What do you think?
Rate this book
Camgirl
From the “former sex worker taking Hollywood by storm” (The Daily Beast), comes a candid and hilarious memoir of sex work, shame, and self-discovery set in the colorful world of live-streaming camgirls.
At twenty-three, Isa Mazzei was just like any other college graduate: broke, lacking purpose, and searching for an identity. She was also a compulsive seductress with a reputation as a slut and heartbreaker. One day, while working a low-paying retail job, she had a revelation: why not embrace her salacious image and make some money off of it?
She began stripping, dancing, masturbating, playing games, making art––and broadcasting it all online for money as a camgirl. In her first month, she racked up hundreds of nightly viewers, and within a year she ranked in the top fifty girls on a site featuring tens of thousands of performers. Over the course of her career, Isa built her own business, explored BDSM, attended a porn convention, slept with a fan, and pushed herself further than she thought possible. And yet, despite her success, she struggled to fit into the community she so desperately wanted to belong to.
Camgirl is a relatable look at confronting our past traumas and accepting ourselves for who we are. It masterfully explores the complexities of digital life, sexuality and the tensions between our private and public selves. Mazzei’s biting humor and raw vulnerability ensure you’ll never think about sex work―or sex―the same way again.
At twenty-three, Isa Mazzei was just like any other college graduate: broke, lacking purpose, and searching for an identity. She was also a compulsive seductress with a reputation as a slut and heartbreaker. One day, while working a low-paying retail job, she had a revelation: why not embrace her salacious image and make some money off of it?
She began stripping, dancing, masturbating, playing games, making art––and broadcasting it all online for money as a camgirl. In her first month, she racked up hundreds of nightly viewers, and within a year she ranked in the top fifty girls on a site featuring tens of thousands of performers. Over the course of her career, Isa built her own business, explored BDSM, attended a porn convention, slept with a fan, and pushed herself further than she thought possible. And yet, despite her success, she struggled to fit into the community she so desperately wanted to belong to.
Camgirl is a relatable look at confronting our past traumas and accepting ourselves for who we are. It masterfully explores the complexities of digital life, sexuality and the tensions between our private and public selves. Mazzei’s biting humor and raw vulnerability ensure you’ll never think about sex work―or sex―the same way again.
347 pages, Hardcover
First published November 12, 2019
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 206 reviews
March 26, 2022
Instagram || Twitter || Facebook || Amazon || Pinterest
Whoa. This is honestly one of the most brutal memoirs I've ever read, and even though it basically has triggers up and down the board for everything, from mental illness to explicit sexual content, I couldn't put it down. I don't think I've ever read a memoir that felt so much like fiction, in that the author really felt so much larger than life that she was like a character in her own movie. The way she writes about her experiences with so much brutal honesty sucks you right in.
Isa Mazzei grew up in an abusive household with two parents who were mentally ill. Their4 glamorous jobs put her in peripheral contact with celebrity, but she was kind of starved for affection and ended up socially manipulating her peers to get the accolades she wanted. As an adult, this behavior became magnified and she first started getting paid as a sugar baby but then started camming. And rather than being toxic, both these things gave her money and also allowed her to achieve sexual agency in a way that she really hadn't been able to do before.
I know a lot of people like to take cheap shots at sex work, and the people who do it, but at the end of the day, it is a job. And she really communicates that in this book, whether it's having to be "on" even in the middle of some personal crisis, to managing the needy and emotionally dependent men who claimed to be fans but constantly wanted to skirt the boundaries of what was professional and what was not, it was honestly draining to read. I can't imagine having to actually live and manage to that sort of lifestyle.
What a thought-provoking and interesting woman.
5 stars
February 12, 2021
#sexworkiswork has gotten more and more prevalent in our Instagram stories – but where are the actual ‘on the job’ stories? Camgirl gives the inside scoop on Isa Mazzei’s experience in sex work and intimate details of her life. Not only is she so relatable but she gives us a very personal perspective on her sexuality and relationships. What would we do to get what we want, and what happens when that is no longer enough? I accidentally stumbled onto the movie Cam, which came out before the book – as a horror movie. At this point I would probably watch or read anything that Isa puts out, so I hope she continues to give us great content full of her to-the-point attitude and Dominos cravings.
May 20, 2020
I love memoirs and I loved this. It was so interesting being able to look so personally inside a life and type of work I knew nothing about. It definitely isn't for everyone, and full of trigger warnings. Also, I thought it was written really well. Some parts of the book included Chat Logs and Text Messages so you really feel like you are there witnessing whatever is happening. Yes it's about sex work, but there is also a lot more to the story. I'd probably give it 4.5 stars... I didn't want to stop reading.
November 25, 2019
The biggest disservice this book could receive is being labeled as a book about sex work. This is a book about struggling to find ones identity in the face of trauma and it explores mental health and personal growth from a place of incredible humility and humanity. I can’t recommend this book enough for those who could use company in similar challenges. But more importantly, for those who have trouble relating and granting validity to trauma survivors or sex workers. Relatable, raw and refreshingly honest, touching and hilarious with a side of voyeuristic titillation.
September 26, 2019
Jonah kind of comes across like a dick to be honest.
