halle's Reviews > Opinions: A Decade of Arguments, Criticism, and Minding Other People's Business

I have always read pieces or chapters of Roxane Gay’s work in sociology classes, and I loved them. I saw many people check her books out at the library I work in. I saw opinions at my local library, and it just felt right for me to check it out. Liking this was an understatement. I am always both enthralled and recharged when reading anything by Roxane. If you’re interested in essays, I strongly recommend this.

My favorite pieces from this book include:
* The Seduction of Safety, on Campus and Beyond
* Why People Are So Awful Online
* How to Build a Monument
* You’re Disillusioned. That’s fine. Vote Anyways.
* Warning Signs (The Sacrifice by Joyce Carol Oates)
* Dear Men: It’s You Too
* Ask Roxane: I’m Outraged but Failing at Activism. Why?
* Ask Roxane: Where the Hell Is the Love of My Life?

Portions that really stuck out to me:

‘As a writer, I believe the First Amendment is sacred. The freedom of speech, however, does not guarantee freedom from consequence. You can speak your mind, but you can also be shunned. You can be criticized You can be ignored or ridiculed. You can lose your job. The freedom of speech does not exist in a vacuum.
Many of the people who advocate for freedom of speech with the most bluster are willing to waste this powerful right on hate speech. But the beauty of the freedom of speech is that it protects us from subjectivity.
We protect someone's right to shout hateful slurs the same way we protect someone's right to, say, criticize the government or discuss her religious beliefs.’
(The Seduction of Safety, on Campus and Beyond)

‘After a while, the lines blur, and it's not at all clear what friend or foe look like, or how we as humans should interact in this place. After being on the receiving end of enough aggression, everything starts to feel like an attack. Your skin thins until you have no defenses left. It becomes harder and harder to distinguish good-faith criticism from pettiness or cruelty. It becomes harder to disinvest from pointless arguments that have nothing at all to do with you. An experience that was once charming and fun becomes stressful and largely unpleasant. I don't think I'm alone in feeling this way. We have all become hammers in search of nails.

One person makes a statement. Others take issue with some aspect of that statement. Or they make note of every circumstance the original statement did not account for. Or they misrepresent the original statement and extrapolate it to a broader issue in which they are deeply invested. Or they take a singular instance of something and conflate it with a massive cultural trend. Or they bring up something ridiculous that someone said more than a decade ago as confirmation of... who knows?’
(Why People Are So Awful Online)

‘Yes, you can read all of the books about race and racism that are suddenly in fashion. You can donate money to nonprofits dedicated to community bail, combatting racism, and protecting civil rights. You can and should attend protests and bear witness to how aggressively, militaristi-cally, and violently police departments across the country are dedicated to protecting the status quo. You can volunteer your time and expertise to organizations working to enfranchise voters, abolish police and pris-ons, and the like. You can support political candidates at the local, state, and federal levels and canvas and vote in every election. But really, these are table stakes, the kind of community-oriented work we should all be doing, because we share this world with a great many others.’
(How to Build a Monument)

‘In one perceptive scene, Anis Schutt is pulled over by a police cruiser, and Oates demonstrates great insight into the reality of driving while black. "There were two choices," she writes: "silent, or deferential. Silent might be mistaken by the cops for sullen, dangerous. Deferential might be mistaken for mockery."’
(Warning Signs (The Sacrifice by Joyce Carol Oates))

‘Loving someone is recognizing the role they play or have played in your life and honoring that presence. Sometimes, love feels like an obligation but it is one you are willing to fulfill. Sometimes it takes hard work but you are willing to put in that work. Love is the constant you hold on to when you don't particularly like the one you love. Love is recognizing the ways in which, for better and worse, someone has contributed to your life.’

‘It is butterflies in your stomach when you think about your person, when you see them, when you hold them. It's the electricity when your skin meets.
It's smiling at your person with wide eyes and an open heart and seeing them smile back at you in the same way. It's wanting to hold someone's hand, even when your hand is hot, a little sweaty. It's lust and the heat of wanting, wanting, wanting. It's seeing who someone truly is, the best and most terrible parts of them, and choosing not to look away from everything you see, actively embracing everything you see. It's the willingness to have difficult but honest conversa-tions. It's compromising on the structure of your relationship. It's about patience and being flexible and getting irritated or furious with a person but still holding on. It's wanting to be the best version of yourself for your person but also for yourself, especially for yourself. It's the pride you feel in their accomplishments and being as happy for their successes as you are for your own, if not more.
It's their hurts becoming your hurts. It's feeling their absence when you are apart and the rush of joy when that absence ends. It's liking someone as much as you love them, being interested in who they are, marveling at the ways they are interested in you. It's a gut in-stinct. You just feel it. You know it in your bones. It isn't perfect, not at all. It doesn't need to be. It is, simply, what fills you up.’
(Ask Roxane: Where The Hell Is the Love of My Life?)