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Bad Mormon: A Memoir
INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
Drinking and Tweeting meets Unorthodox in this vulnerable memoir about The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City star’s departure from the Mormon Church, and her unforeseen success in business, television, and single motherhood.
Straight off the slopes and into the spotlight, Heather Gay is famous for speaking the gospel truth. Whether as a businesswoman, mother, or television personality, she is unafraid to blaze a new trail, even if it means losing family, friends, and her community.
Born and bred to be devout, Heather based her life around her faith. She attended Brigham Young University, served a mission in France, and married into Mormon royalty in the temple. But her life as a good Mormon abruptly ended when she lost the marriage and faith that she had once believed would last forever.
With writing that is beautiful, sad, funny, and true, Heather recounts the difficult discovery of the darkness and damage that often exists behind a picture-perfect life, while examining the nuanced relationship between duty to self and duty to God. Exposing secrets she once held sacred, Bad Mormon is an unfiltered look at the religion that broke her heart.
A revealing and ultimately hopeful memoir, Bad Mormon is a captivating read in the vein of Untamed , Educated , and Me Talk Pretty One Day .
Drinking and Tweeting meets Unorthodox in this vulnerable memoir about The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City star’s departure from the Mormon Church, and her unforeseen success in business, television, and single motherhood.
Straight off the slopes and into the spotlight, Heather Gay is famous for speaking the gospel truth. Whether as a businesswoman, mother, or television personality, she is unafraid to blaze a new trail, even if it means losing family, friends, and her community.
Born and bred to be devout, Heather based her life around her faith. She attended Brigham Young University, served a mission in France, and married into Mormon royalty in the temple. But her life as a good Mormon abruptly ended when she lost the marriage and faith that she had once believed would last forever.
With writing that is beautiful, sad, funny, and true, Heather recounts the difficult discovery of the darkness and damage that often exists behind a picture-perfect life, while examining the nuanced relationship between duty to self and duty to God. Exposing secrets she once held sacred, Bad Mormon is an unfiltered look at the religion that broke her heart.
A revealing and ultimately hopeful memoir, Bad Mormon is a captivating read in the vein of Untamed , Educated , and Me Talk Pretty One Day .
304 pages, Hardcover
First published February 7, 2023
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 2,293 reviews
December 5, 2022
I’m a fan of the “celebrity” memoir, and this is possibly the worst one I’ve read. Certainly the worst book this year.
That it’s badly written is a given, but it is so BORING. This is very likely ghostwritten and it is so dense with mixed metaphors and heavy-handed references, it was almost painful to read at points. This is not the story of someone who has fundamentally struggled with her religion, who has to grapple with the understanding that faith is not enough to keep her tied to a church that is actively harming its people. Gay reiterates (ad nauseum) that, while she was ambitious and outspoken, she was still very tied to the Mormon religion. She deeply felt a communion with god and had sublime religious experiences; any moments of embarrassment or confusion were quickly glossed over.
Gay is an odd duck on RHOSLC and her memoir does nothing to flesh this out. Her marriage fails because, as Gay mentions, they are fundamentally incompatible but she gives examples in the most unflattering ways. Her epiphany comes because her husband walked out of a particularly gross scene in Scream 3. She realized her marriage was a failure on her honeymoon bc her husband walked out of an empty theatre during Scream 3. My god. She also complains about how he doesn’t spend his family money, and doesn’t agree with her throwing money around to out-do the Joneses. Obviously, if you can afford a pj and you choose Southwest, you’re a horrible husband who borders on abuse.
The only interesting parts of the book were towards the end when she starts covering RHOSLC. She manages to shittalk all her cast mates while also kissing their asses. Just like the show.
That it’s badly written is a given, but it is so BORING. This is very likely ghostwritten and it is so dense with mixed metaphors and heavy-handed references, it was almost painful to read at points. This is not the story of someone who has fundamentally struggled with her religion, who has to grapple with the understanding that faith is not enough to keep her tied to a church that is actively harming its people. Gay reiterates (ad nauseum) that, while she was ambitious and outspoken, she was still very tied to the Mormon religion. She deeply felt a communion with god and had sublime religious experiences; any moments of embarrassment or confusion were quickly glossed over.
Gay is an odd duck on RHOSLC and her memoir does nothing to flesh this out. Her marriage fails because, as Gay mentions, they are fundamentally incompatible but she gives examples in the most unflattering ways. Her epiphany comes because her husband walked out of a particularly gross scene in Scream 3. She realized her marriage was a failure on her honeymoon bc her husband walked out of an empty theatre during Scream 3. My god. She also complains about how he doesn’t spend his family money, and doesn’t agree with her throwing money around to out-do the Joneses. Obviously, if you can afford a pj and you choose Southwest, you’re a horrible husband who borders on abuse.
The only interesting parts of the book were towards the end when she starts covering RHOSLC. She manages to shittalk all her cast mates while also kissing their asses. Just like the show.
February 20, 2023
I...liked this? Surprise surprise, but honestly not very surprising because I had a feeling I would, just based on the title and well, I was right.
Heather struck me as very honest in this book, and sometimes even too honest. Bad Mormon had a good balance of giving enough details about something that happened and not giving too many to make it dull, but by the end I still wanted more.
I also liked that Heather did her own narration, it was funny and emotional in parts.
I've read quite a few Mormon books now, whether mainstream or offshoot, and it feels like in every single branch the kids are confused about what happens in the Temple. Like a universal experience I guess? So I'm very thankful that Heather decided to share what actually goes on inside for everyone reading this.
And I know she probably shouldn't have, but you know what, I'M NOSY, SORRY. Some parts of it I already knew from other books and research, other parts were new to me. So who says you can't learn anything from a celebrity memoir? Certainly not me.
It was definitely short though, easy to get through in a day. And most of it was Heather's life leading up to the show (not complaining), but that's also why it feels like parts are missing. So I'm hoping Heather pulls a Bobbie Brown and writes another memoir in the future, following her Real Housewives days.
Heather struck me as very honest in this book, and sometimes even too honest. Bad Mormon had a good balance of giving enough details about something that happened and not giving too many to make it dull, but by the end I still wanted more.
I also liked that Heather did her own narration, it was funny and emotional in parts.