December 23, 2020
*****SPOILERS*****
Release Date: November 12th, 2019
Genre: Biography
Rating: 🎄1.0
What I Liked:
1. Her sometimes honest way of describing cam life.
What I Didn't Like:
1. Her being
2. Her attitude
3. Her existence
4. Ah
Overall Thoughts: I was excited to read this book but once we started going I realized I did not like her. She constantly expected things from people but then turns around and acts like they are annoying her. It's easy to see that years of her seeing how her mother treated her dad like shit and had control taught her that she could treat men like shit. Like I get it. I really get it. I just think that she isn't a good person. She brags about how smart she is but is she really? I'm not sure she showed us how she was. From the first moment I read the beginning I was like this girl had been molested. She had all the telltale signs and it's hard for me to imagine that it took her that long in life to realize that's why she was a certain way towards men. That does not excuse why she was a piece of shit to every single guy who tried to be nice to her. Such a narstic person. She's always the victim. I honestly think at this point in her life she's never learned how to be a kind person to anyone.
Final Thoughts: She's a horrible person. I believe that 45% of this book is true. After all she pretty much tells you at the ending that not everything really happened the way she said.
Release Date: November 12th, 2019
Genre: Biography
Rating: 🎄1.0
What I Liked:
1. Her sometimes honest way of describing cam life.
What I Didn't Like:
1. Her being
2. Her attitude
3. Her existence
4. Ah
Overall Thoughts: I was excited to read this book but once we started going I realized I did not like her. She constantly expected things from people but then turns around and acts like they are annoying her. It's easy to see that years of her seeing how her mother treated her dad like shit and had control taught her that she could treat men like shit. Like I get it. I really get it. I just think that she isn't a good person. She brags about how smart she is but is she really? I'm not sure she showed us how she was. From the first moment I read the beginning I was like this girl had been molested. She had all the telltale signs and it's hard for me to imagine that it took her that long in life to realize that's why she was a certain way towards men. That does not excuse why she was a piece of shit to every single guy who tried to be nice to her. Such a narstic person. She's always the victim. I honestly think at this point in her life she's never learned how to be a kind person to anyone.
Final Thoughts: She's a horrible person. I believe that 45% of this book is true. After all she pretty much tells you at the ending that not everything really happened the way she said.
February 25, 2020
I’m always interested in learning more about sex workers. It’s important to see them as people with full lives and not beings who just exist to satisfy others sexually. I’ve seen documentaries, interviews, and some behind the scenes YouTube videos mainly with porn performers, but I’ve never read a memoir on this topic before.
Isa Mazzei writes about what led her to becoming a sex worker, what it was like being a camgirl, her relationship with sex, being queer, and mental health. This was a very illuminating read for me. I’ve never watched any cam shows, so it was interesting to learn about the different intricacies of that side of sex work. Isa discusses the regular viewers of her shows and how she formed friendships with some of them, but how those relationships could become complicated.
I would’ve liked to see a little bit more of her life after she decided to end her career as a camgirl. The vast majority of the book takes place while she’s actively camming, which makes sense. But there are some very important things that are discussed right at the end that I feel like could’ve been expanded upon.
Overall, this is a fascinating read and I’d definitely recommend checking it out.
Isa Mazzei writes about what led her to becoming a sex worker, what it was like being a camgirl, her relationship with sex, being queer, and mental health. This was a very illuminating read for me. I’ve never watched any cam shows, so it was interesting to learn about the different intricacies of that side of sex work. Isa discusses the regular viewers of her shows and how she formed friendships with some of them, but how those relationships could become complicated.
I would’ve liked to see a little bit more of her life after she decided to end her career as a camgirl. The vast majority of the book takes place while she’s actively camming, which makes sense. But there are some very important things that are discussed right at the end that I feel like could’ve been expanded upon.
Overall, this is a fascinating read and I’d definitely recommend checking it out.
September 28, 2019
Emphatically NOT FOR KIDS, a completely fascinating and well written memoir of the author's evolution from teenager to woman who made a living at internet sex work.
Isa's sharp and calculating mind, drive to succeed, and empathetically drawn characters make her story easy to relate to, even if you've never paddled yourself for an anonymous audience online.
I wish I knew more people I could recommend this to without being given the side eye.
Isa's sharp and calculating mind, drive to succeed, and empathetically drawn characters make her story easy to relate to, even if you've never paddled yourself for an anonymous audience online.
I wish I knew more people I could recommend this to without being given the side eye.
November 5, 2019
I guess disclaimer: there may be spoilers and there is definitely sexually explicit talk in this book. Be warned and if either bother you, one count, skip this review, and the other, skip this book.
I don't know how to start this review. I had no expectations going in...didn't even read the jacket cover. And it ended up being almost Stockholm Syndrome-esque. I didn't like the person I was reading about, but I couldn't stop. She was dramatic and manipulative and a bit materialistic...kind of like a combination of Sylvia Plath and Paris Hilton. The more I read though, the more sympathetic I was to her struggle and her desire to grow and find salvation and redemption.
A large part of the story, as set forth in the title, is about camming. It's an aspect of porn I knew nothing about, aside from seeing ads, and hadn't given any thought. The idea is basically having a girl that will do sexual things or put on a show or display herself for tips while interacting and/or taking suggestions from people in her chat room.
