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Paperweight
Seventeen-year-old Stevie is trapped. In her life. And now in an eating-disorder treatment center on the dusty outskirts of the New Mexico desert.
Life in the center is regimented and intrusive, a nightmare come true. Nurses and therapists watch Stevie at mealtime, accompany her to the bathroom, and challenge her to eat the foods she’s worked so hard to avoid.
Her dad has signed her up for sixty days of treatment. But what no one knows is that Stevie doesn't plan to stay that long. There are only twenty-seven days until the anniversary of her brother Josh’s death—the death she caused. And if Stevie gets her way, there are only twenty-seven days until she too will end her life.
Life in the center is regimented and intrusive, a nightmare come true. Nurses and therapists watch Stevie at mealtime, accompany her to the bathroom, and challenge her to eat the foods she’s worked so hard to avoid.
Her dad has signed her up for sixty days of treatment. But what no one knows is that Stevie doesn't plan to stay that long. There are only twenty-seven days until the anniversary of her brother Josh’s death—the death she caused. And if Stevie gets her way, there are only twenty-seven days until she too will end her life.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published July 2, 2015
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,929 reviews
September 25, 2015
Actual rating: 3.5
This book was good. I have very few complaints. The main character was believable. The author's depiction of anorexia nervosa was realistic and clearly well-researched, with a great deal of sensitivity to the illness. For me, the reason for a 3 is just that it didn't click with me emotionally. It's just a matter of book chemistry, with no disrespect to the book.
This book is about a young woman who is committed to a treatment facility because she suffers from anorexia nervosa. An eating disorder that can and often kills its sufferers. Stevie doesn't care about dying, in fact, she plans on it.
I felt that Stevie's feelings and her perverse pride in her own thinness was so well-done. When we look at someone with anorexia, bones exposed, skin dry and colorless from malnutrition, we see someone sick, someone to pity. Stevie's feeling towards her own anorexia is pride to the point where she sinks into despair at the thought that she "only" has bulimia...that she's not thin enough to be categorized as anorexic.
This book was good. I have very few complaints. The main character was believable. The author's depiction of anorexia nervosa was realistic and clearly well-researched, with a great deal of sensitivity to the illness. For me, the reason for a 3 is just that it didn't click with me emotionally. It's just a matter of book chemistry, with no disrespect to the book.
This book is about a young woman who is committed to a treatment facility because she suffers from anorexia nervosa. An eating disorder that can and often kills its sufferers. Stevie doesn't care about dying, in fact, she plans on it.
“Stevie,” she says again. “Let me assure you that you do, in fact, need to be here. You are incredibly malnourished. If you don’t get intensive treatment right now, you are going to die. My guess is that you may even want to die.”Any book about a mental illness has the duty to portray that illness faithfully, and I felt that this book did just that. I feel like it realisticly portrays the triggering incidents that leads to Stevie's anorexia without making it overblown. I liked "sitting in" on her therapy sessions. Stevie's reactions to it is believable, and I liked the subtle insinuation into our beliefs of the illness.
I will find a way out of here, I tell myself. Whatever I have to do to make it home in time to die. I will not betray Josh again. I will not take a single breath on the one-year anniversary of the night I killed my brother.
I know what she’s asking before she knows it. She wants to know if someone, maybe a “Very Bad Man,” touched me. That’s the only possible explanation. Something unspeakable must have happened for me to turn out this way.But the reasons behind Stevie's behavior, why she became this way, is very real.
“He’s there,” I say, because nothing else comes. No one ever touched me. No man, anyway. But maybe she’s right; maybe I do need a reason. Some glittering thing I can unveil for the crowd—see, look!—so they can make sense of this insanity. Ahhh, they will say, now we understand.
Look at yourself.The thing is, these illnesses do have a trigger. One does not wake up one day and start hating themselves. Anyone with a poor body image will understand, there's got to be an event, a careless phrase, a trigger for all of this to start. It doesn't even have to be about losing weight. Anorexia is about control. Control is power. Restricting food from a body starving for it is the ultimate act of control. For someone who feels helpless, anorexia is a last resort, often literally.
The girl in the mirror was too much and not enough. Her lines were soft, curved as though they had buckled under the pressure of being. Weak, her flesh.
It was my fault her absence hurt the way it did. My body was powerless to stop the pain. I turned and slapped my ass, staring in horror at the undulating excess. Punched my stomach, kneaded the flesh there. Too much, all of it. No wonder my mother chose to leave. I took up so much space; she couldn’t breathe! I crushed my beautiful mama with the weight of my very existence.
I felt that Stevie's feelings and her perverse pride in her own thinness was so well-done. When we look at someone with anorexia, bones exposed, skin dry and colorless from malnutrition, we see someone sick, someone to pity. Stevie's feeling towards her own anorexia is pride to the point where she sinks into despair at the thought that she "only" has bulimia...that she's not thin enough to be categorized as anorexic.
It seems that bulimia nervosa would be a better diagnostic fit, given that you are not currently below eighty-five percent of your ideal body weight.”The only thing that really bothers me about this book is that the secret is kept hidden for so long. I have never been a fan of the big reveal. Otherwise, this was a good book. It focuses on the main character, her emotional state, and her recovery. There is no unnecessary romance. It's just a book about a broken girl.
Bulimia.
Absurdity. Instantly, the laughter rises up in me and begins to consume. It runs its tongue down my spine, grazes my neck. Scrapes the flesh from my ribs and suddenly, my sides ache.
I jerk away. The back of my hand makes a sick slapping sound as it meets her cheek. She stumbles back. Now the rest of them are springing forward. I turn and break through the circle, stumbling toward the door.
Bulimia! A slur, when I’ve worked so hard to become what I am.
July 15, 2015
I have written and rewritten this sentence five times. As an eating disorder survivor and as an aspiring psychologist, I should have all the words to talk about Paperweight, a novel about a seventeen-year-old girl living in an inpatient eating disorder facility. But even after six hours away from the story, I still find myself tearing up just thinking about it. Paperweight acts as a searing account of mental illness and the strength it takes to embark on recovery.
In twenty-seven days, Stevie will kill herself. She tells herself that because twenty-seven days will mark the anniversary of her brother's death, the death she caused with her own bare hands. At the moment Stevie finds herself stuck in an eating disorder treatment center near the desert of New Mexico. In order to make her ultimate plan of escape come true, she will do her best to ignore the food at mealtimes, the therapists that surround her, and the other sick, wilting girls. Stevie's determination to die drives her, and she fights for it to push her past the point of ever going back.
Paperweight grabbed me from page one. If you want a young-adult novel that tackles mental illness head-on, you have found it: from her own experiences, her research, and her career, Meg Haston describes the brutal reality of inpatient ED treatment with honesty and specificity. Every detail of this book and Stevie's development resounded within me. From the way she clutched her ribs on page eleven to the way she closed her eyes to escape her emotions on page two hundred and ten, every emotion and action Stevie felt or took came across as authentic.
Haston also delves into the complexity of eating disorders with aplomb. One important lesson to learn right now: eating disorders are about so much more than food. Haston reveals Stevie's saddening family history, her past toxic relationship, and the trauma she experienced to show the amalgamation of factors that comprise her disease. She highlights the harshness of eating disorders, spanning the way they distort reality, to how they create such devastating physical and mental harm, to the way they manifest as a way to control emotions that feel like explosions, like earthquakes. I find it silly that people would criticize Stevie's "unlikability" - fighting a mental illness is really freaking hard, not an easy walk in the park you can always do with a smile. And Stevie's voice is so, so real, imperfections and all.
My favorite part of Paperweight centers on its relationships, without a doubt. Stevie has a multifaceted family dynamic that influences a good amount of her mentality. She also forms a slow-burning, vulnerable, and wonderful friendship with Ashley, her roommate who she refused to acknowledge of at first. But more than that, I loved her therapeutic relationship with Anna with all of my heart. Haston describes their bond so well. She avoids trivializing or idolizing Anna's character; rather, she portrays her as a professional with emotions, someone trained to guide Stevie and walk alongside her on her path to recovery.
This novel slayed me in the best possible way. I cried all throughout the second half. Perhaps not everyone will enjoy this book; they may not connect all the way with Stevie, or they may find certain areas of her past too convenient. But Paperweight spoke to me in a way that very few books have. While I would hesitate to give it to someone will struggling with an eating disorder, I would 100% recommend it to anyone interested in contemporary young-adult novels, learning about and empathizing with those who face mental illness, and complex intrapersonal dynamics. Paperweight reminded me that recovery is a choice you make every single day, and that feeling life's weight means that you are, indeed, alive. For that message, I am thankful.
In twenty-seven days, Stevie will kill herself. She tells herself that because twenty-seven days will mark the anniversary of her brother's death, the death she caused with her own bare hands. At the moment Stevie finds herself stuck in an eating disorder treatment center near the desert of New Mexico. In order to make her ultimate plan of escape come true, she will do her best to ignore the food at mealtimes, the therapists that surround her, and the other sick, wilting girls. Stevie's determination to die drives her, and she fights for it to push her past the point of ever going back.
