Thank you for writing this memoir. It is not as graphic as it could have been, which I am glad about, but it definitely shows what Ashley’s first yearThank you for writing this memoir. It is not as graphic as it could have been, which I am glad about, but it definitely shows what Ashley’s first year was like, also what happened after this first year. It is not really like you can like reading such a title, can you? But it is well written, and it catches what matters, so that you can at least get a glimpse of what a survivor goes through, and I really think Ashley Warner has managed to do this. 5 out of 5 stars....more
Just wow! In case you want to work on healing trauma, this is an absolutely awesome title. The approach is one that focuses on positive messaging, butJust wow! In case you want to work on healing trauma, this is an absolutely awesome title. The approach is one that focuses on positive messaging, but when you go through the different exercises to assess your situation there is plenty of room to write down the traumatic things too. I love the structure, and most of all just how detailed the exercises are. The whole book is made by women specifically for women, and it shows throughout, whether it is in the topics What It Means to Be a Woman, Feeling Better about Your Body, a topic like Physical Boundaries, and any other, they are made to help women, and the positive messages are meant to do the same. You can delve into the different exercises as deep as you want to. Whether you want to use this book on your own, or as part of therapy, I can definitely recommend this title. 6 out of 5 stars....more
In this book you’ll find several accounts of child sexual abuse, written down by the survivors themselves. The events in these stories are shocking, aIn this book you’ll find several accounts of child sexual abuse, written down by the survivors themselves. The events in these stories are shocking, and they differ in how much detail is given, but this does not mean that they are easy reads. And how could they?! This is real. It is about what happened to children and teenagers, and they are things that still happen.
So, even though the book is from 1983, most of what you can read in it could be from our present, and it makes this title absolutely relevant to this day. The most positive aspects of this book are that survivors' voices can be heard, and that survivors who look into this book might learn that they are not the only one, and these messages matter.
5 out of 5 stars.
Trigger warning: due to the nature of these writings survivors might find reading parts of these writings challenging. ...more
This book is dealing with one of the most depressing topics you can read about, non-state torture. For several years the authors have helped women whoThis book is dealing with one of the most depressing topics you can read about, non-state torture. For several years the authors have helped women who experienced abuse and torture, and they have documented what they experienced and what survivors told them.
What drove me up the wall are two well-meant but utterly annoying things that happen throughout the book. The first one is the usage of herstory, instead of history. History is derived from Latin, historia, and it is already a feminine word, and I found changing the word to claim women’s history simply crude. The other issue is hyphenating reflexive pronouns, e.g. her-Self, and capitalising ‘Self’. The reason why the authors did so makes some sense, but they also used this awkward form when it did not make sense at all and at least once when it was grammatically wrong.
Apart from that, Women Unsilenced is quite remarkable. It tells the stories of what some women experienced, namely years of systematic torture and abuse by family, friends, and people who had power over them. It is heartbreaking to read what these survivors were forced through, and even though it was not always described as bluntly as it could have been, it sometimes became also clear just how much the authors themselves were affected by what they learned and experienced while helping survivors.
Although the focus of the book is on Canada, most (?) of what is being said there would be valid around the world. The authors included several references to the UN, and it turns out that in countries where laws protecting women are few, the rate of crimes against women is much higher. The authors also describe patterns of systemic misogyny and invalidating women’s experiences. So, maybe it is not surprising that women and girls are still often pathologized as mentally ill when they try to tell their stories about the violence they experienced.
This is not a book that you can just read and put away. Depending on your background it might affect you in different ways. What the authors want to achieve is raise awareness to a gruesome topic that women and girls have to deal with, and it definitely does that. Often, it was simply too much for me, so I’d recommend reading this only when you are feeling strong and in a good place.
Due to the annoying language issues I subtract one star, but it does not change that I believe this book is worth being read. 4 out of 5 stars.
Trigger warning: The book is full of descriptions of and references to different forms of physical and non-physical violence....more
There are two sides to this book. First of all, survivors deserve to be heard, and in addition to that books that tell survivors’ stories are a chanceThere are two sides to this book. First of all, survivors deserve to be heard, and in addition to that books that tell survivors’ stories are a chance to raise awareness. Usually, this is reason enough to give a book many stars.
