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An Honest Woman: A Memoir of Love and Sex Work
Through the lens of her years spent as a sex worker, Charlotte Shane offers a provocative and tender reckoning of what it means to be a heterosexual woman and a feminist in a misogynistic society.
In her early twenties, Charlotte Shane quit her women’s studies graduate program to devote herself to sex work because it was a way to devote herself to men. Her lifelong curiosity about male lust, love, selfishness, and social capital dovetailed with her own insatiable desire for intimacy to sustain a long career in escorting, with unexpectedly poignant results.
Shane uses her personal and professional history to examine how men and women struggle in their attempts at romantic and sexual bonding, no matter how true their intentions. As she takes stock of her relationships—with clients, with her father, with friends, with married men, and later, with her own husband—she tells a candid and haunting tale of love, marriage, and (in)fidelity, as seen through the eyes of the perpetual “other woman.”
Braiding the personal and the universal, Shane’s memoir is a merciless and moving love letter to straight men and an indictment of habitual dishonesty, a condemnation of every social constraint acting on heterosexual unions, and a hopeful affirmation of the possibility for true connection between men and women.
In her early twenties, Charlotte Shane quit her women’s studies graduate program to devote herself to sex work because it was a way to devote herself to men. Her lifelong curiosity about male lust, love, selfishness, and social capital dovetailed with her own insatiable desire for intimacy to sustain a long career in escorting, with unexpectedly poignant results.
Shane uses her personal and professional history to examine how men and women struggle in their attempts at romantic and sexual bonding, no matter how true their intentions. As she takes stock of her relationships—with clients, with her father, with friends, with married men, and later, with her own husband—she tells a candid and haunting tale of love, marriage, and (in)fidelity, as seen through the eyes of the perpetual “other woman.”
Braiding the personal and the universal, Shane’s memoir is a merciless and moving love letter to straight men and an indictment of habitual dishonesty, a condemnation of every social constraint acting on heterosexual unions, and a hopeful affirmation of the possibility for true connection between men and women.
192 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2024
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
June 9, 2024
This memoir doesn't try to do very much. It feels deeply phoned in, unconcerned with the reader's experience, just page after page of long summary paragraphs. It is concerned with only one thing: making sure you understand that yes sex work is real and here are some of the ways it works. You could have accomplished everything this book accomplishes in a nice longform essay.
I often found myself with questions about Shane herself. She lays out a lot of situations but doesn't get much into her own feelings. She shows you how she had this need to please men from an early age, but it's still a pretty big jump from there to sex work, especially when she found sex unpleasant and painful. She breezes past this gap. And in some ways I get it, she wants you to understand that she does not need to justify herself. She wants to normalize sex work and that's a worthy goal. But it's not the goal of a memoir, which is to share a personal experience. That's the real problem: this isn't a memoir at all.
The center of the book is Shane's long relationship with an older, married man who falls in love with her. It's a strange relationship, and she sometimes tries to explain it, but she leaves a lot unsaid that leave you without a lot of new insight by the time it's over.
I often found myself with questions about Shane herself. She lays out a lot of situations but doesn't get much into her own feelings. She shows you how she had this need to please men from an early age, but it's still a pretty big jump from there to sex work, especially when she found sex unpleasant and painful. She breezes past this gap. And in some ways I get it, she wants you to understand that she does not need to justify herself. She wants to normalize sex work and that's a worthy goal. But it's not the goal of a memoir, which is to share a personal experience. That's the real problem: this isn't a memoir at all.
The center of the book is Shane's long relationship with an older, married man who falls in love with her. It's a strange relationship, and she sometimes tries to explain it, but she leaves a lot unsaid that leave you without a lot of new insight by the time it's over.
May 13, 2024
A quick, moving and eloquent memoir! I really enjoyed the authors insights on sex work and weaving her personal experiences with larger observations about men, women and society. Although not all of her experiences and conclusions resonated with me, the overall tone was something very approachable and compulsively readable.