Paperweight grabbed me from page one. If you want a young-adult novel that tackles mental illness head-on, you have found it: from her own experiences, her research, and her career, Meg Haston describes the brutal reality of inpatient ED treatment with honesty and specificity. Every detail of this book and Stevie's development resounded within me. From the way she clutched her ribs on page eleven to the way she closed her eyes to escape her emotions on page two hundred and ten, every emotion and action Stevie felt or took came across as authentic.
Haston also delves into the complexity of eating disorders with aplomb. One important lesson to learn right now: eating disorders are about so much more than food. Haston reveals Stevie's saddening family history, her past toxic relationship, and the trauma she experienced to show the amalgamation of factors that comprise her disease. She highlights the harshness of eating disorders, spanning the way they distort reality, to how they create such devastating physical and mental harm, to the way they manifest as a way to control emotions that feel like explosions, like earthquakes. I find it silly that people would criticize Stevie's "unlikability" - fighting a mental illness is really freaking hard, not an easy walk in the park you can always do with a smile. And Stevie's voice is so, so real, imperfections and all.
My favorite part of Paperweight centers on its relationships, without a doubt. Stevie has a multifaceted family dynamic that influences a good amount of her mentality. She also forms a slow-burning, vulnerable, and wonderful friendship with Ashley, her roommate who she refused to acknowledge of at first. But more than that, I loved her therapeutic relationship with Anna with all of my heart. Haston describes their bond so well. She avoids trivializing or idolizing Anna's character; rather, she portrays her as a professional with emotions, someone trained to guide Stevie and walk alongside her on her path to recovery.
This novel slayed me in the best possible way. I cried all throughout the second half. Perhaps not everyone will enjoy this book; they may not connect all the way with Stevie, or they may find certain areas of her past too convenient. But Paperweight spoke to me in a way that very few books have. While I would hesitate to give it to someone will struggling with an eating disorder, I would 100% recommend it to anyone interested in contemporary young-adult novels, learning about and empathizing with those who face mental illness, and complex intrapersonal dynamics. Paperweight reminded me that recovery is a choice you make every single day, and that feeling life's weight means that you are, indeed, alive. For that message, I am thankful.
August 13, 2018
THIS BOOK WAS FANTASTIC. I absolutely loved Paperweight by Meg Haston.
As someone who's suffered from anorexia since they were eleven, I only just realized that I had yet to read a fiction novel about eating disorders, and Paperweight did not disappoint. I'm amazed at how much of an accurate representation of eating disorders this book was.
I realized so much about my own illness while reading which was a blessing in itself. One of the most powerful thing about literature is being able to analyze your own experiences and perceive them in a new way due to someone else's words. I thought I knew my story backwards and forwards by now, but I'm so grateful I found comfort, understanding, and revalation in this book that I didn't realize I needed.
I sincerely appreciate the raw, graphic and honest nature of this book. The accuracy of it's depiction is rooted in the fact that Meg Haston isn't afraid to describe the disorder the way it is; enraging, exhausting, and something you feel desperate to cling on to no matter how destructive the consequences may be.
That being said, I do want to put a *trigger warning* on this book. Maybe it's because this is the first novel I've read about eating disorders; I've read so many books on depression that I feel I've become really desensitized to it's triggering nature of in YA fiction, but because I haven't read many books on eating disorders, I just may not be used to reading about it. I've been in recovery on-and-off for about 6 years now, and I think this new exposure to old thoughts might have caught me off guard at first.
So if you're looking to pick up this book, please be aware of the graphic content of the story, but I would highly recommend it to anyone looking to experiment more with novels dealing with mental illness. So thankful I finally got around to picking this gem up, and even happier that it exceeded all of my expectations and blew me away.
I received a free copy of this book from Harper Teen. I had no obligation to review this book and all opinions are my own.
As someone who's suffered from anorexia since they were eleven, I only just realized that I had yet to read a fiction novel about eating disorders, and Paperweight did not disappoint. I'm amazed at how much of an accurate representation of eating disorders this book was.
I realized so much about my own illness while reading which was a blessing in itself. One of the most powerful thing about literature is being able to analyze your own experiences and perceive them in a new way due to someone else's words. I thought I knew my story backwards and forwards by now, but I'm so grateful I found comfort, understanding, and revalation in this book that I didn't realize I needed.
I sincerely appreciate the raw, graphic and honest nature of this book. The accuracy of it's depiction is rooted in the fact that Meg Haston isn't afraid to describe the disorder the way it is; enraging, exhausting, and something you feel desperate to cling on to no matter how destructive the consequences may be.
That being said, I do want to put a *trigger warning* on this book. Maybe it's because this is the first novel I've read about eating disorders; I've read so many books on depression that I feel I've become really desensitized to it's triggering nature of in YA fiction, but because I haven't read many books on eating disorders, I just may not be used to reading about it. I've been in recovery on-and-off for about 6 years now, and I think this new exposure to old thoughts might have caught me off guard at first.
So if you're looking to pick up this book, please be aware of the graphic content of the story, but I would highly recommend it to anyone looking to experiment more with novels dealing with mental illness. So thankful I finally got around to picking this gem up, and even happier that it exceeded all of my expectations and blew me away.
I received a free copy of this book from Harper Teen. I had no obligation to review this book and all opinions are my own.
November 22, 2017
4 stars
I feel really depressed after finishing this... not the ending per se, but the entire story. Some parts just hit a little too close. I struggled with the MC. I wasn't sure if I liked her most of the book, but there were some fantastic side characters (Ashely I adored, Josh was great). The book had a lot of flashbacks, which normally I don't love, but I feel like they were important here. This is a powerful read, but it's also very heavy. Saying I enjoyed it doesn't seem like the right term, but overall it was a good read that impacted me.
I feel really depressed after finishing this... not the ending per se, but the entire story. Some parts just hit a little too close. I struggled with the MC. I wasn't sure if I liked her most of the book, but there were some fantastic side characters (Ashely I adored, Josh was great). The book had a lot of flashbacks, which normally I don't love, but I feel like they were important here. This is a powerful read, but it's also very heavy. Saying I enjoyed it doesn't seem like the right term, but overall it was a good read that impacted me.
February 2, 2016
3.5 Stars!!
“Paperweight” is a young adult/realistic novel that deals with heavy issues like eating disorders, suicide, depression and so much more. Needless to say this book is not for everyone. It’s a heartbreaking, moving read, obviously realistic, maybe a little too realistic at times, intense and also eye-opening. First and foremost I want to say the title is perfect for this book since is a book about eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia.
“Paperweight” tells the story of Stephanie ‘Stevie’, a 17 years old girl who suffers from anorexia nervosa. She feels lonely and depressed not only because her mother left her and her brother, but also because her brother died in an accident, almost a year ago, an accident Stevie believes she caused. Stevie’s father is desperate trying to save her, so he admits her to a treatment center. He wants Stevie to live, not only exist, but Stevie has her own plans – she will end her life in 27 days, when it will be her brother’s death anniversary.
I liked this one, but for some reason I didn’t get fully invested into this story. I like books about mental health conditions and I love the realistic aspect that usually comes with them. Here, the author did a fantastic job portraying a world where food means everything and nothing at the same time. She did a great job researching about these eating disorders and not only...so kudos to her for being brave enough writing this novel.
Stevie’s character was complex and realistically portrayed from the beginning. You will sympathize with her from the start. Her voice was real, clean and honest, but I have to say this – she wasn’t an easy character to like. I know that she wasn’t really her fault for being this way because after all she simply tried to fight her old urges, but really she frustrated me a couple of times. In spite of that, I think her actions and reactions were “normal”, so…believable. However I didn’t connect with her – emotionally - liked I was supposed to connect I guess. I really tried, but unfortunately I couldn’t.
Her interactions with other characters were also realistically done. I liked the cast of supporting characters. They were dynamic, entertaining and had depth. I think my favorite supporting character was Stevie’s therapist, Anna. She was not your usual therapist I guess, because she clearly cared very much for Stevie. The fact that once upon a time she was an alcoholic addict helped Stevie in some way, because she made her realize anyone can heal and recovery can be real if you really fight. I also ‘enjoyed’ their sessions. They were really great done, inspiring and also heartbreaking at times. The flashes from the past had an important role here not only in Stevie’s character development, which btw was simply great, but in portraying these eating/emotional disorders that can kill so many people.
All in all, “Paperweight” was a great read not only about eating disorders or about what anorexia nervosa means, but also about recovery, learning to move on and about finding yourself.
“I imagine myself dead. Cold. Perfect and unbreathing with a still, stone heart. The weight of my useless body rotting in the ground. My soul lighter than paper and drifting far from its fleshy prison.”
“Paperweight” is a young adult/realistic novel that deals with heavy issues like eating disorders, suicide, depression and so much more. Needless to say this book is not for everyone. It’s a heartbreaking, moving read, obviously realistic, maybe a little too realistic at times, intense and also eye-opening. First and foremost I want to say the title is perfect for this book since is a book about eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia.
“Paperweight” tells the story of Stephanie ‘Stevie’, a 17 years old girl who suffers from anorexia nervosa. She feels lonely and depressed not only because her mother left her and her brother, but also because her brother died in an accident, almost a year ago, an accident Stevie believes she caused. Stevie’s father is desperate trying to save her, so he admits her to a treatment center. He wants Stevie to live, not only exist, but Stevie has her own plans – she will end her life in 27 days, when it will be her brother’s death anniversary.
