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234 pages, Hardcover
First published March 1, 2018
Most of the stuff I know, I know from Wikipedia and websites about things I am interested in, and also from YouTube videos and from TV. At school I was in a special unit for vulnerable learners where I could be online most of the day and I had to talk to Mrs Finlayson about my feelings. I know a lot about survival, making fires and shelters, snaring food, making bird traps, filtering water, reading tracks and watching the weather. …. . I know about trees and quite a lot of plants, especially if they are plants you can eat ….. I also know about cooking and food hygiene and quite a lot about health and common ailments and alcoholism which is a disease. I know how to nick stuff and how to read timetables and how to set up email accounts which you need if you are buying stuff on Amazon with dodgy cards. ……. … I can shoot with an airgun and cast a fishing rod… I can read a map, do grid references, plot a course with a compass and work out elevations and gradients. I have killed one person, quite a lot of fish and, so far, two rabbits.
One [report from the vulnerable unit learning unit] said I was above average intelligence but suffering from severe dyslexia and an inability to recognise phoneme clusters and patterns. The other said I was of high intelligence and had an advanced reading age but suffered from severe cognitive impairment when it came to writing and remembering the spelling of words ...... I also got put in the unit because I never smiled, and stared at people, and other kids called me weird and they were worried I’d get bullied in the main school which was big and had about 2,500 kids in it. The report said I was ‘withdrawn, appeared socially isolated and seemed reluctant to form new friendships’. Which was true. I was like that. I still am.
Peppa said ‘Ingrid is really old Maw. She’s seventy-five.’ And Maw said ‘Never!’ ‘And she’s a doctor and she defected from the DDR in nineteen seventy-nine. And she was a hippie and got beaten up by the polis on the hippie convoy’ I said.