My slight critique is the last chapter came on too fast and wrapped up too quickly.
Thank you to Netgalley and Simon & Schuster for the opportunity to review this ARC.
My slight critique is the last chapter came on too fast and wrapped up too quickly.
Thank you to Netgalley and Simon & Schuster for the opportunity to review this ARC.
May 16, 2024
Thank you so much to NetGalley and Simon & Schuster for the ARC in exchange for my honest review! All opinions expressed in this review are my own.
An Honest Woman is Charlotte Shane’s memoir about being a sex worker, beginning in her childhood, spanning into her adolescence and first experiences with sex, describing her encounters as a sought-after sex worker in New York City, and later, her relationships with a client and her husband. It’s not told in exactly that order, but I really didn’t mind. Each of Shane’s chapters revealed more about her life—what made her interested in sex work and how she turned this passion into a career, how her childhood influenced her perceptions on sex and love and marriage, and the personal relationships she had with her clients over the years—and showcased her gorgeous writing style, immersing me in nearly every experience that she recalled.
I was initially drawn to this memoir because I’ve been learning a lot about sex work in my Anthropology class this semester, but I stayed for Shane’s transfixing prose and her story. Even though I’m not as experienced as she is—even when she describes her adolescence and her late teens/early twenties—I felt like I was reading some of the stories of my love life. I didn’t think I’d be able to relate entirely to her memoir, but it’s hard not to relate to her words: about feeling like an outsider in her friend groups growing up, feeling stuck in academia and academic circles, feeling like you’re trapped in the narrative that others around you are writing. This part of the memoir is executed flawlessly, and her tone and writing are sharp and poignant, great features in a memoir. However, I flew through the first half, unable to pick up the second half of the book (mostly because I had lots of stress from finals! but also) because it shifted into a concentration on one of her clients, Roger. I liked reading about Roger—this memoir seems to be a case study of Roger, in addition to telling her life story—but I felt that it became very oxymoronic at times. Shane stresses that she is not in love with Roger, not a gold digger, but she dedicates so much time of her book solely describing their relationship.
Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with a sex worker being in love with their client, but I felt that Shane continually defended that she wasn’t in love with Roger, and the defenses ended up weakening her claims. She did not come off as a gold digger to me, because it was obvious that she cared so much for Roger, but I felt that their relationship lost its spark and became lackluster after she continually doubled down that there was no mutual love—even when it doesn’t take a critical reader reading in between the lines to see that both she and Roger were in love with each other. Maybe this is because she is married, but then she only spends a single chapter talking about her husband. This makes sense, because this is a memoir about her life as a sex worker, but I would have loved to read more about her managing both her relationships with her husband and with Roger moreso than I would have liked to read about her and Roger time and time again. I hope I’m not coming off like a hater, because it was super interesting to read about how her relationship with Roger turned from client to close friend, but it dominated the book more than I would have liked.
As far as memoirs go, this is extremely well written, and I would love to read more about Shane’s experiences in the industry. She loves what she does and doesn’t apologize for it, which is so commendable and empowering. I really recommend this memoir if you like memoirs and love learning about the sex work industry.
An Honest Woman is Charlotte Shane’s memoir about being a sex worker, beginning in her childhood, spanning into her adolescence and first experiences with sex, describing her encounters as a sought-after sex worker in New York City, and later, her relationships with a client and her husband. It’s not told in exactly that order, but I really didn’t mind. Each of Shane’s chapters revealed more about her life—what made her interested in sex work and how she turned this passion into a career, how her childhood influenced her perceptions on sex and love and marriage, and the personal relationships she had with her clients over the years—and showcased her gorgeous writing style, immersing me in nearly every experience that she recalled.