“Death won’t desert me. It’s waiting for me, beckoning. And I’m ready, taking sure steps toward my final act.”
I liked this one, but for some reason I didn’t get fully invested into this story. I like books about mental health conditions and I love the realistic aspect that usually comes with them. Here, the author did a fantastic job portraying a world where food means everything and nothing at the same time. She did a great job researching about these eating disorders and not only...so kudos to her for being brave enough writing this novel.
Stevie’s character was complex and realistically portrayed from the beginning. You will sympathize with her from the start. Her voice was real, clean and honest, but I have to say this – she wasn’t an easy character to like. I know that she wasn’t really her fault for being this way because after all she simply tried to fight her old urges, but really she frustrated me a couple of times. In spite of that, I think her actions and reactions were “normal”, so…believable. However I didn’t connect with her – emotionally - liked I was supposed to connect I guess. I really tried, but unfortunately I couldn’t.
Her interactions with other characters were also realistically done. I liked the cast of supporting characters. They were dynamic, entertaining and had depth. I think my favorite supporting character was Stevie’s therapist, Anna. She was not your usual therapist I guess, because she clearly cared very much for Stevie. The fact that once upon a time she was an alcoholic addict helped Stevie in some way, because she made her realize anyone can heal and recovery can be real if you really fight. I also ‘enjoyed’ their sessions. They were really great done, inspiring and also heartbreaking at times. The flashes from the past had an important role here not only in Stevie’s character development, which btw was simply great, but in portraying these eating/emotional disorders that can kill so many people.
All in all, “Paperweight” was a great read not only about eating disorders or about what anorexia nervosa means, but also about recovery, learning to move on and about finding yourself.
May 24, 2017
This was an extremely well done story.
September 14, 2017
i just finished this book and now, my heart is full. 💗
this is a BEAUTIFULLY crafted story that captivated me right at the beginning. i loved every part of this book and the ending was a-freaking-mazing 🙌🏻😱
i learned sooo many lessons and i felt like i experienced the things that the main character experienced somehow ??.....
5 STARS FROM ME BCUZ I LOVED THIS READ 👏🏻👏🏻💛💛💛💛
this is a BEAUTIFULLY crafted story that captivated me right at the beginning. i loved every part of this book and the ending was a-freaking-mazing 🙌🏻😱
i learned sooo many lessons and i felt like i experienced the things that the main character experienced somehow ??.....
5 STARS FROM ME BCUZ I LOVED THIS READ 👏🏻👏🏻💛💛💛💛
Read
August 18, 2021incredible eating disorder rep. Stevie and Shrink's relationship was the best part for me. also really loved the writing style because all of the flashbacks were unobtrusive and natural which I totally appreciated.
April 13, 2017
Desde que lo vi en la librería me cautivó por su trama y cuando al fin pudo tenerlo en mis manos descubrí que no me había equivocado, una historia bien hecha que nos muestra algo vaga algunas veces, la manera de vivir y de adaptarse al cambio, y la transformación interna que conlleva el salir adelante de un trastorno alimenticio. donde junto a la protagonista descubriremos que lo más complicado no es la enfermedad, sino las razones que la llevaron a ella.
February 14, 2015
(Source: I received a digital copy of this book for free on a read-to-review basis. Thanks to HarperCollins and Edelweiss.)
“If Girl A departs sanity around the time her mother abandons her, assuming she is travelling at full speed towards self-destruction, how long will it take to reach her dead brother?”
This was a touching story of one girls battle with anorexia and depression, and her grief over the loss of her brother.
“I imagine myself dead. Cold. Perfect and unbreathing with a still, stone heart.”
I liked Stevie in this book, but she did come across as a bit of a b*tch at times. I understood why being at the treatment centre was hard for her though, and how she felt like she had no control over her life, so the way she acted was understandable really.
“Pasta? Salad, with dressing of course, slick, greasy calories that ruin the vegetables. Brownies? I look around to see if anybody else gets the joke. No one’s laughing.”
The storyline in this dealt with Stevie’s eating disorder, as well as her grief over losing her brother, and her suicidal ideas. I like that there was mystery in this book though, and that it took a while for the reader to slowly put the clues together to work out not only what had gone on, but why it had happened too.
“I will not take a single breath on the one-year-anniversary of the night I killed my brother.”
There was a little bit of romance in this story, but it was all part of the mystery, so I don’t really want to say much on the subject because of dropping spoilers. I liked the romance part of this book though, and I did figure out quite early what had happened.
“There are too many ifs in my head to think straight: if Josh were alive. If I’d never taken a seminar. If I hadn’t introduced Eden and Josh that night. If.”
The ending to this was good, and I felt like the future was looking brighter for Stevie at that point. I sometimes find that stories like this don’t have a solid enough ending for me, but this one did so I was pleased about that.
7 out of 10.
“If Girl A departs sanity around the time her mother abandons her, assuming she is travelling at full speed towards self-destruction, how long will it take to reach her dead brother?”
This was a touching story of one girls battle with anorexia and depression, and her grief over the loss of her brother.
“I imagine myself dead. Cold. Perfect and unbreathing with a still, stone heart.”
I liked Stevie in this book, but she did come across as a bit of a b*tch at times. I understood why being at the treatment centre was hard for her though, and how she felt like she had no control over her life, so the way she acted was understandable really.
“Pasta? Salad, with dressing of course, slick, greasy calories that ruin the vegetables. Brownies? I look around to see if anybody else gets the joke. No one’s laughing.”
The storyline in this dealt with Stevie’s eating disorder, as well as her grief over losing her brother, and her suicidal ideas. I like that there was mystery in this book though, and that it took a while for the reader to slowly put the clues together to work out not only what had gone on, but why it had happened too.
“I will not take a single breath on the one-year-anniversary of the night I killed my brother.”
There was a little bit of romance in this story, but it was all part of the mystery, so I don’t really want to say much on the subject because of dropping spoilers. I liked the romance part of this book though, and I did figure out quite early what had happened.
“There are too many ifs in my head to think straight: if Josh were alive. If I’d never taken a seminar. If I hadn’t introduced Eden and Josh that night. If.”
The ending to this was good, and I felt like the future was looking brighter for Stevie at that point. I sometimes find that stories like this don’t have a solid enough ending for me, but this one did so I was pleased about that.
7 out of 10.
July 17, 2015
“The anorectic operates under the astounding illusion that she can escape the flesh, and, by association, the realm of emotions.”
----Marya Hornbacher, an American author
Meg Haston, an American YA author, pens a very personal story inspired from her own life, Paperweight that narrates the story of a young teenager, suffering from an eating disorder, recovering from the problem to have a normal life in a treatment center which is closer to hell. This is her story and the story that tells us how she is fighting everyday against her own illness as well as her past ghosts all alone.
Synopsis:
Seventeen-year-old Stevie is trapped. In her life. In her body. And now in an eating-disorder treatment center on the dusty outskirts of the New Mexico desert.
Life in the center is regimented and intrusive, a nightmare come true. Nurses and therapists watch Stevie at mealtime, accompany her to the bathroom, and challenge her to eat the foods she’s worked so hard to avoid.
Her dad has signed her up for sixty days of treatment. But what no one knows is that Stevie doesn't plan to stay that long. There are only twenty-seven days until the anniversary of her brother Josh’s death—the death she caused. And if Stevie gets her way, there are only twenty-seven days until she too will end her life.
In this emotionally haunting and beautifully written young adult debut, Meg Haston delves into the devastating impact of trauma and loss, while posing the question: Why are some consumed by their illness while others embark on a path toward recovery?
Stevie is devastated for life with so many losses- firstly, her mother left her and her brother, Josh, then her brother, Josh, dies in an accident for which Stevie blames herself. Then there is her best friend, Eden, for whom she has lots of feelings for but Eden manipulated Josh for her benefit, thus creating a wall between herself and Stevie. Among all these problems, Stevie became depressed while coping with the loss of her own brother, which forces her to make a plan to kill herself on the day of her brother's anniversary. Stevie is also facing an eating disorder, where her own body started making her feel with disgust. For recovery, her father admits her to a treatment center and her plan to kill herself gets messed up because the treatment center is forcing her to eat and keeps an eye on her activities from eating to shitting like a hawk. Will she be successful in her plans? Will she reach her target weight while blindly cheating the day care and food plans crafted out especially for her recovery?
What Stevie wants is control- the type of control you want it when things go out of control, you want that control even if you push all the limits and kill yourself. Stevie's life is a mess and totally beyond her control, and the rehab thing is not doing any good to her plans over control. Guilt, anger, pain made the seventeen year old's mind go into a mission to take control of her body.
The story sways between Stevie's past and her present days in the rehab, and since the story is told from Stevie's POV, it lets the readers see through the deepest and darkest core of her mind. Although the past is the narration of already happened events recollected from Stevie's memories, which had a bit of loose ends and yeah the author might have tried to relate her reason to Stevie's pain, but somehow loose ends were left everywhere on it's wake, especially what really happens between Stevie and her best friend, Eden, then the reason behind why Stevie's mom abandoned her family on the first place.