I found the author a hard subject to deal with for a large portion of the book. She had sociopathic tendencies with brief glimpses of self-awareness and struggle to find herself. It kind of reminded me of when the Rob Zombie remake of Halloween came out and my one friend got very upset "I don't want to know why Michael Myers is the way he is...I don't want to feel sorry for him." By the end however, there were humanistic elements that made the story more relatable than I would have first thought.
There are some pretty extreme scenes and some heart-wrenching disappointments, but the overall impact of the book was positive and I'm glad I stuck it out and had a chance to explore this world and the authors evolution.
I don't know how to start this review. I had no expectations going in...didn't even read the jacket cover. And it ended up being almost Stockholm Syndrome-esque. I didn't like the person I was reading about, but I couldn't stop. She was dramatic and manipulative and a bit materialistic...kind of like a combination of Sylvia Plath and Paris Hilton. The more I read though, the more sympathetic I was to her struggle and her desire to grow and find salvation and redemption.
A large part of the story, as set forth in the title, is about camming. It's an aspect of porn I knew nothing about, aside from seeing ads, and hadn't given any thought. The idea is basically having a girl that will do sexual things or put on a show or display herself for tips while interacting and/or taking suggestions from people in her chat room.
I found the author a hard subject to deal with for a large portion of the book. She had sociopathic tendencies with brief glimpses of self-awareness and struggle to find herself. It kind of reminded me of when the Rob Zombie remake of Halloween came out and my one friend got very upset "I don't want to know why Michael Myers is the way he is...I don't want to feel sorry for him." By the end however, there were humanistic elements that made the story more relatable than I would have first thought.
There are some pretty extreme scenes and some heart-wrenching disappointments, but the overall impact of the book was positive and I'm glad I stuck it out and had a chance to explore this world and the authors evolution.
March 13, 2020
Such a half baked ending with no real moral or concrete resolution that’s so often found in memoirs. I picked up this book curious about the thought process of the author throughout her life as well as in her line of sex work. From the first three chapters I found myself rolling my eyes at Isa’s overly narcissistic dialogue. Needless to say, the movie (although not at all based on the same premise) is much better than this “memoir”. I’m closing this book feeling malnourished and dissatisfied.
October 7, 2022
Not quite the story I was expecting. I enjoyed how the author focused on the "feelings" in the book. I enjoyed the epilogue the most I think.
Read
May 2, 2020I'm going to refrain from giving this a star rating as it would be a very low one and it feels like I'm rating someone's life instead of rating a book about one's life. This is probably one of the most frustrating books I have ever read. The author regularly displays behaviour that seems sociopathic and narcassistic. She's intensely dislikable and despite being often reminded that she's a college graduate and loves to be described as intelligent by the men in her chatroom she regularly made me question how any person could be so fucking stupid. She's also an asshole (the whole thing with Demon was extremely cringey).
I think the depictions of the webcam scenes were done really well and accurately depicted the fast stream of input of online communication. There's no argument that camgirls have to be experts at multi-tasking. The ability of juggle a community, deal with hateful comments, flatter the right people, push for tips enough that you get them but don't scare people away, perform and entertain, have on screen sex, all while 'looking sexy' sounds utterly exhausting and I'll fight anyone who doesn't think sex work is work. I also appreciated the commentary on many men's perceived right to demand things of sex workers for free. The site she uses is interesting as anyone can access the streams for free and there is typically only a handful of people who actually chip in money- often a girl's core group of fans. I would imagine it would enable a sense of entitlement from either the free viewers who would feel annoyed at having to pay for something that another camgirl may show for free or wait around until others pay or from those that do pay thinking they are entitled to getting whatever they want because they gave money. I also enjoyed that she displayed that her channel actually did largely foster a positive community.
This book is purportedly a journey of self-discovery and there were elements of that but I don't think it went far enough. She recounts numerous sexual interactions where she didn't feel comfortable or safe, or didn't actually want to do something she talked herself into. And she talks about the fact that she has seen many therapists. But she doesn't put it together. Even the part at the end where wasn't engaged with--not saying she owes the reader any details about the abuse but reflection on it's impact would have been useful beyond a bad thing happened to me therefore I'm fucked up. At no point in time did she call out her own behaviour as being harmful. The amount of times she blundered into situations with zero knowledge or preparation astounded me- like her first show in which she offered to use a butt plug when she had never put anything ever in her ass before. Most of these occasions made me roll my eyes or question her sanity/intelligence but I got rather upset when she suddenly jumps into BDSM.
Now I don't want to reveal too much about myself in an online review but I know some shit about this practice. Many positive experiences and psychologically healing episodes can be had through it and Isa accurately describes the feeling of freedom that can come through submission. However, there are elements that can be dangerous and she does not address any of it. Even when practicing alone and arguably in control since she could ignore the requests in the chat there needs to be safeguards in place. When she meets up with Bomb- it's clear he is interested in rough play but never is it discussed whether he has any experience with bdsm, there is no discussion about kinks or limits, no safe words (thankfully Bomb did display good signs of aftercare). Isa sounds like one of the many naive and red-flag submissives who would claim "I don't need a safe word" or "I don't have a pain tolerance". I see either two scenarios; 1) these conversations didn't take place which meant the Isa very naively partook in dangerous play without knowledge and has never done any amount of research into bdsm from the time of her first experience through to the publication of this book, or, 2) chose not to include the information, possibly because an interlude in sex safety is rather unsexy- which is dishonest and possibly dangerous to other naive people who may read this book and be inspired by the author.
