, Bhat’s ability to distil complex psychological concepts into accessible language places this book at the intersection of self-help and psychoeducation. She effectively explores the multifaceted nature of shame, its origins, and its profound effects on our sense of self and our relationships.

The author’s use of real-life case studies brilliantly present the diverse ways in which shame manifests itself. These narratives are not merely illustrative but serve as powerful reminders of the human capacity for resilience and transformation. The stories of a young woman struggling with body image issues and of a man grappling with his sexual orientation in a conservative community highlight the varied sources and impacts of shame.

Another compelling element of Unashamed is Bhat’s candidness about her own journey. By sharing her personal experiences, she breaks down the barriers between therapist and reader, creating an intimate and trusting space for exploration. Her stories are interwoven with professional insights, offering a unique blend of vulnerability and authority. This dual perspective enriches the narrative, making it both deeply personal and universally relevant.

Bhat’s roadmap for overcoming shame is practical and philosophical. She offers a variety of strategies and exercises designed to help readers confront and dismantle their shame. These include mindfulness practices, cognitive reframing techniques, and exercises in self compassion. Her advice, which is grounded in a solid understanding of psychological principles, is deeply humane and practical.

Meticulously crafted, the book guides readers through a logical progression from understanding shame to actively working towards healing and acceptance. Each chapter builds upon the previous one, creating a cohesive and comprehensive guide. The inclusion of reflective questions and exercises at the end of each chapter allows readers to participate actively with the material, fostering deeper self-awareness and growth. For instance, her detailed explanation of a mindfulness exercise that involves acknowledging and naming feelings of shame as they arise can help readers develop greater emotional awareness and control.

In addition to its therapeutic insights, Unashamed is also a powerful cultural critique. Bhat examines the societal and cultural norms that perpetuate shame, challenging readers to question and redefine these constructs. Her discussions on the intersections of shame with gender, sexuality, and cultural identity are particularly illuminating, offering a nuanced perspective on how different forms of oppression intersect and compound.

At times, though, the book’s broad scope can feel overwhelming. Bhat’s attempt to cover a wide range of topics related to shame means that some sections are more detailed than others. While her discussion of the intersection of shame with gender and sexuality is thorough, the sections dealing with the impact of cultural norms on shame could have been more in-depth. The extensive background information on psychological theories of shame, while informative, can feel dense. Integrating these theories into the case studies and personal anecdotes might have made these sections more readable.

That said, Bhat’s book is not just about understanding and overcoming shame; it is a celebration of authenticity and self love. Her message is clear: by confronting and releasing shame, we can reclaim our true selves and live more fulfilling, joyous lives. Her prose is both eloquent and accessible, striking a balance between scholarly precision and conversational warmth. This makes the book attractive to those well-versed in psychological theory and to general readers seeking personal growth and healing. The tone is inviting and non-judgmental, fostering a safe space for readers to explore their own experiences.

Unashamed is a call to action. Bhat’s exploration of trauma through tender language invites readers to embark on a journey of healing, emphasising that recovery, though slow, is attainable. The book stands as a testament to empathy, understanding, and self acceptance.

This is a powerful and essential read for anyone grappling with the corrosive effects of shame and trauma. While it covers a broad range of topics, its strength lies in its inclusive and relatable case studies, its accessible language, and its actionable reflective exercises. Unashamed is a compassionate and comprehensive guide to healing and self acceptance.

Takshi Mehta is a freelance journalist writing on entertainment and culture.