Some reviewers have claimed to say that Stevie has gone through transformation, but honestly I did not feel that at all. Stevie opens up angry and ends up sort of pissed off with her life. The writing is good and strong and the prose is layered with deep emotions, some can be bit dark and graphic and can somehow instigate negative feelings like suicidal or whatever, among young teenagers while reading the book. Yes, while reading I realized the voice of Stevie is told from someone who knows what happens when you're facing an eating disorder, I mean very original and easy to connect with the pain. No I was lucky enough that I never went through such a tragic phase, but I could still somehow feel Stevie's mental trauma that is haunting her, clawing at her bare skin.
The author really knows how to draw in the readers' sympathy for her main character. The main character, flawed, yet portrayed with lots of realism and sensitivity as well as compassion. Stevie's demeanor is like any other 17 year old going through troubles in family as well as love life. Stevie is brave yet very weak from the inside, her fight against herself pulls me into the story like a moth looking for a flicker of light in the darkness.
The supporting cast yet once again portrayed brilliantly but leave the story without a clue or without any closure. Like for example, Stevie's friend from rehab, Ashely, whom the author have sketched with lots of love and reality and pain, yet her existence in the story fell short without the depth in her characterization.
Stevie's Shrink, whom she actually called The Shrink, Anna, is featured beautifully, since she is the only adult monitoring Stevie while in the rehab. Yeah no doubt their bond started off too weak, which then transforms into something not that strong but understandable. Stevie and Ann, both were fighting their own battles and honestly, Anna's approach towards Stevie's well being is really good, not with a hard push but with a gentle push.
Family issues, relationships (lesbian), undying bonds of friendships, growing trust are blend in so perfectly into the story that makes it one hell of an emotional as well as enlightening roller-coaster ride and is perfect read for the summers. I urge every parent and teenagers to read it once to realize what happens when life actually throws lemons at you and with a mind so young and so inexperienced, how a teenager deals with those lemons.
Verdict: This book will thoroughly appeal to the YA readers.
Courtesy: Thanks a lot to the publishers from Hot Key Books, for giving me an opportunity to read and review this book.
----Marya Hornbacher, an American author
Meg Haston, an American YA author, pens a very personal story inspired from her own life, Paperweight that narrates the story of a young teenager, suffering from an eating disorder, recovering from the problem to have a normal life in a treatment center which is closer to hell. This is her story and the story that tells us how she is fighting everyday against her own illness as well as her past ghosts all alone.
Synopsis:
Seventeen-year-old Stevie is trapped. In her life. In her body. And now in an eating-disorder treatment center on the dusty outskirts of the New Mexico desert.
Life in the center is regimented and intrusive, a nightmare come true. Nurses and therapists watch Stevie at mealtime, accompany her to the bathroom, and challenge her to eat the foods she’s worked so hard to avoid.
Her dad has signed her up for sixty days of treatment. But what no one knows is that Stevie doesn't plan to stay that long. There are only twenty-seven days until the anniversary of her brother Josh’s death—the death she caused. And if Stevie gets her way, there are only twenty-seven days until she too will end her life.
In this emotionally haunting and beautifully written young adult debut, Meg Haston delves into the devastating impact of trauma and loss, while posing the question: Why are some consumed by their illness while others embark on a path toward recovery?
Stevie is devastated for life with so many losses- firstly, her mother left her and her brother, Josh, then her brother, Josh, dies in an accident for which Stevie blames herself. Then there is her best friend, Eden, for whom she has lots of feelings for but Eden manipulated Josh for her benefit, thus creating a wall between herself and Stevie. Among all these problems, Stevie became depressed while coping with the loss of her own brother, which forces her to make a plan to kill herself on the day of her brother's anniversary. Stevie is also facing an eating disorder, where her own body started making her feel with disgust. For recovery, her father admits her to a treatment center and her plan to kill herself gets messed up because the treatment center is forcing her to eat and keeps an eye on her activities from eating to shitting like a hawk. Will she be successful in her plans? Will she reach her target weight while blindly cheating the day care and food plans crafted out especially for her recovery?
What Stevie wants is control- the type of control you want it when things go out of control, you want that control even if you push all the limits and kill yourself. Stevie's life is a mess and totally beyond her control, and the rehab thing is not doing any good to her plans over control. Guilt, anger, pain made the seventeen year old's mind go into a mission to take control of her body.
The story sways between Stevie's past and her present days in the rehab, and since the story is told from Stevie's POV, it lets the readers see through the deepest and darkest core of her mind. Although the past is the narration of already happened events recollected from Stevie's memories, which had a bit of loose ends and yeah the author might have tried to relate her reason to Stevie's pain, but somehow loose ends were left everywhere on it's wake, especially what really happens between Stevie and her best friend, Eden, then the reason behind why Stevie's mom abandoned her family on the first place.
Some reviewers have claimed to say that Stevie has gone through transformation, but honestly I did not feel that at all. Stevie opens up angry and ends up sort of pissed off with her life. The writing is good and strong and the prose is layered with deep emotions, some can be bit dark and graphic and can somehow instigate negative feelings like suicidal or whatever, among young teenagers while reading the book. Yes, while reading I realized the voice of Stevie is told from someone who knows what happens when you're facing an eating disorder, I mean very original and easy to connect with the pain. No I was lucky enough that I never went through such a tragic phase, but I could still somehow feel Stevie's mental trauma that is haunting her, clawing at her bare skin.
The author really knows how to draw in the readers' sympathy for her main character. The main character, flawed, yet portrayed with lots of realism and sensitivity as well as compassion. Stevie's demeanor is like any other 17 year old going through troubles in family as well as love life. Stevie is brave yet very weak from the inside, her fight against herself pulls me into the story like a moth looking for a flicker of light in the darkness.
The supporting cast yet once again portrayed brilliantly but leave the story without a clue or without any closure. Like for example, Stevie's friend from rehab, Ashely, whom the author have sketched with lots of love and reality and pain, yet her existence in the story fell short without the depth in her characterization.
Stevie's Shrink, whom she actually called The Shrink, Anna, is featured beautifully, since she is the only adult monitoring Stevie while in the rehab. Yeah no doubt their bond started off too weak, which then transforms into something not that strong but understandable. Stevie and Ann, both were fighting their own battles and honestly, Anna's approach towards Stevie's well being is really good, not with a hard push but with a gentle push.
Family issues, relationships (lesbian), undying bonds of friendships, growing trust are blend in so perfectly into the story that makes it one hell of an emotional as well as enlightening roller-coaster ride and is perfect read for the summers. I urge every parent and teenagers to read it once to realize what happens when life actually throws lemons at you and with a mind so young and so inexperienced, how a teenager deals with those lemons.
Verdict: This book will thoroughly appeal to the YA readers.
Courtesy: Thanks a lot to the publishers from Hot Key Books, for giving me an opportunity to read and review this book.
September 16, 2015
I believe this was my first experience of a character with an eating disorder, and I admit it's not a subject that I've ever really given a huge amount of thought to, given that it's never been a part of my own life or the people in it. I don't think I really appreciated the impact of other factors other than the actual food or appearance issues on a person's ED. This was an eye opener, and it was done poignantly and authentically.
This is a well written, emotionally charged account of a girl struggling with not just her ED, but also grief, guilt and abandonment. The fact that the basis for the story was formed by the author's own experience as both a survivor and therapist is evident.
The relationships - both the strong and the toxic - are wonderfully formed so that every single character felt real, and I had real feelings for them.
This is a well written, emotionally charged account of a girl struggling with not just her ED, but also grief, guilt and abandonment. The fact that the basis for the story was formed by the author's own experience as both a survivor and therapist is evident.
The relationships - both the strong and the toxic - are wonderfully formed so that every single character felt real, and I had real feelings for them.
September 25, 2017
Update - Sep 2017: Why did I give this 3.5? Every time I think about this book, it makes me mad. Lowering to 2.
---
“Promise was like a precious stone, she told me: hypnotising, but after a while the weight of it could sink you."
I picked this book up because I'm a glutton for punishment, and I really, thoroughly enjoy YA contemporary books about The Tough Issues: abuse, EDs, addictions, pregnancy, etc. I've been reading them for a long time, and because of that, I've come across my fair share of titles that revolved around disordered eating and the suicidal tendencies that sometimes can accompany the presence of those disorders. That said, this book wasn't as heavily impacting as I expected it to be.
Don't get me wrong; the synopsis is very heavy, and it's a tough topic to breach. We've got Stevie, who's been wrapped up in this eating disorder for some time now, and has these very specific goals for her own suicide. (Note: None of this is a spoiler! These are all things you learn within the first few pages.) To our knowledge, her intended suicide is due to the guilt of killing her own brother the year prior, and the ED is simply a vehicle to get her there.
First of all, right off the bat, the fact that this 17-year-old intends to kill herself by starvation, in three weeks, in an eating disorder rehab... It felt a little unbelievable to me. She's a very intelligent young woman, and a few times, I found myself wondering how we were expected to believe that this was even a plausibility; it became especially difficult when we very quickly learned that some of the other girls in the rehab had feeding tubes, which made it clear that these counselors and doctors weren't screwing around.