For a book on 'self-discovery' this book contained a shockingly low amount of actual self-reflection. If someone had zero knowledge about camming this may be somewhat educational but I don't actually think I would recommend it to anyone.
I think the depictions of the webcam scenes were done really well and accurately depicted the fast stream of input of online communication. There's no argument that camgirls have to be experts at multi-tasking. The ability of juggle a community, deal with hateful comments, flatter the right people, push for tips enough that you get them but don't scare people away, perform and entertain, have on screen sex, all while 'looking sexy' sounds utterly exhausting and I'll fight anyone who doesn't think sex work is work. I also appreciated the commentary on many men's perceived right to demand things of sex workers for free. The site she uses is interesting as anyone can access the streams for free and there is typically only a handful of people who actually chip in money- often a girl's core group of fans. I would imagine it would enable a sense of entitlement from either the free viewers who would feel annoyed at having to pay for something that another camgirl may show for free or wait around until others pay or from those that do pay thinking they are entitled to getting whatever they want because they gave money. I also enjoyed that she displayed that her channel actually did largely foster a positive community.
This book is purportedly a journey of self-discovery and there were elements of that but I don't think it went far enough. She recounts numerous sexual interactions where she didn't feel comfortable or safe, or didn't actually want to do something she talked herself into. And she talks about the fact that she has seen many therapists. But she doesn't put it together. Even the part at the end where wasn't engaged with--not saying she owes the reader any details about the abuse but reflection on it's impact would have been useful beyond a bad thing happened to me therefore I'm fucked up. At no point in time did she call out her own behaviour as being harmful. The amount of times she blundered into situations with zero knowledge or preparation astounded me- like her first show in which she offered to use a butt plug when she had never put anything ever in her ass before. Most of these occasions made me roll my eyes or question her sanity/intelligence but I got rather upset when she suddenly jumps into BDSM.
Now I don't want to reveal too much about myself in an online review but I know some shit about this practice. Many positive experiences and psychologically healing episodes can be had through it and Isa accurately describes the feeling of freedom that can come through submission. However, there are elements that can be dangerous and she does not address any of it. Even when practicing alone and arguably in control since she could ignore the requests in the chat there needs to be safeguards in place. When she meets up with Bomb- it's clear he is interested in rough play but never is it discussed whether he has any experience with bdsm, there is no discussion about kinks or limits, no safe words (thankfully Bomb did display good signs of aftercare). Isa sounds like one of the many naive and red-flag submissives who would claim "I don't need a safe word" or "I don't have a pain tolerance". I see either two scenarios; 1) these conversations didn't take place which meant the Isa very naively partook in dangerous play without knowledge and has never done any amount of research into bdsm from the time of her first experience through to the publication of this book, or, 2) chose not to include the information, possibly because an interlude in sex safety is rather unsexy- which is dishonest and possibly dangerous to other naive people who may read this book and be inspired by the author.
For a book on 'self-discovery' this book contained a shockingly low amount of actual self-reflection. If someone had zero knowledge about camming this may be somewhat educational but I don't actually think I would recommend it to anyone.
October 3, 2019
I received an ARC from Edelweiss (Above the Treeline), all thoughts and opinions are my own.
This was excellently done. That said, I will not recommend this for everyone, as this is definitely not a book for everyone. There are a LOT of sexually explicit details in this storytelling, in order to give the reader a real sense of what goes into camming. That said, I loved this and it was very much to my taste.
I would pretty solidly classify this as a mental illness/health memoir. Isa takes us through various points of growing up, before giving us insight into her life and experiences with camming. For a while, I was wondering where this would all lead to, unsure of how she could possibly wrap it up.
I don't make a habit of recommending people 'push through to the end,' because if you really aren't enjoying something, you shouldn't force yourself. However, I will say that the ending of this memoir is very satisfying, and left me very satisfied as a reader. I would recommend this for anyone curious about the sex industry, sex and mental health, or anyone who works in the industry.
This was excellently done. That said, I will not recommend this for everyone, as this is definitely not a book for everyone. There are a LOT of sexually explicit details in this storytelling, in order to give the reader a real sense of what goes into camming. That said, I loved this and it was very much to my taste.
I would pretty solidly classify this as a mental illness/health memoir. Isa takes us through various points of growing up, before giving us insight into her life and experiences with camming. For a while, I was wondering where this would all lead to, unsure of how she could possibly wrap it up.
I don't make a habit of recommending people 'push through to the end,' because if you really aren't enjoying something, you shouldn't force yourself. However, I will say that the ending of this memoir is very satisfying, and left me very satisfied as a reader. I would recommend this for anyone curious about the sex industry, sex and mental health, or anyone who works in the industry.
August 22, 2022
Brave memoir that has the reader look at sex, trauma, and sex work from one individuals' unique perspective; it made me look at different types of sexual dysfunction, as per Mazzei's quote at the end of the book, "[as not] a symptom of my trauma, [but] a powerful tool that allowed me to regain control over my identity, my life, myself..."
Further, Mazzei writes "I said who, I said when, I said how much [...] sex work is the reason I can talk openly about my past and the reason I'm learning to enjoy sex."