I was initially drawn to this memoir because I’ve been learning a lot about sex work in my Anthropology class this semester, but I stayed for Shane’s transfixing prose and her story. Even though I’m not as experienced as she is—even when she describes her adolescence and her late teens/early twenties—I felt like I was reading some of the stories of my love life. I didn’t think I’d be able to relate entirely to her memoir, but it’s hard not to relate to her words: about feeling like an outsider in her friend groups growing up, feeling stuck in academia and academic circles, feeling like you’re trapped in the narrative that others around you are writing. This part of the memoir is executed flawlessly, and her tone and writing are sharp and poignant, great features in a memoir. However, I flew through the first half, unable to pick up the second half of the book (mostly because I had lots of stress from finals! but also) because it shifted into a concentration on one of her clients, Roger. I liked reading about Roger—this memoir seems to be a case study of Roger, in addition to telling her life story—but I felt that it became very oxymoronic at times. Shane stresses that she is not in love with Roger, not a gold digger, but she dedicates so much time of her book solely describing their relationship.
Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with a sex worker being in love with their client, but I felt that Shane continually defended that she wasn’t in love with Roger, and the defenses ended up weakening her claims. She did not come off as a gold digger to me, because it was obvious that she cared so much for Roger, but I felt that their relationship lost its spark and became lackluster after she continually doubled down that there was no mutual love—even when it doesn’t take a critical reader reading in between the lines to see that both she and Roger were in love with each other. Maybe this is because she is married, but then she only spends a single chapter talking about her husband. This makes sense, because this is a memoir about her life as a sex worker, but I would have loved to read more about her managing both her relationships with her husband and with Roger moreso than I would have liked to read about her and Roger time and time again. I hope I’m not coming off like a hater, because it was super interesting to read about how her relationship with Roger turned from client to close friend, but it dominated the book more than I would have liked.
As far as memoirs go, this is extremely well written, and I would love to read more about Shane’s experiences in the industry. She loves what she does and doesn’t apologize for it, which is so commendable and empowering. I really recommend this memoir if you like memoirs and love learning about the sex work industry.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 2, 2024
Finished my ARC - thank you to Simon & Schuster for my digital copy.
I haven’t read a memoir in a little while so once I came across this in my ARC list to read I thought I’d give it a go. It was definitely interesting to hear about this particular topic & how open she was to being raw & honest about it. Some parts felt uneven and choppy, making it harder for the reading flow. Unfortunately this memoir didn’t hit for me like other memoirs.
I haven’t read a memoir in a little while so once I came across this in my ARC list to read I thought I’d give it a go. It was definitely interesting to hear about this particular topic & how open she was to being raw & honest about it. Some parts felt uneven and choppy, making it harder for the reading flow. Unfortunately this memoir didn’t hit for me like other memoirs.
July 16, 2024
While I was immediately sold on the premise, I was quickly disappointed. I feel that the book is a little all over the place. While I find it hard to judge a memoir as it is someone’s life, I just feel that the first half was driven my her insecurities and random female shaming. The second half was interesting, but I felt the book to be disjointed. It seems slightly unhinged in terms of her relationship with her one client and their family / actions thereafter and event that takes place. The ending came out of nowhere and I feel left me with unanswered components in what was being shared.
June 4, 2024
"But the strength of the shame meant that any whiff of "no" tended to linger for years, and the guy was usually so afraid of treating it with the seriousness it deserved, he'd make the request sound like a short-lived whim. If she laughed it off, or made a face, or asked him why they would do that with each other, he'd never mention it again. That misunderstanding impeded the creation of new intimacy and pushed them apart. Couples don't have to share everything with each other, but this, to me felt like an unnecessary loss"
Thank you to Charlotte Shane and NetGalley.com for the Advanced Readers Copy.
I am truly blown away with how beautifully well this was written. Charlotte's voice, understanding of her life experiences, and total self awareness had me hanging on every last word. I was flying through the book while also trying to read as slowly as possible because I did not want it to end. This is not just a compilation of specific instances, or wild stories.. it is so much deeper than that. I think as humans we are naturally curious about sex in general, but sex work specifically because it can be seen as taboo in our culture and this book helps you understand more from the perspective of someone who chose to do this with her life for her own unique reasons. This was an easy 5 star rating for me, I will absolutely be purchasing a physical copy for my shelf, and will be cheering on the author hoping her voice gives us more in the future!