Second of all, the development in the book just felt a little lacking. We're left in clear suspense regarding not only the death of her older brother, but also the reason for her mother's absence, and the bizarre feelings she seems to hold towards another young woman back home in Atlanta. Rather than build up suspense or develop further into her feelings regarding these matters, the narration focuses a very long time on minor things, like Stevie's closed-off nature towards the doctors, her need to belittle other rehab patients for their recovery, or how desperately she misses alcohol. Things got repetitive fast, and I found myself sometimes skimming when the narrator went onto another tangent about how "pathetic" she found it that one of her roommates was rounding out and becoming healthy once more.
Obviously, this is only one reader's opinions on Stevie's behavior, and though I am a survivor of disordered eating, everyone's experience is certainly not the same. That said, it just didn't make for a particularly insightful read, and I also found that it could be tremendously triggering for anyone who is on the upswing of an ED recovery.
By the book's end, I just felt like there were more unrealistic turns, one right after another, and the ending itself was incredibly predictable but also incredibly unlikely. SPOILER: END SPOILER
---
“Promise was like a precious stone, she told me: hypnotising, but after a while the weight of it could sink you."
I picked this book up because I'm a glutton for punishment, and I really, thoroughly enjoy YA contemporary books about The Tough Issues: abuse, EDs, addictions, pregnancy, etc. I've been reading them for a long time, and because of that, I've come across my fair share of titles that revolved around disordered eating and the suicidal tendencies that sometimes can accompany the presence of those disorders. That said, this book wasn't as heavily impacting as I expected it to be.
Don't get me wrong; the synopsis is very heavy, and it's a tough topic to breach. We've got Stevie, who's been wrapped up in this eating disorder for some time now, and has these very specific goals for her own suicide. (Note: None of this is a spoiler! These are all things you learn within the first few pages.) To our knowledge, her intended suicide is due to the guilt of killing her own brother the year prior, and the ED is simply a vehicle to get her there.
First of all, right off the bat, the fact that this 17-year-old intends to kill herself by starvation, in three weeks, in an eating disorder rehab... It felt a little unbelievable to me. She's a very intelligent young woman, and a few times, I found myself wondering how we were expected to believe that this was even a plausibility; it became especially difficult when we very quickly learned that some of the other girls in the rehab had feeding tubes, which made it clear that these counselors and doctors weren't screwing around.
Second of all, the development in the book just felt a little lacking. We're left in clear suspense regarding not only the death of her older brother, but also the reason for her mother's absence, and the bizarre feelings she seems to hold towards another young woman back home in Atlanta. Rather than build up suspense or develop further into her feelings regarding these matters, the narration focuses a very long time on minor things, like Stevie's closed-off nature towards the doctors, her need to belittle other rehab patients for their recovery, or how desperately she misses alcohol. Things got repetitive fast, and I found myself sometimes skimming when the narrator went onto another tangent about how "pathetic" she found it that one of her roommates was rounding out and becoming healthy once more.
Obviously, this is only one reader's opinions on Stevie's behavior, and though I am a survivor of disordered eating, everyone's experience is certainly not the same. That said, it just didn't make for a particularly insightful read, and I also found that it could be tremendously triggering for anyone who is on the upswing of an ED recovery.
By the book's end, I just felt like there were more unrealistic turns, one right after another, and the ending itself was incredibly predictable but also incredibly unlikely. SPOILER: END SPOILER
Read
July 8, 2015Interesting, and true to many of the experiences I once had (I was never in a treatment facility but probably should have been.) Perhaps since I've been recovered for a long time I didn't find this triggering, but others definitely might. (Note: it could be triggering in relation to eating disorders, but also in relation to other types of self-harm.)
I've seen other reviewers say that Stevie is unlikeable, and I agree, but I also think that eating disorders, like drug or alcohol addiction, pretty much require a lot of unlikeable behavior, and not just the obvious. You need to be sneaky, to lie to yourself and others. You become paranoid and suspicious of well-meaning people who want to help you, and your goal in life becomes to outwit them. I recognized the competitiveness between the girls in treatment, the superiority that anorexics feel over bulimics, the way an eating disorder takes so much mental energy that it crowds out everything else, the perverse sense of satisfaction and smugness that comes with extreme self-deprivation, and most of all, the absolute weirdness of the fact that any person is able to convince herself that food is her mortal enemy and that she should starve herself.
Loved Stevie's relationship with her therapist - that was probably my favorite part of the book and had an Ordinary People vibe that made me want to rewatch the movie.
I wasn't expecting this to also be a grief/guilt book and wasn't sure how I felt about the fact that the book spent a lot of time trying to explain Stevie's condition with very dramatic (and somewhat convoluted) precipitating factors, including a That did keep pulling the book in a different direction, and resulted in the fact that Stevie spends a lot of time thinking about characters who aren't really present in the story.
Wintergirls is defintiely still the most powerful eating disorder book I've ever read, but this might be a solid #2.
I've seen other reviewers say that Stevie is unlikeable, and I agree, but I also think that eating disorders, like drug or alcohol addiction, pretty much require a lot of unlikeable behavior, and not just the obvious. You need to be sneaky, to lie to yourself and others. You become paranoid and suspicious of well-meaning people who want to help you, and your goal in life becomes to outwit them. I recognized the competitiveness between the girls in treatment, the superiority that anorexics feel over bulimics, the way an eating disorder takes so much mental energy that it crowds out everything else, the perverse sense of satisfaction and smugness that comes with extreme self-deprivation, and most of all, the absolute weirdness of the fact that any person is able to convince herself that food is her mortal enemy and that she should starve herself.
Loved Stevie's relationship with her therapist - that was probably my favorite part of the book and had an Ordinary People vibe that made me want to rewatch the movie.
I wasn't expecting this to also be a grief/guilt book and wasn't sure how I felt about the fact that the book spent a lot of time trying to explain Stevie's condition with very dramatic (and somewhat convoluted) precipitating factors, including a That did keep pulling the book in a different direction, and resulted in the fact that Stevie spends a lot of time thinking about characters who aren't really present in the story.
Wintergirls is defintiely still the most powerful eating disorder book I've ever read, but this might be a solid #2.
July 3, 2015
Warning: I’d advise any readers with an eating disorder, or those easily influenced, to avoid this book as it may trigger unhealthy behavior
That being said, Paperweight was…cruel. There’s not much to say beyond that it was a heartbreakingly blunt story about a girl who showed her strength by starving herself to death and that I wanted to cry throughout the entire story. The words of Stevie are shockingly poignant and they cut deep–her contempt, her disgust, and her desperation jumped out from the page and just seemed to slither into me. The way that Haston weaves her words together is almost frightening in how truthful they sound and how much they can impact a reader.
The way that Haston approaches eating disorders is interesting and irrevocably emotional. Thinking that there are girls who feel the way that Stevie does (that bulimia is week? That anorexia is strength?) hurts and frankly, I have the urge to both slap sense into them then hug them and wrap them in a blanket. (Or, at least, that’s how it felt with Stevie.)
One of my favorite things about this story is probably going to be the story itself. Stevie starts the novel out as a contemptuous person, a bit selfish, a bit lonely, and a bit oblivious-to-the-world and throughout the entire story, something starts to shift in her. It’s almost imperceptible and I only really comprehended it in the very last bit of the book. She starts giving in ever so slightly, starts becoming closer to the other girls in her cottage, starts complying with her treatment team’s request. I kind of loved that–the slow shift and the sudden realization. (That’s kind of where the tears started.)
And, just to acknowledge the history of Stevie and all the Reasons Why: It’s really freaking brutal. I honestly ached for Joshua and I sometimes wanted to shake Stevie for acting the way she did. As for Eden? I’d rather not even talk about Eden.
Paperweight is insane, but that’s just how the world works. Haston’s portrayal of eating disorders is an emotional one that doesn’t flinch away then focus on something flimsy like a romance. It takes the subject head on and gives us a story worth tears and worth the heartache.
P.S: Kudos to Haston for giving the therapist a monuemental role in the story. In YA therapists are often the bad guy or the ones who “don’t understand” and act essentially like robots. It’s refreshing to find a therapist character who helps more than harms and has her own flaws as a character.
That being said, Paperweight was…cruel. There’s not much to say beyond that it was a heartbreakingly blunt story about a girl who showed her strength by starving herself to death and that I wanted to cry throughout the entire story. The words of Stevie are shockingly poignant and they cut deep–her contempt, her disgust, and her desperation jumped out from the page and just seemed to slither into me. The way that Haston weaves her words together is almost frightening in how truthful they sound and how much they can impact a reader.
The way that Haston approaches eating disorders is interesting and irrevocably emotional. Thinking that there are girls who feel the way that Stevie does (that bulimia is week? That anorexia is strength?) hurts and frankly, I have the urge to both slap sense into them then hug them and wrap them in a blanket. (Or, at least, that’s how it felt with Stevie.)
One of my favorite things about this story is probably going to be the story itself. Stevie starts the novel out as a contemptuous person, a bit selfish, a bit lonely, and a bit oblivious-to-the-world and throughout the entire story, something starts to shift in her. It’s almost imperceptible and I only really comprehended it in the very last bit of the book. She starts giving in ever so slightly, starts becoming closer to the other girls in her cottage, starts complying with her treatment team’s request. I kind of loved that–the slow shift and the sudden realization. (That’s kind of where the tears started.)