I've read quite a few Mormon books now, whether mainstream or offshoot, and it feels like in every single branch the kids are confused about what happens in the Temple. Like a universal experience I guess? So I'm very thankful that Heather decided to share what actually goes on inside for everyone reading this.
And I know she probably shouldn't have, but you know what, I'M NOSY, SORRY. Some parts of it I already knew from other books and research, other parts were new to me. So who says you can't learn anything from a celebrity memoir? Certainly not me.
It was definitely short though, easy to get through in a day. And most of it was Heather's life leading up to the show (not complaining), but that's also why it feels like parts are missing. So I'm hoping Heather pulls a Bobbie Brown and writes another memoir in the future, following her Real Housewives days.
January 23, 2023
Shook down NetGalley for an ARC (ty!) when I thought I'd find out something about Heather's black eye but alas ...
*I also wrote this about two weeks ago so apologies for the already-dated references.*
*I also wrote this about two weeks ago so apologies for the already-dated references.*
February 13, 2023
A completely accurate portrayal of the Mormon experience, including the bizarre and concerning rituals performed in temples. I could not stop laughing reading this book. I related so much to the mission in Europe and so many other anecdotes. Heather is hilarious and wise.
December 5, 2023
left the church when i was 11, had my records removed when i was 18… but the religious trauma lasts forever.
thanks for sharing your story, Heather Gay!
thanks for sharing your story, Heather Gay!
February 13, 2023
Absolutely fascinating. I would crumble under the "strive for perfection" culture of the Mormon church. I hope that all women realize their value and their right to have a seat at the table.
July 6, 2024
What this book is not: A behind-the-scenes tell-all of Heather’s experience on Real Housewives. Don’t come into it expecting much tea to be spilled.
What this book is: A no-holds-barred religious deconstruction memoir with a hefty dose of humour. I can see why its publication burned bridges with some of her Mormon relatives.
This book tells the story of Heather’s childhood and early adulthood as she tried (and failed) to be a perfect, submissive Mormon woman. And wow, she does not hold back! It includes detailed descriptions of temple rituals that those outside the faith aren’t supposed to know about and counselling sessions with bishops that ranged from helpful to downright creepy. As a non-Mormon, I learned a lot about that religion that I hadn’t known. The tone is a bit self-aggrandizing at times, and the author does this weird thing where she’ll randomly insert like song lyrics into the narration as little asides? But overall, I had fun with this, and Heather definitely comes off as more wise and mature than she does on the show.
What this book is: A no-holds-barred religious deconstruction memoir with a hefty dose of humour. I can see why its publication burned bridges with some of her Mormon relatives.
This book tells the story of Heather’s childhood and early adulthood as she tried (and failed) to be a perfect, submissive Mormon woman. And wow, she does not hold back! It includes detailed descriptions of temple rituals that those outside the faith aren’t supposed to know about and counselling sessions with bishops that ranged from helpful to downright creepy. As a non-Mormon, I learned a lot about that religion that I hadn’t known. The tone is a bit self-aggrandizing at times, and the author does this weird thing where she’ll randomly insert like song lyrics into the narration as little asides? But overall, I had fun with this, and Heather definitely comes off as more wise and mature than she does on the show.
January 31, 2024
First off, I read somewhere that this book will either entice RHOSLC fans, LDS church members who are curious, Ex-Mormons but mainly fringe members (PIMO’s) who are sitting on the fence or who are thinking about leaving the church. I completely agree. TBH, this memoir isn't really going to fulfill anyone’s need for dirt, there isn’t much here.
This memoir is probably a little premature in its release. I don't think that Heather was quite ready to actually write a life story and this book really just jumps around her life, never really having much depth, wisdom or even literary cred. For fans of RHOSLC, there is barely anything other than some honorable mentions at the end where Heather kisses some serious ass and then somehow slams her cast mates with that one, cringe dig. I think 10-20 years, down the road, would have allowed a more mature (I mean a few more life experiences and growing...not a dig) Heather Gay, to write a memoir with more depth and soul.
Bad Mormon is about a 2 star read. Lots of repetitiveness, silly LDS church sayings, subpar writing skills etc. Nothing of consequence.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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Now, no reason to read on unless you are interested in my unique perspective about Heather Gay, the LDS Church in relation to this memoir and living on the edge for most of my life.
.
.
.
.
.
I am not going to lie and say I haven't watched RHOSLC because although, I was WAY late to the game, who doesn't want to watch a Mormon join one of the cringiest shows on television? By the time I finally watched this completely mad and utter shit show, Heather had already publicly "come out" about her religion and I was interested, very interested. Because I am a fencer, never all in, never all out.
First of all, the title, Bad Mormon, is hilarious. The LDS church might be suing Heather Gay over the name but they have zero grounds to stand on and after the last few years of negative publicity, they should probably back off while they can, especially because the majority of every current member, under the age of 25 could probably be considered a "Bad Mormon." The times they are a changing.
I am a “bad Mormon,” always have been (according to TBM’s, especially the judgemental ones) and still am. I mean look at me, I am saying “Mormon.” Oops and btw, this is literally one of the most ridiculous changes the church has ever made. If we have to say we are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints just so someone knows we are Christian, then that person's head is in a hole. When members start criticizing you and/or correcting you for using a word, that I am sorry, no one considers to be negative and has been used for a century within and outside the church, there is a problem. Just another rule that makes Mormons, I mean members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints feel more righteous than everyone else and sit in judgement. Don't think this is true? Check yourself. I am with Gordon B. Hinkley on this one who did, yes, tell Rusty to check himself back in 1990. Side note, one of my Jewish friends asked about this, recently, and said, "Saying the new terminology is a mouth full and it's not like non-members are calling members a 'kike.” I smiled at that. No, not even close.
Also, on the topic of Mormons being Christians, Heather Gay did mention, in her book, that Mormons don't believe in the cross. Well, they do obviously. Mormons definitely believe that Jesus Christ carried a cross, through the streets, was nailed upon it and died on it where his spirit ascended into heaven. The greatest act of love that has ever happened on this earth. Remember, Mormons are Christians folks and lots of youngsters are starting to wear the cross to remind them of it. Hopefully, old school Mormons can get on board because I think it is great.