Regarding opening towards traumatic memories of sexual abuse, Mazzei writes, "Details are coded as sensations and sounds, not clear visual memories." And I felt that
Further, Mazzei writes "I said who, I said when, I said how much [...] sex work is the reason I can talk openly about my past and the reason I'm learning to enjoy sex."
Regarding opening towards traumatic memories of sexual abuse, Mazzei writes, "Details are coded as sensations and sounds, not clear visual memories." And I felt that
January 31, 2024
A very relatable read - scarily similar to how I view my own sexuality and the suppression of abuse well into adulthood. A great, albeit slightly triggering read.
May 1, 2020
I really don't know how to rate this book. I give the author credit for relaying her story, which is hard to read. This was like reading a train wreck, a horrible accident you just can't look away from. The topic is controversial, but I feel as humans, would be curious to delve into this rabbit hole.
Every person mentioned in this book has some vice, addiction or mental illness which varied in degrees of mild and functioning to complete basket cases.
At times you have sympathy for Isa but congruently you don't because she is fully aware of her motivations and dangerous attention seeking course.
I have to say, in the epilogue, even when she is going to therapy, it wasn't quite clear if she was changing her behavior (after she realizes her motivations for doing what she was doing were unhealthy). I mean, I assume she did, but it wasn't clear because I guess she was still working through it.
Also, it was kind of weird, in the epilogue, she stated something to the effect of: not everything that happened was put in the book and things that happened didn't necessarily occur in the order in which they appear in the book. Huh? does that mean some of the events were fabricated?
Every person mentioned in this book has some vice, addiction or mental illness which varied in degrees of mild and functioning to complete basket cases.
At times you have sympathy for Isa but congruently you don't because she is fully aware of her motivations and dangerous attention seeking course.
I have to say, in the epilogue, even when she is going to therapy, it wasn't quite clear if she was changing her behavior (after she realizes her motivations for doing what she was doing were unhealthy). I mean, I assume she did, but it wasn't clear because I guess she was still working through it.
Also, it was kind of weird, in the epilogue, she stated something to the effect of: not everything that happened was put in the book and things that happened didn't necessarily occur in the order in which they appear in the book. Huh? does that mean some of the events were fabricated?
September 21, 2019
I literally have a love/hate relationship with this book.
The writing is great and engaging and the story itself captivates - mainly because it is so far removed from my own reality.
The author has chosen to put it all there, on the page, the good, the bad and the ugly.
Although I have no issues with sex or foul language, this book pushes the boundaries and challenges the reader to keep an open mind through some of the "different" life choices the author has chosen.
I guess what stands out for me is how Mazzei thinks of herself and of sex. She has zero qualms about doing what she needed to do as a Camgirl - it was also a concern to me that the author does not seem to have any type of limit. Actions that would not even be considered by many people to be unthinkable is adopted easily by the author.
The fact that she is also incredibly selfish comes through loud and clear, as she uses up men by taking what they can give her without ever really considering who they are.
Nonetheless, this is a very interesting read.
The writing is great and engaging and the story itself captivates - mainly because it is so far removed from my own reality.
The author has chosen to put it all there, on the page, the good, the bad and the ugly.
Although I have no issues with sex or foul language, this book pushes the boundaries and challenges the reader to keep an open mind through some of the "different" life choices the author has chosen.
I guess what stands out for me is how Mazzei thinks of herself and of sex. She has zero qualms about doing what she needed to do as a Camgirl - it was also a concern to me that the author does not seem to have any type of limit. Actions that would not even be considered by many people to be unthinkable is adopted easily by the author.
The fact that she is also incredibly selfish comes through loud and clear, as she uses up men by taking what they can give her without ever really considering who they are.
Nonetheless, this is a very interesting read.
May 16, 2020
Should make an interesting book club conversation.
January 25, 2021
This memoir is A LOT, y'all, an up close and over-the-top personal story of life as a self-employed sex worker. Like any job, it involves a ton of emotional labor. Like any woman, Mazzei winds up spending way too much time and energy on entitled-ass men who should just get a therapist. However, she can't easily tell them to buzz off, because the most demanding ones are also the biggest tippers, so she has to do some calculations around money vs putting up with their shit. Frankly, it sounds TERRIBLE. On the flipside, she also has men saying they wish they could liberate her from her degrading situation, and she keeps telling them, "I like my job." She chose the job after an unfulfilling stint as a sugar baby because it offered her more control. It's so interesting how her viewers have this idea that she's trapped in her situation and needs rescue, yet they continue to spend money on an industry they assume revolves around abuse. Mind-boggling! (And yes, often it does revolve around abuse, but in this case she's totally able to quit whenever she wants.)
Eventually, she has to deal with workplace burnout and her issues from childhood or whatever. My takeaway was that being a camgirls sounds terrible, no matter how much you make or how much you like the attention.
So many CW: sexual abuse of adults, mental illness, suicide, substance abuse, discussion of sexual abuse of a minor, emotional abuse, again, just A LOT
Eventually, she has to deal with workplace burnout and her issues from childhood or whatever. My takeaway was that being a camgirls sounds terrible, no matter how much you make or how much you like the attention.