However, I was slightly disappointed by this title. I found it long-winded in the way it was written, with several almost arbitrary lines that had a digressing character. And I think this took away from the author’s story. Some of the things also simply rubbed me the wrong way. They were written in an awkward way, though the book is a personal and biographical title, so that I do not really mind too much, because S.K: Menelle wrote her story, her experience down, and I am glad she did. What I mean are things like some of the subheadings, e.g. in chapter twenty-nine it is ‘In Hell, There’s Heaven’. I knew exactly that she referred to something that gave her hope in the dire situation she experienced, even before reading the chapter. However, since these weird subheadings happened repeatedly, this simply did not sit right with me. When you are a survivor and someone talks about hell, you have most likely the perfect idea of what your personal hell looks like. And to be honest, there is no heaven in this hell you experienced. Hope can only happen much later, and even then, the vivid negative memory is not diluted by thoughts of hope. So, for me this is a really awkward way of introducing the chapter, and I absolutely get that the message that follows is one of personal hope. This is only one example out of several when I found the way this was written is rather awkward.
There are thirty chapters in this book, acknowledgements and resources. The resources are also maybe slightly arbitrary (some Instagram accounts the author follows, some books she read while writing this, and four memoirs of survivors), but still helpful for those who want to learn more about the topic of sexual abuse and assault. There is a section with statistics, which include a few comments added by the author.
All in all, reading this title was sometimes hard out of two reasons. On the one hand side, S.K.Menelle describes her struggles, and there is a lot of detail in some of the passages. On the other hand, I am sorry to say that I found parts of the book long-winded, and awkward. Nevertheless, I also believe survivors stories need to be told. Accordingly, these points make this title a three star book for me. 3 out of 5 stars. ...more
In the introduction to Dear Sister is a trigger warning. And in case you have experienced sexual violence the warning makes complete sense. In the booIn the introduction to Dear Sister is a trigger warning. And in case you have experienced sexual violence the warning makes complete sense. In the book, you'll 40 letters written by survivors, and they are very individual in nature. You can find some that are more report-like, while some are simply there to give support to a survivor. What all of them have in common, and some letters actually focus completely on, is the message that none of what you went through was your fault, and more than once it is stated that the writer of a letter believes the survivor, which is crucial. Another message that I find just as important is how outrageous the cold-hearted ‘get over it’ sounds to survivors. Of course, it would be convenient for people who do not want to think about this topic that the assault is over, the physical harm has healed, so things should be fine... . They are not fine. One letter in the book is about a survivor writing about what happened within the closest family. Imagine, how long does it take to feel safe again when the one violating you was your own father, in the place where you should feel safe, at home? So, sexual violence can affect people in many different ways, often for many years, and the letters in this book give you an idea about this, among other things.
The variety of what is being said in these letters is quite staggering, and depressing, too. However, many of these letters come with a message of hope, too. So, yes, this book has the potential to be triggering. Nevertheless, I definitely found it worth reading. You will find so much understanding, sadness, and hope in it that it can be heartbreaking, because this is about real people. This is one of those titles that can help raise awareness to a topic that still needs to be talked about. 5 out of 5 stars....more
If you expect a workbook with loads of useful information that can help you deal with Complex PTSD, this is definitely a good title. There are others,If you expect a workbook with loads of useful information that can help you deal with Complex PTSD, this is definitely a good title. There are others, more comprehensive, but this book is easy to get into, and the coping mechanisms and explanations are quite well written. The author herself is a therapist, and it shows. She explains what you need to know in a way that is easy to follow, and with all the necessary detail, but without overdoing it. The exercises she suggests in the Self-Care Techniques chapter are what you have read elsewhere, but they are also techniques that have already proven their worth, as far as I can see. And whatever you do, the author reminds readers that what works for one might not work for another person. All in all, the workbook is full of useful information that helps you understand what might be going on in you. It also has several exercises and ideas that can help you cope with difficult situations that are related to your trauma. This book does not replace treatment, but if you want to work on your own healing, or maybe simply want to learn more about CPTSD this is definitely a good book for you. 5 out of 5 stars....more
This book is incredibly well written, and for this alone I’d give four stars, but there is more. For me, it was also an incredibly hard book to read, This book is incredibly well written, and for this alone I’d give four stars, but there is more. For me, it was also an incredibly hard book to read, because step by step you can see how Vanessa fell for Strane, a paedophile and rapist. Yes, there are a few allusions to Lolita, also a well written and controversial book, but My Dark Vanessa has its own story to tell, and Kate Elizabeth Russell does this in an impressive and rather sophisticated way that makes you read on and draws you into the story, maybe more than you want it to happen… So, this is a page turner, but for me it comes with a caveat. Nevertheless, it is definitely a 5 star book.