Heather grew up in a very mainstream, pretty normal, affluent LDS family. She was and is the epitome of white privilege and her childhood was fairly idyllic. Her youth was not marred by abuse, negativity and trauma because of the church, in fact, it seemed like it truly enriched Heather’s life, as it does for many, and it really seems like she is, in all honesty, a TBM and probably still is somewhere in there. Maybe she ended up marrying the wrong guy or maybe he actually married the wrong girl but there isn’t much to go on in these pages. Basically, perfect keeping up with the Jone’s life was catching up to Heather and she just wanted out of her marriage, released from a big heavy calling, felt a little trapped and wanted to party and hang out with her people. That’s my take.
There were a few references to LGBQT support and a super cringe chapter on the temple. It’s interesting that was her beef and main talking point, mostly because as much as I think that place is about as close to a great and spacious building (money laundering at its finest) as you can get, with a bit of Masonry yet mostly uplifting things going on inside, the temple is probably pretty far down on my shelf and also, growing up in the church, whether you believe in the temple or not, it is still a holy and sacred place (to many) and IMO not really something that I would throw out in a book. I mean it’s all out there on the internet anyways. That Mormon fear/guilt just reared its head. Yeah, the temple is definitely off limits Heather. 🙈
I am not really going to delve deep here but I don’t really respect Heather Gay all that much. Mostly for how she portrays herself on television and for her pretty upfront desire for material things and really, for this petty, superficial book. I mean, I like nice things but I am more of a Birkenstock kind of a girl and if I were going to write a memoir about myself and the LDS Church, there would be a lot more discussion of childhood/teen religious trauma and the insurmountable issues that have cracked and broken my shelf for decades. Discrepancies in the scriptures, blacks and the Priesthood, the Gospel Topic Essays, Misogyny, patriarchal power, polygamy, Joseph Smith (marrying a 14 year old and polyandry with married women), Brigham Young (absolute narcissist and polygamist), GARMENTS (I could write a 10,000 word essay on everything that is IMHO wrong about these.), WoW, dishonesty, rainbow colored glasses when it comes to actual history and events, science and authentic archeological history, tax evasion, apologetics, CES Letter, Heavenly Mother, Masonic rituals, 116 lost pages, Book of Abraham translation, Ensign Peak, Mark Hofmann forgeries, shame culture, purity culture, racism, worthiness interviews (PEOPLE WHO SHOULD NOT BE LEADERS NOR AROUND CHILDREN AND TEENS!), people who share opinions as though they are unquestionably correct, infallibility complex, multiple contradictory versions of the First Vision and on an on.
Really Heather? Why exactly did you leave? Why did you write this book? I don’t really get it. The few people (who have always been in) who I know and respect, who have stepped away from the church, are incredibly intelligent and were thoroughly thoughtful in their decision and that decision is usually heartbreaking and life altering. This memoir and story just comes off whiny with no backbone or grit. You don’t leave the church because you want a glass of wine, you leave because of pesky little shelf breakers such as Joseph sending Apostle Orson Hyde on a mission abroad, and while he was gone secretly marrying his wife, Marinda Hyde. By both modern and contemporary standards, this was shocking behavior. Don’t worry, apologists have lots of answers and singing Praise to the Man is helpful in forgetting that out of thirty four wives, seven of the women Joseph married were teenagers. His youngest wife was Helen Mar Kimball. He married her when she was fourteen and he was thirty seven. Heather Gay, the temple and wanting a drink? That was your beef?
There are a lot of good people, solid values, the church’s focus on families, similarities to the Savior’s authentic gospel, most importantly baptism (although 8 is questionable and debatable…Catholics take this to a whole new level), the sacrament (which is for everyone and not something you take away from people nor hold over one’s head nor a moment to humiliate young men when they misread the prayers…such a pet peeve especially for something that is personal and symbolic) and the teachings and depictions of a gentle savior can be reason enough to hang on (or at least not remove your name from the records) even if you have to get up and leave half the time or pass on your D&C lessons to someone else but Heather Gay really didn’t seem to have a broken shelf and just gives off a lot of self confusion (book and show). She wasn’t ready for any of this imo. Her lovingly but overkill use of LDS jargon, love of her faith, wanting to form a choir and sing LDS songs (the show) and repeated hymn quotes gives her heart away. Either that, or she is just another victim to that soul crushing reality, Mormon fear/guilt.
I don’t relate to much of Heather’s upper crust and sometimes bizarre existence other than all the usual Mormon everyday experiences and Heather’s personal realizations about some of her misgivings about her faith but I did love that bit when she wrote she was glad to make friends with people who do not have an agenda. You know, every Utah neighbor who is looking to activate, baptize or pretend to friend you under the neighborly guise that is actually “Hi, I’ve lived by you for 7 years but I was just called to be your ministering angel and I am thrilled to get to know you…” 😒 Sure you are. And then when you let them know you are good, you are avoided like the plague. Utah BIC’s always have an agenda and it is incredibly obnoxious. Somehow, many Mormons have no idea how to treat people who don’t do as they do.
I had a whole other paragraph here but it got too personal so I will just end with; I truly respect other’s beliefs and decisions, am happy for other people’s happiness and the importance of their faith to them but the LDS church (and other organized religions) is not for everyone. Either is this book.
This memoir is probably a little premature in its release. I don't think that Heather was quite ready to actually write a life story and this book really just jumps around her life, never really having much depth, wisdom or even literary cred. For fans of RHOSLC, there is barely anything other than some honorable mentions at the end where Heather kisses some serious ass and then somehow slams her cast mates with that one, cringe dig. I think 10-20 years, down the road, would have allowed a more mature (I mean a few more life experiences and growing...not a dig) Heather Gay, to write a memoir with more depth and soul.
Bad Mormon is about a 2 star read. Lots of repetitiveness, silly LDS church sayings, subpar writing skills etc. Nothing of consequence.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Now, no reason to read on unless you are interested in my unique perspective about Heather Gay, the LDS Church in relation to this memoir and living on the edge for most of my life.
.
.
.
.
.
I am not going to lie and say I haven't watched RHOSLC because although, I was WAY late to the game, who doesn't want to watch a Mormon join one of the cringiest shows on television? By the time I finally watched this completely mad and utter shit show, Heather had already publicly "come out" about her religion and I was interested, very interested. Because I am a fencer, never all in, never all out.
