This might as well have been ghost written by me. I have had all of these thoughts and feelings.
I view friendships in equal standing with romantic reThis might as well have been ghost written by me. I have had all of these thoughts and feelings.
I view friendships in equal standing with romantic relationships. I feel that a genuine platonic connection means more than any sexual one. We are taught that marriage is the ultimate pact and you should strive for it above all else. Nothing else matters and nothing should stand in the way of it. But your friends are usually there before you meet a partner and there if things fall apart. They know you in ways that a partner might never have access to. If you're lucky, you find a best friend that you also want to marry and have sex with. But, most commonly, those are two separate people.
This was so cathartic to hear. That someone else thinks about life the same way I do and has gone through the grief of losing a best friend and has had the grief of thinking they might've been on the path to curating a best friendship, just to have it thrown in their face as 'oh, I thought we were work-friends only'.
I can understand the lower ratings for this book because it is written for a very specific demographic of people. I just happen to be one of those people....more
I adore this. The Asexual and Aromantic coming-of-age representation in this is spot on.
It's informative while being sweet and warm-hearted. I did fiI adore this. The Asexual and Aromantic coming-of-age representation in this is spot on.
It's informative while being sweet and warm-hearted. I did find it to be a bit info heavy at times. But I think that's because I read this over a long period of time instead of continuously, which is my fault.
The art is fantastic and the characters are unique and heartbreakingly wholesome.
DEFINITELY recommend for anyone curious about ace/aro or looking for good representation....more
I need to reread this as soon as possible because I had emooootions reading this book. I was gutted and filled simultaneously.
My current obsession is I need to reread this as soon as possible because I had emooootions reading this book. I was gutted and filled simultaneously.
My current obsession is Donna & Harvey from Suits. Joy & Malcom served the same energy in this book. So, of course, I toxically wanted nothing more than for them to end up together. But that was't healthy or fair for them. So I spent most of the book in a spiral but ended in an even bigger emotional vortex by realizing it isn't even that they're in love. It's that they don't know how to differentiate the immense love they have for one another from romantic love. I understand that on a cosmic level. I have never felt romantic love. So considering it the same as platonic love is a go-to assumption for me. Calling out the difference in this book was a big wake up call for me. Not one I was ready for. It hit me at a time when platonic relationships are struggling for me. It did too much and I am floored by this book. Can't wait to reread in the future.
This quote punched me in the heart and came back for seconds
“Truth be told, it’s always been like that between Malcolm, his partners, and Joy. It starts out fine, but before long, they hate her for no other reason than Malcolm loves her more than they think she deserves.
Joy isn’t his family. She isn’t some ex he’s never gotten over. She’s just a friend.
Just.
A just who shouldn’t be important.
A just who should be discarded.
A just who should disappear.
Joy fought for Malcolm, refusing to drift away, standing by him, until he realized she would always be there. Until he believed it. And so far, she had succeeded where they all failed. The greatest love of his life was, as they put it, just a friend.”...more
This book put so many things into perspective for me. Things I didn't realize about my own ace experience. When Chen said that most asexual women go tThis book put so many things into perspective for me. Things I didn't realize about my own ace experience. When Chen said that most asexual women go through a period of identifying as gay because they don't feel sexual attraction toward men. Only to realize later on that they don't have sexual attraction toward women either and were just never handed another option to consider. That hit me real hard. The fact that I've been searching and searching for this 'thing' everybody talks about. That I've been waiting to ✨get it✨. But when I step back, I realize allosexual people don't have to try. It just is for them and it just isn't for me. I shouldn't have had to force myself to go on dates I never cared about. Or try to have sex so many times just to be repulsed every time but hoping I was just doing it wrong or was bad at it in some way. I wish this book had existed when I was in high school and college and had been presented as something acceptable to read. This book is going to change so many people's lives. Just to feel represented in this way is a huge thing for me and I so appreciate Angela Chen and her work.
Two quotes that really got me...
"Straight people are rarely treated like they're close-minded for knowing their sexual orientation, but aces are assumed to be unsure and always on the brink of finding the person who will change everything."
"I like it when people give me attention! I like being interesting! And these are all things that our societal narrative attaches to sex, For allos, sex is so natural an explanation for behavior that other reasons, such as wanting to dress creatively for its own sake and wanting to be seen just to be seen, can be hard to fathom. I'm like 'I want you to stare at me, but I don't want you to fuck me, and they have nothing to do with each other. And then allos are so funny because they insist that they have everything to do with each other."...more
4.5* Loved it. This is the IT/Raven Cycle/Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants story I needed. The representation was BEYOND! This is easily my favorite fem4.5* Loved it. This is the IT/Raven Cycle/Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants story I needed. The representation was BEYOND! This is easily my favorite female/female relationship I’ve ever read (mind you, there aren’t many out there and I have read very few) but I was enamored. Then there is an asexual character written with such understanding and kindness. The horror and the adventure took me for a RIDE. I would love to see this get adapted to a movie or to a series like Stranger Things. ...more
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