Trigger warning: For survivors of child sexual abuse and also for survivors of sexual assault and abuse in general I’d recommend you only read this when you are feeling safe, strong, and have someone there to talk to. I think there are passages so well written, and reality-like that they might really creep right into you, and as a result the seemingly harmless way the perpetrator influences Vanessa might bring up very unwanted memories. ...more
Such a Pretty Girl is about Meredith, a teenager who was repeatedly raped by her own father. He also did that to other children in the neighbourhood aSuch a Pretty Girl is about Meredith, a teenager who was repeatedly raped by her own father. He also did that to other children in the neighbourhood and finally was sentenced to prison. Unexpectedly, he is released much earlier and returns to the neighbourhood. Meredith’s life becomes much more complicated because her mum welcomes him back and wants to forget what happened. According to her, what her father did was a mistake, and she wants them to move on as a family and forget about what happened. So, Meredith quickly understands that her mother would always choose him over her.
The teenager is presented as strong-willed, and even though she has friends in the neighbourhood, she basically has to deal with the situation of having the one who raped her repeatedly nearby, by herself, because her mother has taken the perpetrator’s side.
All in all, the book is a quick read. It is easy to find into the plot, Meredith has flashbacks that explain much of the background, and even though this is about rape and attempted rape, Laura Wiess is not graphic, which is one major reason why this book can be read by teenagers.
Did I find every part of the plot plausible? No, I didn’t. Some of Meredith’s actions are not completely believable, and most of all, the reason why her father was able to leave prison did not make sense to me. However, these are minor issues, and they do not subtract much from a good title that can help raise awareness about sexual assault and abuse. 5 out of 5 stars. ...more
In this short book you’ll find ten stories written by survivors. They deal with different kinds of traumatic experience connected to sexual abuse and In this short book you’ll find ten stories written by survivors. They deal with different kinds of traumatic experience connected to sexual abuse and assault. Some go back to childhood, other stories tell what happened in the teenage years or when the authors were adults. Maybe not all of the stories are of the same quality, but all of them have a message about healing and leaving at least parts of what the authors had to endure behind them. This is basically a book that creates hope for survivors and my only complaint is that I would have liked a few more stories in it. 5 out of 5 stars....more
This book is meant to be read by teenagers and young adults. And due to the topic you can assume that the majority of readers of this group might readThis book is meant to be read by teenagers and young adults. And due to the topic you can assume that the majority of readers of this group might read it because of what happened to them or someone close to them. So, my primary concern here was if this book is helpful for teens who need information about this topic. And it is.
I had expected a bit more from this title, because the chapters are too often not as detailed as I would have wanted them to be. Nevertheless, if you have reason to look for information, you have a good chance of finding something in this book, if not in the main chapters, then in the resources section.
The language is easy to read, and the tone is more or less factual, but it often felt like it was directed at survivors who needed positive support. Among others, there is a whole chapter on victim blaming and other rape myths, and this chapter contains extremely useful information when you are trying to figure out what happened and how to deal with all that follows.
All in all, I would have liked more information and more sub sections in most chapters, but that does not matter much, since this title is definitely helpful for survivors and other readers. Accordingly, this is a 5 out of 5 stars book. ...more
According to the author, the intention of the book is to raise awareness to a topic that matters much more than many people assume. It is supposed to According to the author, the intention of the book is to raise awareness to a topic that matters much more than many people assume. It is supposed to be a book helping survivors, and that’s why the author and those who contributed with their stories donate the profits from sales to organisations that help survivors of childhood sexual abuse.
What you can read in this book are the short reports of survivors of childhood sexual abuse, some of them tell about abuse that went on for years. The level of detail varies, but all stories are about people who were vulnerable and experienced violence, most times by family members they trusted. At times, I was glad that the stories were not too detailed. Nevertheless, I couldn’t escape hearing the pain and understanding the tragedies these survivors experienced, also because in each memoir you usually get an idea of what happened in the years following the end of the abusive times. In short, what these survivors say is heartbreaking, and this is not even close to express just how harrowing what the children went through really is.
According to Joanne Kimberley, this book is for readers of the age 18+, and I can only agree.
Additionally, the texts in this book can be triggering, especially for survivors of sexual violence.
There are a few good workbooks for teenagers who experienced sexual assault and abuse. This is definitely one of them. It is well-structured, easy to There are a few good workbooks for teenagers who experienced sexual assault and abuse. This is definitely one of them. It is well-structured, easy to read, and most importantly, it takes into account that healing is not linear, and that it is a very different experience for every survivor.