First of all, the title, Bad Mormon, is hilarious. The LDS church might be suing Heather Gay over the name but they have zero grounds to stand on and after the last few years of negative publicity, they should probably back off while they can, especially because the majority of every current member, under the age of 25 could probably be considered a "Bad Mormon." The times they are a changing.
I am a “bad Mormon,” always have been (according to TBM’s, especially the judgemental ones) and still am. I mean look at me, I am saying “Mormon.” Oops and btw, this is literally one of the most ridiculous changes the church has ever made. If we have to say we are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints just so someone knows we are Christian, then that person's head is in a hole. When members start criticizing you and/or correcting you for using a word, that I am sorry, no one considers to be negative and has been used for a century within and outside the church, there is a problem. Just another rule that makes Mormons, I mean members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints feel more righteous than everyone else and sit in judgement. Don't think this is true? Check yourself. I am with Gordon B. Hinkley on this one who did, yes, tell Rusty to check himself back in 1990. Side note, one of my Jewish friends asked about this, recently, and said, "Saying the new terminology is a mouth full and it's not like non-members are calling members a 'kike.” I smiled at that. No, not even close.
Also, on the topic of Mormons being Christians, Heather Gay did mention, in her book, that Mormons don't believe in the cross. Well, they do obviously. Mormons definitely believe that Jesus Christ carried a cross, through the streets, was nailed upon it and died on it where his spirit ascended into heaven. The greatest act of love that has ever happened on this earth. Remember, Mormons are Christians folks and lots of youngsters are starting to wear the cross to remind them of it. Hopefully, old school Mormons can get on board because I think it is great.
Heather grew up in a very mainstream, pretty normal, affluent LDS family. She was and is the epitome of white privilege and her childhood was fairly idyllic. Her youth was not marred by abuse, negativity and trauma because of the church, in fact, it seemed like it truly enriched Heather’s life, as it does for many, and it really seems like she is, in all honesty, a TBM and probably still is somewhere in there. Maybe she ended up marrying the wrong guy or maybe he actually married the wrong girl but there isn’t much to go on in these pages. Basically, perfect keeping up with the Jone’s life was catching up to Heather and she just wanted out of her marriage, released from a big heavy calling, felt a little trapped and wanted to party and hang out with her people. That’s my take.
There were a few references to LGBQT support and a super cringe chapter on the temple. It’s interesting that was her beef and main talking point, mostly because as much as I think that place is about as close to a great and spacious building (money laundering at its finest) as you can get, with a bit of Masonry yet mostly uplifting things going on inside, the temple is probably pretty far down on my shelf and also, growing up in the church, whether you believe in the temple or not, it is still a holy and sacred place (to many) and IMO not really something that I would throw out in a book. I mean it’s all out there on the internet anyways. That Mormon fear/guilt just reared its head. Yeah, the temple is definitely off limits Heather. 🙈
I am not really going to delve deep here but I don’t really respect Heather Gay all that much. Mostly for how she portrays herself on television and for her pretty upfront desire for material things and really, for this petty, superficial book. I mean, I like nice things but I am more of a Birkenstock kind of a girl and if I were going to write a memoir about myself and the LDS Church, there would be a lot more discussion of childhood/teen religious trauma and the insurmountable issues that have cracked and broken my shelf for decades. Discrepancies in the scriptures, blacks and the Priesthood, the Gospel Topic Essays, Misogyny, patriarchal power, polygamy, Joseph Smith (marrying a 14 year old and polyandry with married women), Brigham Young (absolute narcissist and polygamist), GARMENTS (I could write a 10,000 word essay on everything that is IMHO wrong about these.), WoW, dishonesty, rainbow colored glasses when it comes to actual history and events, science and authentic archeological history, tax evasion, apologetics, CES Letter, Heavenly Mother, Masonic rituals, 116 lost pages, Book of Abraham translation, Ensign Peak, Mark Hofmann forgeries, shame culture, purity culture, racism, worthiness interviews (PEOPLE WHO SHOULD NOT BE LEADERS NOR AROUND CHILDREN AND TEENS!), people who share opinions as though they are unquestionably correct, infallibility complex, multiple contradictory versions of the First Vision and on an on.
Really Heather? Why exactly did you leave? Why did you write this book? I don’t really get it. The few people (who have always been in) who I know and respect, who have stepped away from the church, are incredibly intelligent and were thoroughly thoughtful in their decision and that decision is usually heartbreaking and life altering. This memoir and story just comes off whiny with no backbone or grit. You don’t leave the church because you want a glass of wine, you leave because of pesky little shelf breakers such as Joseph sending Apostle Orson Hyde on a mission abroad, and while he was gone secretly marrying his wife, Marinda Hyde. By both modern and contemporary standards, this was shocking behavior. Don’t worry, apologists have lots of answers and singing Praise to the Man is helpful in forgetting that out of thirty four wives, seven of the women Joseph married were teenagers. His youngest wife was Helen Mar Kimball. He married her when she was fourteen and he was thirty seven. Heather Gay, the temple and wanting a drink? That was your beef?
There are a lot of good people, solid values, the church’s focus on families, similarities to the Savior’s authentic gospel, most importantly baptism (although 8 is questionable and debatable…Catholics take this to a whole new level), the sacrament (which is for everyone and not something you take away from people nor hold over one’s head nor a moment to humiliate young men when they misread the prayers…such a pet peeve especially for something that is personal and symbolic) and the teachings and depictions of a gentle savior can be reason enough to hang on (or at least not remove your name from the records) even if you have to get up and leave half the time or pass on your D&C lessons to someone else but Heather Gay really didn’t seem to have a broken shelf and just gives off a lot of self confusion (book and show). She wasn’t ready for any of this imo. Her lovingly but overkill use of LDS jargon, love of her faith, wanting to form a choir and sing LDS songs (the show) and repeated hymn quotes gives her heart away. Either that, or she is just another victim to that soul crushing reality, Mormon fear/guilt.
I don’t relate to much of Heather’s upper crust and sometimes bizarre existence other than all the usual Mormon everyday experiences and Heather’s personal realizations about some of her misgivings about her faith but I did love that bit when she wrote she was glad to make friends with people who do not have an agenda. You know, every Utah neighbor who is looking to activate, baptize or pretend to friend you under the neighborly guise that is actually “Hi, I’ve lived by you for 7 years but I was just called to be your ministering angel and I am thrilled to get to know you…” 😒 Sure you are. And then when you let them know you are good, you are avoided like the plague. Utah BIC’s always have an agenda and it is incredibly obnoxious. Somehow, many Mormons have no idea how to treat people who don’t do as they do.