And, just to acknowledge the history of Stevie and all the Reasons Why: It’s really freaking brutal. I honestly ached for Joshua and I sometimes wanted to shake Stevie for acting the way she did. As for Eden? I’d rather not even talk about Eden.
Paperweight is insane, but that’s just how the world works. Haston’s portrayal of eating disorders is an emotional one that doesn’t flinch away then focus on something flimsy like a romance. It takes the subject head on and gives us a story worth tears and worth the heartache.
P.S: Kudos to Haston for giving the therapist a monuemental role in the story. In YA therapists are often the bad guy or the ones who “don’t understand” and act essentially like robots. It’s refreshing to find a therapist character who helps more than harms and has her own flaws as a character.
August 6, 2015
Wow, this really took me by surprise. It was so much more poignant and emotional than I expected it to be. If you're on the fence about reading this, I would definitely say to pick it up.
February 20, 2016
Before I begin my review, I really want to stress that your views on food have nothing to do with treatment of
someone else's
eating disorder. If you are not a professional with the appropriate scope of practice, you have absolutely no place commenting on anyone's etiology, presentation, or treatment of symptoms. Eating disorders are fucking serious. They are deep-seated, heartbreaking disorders and need to be addressed appropriately. Whether or not you as a reader choose to eat or not to eat something has no bearing on someone else's treatment. Period.
This book broke my heart. Meg Haston is a counselor as well as a writer and every intonation of the mental health professionals and the workers at the eating disorder center were purposefully placed. Stevie was not easy to like but my heart broke with her, watching her struggle with the exercises and the therapy. It was just so sad, but also so necessary. I can't even put my thoughts into words because my heart is broken. But this book is so essential. I'd recommend reading it if you truly put yourself in Stevie's shoes, or the shoes of the therapist in the book, completely disregarding your own views of food and entirely focusing on Stevie's own story and treatment.
This book broke my heart. Meg Haston is a counselor as well as a writer and every intonation of the mental health professionals and the workers at the eating disorder center were purposefully placed. Stevie was not easy to like but my heart broke with her, watching her struggle with the exercises and the therapy. It was just so sad, but also so necessary. I can't even put my thoughts into words because my heart is broken. But this book is so essential. I'd recommend reading it if you truly put yourself in Stevie's shoes, or the shoes of the therapist in the book, completely disregarding your own views of food and entirely focusing on Stevie's own story and treatment.
July 22, 2015
Need some time to gather my thoughts for this one. I found a certain thing that happened in the end a little anticlimactic and I struggled to connect with the main character - but I really loved some of the side characters here (like Ashley, and her relationship with the main character). I found the flashbacks to be really effective too, and it made me want to just stay up late and read it in one sitting (but alas, school the next day...)
Thinking 3-4 stars for now! RTC.
Thinking 3-4 stars for now! RTC.
September 19, 2015
"If Girl A departs sanity around the time her mother abandons her, assuming she is traveling at full speed toward self-destruction, how long will it take her to reach her dead brother?"
I think this was a pretty solid read, with well developed characters, and a storyline that tackles head on some very heavy topics. I thought the author did an excellent job at really depicting the inner turmoil that the main character, Stevie, is coping with. Meg Haston cracks open Stevie's skull so that the reader can truly get insider her thoughts, and experience the whirlwind of emotions she has towards herself, her family, and her eating disorder in a way that doesn't shy away from the bleak and gritty nature this mental illness projects, and while I do think I got a better inside look at the debilitating thoughts and anxiety that a person can suffer through in concerns to their weight, I also found myself to be emotionally disconnected from Stevie's character. She was just so hard to identify with. In the beginning and for most of the book, Stevie is absurdly cynical and completely deluded. She distances herself from everyone, which left me feeling pretty distant to her as well. But Mrs. Haston deftly evolves Stevie's character, so smoothly and realistically, that I hardly notice the changes until it hit me all at once. I felt like a proud parent in the steps Stevie was making toward progress, and my heart clenched when her footsteps began to falter. It took a while, but Stevie's character eventually grew on me big time.
The writing was... a bit too purple for me at times. It wasn't as extreme as Tahereh Mafi's prose, but more along the lines of Jandy Nelson's penmanship, so If you're a fan of those authors, then I think you would appreciate the numerous and creative metaphors that Meg Haston weaves into her text. As for me, although I do love poetic proses, I also think there should be balance, and this one tipped the scale a little too much. It may have even detracted more from the story, than it did to add flair. The novel is also told in flashbacks, which I didn't really care for in this instance. Which brings me to this question: Am I the only reader who
Overall, Paperweight was truly a fascinating and deep read that kept my attention throughout with great pacing, layered characters, and a plot that has been done numerous times over, but was still potent and uniquely crafted. I wasn't entirely blown away, but I do think this was well worth the read.
March 12, 2016
Hablemos de libros sobre problemas alimenticios bien escritos, cuidados y que no utilizan una enfermedad como una simple excusa para hacer un libro que vende.
August 3, 2015
This review appears on Happy Indulgence - check it out for more reviews!
Deep, heavy and depressing, Paperweight certainly packed a punch when it came to the feels. I picked this up, knowing it was about a girl suffering from an eating disorder, but little did I know, the multiple triggers the book would cover. Grief, physical and emotional abuse, suicide, depression, toxic friendships, negative body image, drinking and family neglect, it’s all here.
Paperweight would be incredibly difficult for anyone who’s ever experienced any of the above. This book holds no bounds and does not gloss over anything. Every sentence is heavy and difficult to read, a harsh look at the deeper recesses of mental illness and it’s triggers.
Being forced into rehab to cope with her eating disorder, Stevie is hard, angry and unreceptive to her treatment. This girl is mentally ill, and it really shows from her innermost thoughts and feelings. She hates the world, hates other girls, hates her situation and herself. Not having dealt with an eating disorder myself, the way Stevie begrudged every ounce of fat and avoided every calorie was rather confronting. She envies the gaunt look of other girls, with their jutting out hips and collar bones! It was disturbing, but it was also incredibly realistic.
Because Stevie is so angry and hateful, she’s incredibly judgmental towards the other girls in therapy. As time goes on, her thoughts around the only girls do slowly start to change, only serving to reflect that people who view others in a bad light are most likely unhappy with themselves. There’s a reason for Stevie’s distrust of other women however, due to being played with by a selfish friend in the past.
The catalyst for Stevie’s healing was her therapist (also known as Shrink), who played a major part of the story. Shrink is incredibly patient of Stevie, gently asking questions and allowing her to come to terms with things herself. But she was also someone who really cared about Stevie and showed that not everyone was out to get her. I was really surprised with her techniques though, forcing the girls and Stevie out of their comfort zones to face their fears. This seemed to be quite torturous for Stevie in particular, even though it turned out to be effective.
Paperweight offers slow character development for Stevie as she approaches the anniversary for her brother’s death in therapy. Through therapy, she slowly recalls what lead to her eating disorder and depression. We hear about her self blame, grief, and how lonely she feels. But we also slowly start to see her come to terms with everything. I only wish the book would have given us more happiness at the end to lighten the load of the book.
Perhaps I’m too used to the happily ever after in fiction, but Paperweight is more about realism than anything else. This book definitely isn’t going to be for everyone, but I can see it’s importance. As a therapist herself, the author could probably help those out there experiencing a similar problem to Meg. It’s an incredibly heavy and depressing read, and you definitely need to be in the right frame of mind to read it.
I received a review copy from the publisher.
Deep, heavy and depressing, Paperweight certainly packed a punch when it came to the feels. I picked this up, knowing it was about a girl suffering from an eating disorder, but little did I know, the multiple triggers the book would cover. Grief, physical and emotional abuse, suicide, depression, toxic friendships, negative body image, drinking and family neglect, it’s all here.
Paperweight would be incredibly difficult for anyone who’s ever experienced any of the above. This book holds no bounds and does not gloss over anything. Every sentence is heavy and difficult to read, a harsh look at the deeper recesses of mental illness and it’s triggers.
Being forced into rehab to cope with her eating disorder, Stevie is hard, angry and unreceptive to her treatment. This girl is mentally ill, and it really shows from her innermost thoughts and feelings. She hates the world, hates other girls, hates her situation and herself. Not having dealt with an eating disorder myself, the way Stevie begrudged every ounce of fat and avoided every calorie was rather confronting. She envies the gaunt look of other girls, with their jutting out hips and collar bones! It was disturbing, but it was also incredibly realistic.
Because Stevie is so angry and hateful, she’s incredibly judgmental towards the other girls in therapy. As time goes on, her thoughts around the only girls do slowly start to change, only serving to reflect that people who view others in a bad light are most likely unhappy with themselves. There’s a reason for Stevie’s distrust of other women however, due to being played with by a selfish friend in the past.
The catalyst for Stevie’s healing was her therapist (also known as Shrink), who played a major part of the story. Shrink is incredibly patient of Stevie, gently asking questions and allowing her to come to terms with things herself. But she was also someone who really cared about Stevie and showed that not everyone was out to get her. I was really surprised with her techniques though, forcing the girls and Stevie out of their comfort zones to face their fears. This seemed to be quite torturous for Stevie in particular, even though it turned out to be effective.