So many CW: sexual abuse of adults, mental illness, suicide, substance abuse, discussion of sexual abuse of a minor, emotional abuse, again, just A LOT
December 5, 2023
Camgirl is an enlightening memoir by Isa Mazzei, which delves into the often-misunderstood world of sex work, particularly the life of a camgirl. As someone completely oblivious to the camming world, this was an intriguing read into the life of a camgirl. At times it was fascinating, but it was also very confronting.
Mazzei's journey into sex work, her experiences as a camgirl, and her navigation through topics like sexuality, queerness, and mental health are candidly portrayed. The book sheds light on the lots of different aspects of camming, but mainly the complexity of relationships formed with regular viewers – some evolving into friendships, others tangled in intricate dynamics.
The memoir predominantly focuses on Mazzei's active years in camming, providing a rich and detailed account of her experiences during this period. However, I found myself wishing for more exploration of her life post-camming. The concluding chapters touch upon significant life changes and reflections that could have been more deeply explored, offering a more comprehensive view of her journey.
Camgirl is more than just a memoir; it's a window into sex work that is often judged and misunderstood. Mazzei's narrative is engaging, thought-provoking, and above all, humanising. It's a highly recommended read for anyone looking to gain insight into the personal and professional life of a sex worker, particularly in the digital age of camming.
Mazzei's journey into sex work, her experiences as a camgirl, and her navigation through topics like sexuality, queerness, and mental health are candidly portrayed. The book sheds light on the lots of different aspects of camming, but mainly the complexity of relationships formed with regular viewers – some evolving into friendships, others tangled in intricate dynamics.
The memoir predominantly focuses on Mazzei's active years in camming, providing a rich and detailed account of her experiences during this period. However, I found myself wishing for more exploration of her life post-camming. The concluding chapters touch upon significant life changes and reflections that could have been more deeply explored, offering a more comprehensive view of her journey.
Camgirl is more than just a memoir; it's a window into sex work that is often judged and misunderstood. Mazzei's narrative is engaging, thought-provoking, and above all, humanising. It's a highly recommended read for anyone looking to gain insight into the personal and professional life of a sex worker, particularly in the digital age of camming.
September 1, 2021
2021 Reading Challenge Week 34: Memoir
Before reading this, I didn't know what 'camming' was. So, for anyone like me: camming is a type of sex work where a (usually?) woman performs for an audience via live webcam. Money is earned via tips - usually earned via certain 'acts' - nudity, masturbation, bondage shows, etc.
Here, Isa Mazzei writes about her stint as a cam girl, and honestly, it's completely fascinating! I think she does an incredible job conveying the complexities of sex work and why a person might choose it. Mazzei herself is both relatable and somewhat off-putting. In other words, she's a fully formed, complex human being. Mazzei's truth is that she was attracted to sex work out of a need for bodily control rooted in childhood trauma. That means that a lot of her behavior throughout is frankly unappealing - manipulative, self destructive, etc. I think this was a bold and brave narrative choice because it doesn't make her super likable at times which is risky for any woman, but particularly a woman writing about sex work. Ultimately, it makes for a really compelling and authentic feeling story.
*Note on the audio version: The author herself reads which I usually love, but I don't fully recommend it over the print version for a couple of reasons. First, it was glitchy with a significant amount of repeats. Second, I think the way the story is written with a lot of digital 'chat speak' doesn't lend itself well to audio format.
Before reading this, I didn't know what 'camming' was. So, for anyone like me: camming is a type of sex work where a (usually?) woman performs for an audience via live webcam. Money is earned via tips - usually earned via certain 'acts' - nudity, masturbation, bondage shows, etc.
Here, Isa Mazzei writes about her stint as a cam girl, and honestly, it's completely fascinating! I think she does an incredible job conveying the complexities of sex work and why a person might choose it. Mazzei herself is both relatable and somewhat off-putting. In other words, she's a fully formed, complex human being. Mazzei's truth is that she was attracted to sex work out of a need for bodily control rooted in childhood trauma. That means that a lot of her behavior throughout is frankly unappealing - manipulative, self destructive, etc. I think this was a bold and brave narrative choice because it doesn't make her super likable at times which is risky for any woman, but particularly a woman writing about sex work. Ultimately, it makes for a really compelling and authentic feeling story.
*Note on the audio version: The author herself reads which I usually love, but I don't fully recommend it over the print version for a couple of reasons. First, it was glitchy with a significant amount of repeats. Second, I think the way the story is written with a lot of digital 'chat speak' doesn't lend itself well to audio format.
July 9, 2022
This is not an easy book to read, and yet it was hard to put down, the pages flew by, and the writing was just so well done. Not only is the writing style easy to breeze through, you'll feel so much for Isa within this book. It is an open, honest, raw look at vulnerability and sexuality and understanding what works for you and what doesn't.
There are definitely parts in this book that are difficult to read, but it is never done in a way that feels anything but honest and true to what Mazzei is telling us. It is her story and she is blunt and honest and funny, and most of all, relatable.
It is really an eye-opening look at sex work online, something that doesn't get discussed often. I highly recommend this book.
There are definitely parts in this book that are difficult to read, but it is never done in a way that feels anything but honest and true to what Mazzei is telling us. It is her story and she is blunt and honest and funny, and most of all, relatable.
It is really an eye-opening look at sex work online, something that doesn't get discussed often. I highly recommend this book.
August 3, 2023
Such a fascinating read/listen!