I had a whole other paragraph here but it got too personal so I will just end with; I truly respect other’s beliefs and decisions, am happy for other people’s happiness and the importance of their faith to them but the LDS church (and other organized religions) is not for everyone. Either is this book.
July 12, 2023
Better than I was expecting!
February 28, 2023
Here's the thing about rating memoirs: I feel bad when I have criticism because I am genuinely not trying to criticize the ~person. I am impressed by her tenacity and clear business sense, and it wouldn't be easy to be a single mom entrepreneur publicly leaving the church on national television. I do think she is a badass. That being said, I have some issues with this book.
The constant use of elaborate, ongoing, overlapping, and clunky metaphors truly got in the way of the story.
Seemingly every paragraph had some pop culture reference at the end as a little response or exclamation. It got so annoying.
I found several misused words and even a couple of spelling/grammatical errors.
It was so repetitive. You've already told me this. You've already used that exact phrase 6x.
The constant use of Mormon-specific language felt odd to me, since I don't see active Mormons reading this and there wasn't a lot of explanation for non-Mormon readers.
I felt like she talks about being a hot mess constantly, but also (naturally) paints herself in a somewhat perfect/victim light that left me kind of confused and less trusting of her.
Finally, and not a complaint—I have no problem with her owning her experiences. Just a warning that she is very vocal about things Mormons consider sacred, so I do not recommend this for practicing Mormons lol.
The constant use of elaborate, ongoing, overlapping, and clunky metaphors truly got in the way of the story.
Seemingly every paragraph had some pop culture reference at the end as a little response or exclamation. It got so annoying.
I found several misused words and even a couple of spelling/grammatical errors.
It was so repetitive. You've already told me this. You've already used that exact phrase 6x.
The constant use of Mormon-specific language felt odd to me, since I don't see active Mormons reading this and there wasn't a lot of explanation for non-Mormon readers.
I felt like she talks about being a hot mess constantly, but also (naturally) paints herself in a somewhat perfect/victim light that left me kind of confused and less trusting of her.
Finally, and not a complaint—I have no problem with her owning her experiences. Just a warning that she is very vocal about things Mormons consider sacred, so I do not recommend this for practicing Mormons lol.
March 16, 2023
I've read every Housewives book -- and I've yet to find an audiobook version available. I wonder if this is the new trend, or if this book is expected to be more popular than others. Either way, BAD MORMON is worth a listen. Heather does an okay job of reading (although it is clear this is not a skill possesses; and, to be fair, I'm comparing her to the GOATS of reading audio books: Pamela Anderson, Anderson Cooper, Selma Blair).
Especially compared to other Bravolebrities memoirs, Bad Mormon is a compelling and interesting read [or listen, in my case]. Heather does a GREAT job of using specific stories, of telling stories, of building background and of developing characters. Heather is funny! She is so witty, honest, raw and she gives a true window into what it meant to be raised in Mormon culture. And there are so many other interesting tidbits--did you know she was a child piano prodigy? such a great writer?
There are also many Housewives references -- good time girl, naked wasted, Shamazing, an eye patch, garbage whore, bad weather, the real Met Gala -- that you'll enjoy if you watch the show!
It became abundantly clear to me that in BAD MORMON, Heather wanted to be transparent. Too many of the books in the Bravo sphere feel written quickly, in collaboration with a ghost writer; in contrast, BAD MORMON didn't feel that way at all. BAD MORMON felt like a labor of love for Heather -- that she wanted to truly open up to readers; that she wanted her book to make readers think and feel; that there was something for Heather to have learned going back and telling these stories.
Like Heather is on the show, this book felt real. Like I really know (and like!) her.
"...In name of the father, son, and Andy Cohen amen"
Especially compared to other Bravolebrities memoirs, Bad Mormon is a compelling and interesting read [or listen, in my case]. Heather does a GREAT job of using specific stories, of telling stories, of building background and of developing characters. Heather is funny! She is so witty, honest, raw and she gives a true window into what it meant to be raised in Mormon culture. And there are so many other interesting tidbits--did you know she was a child piano prodigy? such a great writer?
There are also many Housewives references -- good time girl, naked wasted, Shamazing, an eye patch, garbage whore, bad weather, the real Met Gala -- that you'll enjoy if you watch the show!
It became abundantly clear to me that in BAD MORMON, Heather wanted to be transparent. Too many of the books in the Bravo sphere feel written quickly, in collaboration with a ghost writer; in contrast, BAD MORMON didn't feel that way at all. BAD MORMON felt like a labor of love for Heather -- that she wanted to truly open up to readers; that she wanted her book to make readers think and feel; that there was something for Heather to have learned going back and telling these stories.
Like Heather is on the show, this book felt real. Like I really know (and like!) her.
"...In name of the father, son, and Andy Cohen amen"
December 31, 2022
This book was so challenging for me to get through. The writing and telling of her story was unbearable at points. There is no co-author or ghost writer mentioned but I have to believe she had one. Whoever it was did not do her story justice. I have loved Heather Gay on Housewives, along with so many others! I love how she talks and how honest and real she is on the show. None of that came through in this book.
She does have such an interesting story and I really enjoyed learning more about Mormonism. I was really surprised how her divorce and leaving the church happened so soon before she started on the TV show.
While I have been known to devour any and all reality show memoirs, this is one I would say friends could skip.
I am still so appreciative for the opportunity to read an advanced copy of the book thanks to NetGalley!
June 13, 2023
idk why tf I read this
December 18, 2023
As far as Bravolebrity/Real Housewife memoirs go, this one is pretty good.
But, in general, it's repetitive, full of distracting pop culture non sequiturs, and somewhat underexplained. The full first third is about Heather's childhood, but the dissolution of her marriage is boiled down to "we got married because we wanted to have sex and realized our basic incompatibility afterward."
There are some nice observations and reflections on belief systems and their power over us, and the stabs at humor make for a chatty read. Interesting, fun, but (as expected) lacking in true depth at times.