There are nine chapters in this book. They are supposed to be worked through in the order given, since the different chapters build on each other. You’ll find a lot of information covering different topics around sexual trauma. Following that you’ll find sets of questions and exercises. Some are about writing, others are physical exercises, e.g about breathing in different ways. The explanations for these are short and easy to understand. Personally, I found that a lot of the explanations and how to do specific exercises, practices, and follow-up questions are a lot like what you would expect to hear and do during a therapy session. This is also the reason why I think this book could also be a very useful resource for other survivors who want to work on their healing outside therapy.
What I liked is how it is emphasized that you, as the reader, are always in control of how you want to use this book. In addition, there are several short and thoughtful exercises meant to help name realistic goals of what you can achieve with the help of this workbook. Even though basically all chapters are really good, I want to mention chapter eight of the workbook. It is called ‘Grief for all you’ve lost and reclaiming your sexual power’. This is worth mentioning, since even though what is covered in this chapter can be found in some other books as well, it is not always given a clear and proper name as such, and I really liked that it was different here. This workbook is definitely worth its 5 stars. ...more
The strong side of this book is the section with ideas of what to do and how to get to a point where you can heal from trauma. Since Christine Seidel The strong side of this book is the section with ideas of what to do and how to get to a point where you can heal from trauma. Since Christine Seidel is a trained psychotherapist in Germany, her information is specifically for German readers. She has added basic information about Austria and Switzerland, though Seidel’s focus is on getting support in Germany.
What I did not like is that some sections outside Seidel’s recommendations of how to get support, or what to do after having experienced trauma, are simply vague and too general. I read this book specifically because I have been looking for tips on how to work through trauma due to sexual violence, and Seidel mentions this only in a very general way, in a short section that lists categories of trauma. However, that was just my expectation, so I don’t mind. I only subtract one star for the vague sections. 4 out of 5 stars. ...more
What makes this book really good, is that two survivors wrote it, because they do know what they are talking about, they are speaking out of the perspWhat makes this book really good, is that two survivors wrote it, because they do know what they are talking about, they are speaking out of the perspective of someone who knows what experiencing sexual violence can mean, and have come up with ideas for healing that have been useful for them. They do not pretend anything, and they keep it simple, manageable for someone who might read this title after having experienced sexual violence. Some of the passages were spot on, whether it was how differently we experience triggers, or that healing is a long and ongoing process, different for every single person.
If you want to, you can follow the three phases the two authors used in their healing process. There are different techniques described, which you can learn more about by following links in the corresponding chapters.
The authors expressly state that they are not counsellors or psychologists. They are sharing their experiences of abuse and, more importantly, their recovery from it. What I like about this is that they made this personal part of their healing journey so relatable, and some of what they wrote simply resonated with me. Mind, this book is not meant to replace getting professional help. Nevertheless, I believe it can be helpful. For example, the authors have made positive experiences with journalling, and this comes up repeatedly, and they encourage readers to give it a try. This is only part of one category of exercises, and obviously, you can decide. For the authors it is rather important to help create an environment that can make survivors feel safe, add to their feeling of peace, and ease emotional pain. I think they did so quite well. 5 out of 5 stars ...more
I was impressed by this title. Bowdler describes her own case of sexual violence she experienced, she talks about the situation she was in, what it diI was impressed by this title. Bowdler describes her own case of sexual violence she experienced, she talks about the situation she was in, what it did to her, the time at history and things happening afterwards. She uses a rather matter-of-fact tone for this, while mixing her feelings with factual information about rape she has researched. You can follow this up, footnotes are given. Later on, she tries to find out more about her unsolved case, and finds several reasons why rape cases more often than not, go unsolved. In the last part of the book, she raises the question that gave the book the title, and demands a major change in how rape cases are treated, since rape appears to be minimized as a crime, and solving them seems not to be a priority in the US and other parts of the world.
It made me sad to read what the author was forced to endure, how it affected her life. And there is nothing like a happy ending, though Michelle Bowdler seems to have worked through what she experienced. Depending on where you are, victims of rape all too often have to jump through hoops to receive the help they deserve. The author gives several examples of that. In addition, imagine what a victim of rape must feel when she goes through the procedure to secure dna and other evidence, only to find out years later how rape kits simply have been neglected, not tested, by the thousands. This and more is part of the problem. I am glad Bowdler wrote this book, and can only hope many read it, and are outraged by the pure wrongness of how rape is minimized and not treated like the crime it is. 5 out of 5 stars...more
This graphic novel deals with sexual abuse and its aftermath. In it, you can see and read the tragic story of Emily who has not been able to find the This graphic novel deals with sexual abuse and its aftermath. In it, you can see and read the tragic story of Emily who has not been able to find the justice she would have deserved. Whether it was the police, a lawyer, or the perpetrator, all these added to a burden she was forced to carry but should not have. This biography is different because it comes in the form of a graphic novel. While reading, I was very relieved that the abuse Emily Carrington experienced was only one of the topics that she described. I think, her feelings and the extremely long way from falling into a dark pit and only slowly getting out of it -with a lot of personal strength- are so much more important here. It made me sad to see how Emily Carrington’s attempts to receive justice failed, but I was impressed by her not giving up, and the result of her persistence is the book Our Little Secret. Definitely 5 out of 5 stars. ...more
In this book Gil describes the treatment program she uses to help traumatized children. Due to her work experience and training she is able to combineIn this book Gil describes the treatment program she uses to help traumatized children. Due to her work experience and training she is able to combine several approaches to therapy and she emphasizes that the methods used depend on the client and what would work best with them. In the first part of the book she describes different methods, and in four case studies she shows her approach to therapy.