Paperweight offers slow character development for Stevie as she approaches the anniversary for her brother’s death in therapy. Through therapy, she slowly recalls what lead to her eating disorder and depression. We hear about her self blame, grief, and how lonely she feels. But we also slowly start to see her come to terms with everything. I only wish the book would have given us more happiness at the end to lighten the load of the book.
Perhaps I’m too used to the happily ever after in fiction, but Paperweight is more about realism than anything else. This book definitely isn’t going to be for everyone, but I can see it’s importance. As a therapist herself, the author could probably help those out there experiencing a similar problem to Meg. It’s an incredibly heavy and depressing read, and you definitely need to be in the right frame of mind to read it.
I received a review copy from the publisher.
February 21, 2019
Heavy and emotional... Not what I was expecting given the cute cover.
I thought the author did a fantastic job conveying the struggles and triumphs associated with recovery and therapy for eating disorders. Although it was a bit heavy, I think this is one of the best YA books I've read regarding these topics because too often it feels like YA books just don't explore serious and difficult topics as deeply as they could or should.
I thought the author did a fantastic job conveying the struggles and triumphs associated with recovery and therapy for eating disorders. Although it was a bit heavy, I think this is one of the best YA books I've read regarding these topics because too often it feels like YA books just don't explore serious and difficult topics as deeply as they could or should.
August 1, 2019
4 - 4.5(?)
Me sorprendió lo mucho que me gustó este libro.
Toca temas algo sensibles, que pueden llegar a afectar si estas en una etapa difícil. Siento que la autora hizo un buen trabajo en representación.
Me encantaron todos los personajes, hizo un trabajo excelente con los personajes secundarios.
Algo que si debo decir que siento que todo pasa muy rápido.
Me sorprendió lo mucho que me gustó este libro.
Toca temas algo sensibles, que pueden llegar a afectar si estas en una etapa difícil. Siento que la autora hizo un buen trabajo en representación.
Me encantaron todos los personajes, hizo un trabajo excelente con los personajes secundarios.
Algo que si debo decir que siento que todo pasa muy rápido.
November 29, 2015
DNF at 50%
It's a shame that a book with this beautiful of a cover didn't really do much for me story wise. I'm not going to write a long and lengthy review as I usually do, because I didn't finish this book. I wasn't interested enough to continue reading. I picked this book up because that cover was too gorgeous to pass up, and because I'm intrigued by stories that deal with different types of mental illness. This book deals with a lot of graphic content, which is expected. It's about a girl named Stevie who gets put into a rehab facilitation type of place for her eating disorder, and she decides on the 27th day she's there she is going to kill herself on the anniversary that she killed her brother. It wasn't the darkness of this book that bothered me, because I read plenty of dark books that deal with dark subject matter, but it was the way Stevie narrated it. She's one of those characters who try way too hard to not care about anything. She's aggressively rude and annoying to everyone in this book. I know this is the behavior that put her in this rehab place in the first place and I should've expected this, but I don't know. I just can't stand Stevie's narration in this book. Even in the flashback scenes her narrations are just boring and dull. I don't really know how to explain it. Maybe it's just me. I gave this book 2 stars as opposed to 1 because this book has potential and somebody else would probably like it but it just wasn't for me.
It's a shame that a book with this beautiful of a cover didn't really do much for me story wise. I'm not going to write a long and lengthy review as I usually do, because I didn't finish this book. I wasn't interested enough to continue reading. I picked this book up because that cover was too gorgeous to pass up, and because I'm intrigued by stories that deal with different types of mental illness. This book deals with a lot of graphic content, which is expected. It's about a girl named Stevie who gets put into a rehab facilitation type of place for her eating disorder, and she decides on the 27th day she's there she is going to kill herself on the anniversary that she killed her brother. It wasn't the darkness of this book that bothered me, because I read plenty of dark books that deal with dark subject matter, but it was the way Stevie narrated it. She's one of those characters who try way too hard to not care about anything. She's aggressively rude and annoying to everyone in this book. I know this is the behavior that put her in this rehab place in the first place and I should've expected this, but I don't know. I just can't stand Stevie's narration in this book. Even in the flashback scenes her narrations are just boring and dull. I don't really know how to explain it. Maybe it's just me. I gave this book 2 stars as opposed to 1 because this book has potential and somebody else would probably like it but it just wasn't for me.
July 5, 2015
PAPERWEIGHT is another addition to the YA contemporary genre, but it goes a lot deeper than your average romance. The very little romance that is hinted at is only a blimp in the story that is PAPERWEIGHT. It is about a girl’s journey, her struggles, her revelations, and her recovery.
My favorite aspect of this book was the main character, Stevie. I really liked her voice, it’s fresh and unique and honest. She can be unlikable at times but it works. There are reasons behind her actions and thoughts-not that totally justifies them because she can be frustrating at times and make stupid decisions. Still, just like a real person, her thoughts can be dark and judgmental at times, making her all the more real and easy to relate to.
The writing is descriptive and thoughtful, and there are some absolutely great quotes that come from it. Stevie’s story is all on the table, and although we are not privy to every detail at the beginning, you get to experience everything alongside her and really begin to understand her, even if you’ve never been in a similar situation.
On the negative side, there was not much going on. There were no pacing issues, but this story is very character-driven, so it is all about Stevie and what she is going through so we are kind of stuck in the same setting with the same everyday situations.
This book makes you think deeper about those like Stevie and I think it is an important read. The comparisons to WINTERGIRLS are inevitable, but the books are quite different, in my opinion. Both worth reading.
My favorite aspect of this book was the main character, Stevie. I really liked her voice, it’s fresh and unique and honest. She can be unlikable at times but it works. There are reasons behind her actions and thoughts-not that totally justifies them because she can be frustrating at times and make stupid decisions. Still, just like a real person, her thoughts can be dark and judgmental at times, making her all the more real and easy to relate to.
The writing is descriptive and thoughtful, and there are some absolutely great quotes that come from it. Stevie’s story is all on the table, and although we are not privy to every detail at the beginning, you get to experience everything alongside her and really begin to understand her, even if you’ve never been in a similar situation.
On the negative side, there was not much going on. There were no pacing issues, but this story is very character-driven, so it is all about Stevie and what she is going through so we are kind of stuck in the same setting with the same everyday situations.
This book makes you think deeper about those like Stevie and I think it is an important read. The comparisons to WINTERGIRLS are inevitable, but the books are quite different, in my opinion. Both worth reading.
August 21, 2018
2/3 of the way through I was certain that this book would be nothing more than a 3 star book for me, but I’m so happy to admit that I was wrong.
In my opinion this book perfectly portrayed the Eating Disorders mentioned in it.
I’ve dealt with many eating disorders in my life and I was shocked at how much I could relate to Stevie.
Great read, but as always, be aware of the many trigger warnings this book has!
In my opinion this book perfectly portrayed the Eating Disorders mentioned in it.
I’ve dealt with many eating disorders in my life and I was shocked at how much I could relate to Stevie.
Great read, but as always, be aware of the many trigger warnings this book has!
July 6, 2015
You can read this review and more on my blog, Caught Read Handed.
Paperweight is an extremely difficult book to review. It’s also an extremely difficult book to read. I’ve never had an eating disorder and it was hard for me to read this. I can’t even imagine how triggering this book could possibly be for someone who’s had (or has) an eating disorder. Paperweight makes you uncomfortable. It pulls you completely out of your comfort zone and doesn’t hold a damn thing back. It puts everything out there in the most raw and honest way possible. And it’s difficult to read it because of that. But it is so worth your time.
Haston has done a wonderful thing with this book. She’s created Stevie, a girl with Anorexia Nervosa, who believes that her disease makes up everything she is. Again, I’ve never had an eating disorder nor have I ever been in a treatment facility. But I feel like Stevie’s story is authentic. It feels real. Stevie doesn’t miraculously get 100% better. That’s not life. The way she changes is subtle, believable. Honestly, Stevie is unlikeable at times. She’s selfish and mean, but her voice felt right.
If I had to describe this book in four words, they would be: Honest. Real. Emotional. Painful. This book is brutal, you guys, and I think you have to be in a certain emotional state to read it. I’m still not sure how I made it through certain parts, but I made it through because Stevie did.
The bottom line: Paperweight is a hard one. It’s hard to read and hard to review. It’s brutal and honest and raw, and I definitely don’t think it’s for everyone. It could be potentially triggering if you’ve dealt with (or are dealing with) an eating disorder. Stevie’s voice is one to listen to though. She’s honest and real, and that’s what scares me the most.
Paperweight is an extremely difficult book to review. It’s also an extremely difficult book to read. I’ve never had an eating disorder and it was hard for me to read this. I can’t even imagine how triggering this book could possibly be for someone who’s had (or has) an eating disorder. Paperweight makes you uncomfortable. It pulls you completely out of your comfort zone and doesn’t hold a damn thing back. It puts everything out there in the most raw and honest way possible. And it’s difficult to read it because of that. But it is so worth your time.