March 20, 2020
All at once, Isa is both the unstable best friend you lose sleep worrying about- and the self-loathing reflection staring back at you when you confront the proverbial mirror too soon.
(That’s right, we know enough about her to be on a first name basis now.)
Her story is sexy, raw, captivating, and sometimes very cringey, but is undoubtedly a narrative about the twisted path to self-discovery, self-understanding, and ultimately self love.
Camgirl sent me on a wild ride and I literally could not put it down. I highly recommend this book to anyone currently or previously grappling with an identity crisis, trauma resolution, or just the general condition of being female. So long as you can tolerate the explicit sex scenes, Isa won’t do you wrong.
(That’s right, we know enough about her to be on a first name basis now.)
Her story is sexy, raw, captivating, and sometimes very cringey, but is undoubtedly a narrative about the twisted path to self-discovery, self-understanding, and ultimately self love.
Camgirl sent me on a wild ride and I literally could not put it down. I highly recommend this book to anyone currently or previously grappling with an identity crisis, trauma resolution, or just the general condition of being female. So long as you can tolerate the explicit sex scenes, Isa won’t do you wrong.
December 3, 2020
Wow. I didn't expect a memoir about camming to be as moving and powerful as Camgirl turned out to be. Camgirl is both a fascinating look at part of the sex work industry and a poignant dive into the psyche of a young woman with a complicated past. It is messy and ugly and beautiful all at the same time.
December 28, 2019
Every sentence in this enthralling memoir catapulted me into the next. I felt like I couldn’t put it down. I had to, at certain points because I had other books “due,” but I kept aching to get back to Camgirl.
Mazzei’s writing is fierce, funny, and delivered with finesse. Her story is engaging and relatable, while also revealing a tale so outside my own experience.
I’m so thrilled this book exists, this story is accessible, and this author is being celebrated as the bright new voice we need.
Mazzei’s writing is fierce, funny, and delivered with finesse. Her story is engaging and relatable, while also revealing a tale so outside my own experience.
I’m so thrilled this book exists, this story is accessible, and this author is being celebrated as the bright new voice we need.
August 12, 2020
some of my favorite quotes from this book:
1. My parents had little in common, but trying to kill them-selves was really the glue that held our family together.
2. If I was going to be a weird girl with a tragic family, I was going to be the weirdest girl with the most tragic family.
3. I wanted to be the girl a boy never thought he could get. I wanted to be a Goddess. I wanted to be worshipped. I wanted to be Isa, Queen of Boys.
4. With every boy, I told myself this was it. This was the last one.
5. Each time a date ended, I would lock myself in my bathroom and heat up my safety pin. I wondered what was wrong with me. I must be the fucking devil. There was no other explanation. Why couldn’t I stop myself from seducing men I didn’t want? Why did I panic every time they tried to touch me? Why couldn’t I just be happy and normal? I drank too much, slept too little, and every day started with the same question: What the hell is wrong with me? Nothing felt like enough.
6. Over and over, I whispered my new mantra: I say who, I say when, I say how much.
7. Why was I letting these men have all the control?
8. He was just another sad, damaged man who felt entitled to all of my time.
9. When a woman takes her clothes off, a man begins to believe he owns her.
10. I hated being touched. I hated my body. The compulsion. The deep-seated, visceral need to take off my clothes in front of people. The need to be liked, wanted, worshipped. It wasn’t a hobby. It wasn’t a personality quirk. There was a little voice inside my head demanding I do it in an attempt to repair myself. Screaming danger when there was none, screaming for power when it felt I had none. I needed to regain control over my body because that control had been taken away from me when I was young, and I never felt like I got it back.
11. I learned how to forgive Cathy. Cathy, Cathy, Cathy. Damaged woman. Crazy woman. Monster woman. Slut woman. Strong woman. Cathy, a survivor. Just like all of us.
1. My parents had little in common, but trying to kill them-selves was really the glue that held our family together.
2. If I was going to be a weird girl with a tragic family, I was going to be the weirdest girl with the most tragic family.
3. I wanted to be the girl a boy never thought he could get. I wanted to be a Goddess. I wanted to be worshipped. I wanted to be Isa, Queen of Boys.
4. With every boy, I told myself this was it. This was the last one.
5. Each time a date ended, I would lock myself in my bathroom and heat up my safety pin. I wondered what was wrong with me. I must be the fucking devil. There was no other explanation. Why couldn’t I stop myself from seducing men I didn’t want? Why did I panic every time they tried to touch me? Why couldn’t I just be happy and normal? I drank too much, slept too little, and every day started with the same question: What the hell is wrong with me? Nothing felt like enough.
6. Over and over, I whispered my new mantra: I say who, I say when, I say how much.
7. Why was I letting these men have all the control?
8. He was just another sad, damaged man who felt entitled to all of my time.
9. When a woman takes her clothes off, a man begins to believe he owns her.
10. I hated being touched. I hated my body. The compulsion. The deep-seated, visceral need to take off my clothes in front of people. The need to be liked, wanted, worshipped. It wasn’t a hobby. It wasn’t a personality quirk. There was a little voice inside my head demanding I do it in an attempt to repair myself. Screaming danger when there was none, screaming for power when it felt I had none. I needed to regain control over my body because that control had been taken away from me when I was young, and I never felt like I got it back.