This title is definitely intended for therapists and others who deal with abuse and trauma on a professional level. Gil uses specialist literature to explain her approach, which she does in a clear and concise way, usually accompanied by references of the literature she used for a given chapter. The reference section is vast, and full of trustworthy titles. The newest ones Gil uses are from 2005. The book was published in 2006.
The case studies Gil uses are interesting, detailed and to the point. They explain the methods she introduces in the first part of the book and also shows how she combines different methods. So, for those professionally specialising in helping abused and traumatised children this book could be very useful. 5 out of 5 stars ...more
The book is well worth its five stars. That being said, one of the chapters (10) left me with mixed feelings, since I did find that this was a mix of The book is well worth its five stars. That being said, one of the chapters (10) left me with mixed feelings, since I did find that this was a mix of very good points and a slightly superficial way of expressing something about them. Carpenter advocates for structuring one’s day, since this can be helpful for survivors. However, her ideas might not work for survivors who also suffer from depression, and a line like ‘you know how to fit healthy food, some movement, and time for rest into your daily routine’ simply does not always work in this group, and depression is not uncommon as a long or short term consequence of sexual violence. Accordingly, I really would have liked this at least to be recognized as an additional problem that can make healing so much harder. However, for those who can use them, the tips and tools explained in chapter ten are actually a very useful collection of ideas. There is a glossary with concise explanations for several terms. Most literature in the reference section is from the 1990s and early 2000s, which does not mean much, since Carpenter nevertheless achieved writing a book that helps survivors and their loved ones. 5 out of 5 stars. ...more
-I learned on this day that some survivors actually expect to die during an assault. I also learned that some people dissociate during an assault, and-I learned on this day that some survivors actually expect to die during an assault. I also learned that some people dissociate during an assault, and most, if not all, have the goal to survive. (Kindle version)
-My message to people still in the early stages of battling the fallout from sexual assault is this: You may not be there yet, but you will get there. (Kindle-Version)
The stories survivors tell in this book hit me very hard. It made me so sad to read what they had experienced, and in some moments reading on became difficult due to what these survivors told. I believe that possibly applies to many readers, and more so to survivors who recognize that what happened to them also happened to someone else. The things survivors report here are very personal and they are saddening, if not outright shocking due to the suffering these survivors were forced to endure, often by someone close to them.
Nevertheless, reading these reports can be helpful. One of the things that many survivors deal with is shame, and this also shows throughout many of these reports. That survivors feel shame for what someone else did to them is a fact, and it is something that survivors have to deal with. But it can help to realize that this is something others experienced as well, and that none of what happened was the survivor’s fault. Feelings of shame and blame come up over and over again in these texts, and seeing how terribly real people are affected by these feelings is horrible.
What I liked most about this title is that it is so unpretentious. Uttaro does not claim to have all the answers (he does not even claim this book could help all survivors). Instead he states that he has some opinions and ideas, he also has his own professional knowledge because of his work with survivors. He is aware that everybody has their own story, and there is no one-shoe-fits-all way to healing after experiencing sexual violence. And he emphasizes that his book cannot replace professional help in any form, and it is not meant to.
That being said, I found his book helpful, and it is actually written in a rather vivid style, which I also liked. Even the introduction shows the author’s deep understanding about the topic, and he shows this understanding throughout the book when he introduces situations and survivors who write about their experience. The reports feel real, they are raw and personal, most of them touched me deeply, and some of them were just too much, but this is not meant as criticism at all. This book is definitely worth reading, and I am glad that a title showing what rape and sexual violence really do to you exists, and this title will hopefully be read by many. 6 out of 5 stars
Trigger warning: due to the reports of survivors there are definitely many lines in this book that can be triggering for survivors. ...more
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