But, in general, it's repetitive, full of distracting pop culture non sequiturs, and somewhat underexplained. The full first third is about Heather's childhood, but the dissolution of her marriage is boiled down to "we got married because we wanted to have sex and realized our basic incompatibility afterward."
There are some nice observations and reflections on belief systems and their power over us, and the stabs at humor make for a chatty read. Interesting, fun, but (as expected) lacking in true depth at times.
March 29, 2023
I found it thoughtfully written (particularly the early chapters) and was struck by how many things in her Mormon upbringing were EXACTLY like mine. I suspect, however, that those who read this purely because of RHOSLC fandom, will be disappointed as it spends nearly the whole book talking about Mormonism and how it affected who she became. There was a lot for me to relate to, but this may not be true for those not raised in the Mormon church.
April 5, 2023
All the people saying this is boring are expecting a housewives memoir. Not the pain a religion caused Heather. Y’all are selfish readers for that tbh. As an ExMo I appreciate that this book only talked about housewives a little bit. Because honestly how does a devout Mormon end up on housewives. If you want housewives content turn on the tv lmaooo. I want mormon shit talking and gossip and we got that. Heather is corny and silly and honest. I have no complaints. No it wasn’t profound but I felt a sense of solidarity and was so proud of her by the end!!
April 24, 2023
Disclaimer, I actually didn’t finish, I only made it to page 154 of 281. My Elvira memoir came in the mail so I’ll be retiring this book to the trunk of my car to pull out and use as kindling for my campfires.
Bad. Really bad. Heather doesn’t explore nuances of her life in depth at all. I read someone else’s review saying it was like taking a trip through someone’s life without ever stopping to look around and I literally couldn’t agree more but with probably a more overall negative attitude towards this. The only part of the book I found endearing was one paragraph about her meeting a missionary in Norway as a Housewife™️ and not saying much to him but imagining all the things she would say to him that she didn’t say to him for some reason.
I feel bad writing my overwhelmingly negative opinions about this because Heather is rad on television. Is she my least favorite of the cast that has been one of the main characters for all three seasons?…maybe. But if I ever saw her walking the same sidewalk I was walking, you bet I’d be shouting MOTHER and asking for a self-timed, street lamp propped up phone photo. But really, only read this if you want to…not enjoy your leisure reading?
Now I’m going to make a massive assumption here. And if I get a letter in the mail from Bravo/Peacock warning if I ever stepped into Salt Lake/Park City territory, expect a neon red dot on my forehead, I get it. But this book almost feels like an expedited plea for Heather’s excommunication.
Let me explain, so she spends an ungodly amount of time describing the rituals of the LDS church when accessing the temple for the first time. And because I drank wine while reading this, this one afternoon, I stumbled off my overlook deck and asked my own ex-Mormon father about something specific that she did in these rituals. He buttoned up faster than a kid on a snow day and said to me, “We’re really not supposed to talk about those things.” So she’s over here, typing out legendary taboos step by step, spending more time on that than she did about literally anything else. Like she could’ve at least described what the French Riviera was like using the five senses but no. I had also just watched the episode of Ultimate Girl’s Trip (and in that, unrelatedly, Heather makes a joke about getting a sober woman drunk, which put a very acrid taste in my mouth) where Heather says she actually hasn’t gotten very far in the process of her legal denouncement of her status in the church. This is a process I’m madly unfamiliar with, but it sounds like she had been saying she was much further along than she actually was. In my mind, reading the detailed process of these rituals for which she provided no actual commentary or elucidated a real purpose for including it in the book other than to paint a picture that Mormons have observably silly practices that are massively guarded, and then seeing she hasn’t really done much to leave the church other than calling herself a Bad Mormon™️, I’m over here with a cork board, yarn, thumbtacks, and streakily printed out photos (printer’s running out of ink) concluding that if she’s revealing all these LDS secrets, she must be begging for the church to kick her out so she doesn’t have to feel like SHE initiated her own excommunication!
My observation from the 154 pages I read is that Heather deeply loves her family and her (former) faith! The divorce from her husband seemed to launch her out of what the LDS church (that she loves dearly) expects out of members, so she feels unworthy and thinks this might be what she has to do now. For the love of the church, she must self-abnegate because the church somehow deserves better.
I don’t know, man, maybe she just was like “teehee I have a blank Google docs that needs to get to 18,000 words, what should I say?” Maybe she truly just had no agenda and was feeling incendiary for some reason. Love your hair, Heather, can’t wait to have this book be talked about next season.
Final thoughts: boooooooo.
Bad. Really bad. Heather doesn’t explore nuances of her life in depth at all. I read someone else’s review saying it was like taking a trip through someone’s life without ever stopping to look around and I literally couldn’t agree more but with probably a more overall negative attitude towards this. The only part of the book I found endearing was one paragraph about her meeting a missionary in Norway as a Housewife™️ and not saying much to him but imagining all the things she would say to him that she didn’t say to him for some reason.
I feel bad writing my overwhelmingly negative opinions about this because Heather is rad on television. Is she my least favorite of the cast that has been one of the main characters for all three seasons?…maybe. But if I ever saw her walking the same sidewalk I was walking, you bet I’d be shouting MOTHER and asking for a self-timed, street lamp propped up phone photo. But really, only read this if you want to…not enjoy your leisure reading?
Now I’m going to make a massive assumption here. And if I get a letter in the mail from Bravo/Peacock warning if I ever stepped into Salt Lake/Park City territory, expect a neon red dot on my forehead, I get it. But this book almost feels like an expedited plea for Heather’s excommunication.
Let me explain, so she spends an ungodly amount of time describing the rituals of the LDS church when accessing the temple for the first time. And because I drank wine while reading this, this one afternoon, I stumbled off my overlook deck and asked my own ex-Mormon father about something specific that she did in these rituals. He buttoned up faster than a kid on a snow day and said to me, “We’re really not supposed to talk about those things.” So she’s over here, typing out legendary taboos step by step, spending more time on that than she did about literally anything else. Like she could’ve at least described what the French Riviera was like using the five senses but no. I had also just watched the episode of Ultimate Girl’s Trip (and in that, unrelatedly, Heather makes a joke about getting a sober woman drunk, which put a very acrid taste in my mouth) where Heather says she actually hasn’t gotten very far in the process of her legal denouncement of her status in the church. This is a process I’m madly unfamiliar with, but it sounds like she had been saying she was much further along than she actually was. In my mind, reading the detailed process of these rituals for which she provided no actual commentary or elucidated a real purpose for including it in the book other than to paint a picture that Mormons have observably silly practices that are massively guarded, and then seeing she hasn’t really done much to leave the church other than calling herself a Bad Mormon™️, I’m over here with a cork board, yarn, thumbtacks, and streakily printed out photos (printer’s running out of ink) concluding that if she’s revealing all these LDS secrets, she must be begging for the church to kick her out so she doesn’t have to feel like SHE initiated her own excommunication!
