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278 pages, Hardcover
First published July 5, 2022
The rest of this chapter? Jesus, man. The idea that you were going to sell/publish this as a memoir is batshit insane.
That hurt then, and it hurts now reading it.
I was going to emerge from the surgery physically transformed. Maybe not quite a butterfly poking through a chrysalis, but my kyphotic, cowering body would be radically altered/reconstructed by this time tomorrow. It might not be enough (it would never be enough), but I hoped it might be.
I sense you leaving, and I want to say a single word that somehow means sorry, please don't go, help me, it's not your fault, I wish it wasn't my fault, goodbye.
I wrap myself around your leg and I sift myself through your very essence. I shark within your cells, and I breathe you all in
—and—
I am losing you and the loss is aching and delicious and bottomless and as addictive as the gain, as the replacing.
You open the door, stand at the precipice, break away, and leave.