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507 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 1, 2014
One of my favorite quotes. Its meaning is very telling:
Dead men can't be resurrected, no matter how much life you have running through your veins.
"People like us cannot afford love, Benjamin. Even affection is dangerous. You should know this, and if you do not, then you will have to learn. We have to stay alone or be destroyed."
"Bollocks! What about you? You're not alone, you're married."
Nikolas's hands stilled, and he said distinctly, "Metaphorically alone works just as well."
Nikolas put his hands up and held Ben's face. "I once told you that I've lost everyone I've ever said I love you to--which is true--but I've been thinking while I've been lying here today that maybe I always said it to the wrong people. I should have said it to you a long time ago, Benjamin, because I do--I love you."
‘Who would ever suspect such a pretty boy? Distracted by the charming, beautiful exterior, the skill and quiet self-possession beneath were often overlooked.’
‘Nikolas regarded him thoughtfully. “You think my life is camouflage?”
Ben held the stare. “Sir, I think everything you do from the moment you wake up to the moment you let yourself sleep is nothing more than a shadow dance.”
“You…” Ben hesitated. “You hold all the cards, don’t you?”
Nikolas shrugged then nodded. He flicked his eyes up to Ben as if to see how his words would be received, and replied honestly, “I relish owning you, Ben. I need it.”
Ben gave him a small, conspiratorial smirk. “And that’s exactly why I allow you to do it.”
‘Ben knew that if he didn’t pull away, he would be truly lost. But as he was entirely happy to be entirely lost in Nikolas, he made no attempt to leave the strong arms at all. Sometimes, he wondered if he was so far gone on Nikolas that he’d let him kill him one day.’
Powerless you can truly belong to someone. You ask me what I want? I want to own you, Benjamin.
Spent whole day alone with blond biped. Played hide and seek. Brilliant. Blond biped more fun than thought. Will occasionally obey him now as reward.
I have new ball! I have new ball! It's yellow and bounces and runs away and then I bring it back! Dark-haired biped learnt to throw it quickly. He appears easily trainable. Blond one hid it so I couldn't find it. He won't find his socks either.
“If this is love for you, then you are in love with a ghost, with the illusion of a man. Is that enough for you?"
"Would you let me have that? If you do, then I will find the man. I'll breathe life back into the ghost.”