Haston has done a wonderful thing with this book. She’s created Stevie, a girl with Anorexia Nervosa, who believes that her disease makes up everything she is. Again, I’ve never had an eating disorder nor have I ever been in a treatment facility. But I feel like Stevie’s story is authentic. It feels real. Stevie doesn’t miraculously get 100% better. That’s not life. The way she changes is subtle, believable. Honestly, Stevie is unlikeable at times. She’s selfish and mean, but her voice felt right.
If I had to describe this book in four words, they would be: Honest. Real. Emotional. Painful. This book is brutal, you guys, and I think you have to be in a certain emotional state to read it. I’m still not sure how I made it through certain parts, but I made it through because Stevie did.
The bottom line: Paperweight is a hard one. It’s hard to read and hard to review. It’s brutal and honest and raw, and I definitely don’t think it’s for everyone. It could be potentially triggering if you’ve dealt with (or are dealing with) an eating disorder. Stevie’s voice is one to listen to though. She’s honest and real, and that’s what scares me the most.
February 17, 2023
content warnings: eating disorder, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, car accident, death of a loved one, parent abandonment
in twenty-seven days, stevie’s brother will have been dead for one year. since she feels responsible for his death, she plans on joining him on the anniversary. her plan becomes complicated, though, when she finds herself in a treatment facility for her eating disorder.
reading this was an emotional experience, as i’m sure you can tell just from the trigger warnings. reading about stevie’s journey was hard, especially in the beginning when she didn’t even want to get better. however, this was a great book and was told so well.
in twenty-seven days, stevie’s brother will have been dead for one year. since she feels responsible for his death, she plans on joining him on the anniversary. her plan becomes complicated, though, when she finds herself in a treatment facility for her eating disorder.
reading this was an emotional experience, as i’m sure you can tell just from the trigger warnings. reading about stevie’s journey was hard, especially in the beginning when she didn’t even want to get better. however, this was a great book and was told so well.
December 16, 2017
I thought I would enjoy this book, but I stopped reading it after a bit because I found it quite triggering, for instance just at the beginning when she is judging the other "inmates" because of the color of their arm bands, sayiing she was proud of being the red ones, the worst because they are refusing to get better or to take food. I get the author is trying to show us where the main character is, but I also think that when writing about certain topics you have to be careful about how you express opinions or certain things.
August 23, 2015
OH MY GOD THIS BOOK. And yes, let me reiterate that it is probably HUGELY triggering for those with an eating disorder, so be careful, precious ones. But oh my gosh, I love love love Stevie and I want to cuddle her and tell her that everything's going to be alright.
I mean, her growth is just INCREDIBLE and painful and yep, I cried towards the end because I can't even imagine how hard recovery must be. It's strange because, yeah, she's fictional but I felt so PROUD of her throughout the book with all the subtle little improvements she was making.
God.
Okay so I loved Wintergirls and also gave it five stars but they're such different stories and I loved this one just as much.
__________________________________
Going into this book, I had no idea just how much it would affect me. wintergirls
I’ve been wanting to read it for months, and the reviews I saw on Goodreads all said how it didn’t impact them nearly as much as Wintergirls.
The thing is, I loved Wintergirls. I love Laurie Halse Anderson, mainly, and the way she wrote about anorexia and self-image and self-loathing was just so heartbreaking. But the hope is there too. For me, it’s all about the hope.
THAT SAID, I think this book would be hugely triggering for some people, so be careful, lovely ones.
Paperweight is a very different book to Wintergirls.
Sure, they’re both about eating disorders. But I love them in different ways, so I guess keep that in mind – they’re very different books.
First, let’s talk about Stevie.
Stevie is our main character. She’s pretty unlikeable to start with. She’s lashing out at everyone around her, and she pretty much just wants to die. She doesn’t give recovery a chance – she doesn’t give anything a chance. The world is against her.
But oh, the character development. It’s subtle, as well, so you don’t even notice it at first. It’s just little things – helping out one of the girls who she originally hated. Letting people in, even just a little bit. It’s not just about the mental illness, it’s about learning how to trust people and deal with her grief and anger.
I wanted to hug her so hard. And just, you know, tell her to keep going and everything. She felt so REAL to me. It was strange how I felt PROUD for her throughout the book as she made these little improvements. It was painful and difficult, because recovery is not an easy thing, but it was lovely to see that happening.
Then there’s her relationship with her therapist, Anna.
As I’ve said, Stevie’s pretty awful to begin with, lashing out at Anna. Throughout the book, she refers to her as Shrink. It’s weird in YA books – the therapists never seem to be real PEOPLE…they’re like walking textbooks or something, I don’t know.
But Anna was a real person, with her own issues, and who helped Stevie so much in a lot of different ways. And I loved seeing Anna’s concern for Stevie, as well as her belief that Stevie COULD do this.
Though most of the book was about Stevie, there were some really nice interactions with other characters.
Stevie goes from being disdainful of the other girls – looking down on the ones who have bulimia, or the ones who have yellow/green bracelets and therefore are not “strong” – to forming a really close friendship with some. Especially Ashley.
OH GOD ASHLEY.
That thing towards the end nearly broke my heart. Can you imagine how Stevie would have felt if…
Anyway.
It was a really lovely relationship between the two of them.
I guess my ONLY complaint would be the flashbacks.
They occurred really often and were somewhat jarring sometimes – plus I felt that less would have been more in terms of the “I killed my brother” storyline.
But still, that’s a small complaint.
Basically? I loved it.
I loved that there were girls there who didn’t have “reasons” for their eating disorder. I loved Stevie. I loved Anna and Ashley. I loved how sensitive and real it felt, because Meg Haston is a survivor herself. I loved that it was hopeful. I loved that it was also realistic about how difficult recovery can be, and how those with eating disorders often don’t feel as though they have a problem.
I love the cover, of course, which is why I took like a billion photos of it.
I absolutely love this book and this shows once and for all that I love having my heart stomped on.
Full review to come on my blog soon.
I mean, her growth is just INCREDIBLE and painful and yep, I cried towards the end because I can't even imagine how hard recovery must be. It's strange because, yeah, she's fictional but I felt so PROUD of her throughout the book with all the subtle little improvements she was making.
God.
Okay so I loved Wintergirls and also gave it five stars but they're such different stories and I loved this one just as much.
__________________________________
Going into this book, I had no idea just how much it would affect me. wintergirls
I’ve been wanting to read it for months, and the reviews I saw on Goodreads all said how it didn’t impact them nearly as much as Wintergirls.
The thing is, I loved Wintergirls. I love Laurie Halse Anderson, mainly, and the way she wrote about anorexia and self-image and self-loathing was just so heartbreaking. But the hope is there too. For me, it’s all about the hope.
THAT SAID, I think this book would be hugely triggering for some people, so be careful, lovely ones.
Paperweight is a very different book to Wintergirls.
Sure, they’re both about eating disorders. But I love them in different ways, so I guess keep that in mind – they’re very different books.
First, let’s talk about Stevie.
Stevie is our main character. She’s pretty unlikeable to start with. She’s lashing out at everyone around her, and she pretty much just wants to die. She doesn’t give recovery a chance – she doesn’t give anything a chance. The world is against her.
But oh, the character development. It’s subtle, as well, so you don’t even notice it at first. It’s just little things – helping out one of the girls who she originally hated. Letting people in, even just a little bit. It’s not just about the mental illness, it’s about learning how to trust people and deal with her grief and anger.
I wanted to hug her so hard. And just, you know, tell her to keep going and everything. She felt so REAL to me. It was strange how I felt PROUD for her throughout the book as she made these little improvements. It was painful and difficult, because recovery is not an easy thing, but it was lovely to see that happening.
Then there’s her relationship with her therapist, Anna.
As I’ve said, Stevie’s pretty awful to begin with, lashing out at Anna. Throughout the book, she refers to her as Shrink. It’s weird in YA books – the therapists never seem to be real PEOPLE…they’re like walking textbooks or something, I don’t know.
But Anna was a real person, with her own issues, and who helped Stevie so much in a lot of different ways. And I loved seeing Anna’s concern for Stevie, as well as her belief that Stevie COULD do this.
Though most of the book was about Stevie, there were some really nice interactions with other characters.
Stevie goes from being disdainful of the other girls – looking down on the ones who have bulimia, or the ones who have yellow/green bracelets and therefore are not “strong” – to forming a really close friendship with some. Especially Ashley.
OH GOD ASHLEY.
That thing towards the end nearly broke my heart. Can you imagine how Stevie would have felt if…
Anyway.
It was a really lovely relationship between the two of them.
I guess my ONLY complaint would be the flashbacks.
They occurred really often and were somewhat jarring sometimes – plus I felt that less would have been more in terms of the “I killed my brother” storyline.
But still, that’s a small complaint.
Basically? I loved it.
I loved that there were girls there who didn’t have “reasons” for their eating disorder. I loved Stevie. I loved Anna and Ashley. I loved how sensitive and real it felt, because Meg Haston is a survivor herself. I loved that it was hopeful. I loved that it was also realistic about how difficult recovery can be, and how those with eating disorders often don’t feel as though they have a problem.
I love the cover, of course, which is why I took like a billion photos of it.
I absolutely love this book and this shows once and for all that I love having my heart stomped on.
Full review to come on my blog soon.
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