My observation from the 154 pages I read is that Heather deeply loves her family and her (former) faith! The divorce from her husband seemed to launch her out of what the LDS church (that she loves dearly) expects out of members, so she feels unworthy and thinks this might be what she has to do now. For the love of the church, she must self-abnegate because the church somehow deserves better.
I don’t know, man, maybe she just was like “teehee I have a blank Google docs that needs to get to 18,000 words, what should I say?” Maybe she truly just had no agenda and was feeling incendiary for some reason. Love your hair, Heather, can’t wait to have this book be talked about next season.
Final thoughts: boooooooo.
February 9, 2023
2.5 If you set expectations accordingly, you can enjoy a Bravolebrity memoir no problem. I’ve given positive book reviews to some monsters like Stassi, so the fact that I actually like Heather and I’m interested in Mormonism made me assume this would be a good experience. Not the case. This was boring as hell. I did not find myself connecting with her or feeling like I got to know her that well at all. Very surface. I know divulging details about the Mormon church seems scandalous to her, but to an outsider it was nothing more than a few interesting tidbits in a sea of mundane details about church. She focused on the most random and irrelevant things. Sadly, it's just not a great read.
May 1, 2023
I learned a lot of REALLY weird stuff about the LDS church. Not the fundamentalists, the mainstream Mormons. My stars! What a life- not great for women as far as I can tell and a great deal of odd rituals, veils that you speak through, dressing in robes, reenacting scenes from the Book of Mormon- it sounded insane.
I highly recommend if you are interested in the LDS culture.
I highly recommend if you are interested in the LDS culture.
December 28, 2022
I was so full of hope for this book. I thought it would give me more insight to the Mormon culture. it really didn’t. i felt there were a lot of references to things I didn’t know. while i was a fan of Heather on the show, this book had me rethinking that.
February 11, 2023
Audio- Interesting at times, but mostly couldn’t get past the awful reading/acting voice. If she said “Mormon Flex” one more time, it might have dropped to 1 star.
Read
March 10, 2023I have no desire to talk about religion on my blog, so I debated if I should even attempt to review Bad Mormon. However, as a professional book reviewer who attended BYU and has lived in Utah for over a decade, I feel uniquely qualified to give a fair review of Heather Gay's bestselling memoir.
I will not be giving a star rating for this book. I'm not here to tell you how I felt about the book but to give you an idea about how you'll likely feel reading Bad Mormon.
Utah businesswoman and reality star Heather Gay was raised as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints but publicly left the religion during the first season of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. In her memoir, Gay discusses her faith journey and her departure from the LDS faith.
First off, let's talk about the quality of the memoir. I thought Gay was a pretty good writer for an amateur. She uses an overabundance of pop culture references and she has a tendency toward repetition, especially when she is trying to make a point. Some reviewers have complained that she is "playing the victim," but I thought she was in line with every other celebrity memoir I've read. I feel that every memoir must be taken with a grain of salt because they are, by nature, only one side of a story. And humans always tend to paint themselves in, if not the best light, then at least a more flattering one.
Gay did a good job selecting moments of her life to illustrate her arguments, except when it came to her marriage. She talks about her incompatibility with her husband but only gives one example from her honeymoon, a story that wasn't powerful enough to represent her point. As a reader, I wanted a few more details, but, as a woman, I respect her choice not to drag on the father of her children.
But what you actually want to know is if you should read Bad Mormon. And that depends on your relationship with Heather Gay and the LDS church.
If you are an RHOSLC fan, then you'll likely be disappointed. The RHOSLC content doesn't come in until the very end and Gay gives background detail about the start of the show, but no juicy gossip about her castmates. Unfortunately, it's the worst of both worlds. Housewives fans will be disappointed with the lack of gossip and non-Housewives fans will be bored by excessive detail.
If you decide to read Bad Mormon to learn more about the LDS church and the Mormon faith, it's a mixed bag. Gay may gloss over her personal life, but she is very candid about her experience in the LDS Church. Gay was not a fringe LDS or an extremist; her life was very much in the realm of the typical mainstream Mormon experience. Although she tries to explain terms to laymen, you might get lost in the Mormon lingo and cultural references.
Active members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints will most likely be offended by Bad Mormon. Gay goes into minute detail about the religion, specifically about the temple ceremony that members hold very sacred. I won't claim the book is 100% accurate, but it definitely has been fact-checked and is highly accurate, though obviously everything is viewed through a disillusioned lens.
The real target audience of Bad Mormon is individuals who consider themselves post-Mormon, specifically those who grew up in the LDS church and were "all in," but then left as adults, generally after hitting the major milestones of college, mission, and/or marriage. Although their personal experiences will obviously vary from Gay's in many regards, such readers will likely find Gay's story highly relatable.
I will not be giving a star rating for this book. I'm not here to tell you how I felt about the book but to give you an idea about how you'll likely feel reading Bad Mormon.
Utah businesswoman and reality star Heather Gay was raised as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints but publicly left the religion during the first season of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. In her memoir, Gay discusses her faith journey and her departure from the LDS faith.
First off, let's talk about the quality of the memoir. I thought Gay was a pretty good writer for an amateur. She uses an overabundance of pop culture references and she has a tendency toward repetition, especially when she is trying to make a point. Some reviewers have complained that she is "playing the victim," but I thought she was in line with every other celebrity memoir I've read. I feel that every memoir must be taken with a grain of salt because they are, by nature, only one side of a story. And humans always tend to paint themselves in, if not the best light, then at least a more flattering one.
Gay did a good job selecting moments of her life to illustrate her arguments, except when it came to her marriage. She talks about her incompatibility with her husband but only gives one example from her honeymoon, a story that wasn't powerful enough to represent her point. As a reader, I wanted a few more details, but, as a woman, I respect her choice not to drag on the father of her children.
But what you actually want to know is if you should read Bad Mormon. And that depends on your relationship with Heather Gay and the LDS church.
If you are an RHOSLC fan, then you'll likely be disappointed. The RHOSLC content doesn't come in until the very end and Gay gives background detail about the start of the show, but no juicy gossip about her castmates. Unfortunately, it's the worst of both worlds. Housewives fans will be disappointed with the lack of gossip and non-Housewives fans will be bored by excessive detail.
If you decide to read Bad Mormon to learn more about the LDS church and the Mormon faith, it's a mixed bag. Gay may gloss over her personal life, but she is very candid about her experience in the LDS Church. Gay was not a fringe LDS or an extremist; her life was very much in the realm of the typical mainstream Mormon experience. Although she tries to explain terms to laymen, you might get lost in the Mormon lingo and cultural references.
Active members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints will most likely be offended by Bad Mormon. Gay goes into minute detail about the religion, specifically about the temple ceremony that members hold very sacred. I won't claim the book is 100% accurate, but it definitely has been fact-checked and is highly accurate, though obviously everything is viewed through a disillusioned lens.
The real target audience of Bad Mormon is individuals who consider themselves post-Mormon, specifically those who grew up in the LDS church and were "all in," but then left as adults, generally after hitting the major milestones of college, mission, and/or marriage. Although their personal experiences will obviously vary from Gay's in many regards, such readers will likely find Gay's story highly relatable.
December 11, 2023
Should just be titled: “Bad”
I’m a fan of RHOSLC, so I thought this would be a fun read. It was, in fact, not a fun read. The entire book is Heather dragging the LDS church while simultaneously celebrating being part of its culture. I was appalled that she shared details of the Mormon temple ceremony and complained about the Mormon religion - parts of which got her to where she is today. While at the same time using phrases like “my faith” and “my beliefs as a Mormon.” Like pick a side - are you LDS or not? Are you part of that culture or not? Are you leaving it behind you or not? Seems like she can’t choose. Just like she insults her costars while at the same time kisses up to them, this book reads as though she can’t live/live without the LDS church.
Also, fascinating to me that for her, her spiritual journey is based on how others perceive her rather than an actual relationship with God. In my opinion, that’s why she doesn’t see eye to eye with Lisa on being Mormon. Lisa has her own relationship with God and doesn’t care how others view her (strapless dress at church and all) while Heather seems to only care about appearances rather than an individual relationship with God.
Overall, not worth the read.
I’m a fan of RHOSLC, so I thought this would be a fun read. It was, in fact, not a fun read. The entire book is Heather dragging the LDS church while simultaneously celebrating being part of its culture. I was appalled that she shared details of the Mormon temple ceremony and complained about the Mormon religion - parts of which got her to where she is today. While at the same time using phrases like “my faith” and “my beliefs as a Mormon.” Like pick a side - are you LDS or not? Are you part of that culture or not? Are you leaving it behind you or not? Seems like she can’t choose. Just like she insults her costars while at the same time kisses up to them, this book reads as though she can’t live/live without the LDS church.
Also, fascinating to me that for her, her spiritual journey is based on how others perceive her rather than an actual relationship with God. In my opinion, that’s why she doesn’t see eye to eye with Lisa on being Mormon. Lisa has her own relationship with God and doesn’t care how others view her (strapless dress at church and all) while Heather seems to only care about appearances rather than an individual relationship with God.
Overall, not worth the read.
Want to read
March 15, 2022I'm honestly so fascinated by Heather's story on RHOSLC. I cannot wait to delve deeper in the struggles she has faced. Religious cultism is strangely captivating for me. Maybe it's because I was raised very religious myself.
February 25, 2023
HEATHER GAY FOR PRESIDENT I LOVE HER
January 4, 2024
I enjoyed this book and would pick it up and then see another book I was waiting on and set it down- that’s why it took a long time. As a Bravo Fan and love of all things HouseWife. I did enjoy her recaps of her journey and see my own journey - not as a Mormon but as a single mom who felt less than and felt like I needed to wear a D on my sweater when I divorced. I hate that she had extra pressure from the Mormon community. I felt like she has risen and is killing it since being true to herself.
I really was intrigued by how the show started and how all of the OG’s were connected etc. I really love learning all the behind the scenes from the beginning of the show. If you love the Housewives grab this one for a quick read. Heather shares her truth and she does it well!! Happy 📖 Reading!!
I really was intrigued by how the show started and how all of the OG’s were connected etc. I really love learning all the behind the scenes from the beginning of the show. If you love the Housewives grab this one for a quick read. Heather shares her truth and she does it well!! Happy 📖 Reading!!
Read
August 10, 2023Not sure if I’ll give this one a rating or not.
Full review coming soon.
Full review coming soon.
April 22, 2024
this book was not *good* per say but I don’t regret reading it! the writing leaves much to be desired, especially the song title chapter names and bits of slang that made me wince.
I liked the stuff about the secret mormon ceremonies that was interesting and new to me. I do think Heather is very brave for openly speaking out against the LDS church- gotta respect her for that!!
I’m so glad I wasn’t born into a mormon family sounds terrible <3
I liked the stuff about the secret mormon ceremonies that was interesting and new to me. I do think Heather is very brave for openly speaking out against the LDS church- gotta respect her for that!!
I’m so glad I wasn’t born into a mormon family sounds terrible <3
May 8, 2023
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ I had no idea who Heather Gay was when I grabbed this for the catchy title. I’ve never seen a single episode of any Housewives season, though now I’m tempted to watch SLC, especially since we lived in Holladay for a couple years. This exceeded expectations. Gay speaks of growing up in the LDS church, and the challenges she faced coming of age; big life decisions, marriage, kids, business, divorce, and, of course, the show. Solid (sorta) celeb memoir.
February 9, 2023
Really enjoyed reading about her experience growing up in the Mormon church and trying to live an inauthentic version of herself in order to fit the strict rules and culture of her religion and community. Obviously, believing Mormons may find parts uncomfortable to read and likely will leave a bad review because they disagree with her choices and opinions. But I think it's helpful and interesting to learn about a variety of faith journeys and life experiences regardless of your personal beliefs. I found the book very readable, heartfelt, and full of Heather's fun, charming personality
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