11. I learned how to forgive Cathy. Cathy, Cathy, Cathy. Damaged woman. Crazy woman. Monster woman. Slut woman. Strong woman. Cathy, a survivor. Just like all of us.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 22, 2020
When I got approved for this title I was thrilled to start reading it instantly. I had watched the movie "CAM" and had liked the unique premise and have always been keen on knowing about this industry.
As anticipated, this book was equally delightful. It is my first time dipping toes in the memoir genre of books.
I found out that the CAM industry is not just SKIN SHOW and EROTIC MYSTERY but so much more!
For an amateur a CAMGIRL is just someone who strips , gets naked and indulges in wild fantasy of every man. In this memoir you get to see that it is a cut throat, competitive industry and not just FLASHING YOUR ASSESTS, MOANING AND LOOKING SULTRY and HOT.
I am glad to be privy to the other details about this job, the REAL SIDE of it.Its quite informative and sometimes sad.
Meet ISA:
ISA HATES SEX
ISA CANT STOP SEDUCING MEN SHE DOESN'T REALLY WANT
ISA LIKES TO BE IN POWER AND LOVES ATTENTION
ISA LOVES ELEPHANTS
ISA becomes a CAMGIRL .
CAMGIRL is a POIGNANT,RAW, INTENSE and BOLD. Isa has laid out a candid narrative talking vehemently about her mental struggles, vulnerability and loneliness. It was heart breaking to read about her trauma and the pain that she tries to escape with anything and everything out there, while it continues to gnaw her insides gradually making her feel EMPTY and despondent.
But, she rises from the ashes and emerges stronger than ever.
"CAMMING ISNT A SYMPTOM OF MY TRAUMA;
IT IS A POWERFUL TOOL THAT ALLOWED ME TO REGAIN CONTROL OVER MY LIFE,MY INDENTITY AND MYSELF."
As anticipated, this book was equally delightful. It is my first time dipping toes in the memoir genre of books.
I found out that the CAM industry is not just SKIN SHOW and EROTIC MYSTERY but so much more!
For an amateur a CAMGIRL is just someone who strips , gets naked and indulges in wild fantasy of every man. In this memoir you get to see that it is a cut throat, competitive industry and not just FLASHING YOUR ASSESTS, MOANING AND LOOKING SULTRY and HOT.
I am glad to be privy to the other details about this job, the REAL SIDE of it.Its quite informative and sometimes sad.
Meet ISA:
ISA HATES SEX
ISA CANT STOP SEDUCING MEN SHE DOESN'T REALLY WANT
ISA LIKES TO BE IN POWER AND LOVES ATTENTION
ISA LOVES ELEPHANTS
ISA becomes a CAMGIRL .
CAMGIRL is a POIGNANT,RAW, INTENSE and BOLD. Isa has laid out a candid narrative talking vehemently about her mental struggles, vulnerability and loneliness. It was heart breaking to read about her trauma and the pain that she tries to escape with anything and everything out there, while it continues to gnaw her insides gradually making her feel EMPTY and despondent.
But, she rises from the ashes and emerges stronger than ever.
"CAMMING ISNT A SYMPTOM OF MY TRAUMA;
IT IS A POWERFUL TOOL THAT ALLOWED ME TO REGAIN CONTROL OVER MY LIFE,MY INDENTITY AND MYSELF."
March 3, 2021
I have a booktube channel now! Subscribe here.
First and foremost: I am so happy that Isa was able to process things and become a person less controlled by her past trauma. I’m also pleased that this book will expose more readers to the real complexity of sex work, which is WORK, and not necessarily inherently more exploitative than most other forms of labor. I also appreciated the clarity around sex work as explicitly emotional labor, too—many clients don’t just want sex. They want someone to see them. Desire them. Listen to them. Love them.
Having said that: I rate this 2.5 stars. This was so painful to read as a sexual assault survivor. It was blatantly obvious what was going on, and watching Isa repeat her patterns over and over had me cringing. She was admirably self aware in some respects about these patterns and her bad behavior...but she didn’t seem necessarily to be accountable at the end. It was all over so fast, once she figured out what was going on with her.
The repetition of patterns, the suppressed memory, the lashing out, the despair—all very common! But they don’t necessarily make a good story, and when spliced between all the chatroom conversations and a total lack of real connection with other humans...it was difficult to get through.
First and foremost: I am so happy that Isa was able to process things and become a person less controlled by her past trauma. I’m also pleased that this book will expose more readers to the real complexity of sex work, which is WORK, and not necessarily inherently more exploitative than most other forms of labor. I also appreciated the clarity around sex work as explicitly emotional labor, too—many clients don’t just want sex. They want someone to see them. Desire them. Listen to them. Love them.
Having said that: I rate this 2.5 stars. This was so painful to read as a sexual assault survivor. It was blatantly obvious what was going on, and watching Isa repeat her patterns over and over had me cringing. She was admirably self aware in some respects about these patterns and her bad behavior...but she didn’t seem necessarily to be accountable at the end. It was all over so fast, once she figured out what was going on with her.
The repetition of patterns, the suppressed memory, the lashing out, the despair—all very common! But they don’t necessarily make a good story, and when spliced between all the chatroom conversations and a total lack of real connection with other humans...it was difficult to get through.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 206 reviews