Thank you to Charlotte Shane and NetGalley.com for the Advanced Readers Copy.
I am truly blown away with how beautifully well this was written. Charlotte's voice, understanding of her life experiences, and total self awareness had me hanging on every last word. I was flying through the book while also trying to read as slowly as possible because I did not want it to end. This is not just a compilation of specific instances, or wild stories.. it is so much deeper than that. I think as humans we are naturally curious about sex in general, but sex work specifically because it can be seen as taboo in our culture and this book helps you understand more from the perspective of someone who chose to do this with her life for her own unique reasons. This was an easy 5 star rating for me, I will absolutely be purchasing a physical copy for my shelf, and will be cheering on the author hoping her voice gives us more in the future!
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March 11, 2024…being affirmed as an object of desire…
Please read my entire review here:
https://open.substack.com/pub/msarki/...
Please read my entire review here:
https://open.substack.com/pub/msarki/...
May 28, 2024
Thank you, NetGalley and Simon & Schuster for this advanced reader's copy. This was a fascinating memoir about a woman who was a sex worker for many years, and it traces how she started on her journey into the 'business'. The author speaks candidly about growing up, loving men, being awkward for a long time, and how not all relationships were about sex. Some of her relationships with these men were long term and were more of the idea of a mistress than what anyone would consider sex work. It was interesting and educational to read the author's takes on fidelity and when she found her husband. I love to read different perspectives on relationships, life, and careers.
June 24, 2024
3.5 stars rounded up
An Honest Woman is author Charlotte Shane’s memoir about her experiences working as an escort in DC and NYC. It is broken down into separate parts and follows Shane’s journey into her career and the path she followed shaping her career into what she wanted it to be. The ending also included her reflections on relationships and sex in general.
I did enjoy this memoir and thought Shane’s writing was beautiful. My favorite parts were her experiences with Roger and at times felt this was more Roger’s story than her own. I would definitely read more client-focused experiences from this author, although I recognize these are not necessarily her interest or stories to tell. I would also have liked to learn more about Shane’s webcam experiences and earlier escort days.
Thank you to NetGalley and Simon & Schuster for access to this eARC in exchange for an honest review!
An Honest Woman is author Charlotte Shane’s memoir about her experiences working as an escort in DC and NYC. It is broken down into separate parts and follows Shane’s journey into her career and the path she followed shaping her career into what she wanted it to be. The ending also included her reflections on relationships and sex in general.
I did enjoy this memoir and thought Shane’s writing was beautiful. My favorite parts were her experiences with Roger and at times felt this was more Roger’s story than her own. I would definitely read more client-focused experiences from this author, although I recognize these are not necessarily her interest or stories to tell. I would also have liked to learn more about Shane’s webcam experiences and earlier escort days.
Thank you to NetGalley and Simon & Schuster for access to this eARC in exchange for an honest review!
July 30, 2024
This memoir-vella would have been better had there been labelled essays or just one single essay. There was no through line other than the fact that Shane was a sex worker, and it was disjointed and not chronological. She talks about her youth and mentions her early days, but she never really leads us from A to Z. She kept mentioning this guy Roger, which didn't make sense until the second to last chapter. Honestly would not have finished this had it not been so short.
Thank you to Simon and Schuster and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Thank you to Simon and Schuster and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
May 2, 2024
This is a very powerful memoir by C Shane - WOW!
This is a more in depth Memoir of her previous book, Prostitute Laundry.
If you're a memoir reader, ADD THIS ONE TO YOUR TBR!
This is a more in depth Memoir of her previous book, Prostitute Laundry.
If you're a memoir reader, ADD THIS ONE TO YOUR TBR!
June 9, 2024
I found this book to be well written and intelligent in its observations as the author shares her views. She did sex work for a number of years and found value in the things she learned.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews