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On Death and Dying
Psychology, Medicine, Ethical Studies
300 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published January 1, 1969
About the author
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
124 books1,429 followersElisabeth Kübler-Ross was a Swiss-American psychiatrist, a pioneer in near-death studies, and author of the internationally best-selling book, On Death and Dying (1969), where she first discussed her theory of the five stages of grief, also known as the "Kübler-Ross model".
Kübler-Ross was a 2007 inductee into the National Women's Hall of Fame, was named by Time as one of the "100 Most Important Thinkers" of the 20th century and was the recipient of twenty honorary degrees. By July 1982, Kübler-Ross had taught 125,000 students in death and dying courses in colleges, seminaries, medical schools, hospitals, and social-work institutions. In 1970, she delivered an Ingersoll Lecture at Harvard University on the theme On Death and Dying. The New York Public Library also named, "On Death & Dying" as one of the "Library's Books of the Century."
Kübler-Ross was a 2007 inductee into the National Women's Hall of Fame, was named by Time as one of the "100 Most Important Thinkers" of the 20th century and was the recipient of twenty honorary degrees. By July 1982, Kübler-Ross had taught 125,000 students in death and dying courses in colleges, seminaries, medical schools, hospitals, and social-work institutions. In 1970, she delivered an Ingersoll Lecture at Harvard University on the theme On Death and Dying. The New York Public Library also named, "On Death & Dying" as one of the "Library's Books of the Century."
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 776 reviews
October 10, 2017
This book is a sample of three seminars about life, death and the transition between both delivered by Dr. Kübler-Ross, an eminence in Near-death studies and a pioneer in researching the five stages of grief. Ross’ work mingles spirituality with rigorous science and has helped hundreds of dying people of all ages, particularly children, and their families to make peace with death and to accept it as a door to another sort of existence.
According to Dr. Ross’ observations, right after death, the body becomes an empty chrysalis and some sort of spiritual energy that was retained in life is set free; using Dr.Ross' simile, like a worm which has undergone a transformation and become a butterfly that all of a sudden has wings to fly. This ethereal entity knows all, loves all and lives on eternally.
I am not courageous enough to declare myself an atheist, I feel more comfortable with the term agnostic, but I am not certainly religious in the classical sense of the word, so I approached this book with caution and even a certain degree of skepticism.
Nevertheless, if you manage to suspend judgment and put your little ego aside along with all the fears and flimsy arguments that you repeat to yourself like a mantra to explain the inexplicable, you might find Dr. Kübler-Ross’ experiences worthy of reading, and who knows, even as an alternative possibility to consider.
Regardless of your intellectual reaction to Ross’ theories, I think this woman’s biggest feat is the kind of love she professed, the selfless involvement with the moribund patients that she treated for more than twenty-five years and the all-abiding humanity that exudes from her words.
Even if I might not be ready to fully believe that there is life after death, I can apply many of Dr. Kübler-Ross’ reflections to make the most of my earthly life by loving it, loving the people who share it with me and by making the most of my short time here with a positive attitude, regardless of the challenges ahead.
So Kudos, and thank you, Mrs. Kübler-Ross.
According to Dr. Ross’ observations, right after death, the body becomes an empty chrysalis and some sort of spiritual energy that was retained in life is set free; using Dr.Ross' simile, like a worm which has undergone a transformation and become a butterfly that all of a sudden has wings to fly. This ethereal entity knows all, loves all and lives on eternally.
I am not courageous enough to declare myself an atheist, I feel more comfortable with the term agnostic, but I am not certainly religious in the classical sense of the word, so I approached this book with caution and even a certain degree of skepticism.
Nevertheless, if you manage to suspend judgment and put your little ego aside along with all the fears and flimsy arguments that you repeat to yourself like a mantra to explain the inexplicable, you might find Dr. Kübler-Ross’ experiences worthy of reading, and who knows, even as an alternative possibility to consider.
Regardless of your intellectual reaction to Ross’ theories, I think this woman’s biggest feat is the kind of love she professed, the selfless involvement with the moribund patients that she treated for more than twenty-five years and the all-abiding humanity that exudes from her words.
Even if I might not be ready to fully believe that there is life after death, I can apply many of Dr. Kübler-Ross’ reflections to make the most of my earthly life by loving it, loving the people who share it with me and by making the most of my short time here with a positive attitude, regardless of the challenges ahead.
So Kudos, and thank you, Mrs. Kübler-Ross.
July 19, 2015
To begin this review, an important quote about the way we train doctors to interact with patients:
"What happens in a society that puts more emphasis on IQ and class-standing than on simple matters of tact, sensitivity, perceptiveness, and good taste in the management of the suffering? In a professional society where the young medical student is admired for his research and laboratory work during the first years of medical school while he is at a loss of words when a patient asks him a simple question? If we could combine the teaching of the new scientific and technical achievements with equal emphasis on the interpersonal human relationships we could indeed make progress, but not if the new knowledge is conveyed to the student at the price of less and less interpersonal contact.
A wonderful book about what the dying can teach us about how and why to live. Kubler-Ross takes us through her model of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance - and explains the functions and complexities of each stage. She also discusses the history of death and how society's views of it have changed, as well as the ways in which we interact with the dying. A quote I found helpful about understanding anger:
"A patient who is respected and understood, who is given attention and a little time, will soon lower his voice and reduce his angry demands. He will know that he is a valuable human being, cared for, allowed to function at the highest possible level as long as he can. He will be listened to without the need for a temper tantrum, he will be visited without ringing the bell every so often because dropping in on him is not a necessary duty but a pleasure."
My main takeaway from reading On Death and Dying: talk about death. These conversations carry huge challenges and loads of emotional difficulty. But they have the potential to create an openness and understanding that will free both the dying and those closest to them. Kubler-Ross shares many interviews in this book and exposes us to how hard death is. By doing so, she allows us to start the process of accepting the trials and tribulations that come with passing on, so we can live the best we can.
Recommended to anyone interested in death and dying, either because of a personal experience or for a miscellaneous reason. I will end this review with a final quote that resonated with me:
"Those who have the strength and the love to sit with a dying patient in the silence that goes beyond words will know that this moment is neither frightening nor painful, but a peaceful cessation of the functioning of the body. Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever. To be a therapist to a dying patient makes us aware of the uniqueness of each individual in this vast sea of humanity. It makes us aware of our finiteness, our limited lifespan. Few of us live beyond our three score and ten years and yet in that brief time most of us create and live a unique biography and weave ourselves into the fabric of human history."
"What happens in a society that puts more emphasis on IQ and class-standing than on simple matters of tact, sensitivity, perceptiveness, and good taste in the management of the suffering? In a professional society where the young medical student is admired for his research and laboratory work during the first years of medical school while he is at a loss of words when a patient asks him a simple question? If we could combine the teaching of the new scientific and technical achievements with equal emphasis on the interpersonal human relationships we could indeed make progress, but not if the new knowledge is conveyed to the student at the price of less and less interpersonal contact.
A wonderful book about what the dying can teach us about how and why to live. Kubler-Ross takes us through her model of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance - and explains the functions and complexities of each stage. She also discusses the history of death and how society's views of it have changed, as well as the ways in which we interact with the dying. A quote I found helpful about understanding anger:
"A patient who is respected and understood, who is given attention and a little time, will soon lower his voice and reduce his angry demands. He will know that he is a valuable human being, cared for, allowed to function at the highest possible level as long as he can. He will be listened to without the need for a temper tantrum, he will be visited without ringing the bell every so often because dropping in on him is not a necessary duty but a pleasure."
My main takeaway from reading On Death and Dying: talk about death. These conversations carry huge challenges and loads of emotional difficulty. But they have the potential to create an openness and understanding that will free both the dying and those closest to them. Kubler-Ross shares many interviews in this book and exposes us to how hard death is. By doing so, she allows us to start the process of accepting the trials and tribulations that come with passing on, so we can live the best we can.
Recommended to anyone interested in death and dying, either because of a personal experience or for a miscellaneous reason. I will end this review with a final quote that resonated with me:
"Those who have the strength and the love to sit with a dying patient in the silence that goes beyond words will know that this moment is neither frightening nor painful, but a peaceful cessation of the functioning of the body. Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever. To be a therapist to a dying patient makes us aware of the uniqueness of each individual in this vast sea of humanity. It makes us aware of our finiteness, our limited lifespan. Few of us live beyond our three score and ten years and yet in that brief time most of us create and live a unique biography and weave ourselves into the fabric of human history."
March 22, 2016
I took a class called "Death and Dying" in 1993 or 1994 and this was our textbook.
The class and the book changed my entire viewpoint on death, grief, letting go...everything. It was, hands-down, the best, most useful, most enlightening class I took in my undergrad career.
I kept all my literature books, my Chaucer compendium, and my Shakespeare plays and I kept this book. Moreover, I kept all the notes from this class because I knew I would need them someday.
I need them all now and I can't find the book or the folder full of notes. They are in my house, somewhere safe, somewhere where I should be able to find them because I would have put them in a findable place...but I don't know where that findable place is and it is driving me crazy.
The class and the book changed my entire viewpoint on death, grief, letting go...everything. It was, hands-down, the best, most useful, most enlightening class I took in my undergrad career.
I kept all my literature books, my Chaucer compendium, and my Shakespeare plays and I kept this book. Moreover, I kept all the notes from this class because I knew I would need them someday.
I need them all now and I can't find the book or the folder full of notes. They are in my house, somewhere safe, somewhere where I should be able to find them because I would have put them in a findable place...but I don't know where that findable place is and it is driving me crazy.
May 18, 2016
Having recently lost my husband, I felt compelled to re-read this classic study by Dr. Kubler-Ross who I had the privilege of meeting and dining with several years ago. This groundbreaking work describes the now well known stages of grief: denial and isolationism, bargaining, depression, anger, and acceptance. She explains the reasons behind each of these emotions and how to deal with them as best as one can. She uses personal interviews with the grief stricken, some of which are heartbreaking. It is the rare person who does not experience these emotions albeit somewhat briefly and not necessarily in the order in which they are listed.
I highly recommend this book to all readers, even if they have not had a recent death of friend or family. It is fascinating and spiritually uplifting.
I highly recommend this book to all readers, even if they have not had a recent death of friend or family. It is fascinating and spiritually uplifting.
June 19, 2023
"It is not the end of the physical body that should worry us. Rather, our concern must be to live while we're alive."
Main Highlight of this book
This book delves into the five stages of grief that individuals often go through when facing their own mortality or the loss of a loved one. Kübler-Ross states, "The five stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost." This is the second time I have read this book, for some reason I could relate to this book even more, after the loss of my grandparents few months back.
I find a lot of quotes in this book to be very inspirational, and beautifully written, here is another one:
"When we have done all the work we were sent to Earth to do, we are allowed to shed our body, which imprisons our soul like a cocoon encloses the future butterfly."
Throughout the book, the author offers valuable insights and guidance for individuals, families, and healthcare professionals to navigate the complexities of death. She reminds us, "It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on Earth—and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up—that we will begin to live each day to the fullest."It seems Ross already had introspected about life and death, and she has pour out her understanding through this poignant yet inspiring book.
"On Death and Dying" is a poignant reminder that death is an integral part of life's journey. By embracing our mortality and embracing the emotions that come with it, we can find strength, growth, and a deeper appreciation for the preciousness of life. As Kübler-Ross eloquently states, "Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in this life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from."
A thought-provoking read!
Main Highlight of this book
This book delves into the five stages of grief that individuals often go through when facing their own mortality or the loss of a loved one. Kübler-Ross states, "The five stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost." This is the second time I have read this book, for some reason I could relate to this book even more, after the loss of my grandparents few months back.
I find a lot of quotes in this book to be very inspirational, and beautifully written, here is another one:
"When we have done all the work we were sent to Earth to do, we are allowed to shed our body, which imprisons our soul like a cocoon encloses the future butterfly."
Throughout the book, the author offers valuable insights and guidance for individuals, families, and healthcare professionals to navigate the complexities of death. She reminds us, "It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on Earth—and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up—that we will begin to live each day to the fullest."It seems Ross already had introspected about life and death, and she has pour out her understanding through this poignant yet inspiring book.
"On Death and Dying" is a poignant reminder that death is an integral part of life's journey. By embracing our mortality and embracing the emotions that come with it, we can find strength, growth, and a deeper appreciation for the preciousness of life. As Kübler-Ross eloquently states, "Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in this life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from."
A thought-provoking read!
February 1, 2016
It took me a while to get through this one for obvious reasons. I kind of got through most of the sections as I was going through them, although I am still in the middle of this process and reading of the whole process is beginning to help. Grief is not a straight line but rather a series of knots that I find myself having to untie again and again; I am moving through it and I have no idea where I'm going but I'm going there.
November 4, 2013
I re-read this book from time to time simply because it helps me put 'the circle of life' into perspective, and having recently had to put Honey, our 11.5 year old dog to sleep, I pulled this out again and read the parts that deal with the process and necessity and importance of allowing ourselves to grieve.
One of the most important psychological studies of the late twentieth century, On Death and Dying grew out of Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's famous interdisciplinary seminar on death, life, and transition. In this remarkable book, Dr. Kübler-Ross first explored the now-famous five stages of death: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Through sample interviews and conversations, she gives the reader a better understanding of how imminent death affects the patient, the professionals who serve that patient, and the patient's family, bringing hope to all who are involved.On Death and Dying isn't the kind of book I normally read - much less review - but it's such an important, powerful work that I feel it needs to be shared in hopes that others will benefit from the insights and wisdom found within.
This is a well written, compassionate but honest collection of interviews with dying patients and their families, the purpose of this study/book being to help both deal with the emotions and the many phases of death they will face. Denial. Anger. Depression.... It was a difficult read sometimes because I couldn't help but become attached to the patients and ache for what they were going through.
And as hard as it might be to believe, this book is also an excellent help when going through a relationship breakup, whether by choice or not. As my dear friend, Beverly, always told me, "You have to go through it to get through it. I miss you, Brat!
I highly recommend this book to anyone with elderly or ailing friends or family members, or to anyone who works in healthcare. It's written with respect and integrity, giving hope to the living and honoring the dying by helping assure them of a peaceful, dignified passing.
January 18, 2019
افرادی که برای ماندن در کنار بیمار رو به مرگ از قدرت و عشقی آنچنانی برخوردار باشند، در این لحظه، لحظهای که سکوت از واژگان درمیگذرد خواهند دید که واقعه نه ترسناک است و نه دردناک، بلکه فقط توقف آرام کارکرد جسم آدمیست. تماشای مرگ یک انسان، آدمی را به یاد شهاب ثاقب میاندازد، یکی از میلیونها نقطهی نورانیِ نشسته در دلِ آسمان پهناور که لحظهای مختصر شعله میکشد و دمی بعد در شب بینهایت فرو میرود
دربارهی کتاب
خود را بگذارید جای دانشجوی رشته پزشکی، پرستاری، مددکاری یا حتی الهیات عملی که روزی الزاما با بیمار بدحالی که مرگش نزدیک است روبرو خواهد شد. در ابتدای کار باید چگونه لاعلاج بودن بیماری فرد را ب�� او اطلاع داد؟ واکنش شما در روزهای پایانی زندگی فرد باید چگونه باشد؟ یا نه، نیازی نیست حتما دانشجو یا پژوهشگر باشید، خود را بگذارید جای فردی که خدای نکرده یکی از نزدیکانش به بیماری خطرناکی دچار شده است. رفتار شما با بیمارتان چگونه خواهد بود؟ چگونه دربارهی نگرانیها و بیمهای بیمار سر صحبت را با او باز میکنید؟ باز هم خدای ناکرده خود را بگذارید جای فردی که خبر بیماری و مرگ قریبالوقوعش را به او دادهاند. واکنش شما چیست و چگونه برای مردن آماده میشوید؟ با خواندن این کتاب احتمالا پاسخ خود را خواهید گرفت، اما این همهی ماجرای کتاب نیست
دکتر راس در این کتاب پژوهشهای خود و گروهش را به عنوان درمانگران بیماران رو به مرگ شرح میدهد. به این ترتیب که بیمار بدحال، با آگاهی و رضایت خود به اتاق مصاحبه آینهدار آورده میشوند و بجز دکتر راس یک کشیش هم بیمار را در ��فتگو همراهی میکند. گروهی پنجاه نفره از دانشجویان و پژوهشگران هم در اتاق دیگری پشت آسنه نظارهگر گفتگو هستند. بیمار در این شرایط فرصت پیدا میکند تا افکار خود را بیان کرده و اضطراب، ترس و خشمی را که عموما بهخاطر ملاحظهی خانواده و سوءرفتار احتمالی پرسنل بیمارستان پنهان کرده، بروز دهد. بیمار بعد از پایان جلسه (که عموما به یک جلسه هم محدود نشده) با آرامش بیشتر به اتاقش بازمیگردد و در بیشتر موارد با دلی باز آمادهی رویارویی با مرگ میشود. اما عمدهی فایدهی این مصاحبهها برای بیماران بدحال آیندهست. پژوهشهای اینچنینی دکتر راس باعث شد تا در محافل آکادمیک به چگونگی رفتار با بیمار بدحال بیشتر و دقیقتر پرداخته شود و در محیطهای بیمارستانی نیز منجر به برگزاری جلسات آموزشیای شد که به پزشکان، پرستاران، مددکاران و رواندرمانگران میآموزد چگونه نیازهای یک بیمار قطع امید شده را شناسایی و برآورده کنند تا مرگ او با عزت و آرامش قلبی همراه باشد
در خلال مصاحبههای این کتاب، دکتر راس نظریهی پنج مرحلهای انکار- خشم - چانهزنی - ناامیدی - پذیرش را تبیین میکند و برای فهم هر مورد چند مثال مفصل هم میآورد و از این رو در این کتاب با مفاهیم انتزاهی کمتر روبرو میشوید و تمام مطالب کتاب کاملا برای خواننده - در هر جایگاهی که باشد - کاربردیست
در کتاب "سوزان سانتاگ در جدال با مرگ" فرزند سانتاگ در موقعیت خویشاوند نزدیکِ بیمارِ رو به مرگ، سوالی را مطرح میکند که بهتجربه بارها با آن روبرو شدم و قطعا در ایران امروز هم خانوادهی بیماران کم و بیش با آن درگیر هستند: تا چه میزانی باید در مورد پیشرفت بیماری به فرد بیمار اطلاع داد؟ آیا باید به طور کل بیماری را انکار کرد، یا آنکه صراحتا همه چیز را به او گفت؟ آیا در حالی که پزشک بهطور کامل از بیمار قطع امید کرده، باید روزنههای امید را برای او بست یا اینکه کورسوی امیدی باقی گذاشت؟ کدام یک اخلاقیست و کدام یک به نفع بیمار؟
دکتر راس پاسخ میدهد که اکثر بیماران حتی بدون نیاز به صحبت از وخامت اوضاع با خبر میشوند و نزدیک شدن مرگ را حس میکنند، اما در هر صورت بهتر است تا حد ممکن بیمار را بدون ناامید کردن، از وخامت اوضاع و خطری که تهدیدش میکند مطلع کرد تا هم به کارهای نیمه تمام خود بپردازد و هم از جنبهی روحی آمادهی شرایط سختتر شود. تجربههای او حاکی از این است که اکثر بیماران از آنچه ورای نقاب خوشحال و خندان خانوادهها میگذرد خبر دارند و بیمار نیز اغلب به دلیل انکار خانواده علیرغم نیاز ضروریاش تمایلی به صحبت دربارهی این موضوع ندارد. در حالی که صحبت دربارهی ناامیدیها و ترسها و حتی مرگ باعث سبک شدن بار سنگین بیمار و آسودگی بیشتر او میشود و کار خانواده را هم برای پذیرش فقدان او بعد از مرگش راحتتر میکند. راس ثابت میکند که صحبت نکردن دربارهی این موضوع بیش از آنکه بخاطر بیمار باشد، بخاطر ترس و انکار پزشک یا خانوادهی اوست
نکتهی آخر اینکه تعدادی از دانشجویان و پژوهشگران حتی طاقت یکی از این مصاحبهها را هم نداشتند و جلسه را به طور نیمهکاره رها میکردند. این موضوع دربارهی کتاب هم صدق میکند و علیرغم بکر بودن موضوع و هیجان انگیز بودن تجربهها، مطالب گاهی آزاردهنده و طاقت فرسا میشود و به پایان رساندن کتاب ممکن است تحمل طولانیای بخواهد. اما من تصور میکنم خواندن این کتاب برای بسیاری یک امر ضروری باشد، زیرا ما هیچگاه نمیتوانیم پیش از تجربه کردن بیماری و مرگ خودمان با حقیقت آن روبرو شویم و مرگ از این رو رازآلود بودن خود را هیچگاه از دست نمیدهد، ولی شاید بتوانیم از رهگذر این مصاحبهها اندک مکاشفهای داشته باشیم تا برای آن روز که نوبت خودمان رسید آمادهتر باشیم
دربارهی ترجمهی کتاب و نسخههای فارسی دیگر
امتیاز به ترجمه: دو
کتاب ترجمهی روان و خودمانیای دارد و آنطور که مترجم گرامی هم در مقدمه توضیح داده، تا جایی که امکان داشته دست به ایرانیسازی ترجمه زده است. من در ابتدا زبان ترجمه را پسندیدم و با توجه به مقدمهی استاد ع. پاشایی بر این نسخه از کتاب، توقع ترجمهای دقیق و وفادارانه به متن داشتم. اما بعد از مقایسهی متن اصلی و ترجمه در چند مورد آزرده شدم و چنین نتیجه گرفتم که این ترجمه بیش از حد غیردقیق و عامیانه ست. در ادامه به چند نمونه از اشکالات ترجمه اشاره میکنم
در نهایت با این اوصاف، به دلیل ترجمهی دقیقتر و قیمت کمتر (حدودا نصف)، ترجمهی آقای بهرامی/ انتشارات رشد تحت عنوان "پایان راه: پیرامون مرگ و مردن" را توصیه میکنم
May 15, 2010
This book and the research behind it clearly were revolutionary and in some ways have not yet had sufficient impact on the practice of medicine. The topic is extremely important, and many concepts put forward here have become heuristics of medical education about how to talk to dying patients (e.g., use simple, straight forward language including the word death; sit down; find a quiet spot to tell people bad news; make sure all the important people are present).
So, why did I say it was ok rather than great despite its obvious importance? First, perhaps it was overhyped and I had inappropriate expectations. Second, since I knew most of it, it had less impact for me. Third, I was horribly turned off by the historical frame for the work she provides in the first 20 pages. It is ridiculous to purport, and especially without significant citations from people who experienced it, that death during the Middle Ages was a more idyllic, peaceful experience with the potential to be home and surrounded be loving family than death in the 20th century was. Those in the Middle Ages died in wars, at the hands of masters, of infectious disease, through torture or childbirth, in unexpected, horrible, and often painful ways. If it wasn't plague, it was gangrene, etc.
Fourth, the stages of dying (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) with hope scattered in, seem bald, inflexible, and to hinge a lot on one's attributing many subconscious urges to people. Sometimes, we're just more straight-forward. And, what about grief? People should grieve things that are lost. Forcing people to be in certain heuristic classes when they should just be able to be where they are emotionally seems nearly as bad as not letting them be where they are emotionally.
So, why did I say it was ok rather than great despite its obvious importance? First, perhaps it was overhyped and I had inappropriate expectations. Second, since I knew most of it, it had less impact for me. Third, I was horribly turned off by the historical frame for the work she provides in the first 20 pages. It is ridiculous to purport, and especially without significant citations from people who experienced it, that death during the Middle Ages was a more idyllic, peaceful experience with the potential to be home and surrounded be loving family than death in the 20th century was. Those in the Middle Ages died in wars, at the hands of masters, of infectious disease, through torture or childbirth, in unexpected, horrible, and often painful ways. If it wasn't plague, it was gangrene, etc.
Fourth, the stages of dying (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) with hope scattered in, seem bald, inflexible, and to hinge a lot on one's attributing many subconscious urges to people. Sometimes, we're just more straight-forward. And, what about grief? People should grieve things that are lost. Forcing people to be in certain heuristic classes when they should just be able to be where they are emotionally seems nearly as bad as not letting them be where they are emotionally.
August 31, 2014
I read this sooooooooooooooo many years ago --- I wonder if I should read it again. I use to own it!
November 2, 2013
I recently lost my husband after he was diagnosed with a terminal disease. I was surprised that I haven't fallen apart...at least not yet. I decided to read this well-known book to understand the grieving process. I was surprised to read about anticipatory grief which, I now realize, is what I have been going through for the last 10 months and in particular in the last 5+ months since the diagnosis was confirmed. I understand that I may not go through all 5 stages ~ denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance in order or at all. I do now understand that some of my feelings are the "norm" and so, I can move on in my own time frame. I would recommend this book to anyone who is currently going through this significant event and life-changing situation ~ whether you are the one who has the illness or the one who is living and caring and loving the patient.
As the Hospice nurse told me, the caretaker has to take care of themselves too. This book will assist you in doing that.
As the Hospice nurse told me, the caretaker has to take care of themselves too. This book will assist you in doing that.
February 4, 2009
Someone else's review reminded me of this one. I read it as part of my research for a role in the play Shadowbox. Sooo interesting... not to mention highly accessible and useful for psyche babble. Kubler-Ross contends that every person adjusting to the idea of death goes through five stages (though they may bounce back and forth, skip ahead, etc., everyone hits all five at some point). They are: Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression, Acceptance.
I read this book probably over 10 years ago, and I still think of it. The most interesting part of all? From my observation over those years, I believe that we all go through these five stages in adjusting to ANYTHING that sucks, not just death (which is obviously the most extreme example of suckiness).
Now I feel all morbid. Gotta go watch cartoons with my kids and eat ice cream...
I read this book probably over 10 years ago, and I still think of it. The most interesting part of all? From my observation over those years, I believe that we all go through these five stages in adjusting to ANYTHING that sucks, not just death (which is obviously the most extreme example of suckiness).
Now I feel all morbid. Gotta go watch cartoons with my kids and eat ice cream...
February 6, 2017
I am more than grateful for you Dr. Kubler-Ross! Though it was not easy at all, but your life quest on death and dying really helped me in very sensitive situations I have been dealing with! Thank you!
"...and the stars seemed like the burning tears of that ignorant darkness."
#Tagore
"...and the stars seemed like the burning tears of that ignorant darkness."
#Tagore
September 4, 2020
I HIGHLY RECOMMEND ON DEATH AND DYING!!
I read On Death and Dying way back in 1986 when my father was dying with Lung Cancer. I just recently re read it becasue of a shocking accidental death in my family. This book helped me today as much as it did 28yrs ago. If you are going through the grief process or if you are supporting someone who is dying, This book is a must have an will greatly help you!! It written with the average person in mind. The narrative comes across for even young teens. I highly recommend On Death and Dying.
I read On Death and Dying way back in 1986 when my father was dying with Lung Cancer. I just recently re read it becasue of a shocking accidental death in my family. This book helped me today as much as it did 28yrs ago. If you are going through the grief process or if you are supporting someone who is dying, This book is a must have an will greatly help you!! It written with the average person in mind. The narrative comes across for even young teens. I highly recommend On Death and Dying.
December 25, 2021
كتاب مهم عن مراحل الحزن الخمسة والتي تدعى بنموذج كوبلر للفقد
وهي دراسة قامت بها هي وفريق بحثها عن الاشخاص المحتضرين أو الذين لا شفاء لهم تحاورهم بكل لطف حتى تمكنت بسببهم من استحداث هذه المراحل الخمس والتي من شأنها أن تعين أيضا من فقدوا أحباءهم في فهم شعور الفقد والأسى بعد رحيلهم
كتاب لا بد أن ينضم لمكتبة المنزل
ستفهم كثيرا عن حزنك حتى تتكامل معه
الترجمة مبهرة شكرا لكم دار صفحة سبعة لترجمة هذا الكتاب وأتمنى أن تترجموا بقية أعمال الكاتبة خاصة كتاب
On grief and grieving
وهي دراسة قامت بها هي وفريق بحثها عن الاشخاص المحتضرين أو الذين لا شفاء لهم تحاورهم بكل لطف حتى تمكنت بسببهم من استحداث هذه المراحل الخمس والتي من شأنها أن تعين أيضا من فقدوا أحباءهم في فهم شعور الفقد والأسى بعد رحيلهم
كتاب لا بد أن ينضم لمكتبة المنزل
ستفهم كثيرا عن حزنك حتى تتكامل معه
الترجمة مبهرة شكرا لكم دار صفحة سبعة لترجمة هذا الكتاب وأتمنى أن تترجموا بقية أعمال الكاتبة خاصة كتاب
On grief and grieving
October 24, 2016
On Death and Dying was one of the hardest books I have ever read. The subject matter was, obviously, in part the reason for this. But there was more than just the topic that made this a difficult book. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross wrote this book at the end of the sixties, almost some fifty years ago and there is much about the world that has changed, and some of what she describes can become difficult to apply to the world we know now. Some level of personal experiences and beliefs that seemed to go against some aspects of the book and the people within its pages also made some aspects of the reading difficult.
Hospitals (at least in the places that are part of the ‘first world’) do not entirely resemble what Kübler-Ross speaks of. They may not be perfect, may be over populated and overly busy, but some of the aspects of them has changed greatly, namely the way the family members of the patients are handled, and also the way that patients themselves are treated and what is available to them to help them not be so alone. Of course, a lot of this changed thanks to the work of people like Kübler-Ross and although the change made it hard to look at her work as being entirely usable in today’s hospitals, it was in itself an enlightening way to see what exactly had changed throughout the years.
That aside, the fifty years since this book was written, show in a myriad of way throughout the pages. Someone I talked to this about joked that ‘People don’t die the same anymore’, but I do think there is a difference in how a lot of the aspects of dying are approached in today’s society, and not all of them are changes that occurred because of research done on this topic. Some, simply happened because the world, our society, changed and evolved. One of the most often evoked worry of the dying in the book is that their spouse is having to take on responsibilities that were not theirs before: for men they worry about their wives looking after the financial and business side of things; for women they worry of leaving their husbands to have to do everything around the household and look after the children.
Gender roles were still strongly enforced and respected when Kübler-Ross wrote this book. Nowadays they are slowly—but surely—being forgotten. Women work, men raise children and for the most part no one bats an eyelid at it all. As such it could be quite difficult, and extremely jarring to fully understand the worry of these patients who felt like they were putting on their husbands too much or not feeling confident that their wives could handle the business they were leaving behind. I think that, as someone who sees themselves as a feminist and stands against gendered stereotypes, these parts were particularly hard to get through. It made me angry because, surely, surely it shouldn’t have been that way. I had to remind me when this book was written several times to get through these particularly bits. Similarly, the heavy emphasis on religion, Christianity I should say, was troubling to me. It was this tacit understanding that bar a few exceptions (there is mention of a Jew at one point), this was the religion that everyone shared, that was accepted as the norm and, in a way expected. Again, this is something that from my personal experience has changed and I cannot imagine that researchers would so easily involve members of the clergy in their research as Kübler-Ross did back then. Finally, the last outdated, rage-inducing part of this book was the use of the word ‘negro’ that felt so out of place and so wrong in the context that it made me extremely uncomfortable and judging how hard as a world we have to fight against racism if it might be a plan to edit such words out of texts that are supposed to be open-minded.
Now all these things aside, On Death and Dying made for a truly interesting read, not least of all because it reveals the origins of what we take now for granted as the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Nowadays these are applied to any grief, but when Elisabeth Kübler-Ross developed and first talked about them, she was not talking about the grief of the living, of those that stay behind, she was talking of the grief of those that are dying and know that they are going to lose everyone and everything that they grew close and worked towards in their lifetime. In this the book holds several revelations. First of all, when studying grief, I had always struggled with the stage of bargaining, and more importantly with when it came in the process. When looking at the grief I had experienced, bargaining suddenly didn’t come after anger, or at least not in the way textbooks had presented it to me. And also it seemed to apply only to cases where the grieving person had known that the deceased had been dying and could not be applied so easily to sudden and violent deaths. Seeing it as a part of the stages that the dying goes through made tremendously more sense.
But more than anything, On Death and Dying made me look at dying in a way that would have been impossible without experiencing it myself or working on the wards where these people spent their last hours, days, months or years. I did not find it as scary as I thought, or as difficult. Instead it made me understand some things attached to my own grief attached to the friend I had to watch die recently. I understood more about what she went through (and how she struggled) and I truly wish that I had read this book earlier. I think, simply, Kübler-Ross asks us to be more human, to look at people and see them as a person no matter their state or their pain. And it should sound an easy enough thing to do but we are famously bad as a race to see things from a point of view that is not our own and in that, her work is tremendously important.
I don’t know if I could handle working with the dying as she did, for I found their stories in turn heart breaking and frustrating, but I have learnt a great deal for learning this book. Not least of all that hope is something we should be able to carry with us until the very end. I had never considered that the dying too grieve, for it is something so little talked about. But now all I can think is, of course they do. It seems now like such obvious a thing that I can but be grateful as this book for how it opened my eyes. I cannot imagine anyone who works with terminally ill patients who should not read this book. They made find it difficult in places, as I did, for our world has changed, but the lesson that it carries, the wisdom within its pages has no need to change, because no amount of time passed will ever make it entirely irrelevant.
Hospitals (at least in the places that are part of the ‘first world’) do not entirely resemble what Kübler-Ross speaks of. They may not be perfect, may be over populated and overly busy, but some of the aspects of them has changed greatly, namely the way the family members of the patients are handled, and also the way that patients themselves are treated and what is available to them to help them not be so alone. Of course, a lot of this changed thanks to the work of people like Kübler-Ross and although the change made it hard to look at her work as being entirely usable in today’s hospitals, it was in itself an enlightening way to see what exactly had changed throughout the years.
That aside, the fifty years since this book was written, show in a myriad of way throughout the pages. Someone I talked to this about joked that ‘People don’t die the same anymore’, but I do think there is a difference in how a lot of the aspects of dying are approached in today’s society, and not all of them are changes that occurred because of research done on this topic. Some, simply happened because the world, our society, changed and evolved. One of the most often evoked worry of the dying in the book is that their spouse is having to take on responsibilities that were not theirs before: for men they worry about their wives looking after the financial and business side of things; for women they worry of leaving their husbands to have to do everything around the household and look after the children.
Gender roles were still strongly enforced and respected when Kübler-Ross wrote this book. Nowadays they are slowly—but surely—being forgotten. Women work, men raise children and for the most part no one bats an eyelid at it all. As such it could be quite difficult, and extremely jarring to fully understand the worry of these patients who felt like they were putting on their husbands too much or not feeling confident that their wives could handle the business they were leaving behind. I think that, as someone who sees themselves as a feminist and stands against gendered stereotypes, these parts were particularly hard to get through. It made me angry because, surely, surely it shouldn’t have been that way. I had to remind me when this book was written several times to get through these particularly bits. Similarly, the heavy emphasis on religion, Christianity I should say, was troubling to me. It was this tacit understanding that bar a few exceptions (there is mention of a Jew at one point), this was the religion that everyone shared, that was accepted as the norm and, in a way expected. Again, this is something that from my personal experience has changed and I cannot imagine that researchers would so easily involve members of the clergy in their research as Kübler-Ross did back then. Finally, the last outdated, rage-inducing part of this book was the use of the word ‘negro’ that felt so out of place and so wrong in the context that it made me extremely uncomfortable and judging how hard as a world we have to fight against racism if it might be a plan to edit such words out of texts that are supposed to be open-minded.
Now all these things aside, On Death and Dying made for a truly interesting read, not least of all because it reveals the origins of what we take now for granted as the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Nowadays these are applied to any grief, but when Elisabeth Kübler-Ross developed and first talked about them, she was not talking about the grief of the living, of those that stay behind, she was talking of the grief of those that are dying and know that they are going to lose everyone and everything that they grew close and worked towards in their lifetime. In this the book holds several revelations. First of all, when studying grief, I had always struggled with the stage of bargaining, and more importantly with when it came in the process. When looking at the grief I had experienced, bargaining suddenly didn’t come after anger, or at least not in the way textbooks had presented it to me. And also it seemed to apply only to cases where the grieving person had known that the deceased had been dying and could not be applied so easily to sudden and violent deaths. Seeing it as a part of the stages that the dying goes through made tremendously more sense.
But more than anything, On Death and Dying made me look at dying in a way that would have been impossible without experiencing it myself or working on the wards where these people spent their last hours, days, months or years. I did not find it as scary as I thought, or as difficult. Instead it made me understand some things attached to my own grief attached to the friend I had to watch die recently. I understood more about what she went through (and how she struggled) and I truly wish that I had read this book earlier. I think, simply, Kübler-Ross asks us to be more human, to look at people and see them as a person no matter their state or their pain. And it should sound an easy enough thing to do but we are famously bad as a race to see things from a point of view that is not our own and in that, her work is tremendously important.
I don’t know if I could handle working with the dying as she did, for I found their stories in turn heart breaking and frustrating, but I have learnt a great deal for learning this book. Not least of all that hope is something we should be able to carry with us until the very end. I had never considered that the dying too grieve, for it is something so little talked about. But now all I can think is, of course they do. It seems now like such obvious a thing that I can but be grateful as this book for how it opened my eyes. I cannot imagine anyone who works with terminally ill patients who should not read this book. They made find it difficult in places, as I did, for our world has changed, but the lesson that it carries, the wisdom within its pages has no need to change, because no amount of time passed will ever make it entirely irrelevant.
February 2, 2018
در قدح آب نورانی است آب دریا اما تار است
حقیقت کوچک را واژگانی است روشن
حقیقت بزرگ را اما سکوتی بزرگ است
حقیقت کوچک را واژگانی است روشن
حقیقت بزرگ را اما سکوتی بزرگ است
May 26, 2010
I don't know. I read it to understand my own grieving. I suppose the introduction of the five stages of grief is pretty monumental and I have to give it credit for that. It's written very much as a psychologist's thesis, so it isn't always compelling. If clinical, though, it's still anything but insensitive. The writing is without flourish but the message, the research, the observations are all enlightening. I never understood where anger fit into my current and past experiences of grief, but its expression as envy made a lot of sense. The book is more about the person dying than the person losing someone. I haven't had many experiences where I feared for my life. But I have to respect that Kubler-Ross was so concerned with the care of those who don't have long to live. Her most interesting points beyond the five stages come in the beginning when she criticizes the mechanical prolonging of life when it is performed at the expense of the patient's comfort. Also, her questions of why we can't incorporate death into our daily lives are pretty challenging and very, very wise. We would be so much better off seeing death if we didn't let our fear of it dehumanize the dying.
October 31, 2021
I first read this book when it was originally published & I thank my beautiful friend who gave this to me as a gift.
Death & dying are still today very controversial topics which is a shame - no one can avoid this event.
Many people may find this book displeasing as it may trigger responses and opposition stemming from religious/political views, if not controversial to one’s way of life.
However, if one can observe, have an open mind and heart it is filled with comfort and will likely extended into thoughts of changing or viewing life and interactions with others differently.
I have recently reread this book again and yes I now work in this field, indirectly at the beginning of life and now more involved.
I encourage all to read this book, even if it at first it just sits alongside other reading material.
For you never know who else in your home or work may find this text and be drawn to it.
Wishing you all well - enjoy💫
Death & dying are still today very controversial topics which is a shame - no one can avoid this event.
Many people may find this book displeasing as it may trigger responses and opposition stemming from religious/political views, if not controversial to one’s way of life.
However, if one can observe, have an open mind and heart it is filled with comfort and will likely extended into thoughts of changing or viewing life and interactions with others differently.
I have recently reread this book again and yes I now work in this field, indirectly at the beginning of life and now more involved.
I encourage all to read this book, even if it at first it just sits alongside other reading material.
For you never know who else in your home or work may find this text and be drawn to it.
Wishing you all well - enjoy💫
December 19, 2014
This book came at a time in my life when I had the real opportunity to talk with the sick and the dying in my posting in a pain and palliative care unit.
I was uncertain how to approach these patients and had no idea what to say. A kind friend lent me the book and I'm truly grateful.
The author speaks carefully and eloquently of the importance of listening to the patients and just giving them your time and not hurrying past them.
It also brought into focus my own mortality. I think of death in less frightening terms now and I think it has helped me become a better clinician more than some of the textbooks I've read.
I'm forever changed and eternally grateful. Do read this book - because you're a human being and not because you're a doctor or a patient but because it is important to not fear death or the dying.
I was uncertain how to approach these patients and had no idea what to say. A kind friend lent me the book and I'm truly grateful.
The author speaks carefully and eloquently of the importance of listening to the patients and just giving them your time and not hurrying past them.
It also brought into focus my own mortality. I think of death in less frightening terms now and I think it has helped me become a better clinician more than some of the textbooks I've read.
I'm forever changed and eternally grateful. Do read this book - because you're a human being and not because you're a doctor or a patient but because it is important to not fear death or the dying.
November 13, 2021
ما توفرت نسخته العربية في جودريدز لكن ها أنا الآن أكتب رأيي بالعربي لأني قرأت الكتاب مترجم، على كُلٍ، كانت قراءة الكتاب صعبة جدًا، و ثقيلة و مُتعبة، يتكلم فيها عن ردة فعل مريض عندما يعلم أن النهاية حتمية، عن ردّات الفعل التلقائية التي يقوم بها المريض، و عن الوداع الأخير الذي قُمنا به، أنه كتاب تصعب قرائته حين تقراه بعد خسارة أفضل صديق في العالم، تصف كل صفحة رحلة الوداع الأبدية، و لكنها مع ذلك تربت على كتفك لأنها تمنحك الأجوبة على كل الاسئلة التي راودتك، عن و كل مبهم مررت به، لتستطيع بعد ذلك تخطي تجربة الخسارة و أنت مرفوع الآمال.
ملاحظة: الكتاب لا يتكلم عن الموت من الناحية الدينية قط، و إنما الباعث النفسي فقط.
ملاحظة: الكتاب لا يتكلم عن الموت من الناحية الدينية قط، و إنما الباعث النفسي فقط.
July 3, 2022
Puiki knyga apie visų mūsų laukiančią ir dažnai pamirštamą mirtį.
December 1, 2022
Raamat, mis võiks igas kodus olemas olla. Ja seda mitte alles siis, kui juba hädasti vaja läheb, pigem natuke varem. Mulle sobis selle aeglane lugemine, samas on tekst piisavalt ladus, et võib ka ühe-kahe õhtuga neelata.
Šveitsi päritolu valdavalt Ameerikas elanud psühhiaater, kelle nime sa ehk kuulnud küll ei ole, aga kindlasti oled kuulnud tema välja töötatud viiest leinaetapist (eitamine, viha, kauplemine, depressioon ja leppimine). Need faasid kolistavad läbi nii raskelt haiged ise kui ka nende lähedased, lisaks ei pruugigi need kehtida ainult lähedase haiguse/surma puhul, vaid ka töökoha kaotuse, lahutuse, vms keerulise kaotuse korral.
Autor kirjeldab raamatus - mis muide on ilmunud originaalis vist koguni 1969.a, ent teemad on nii ajatud, et harva pidin endale meelde tuletama, et aeg oli teine - kõiki neid etappe, lisades ohtralt näiteid reaalsete patsientide lugudest, lisaks on raamatus ära toodud ka mitmed täispikad transkriptsioonid vestlustest haigete endiga. Sealjuures ei analüüsita mitte ainult patsiendi suhtumist ja reageerimist olukorrale, vaid sedagi, kuidas on näiteks arst neile haigetele uudise teatavaks teinud, millised on suhted ülejäänud med.personaliga (miks mõnda haiget välditakse, miks suhtlus kisub teravaks, alati on kuskil see oluline põhjus, mida üles leides läheb lõpuks kõigil olemine kergemaks), samuti see, kuidas reageerivad vestluste juures viibinud autor, arst ja kaplan ise iga patsiendi loole. Mulle ei tule loomulikult üllatusena, et kehvapoolse uudise teatavaks tegemine on oluline, küll aga tuli üllatusena, et seda (vähemasti tollel ajal ja nende uuringute tulemusena) on ikka väga erinevalt tehtud.
Endamisi mõtisklemiseks väga hea lugemine ja autori stiil on ka selline, et mingit ahastust ja musta masendusmülkasse vajumist ei teki
Šveitsi päritolu valdavalt Ameerikas elanud psühhiaater, kelle nime sa ehk kuulnud küll ei ole, aga kindlasti oled kuulnud tema välja töötatud viiest leinaetapist (eitamine, viha, kauplemine, depressioon ja leppimine). Need faasid kolistavad läbi nii raskelt haiged ise kui ka nende lähedased, lisaks ei pruugigi need kehtida ainult lähedase haiguse/surma puhul, vaid ka töökoha kaotuse, lahutuse, vms keerulise kaotuse korral.
Autor kirjeldab raamatus - mis muide on ilmunud originaalis vist koguni 1969.a, ent teemad on nii ajatud, et harva pidin endale meelde tuletama, et aeg oli teine - kõiki neid etappe, lisades ohtralt näiteid reaalsete patsientide lugudest, lisaks on raamatus ära toodud ka mitmed täispikad transkriptsioonid vestlustest haigete endiga. Sealjuures ei analüüsita mitte ainult patsiendi suhtumist ja reageerimist olukorrale, vaid sedagi, kuidas on näiteks arst neile haigetele uudise teatavaks teinud, millised on suhted ülejäänud med.personaliga (miks mõnda haiget välditakse, miks suhtlus kisub teravaks, alati on kuskil see oluline põhjus, mida üles leides läheb lõpuks kõigil olemine kergemaks), samuti see, kuidas reageerivad vestluste juures viibinud autor, arst ja kaplan ise iga patsiendi loole. Mulle ei tule loomulikult üllatusena, et kehvapoolse uudise teatavaks tegemine on oluline, küll aga tuli üllatusena, et seda (vähemasti tollel ajal ja nende uuringute tulemusena) on ikka väga erinevalt tehtud.
Endamisi mõtisklemiseks väga hea lugemine ja autori stiil on ka selline, et mingit ahastust ja musta masendusmülkasse vajumist ei teki
November 19, 2020
3,5 Zacznę od kwestii, które minusowały dla mnie tę książkę - po pierwsze role płciowe i to jak mocno wpływały one na to, co było przedmiotem rozmów z umierającymi pacjentami. Oczywiście wiem, że książka napisana została pod koniec lat 60., ale i tak w tej kwestii mocno się zestarzała i osobiście ja mocno nie zgadzam się z tym, jak rozmówcy podchodzili do problemów przedstawianych przez pacjentów w tym względzie. Druga problematyczna kwestia to religia i traktowanie potrzeb duchowych jako normy, nie mówiąc już o tym, że religijność przedstawiona w książce nie była zbyt inkluzywna (poza jednym Żydem, który pomógł Katoliczce lepiej pokochać Boga). Ale mimo to - potrzebowałam tej książki kilka lat temu, ale i tak cieszę się, że przeczytałam ją teraz. Dla mnie to właśnie jest tabu związanym ze śmiercią - rozmowa z umierającą osobą. To coś, co ma dla mnie osobiste znaczenie, a czytanie rozmów z umierającymi pacjentami i przyglądanie się analizie ich potrzeb kazały mi wrócić pamięcią do tego, co sama kiedyś przeżywałam. To empatyzujące podejście Ross, zwrócenie uwagi na pewne mechanizmy i liczne trudne historie podobne do tego, co sama przeżywałam, były dla mnie niezwykle wartościową częścią tej książki.
December 27, 2015
It has become cliché to say we live in a society that denies death. From her experiences with dying patients, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross sheds insight into how we face, or not face, death. She details the famous Five Stages --denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance--through case studies of patients. These Five Stages, for better or worse, have become the model from which academics and lay people understand the process of dying. But more than the model, the book forces us to gaze death in the eyes and confront our fears. Only then can we integrate death into life and realize that death is part of our life and indeed a vital part. If we deny it or even just neglect it, our lives become incomplete. We don’t have to obsess over death just as we don’t just focus on our health to the neglect of other parts of lives. When death becomes an integral part of our beings, our lives become more dynamic.
Great insight into the psychology toward our ultimate end. On Death and Dying is not only for those facing death and their close ones, but for everyone, to prepare our journey to the end, and thus to gain strength in living our lives and in caring for those around us.
Great insight into the psychology toward our ultimate end. On Death and Dying is not only for those facing death and their close ones, but for everyone, to prepare our journey to the end, and thus to gain strength in living our lives and in caring for those around us.
November 9, 2023
Read this during college. I don't remember very much of it except that I admired her for being willing to study and write about a subject very few people I knew would even talk about.
July 18, 2013
As you can see from the title, I took this book from Ari's shelf - I had never heard of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, but it seems like anyone in the medical/psychological professions have - she created the 5 stages of reaction to trauma. Anyway, this was a great read - it started stronger than it ended- she starts with laying out her philosophy on how death should be encountered by physicians and most of the rest of the book is interviews with patients. Worthwhile read if you're interested in this topic; ie end of life, the culture of taboo and defensiveness when it comes to death and mortality, discussing death with people, children etc., doctor-patient relationship as highly significant (just as much as doctor's actual knowledge) The first two chapters are wonderful with some thoughtful observations about society and human nature's encounter with mortality - one that I liked (p16) "When we look back in time and study old cultures and people, we are impressed that death has always been distasteful to man and probably always will be. From a psychiatrist's point of view this is very understandable and can perhaps best be explained by our basic knowledge that, in our unconscious, death is never possible in regard to ourselves. It is inconceivable for our unconscious to imagine an actual ending of our own life here on earth, and if this life of ours has to end, the ending is always attributed to a malicious intervention from the outside by someone else. In simple terms, in our unconscious mind, we can only be killed; it is inconceivable to die of a natural cause or of old age. Therefore, death in itself is associated with a bad act, a frightening happening, something that in itself calls for retribution and punishment."
Kubler Ross does a great job in this book reshaping an approach to death that is a more open, healthier, softer, calmer experience for those dealing with it. Especially for the doctor-patient relationship. I think this is a must read for any one who deals with death and illness.
Kubler Ross does a great job in this book reshaping an approach to death that is a more open, healthier, softer, calmer experience for those dealing with it. Especially for the doctor-patient relationship. I think this is a must read for any one who deals with death and illness.
July 31, 2017
I read this book, and wished, oh I wished, that I had read it when my mother was dying. I can see all the points that I would change so clearly, the advice I would have taken. And I feel bitter that no one was there to tell me how to take care of her when I was alone in that house with her for weeks. I can think of all the meaningful discussions we might have had, and the comfort I could have given her. It's frustrating and heartbreaking more than words.
I honestly believe that all medical staff should read this book as well. When my mom was dying, we met all sorts of doctors: the doctors that gave no hope and the doctors that were positive. We met all sorts of nurses, and I agree, the kindness that we were shown meant everything. Everything.
I also felt, while walking home last night, that after reading this book I was less afraid of my own eventual death. That it is completely natural. And this is a big step for me, because after seeing my mother die, I have been plagued with anxiety and panic attacks. I feel very peaceful now in comparison to what I have felt.
I am thankful that this book helped spur the creation of hospice care. I can't imagine what my mother's death would have been like without it.
I do think that this book is a little outdated in terms of certain terminology and gender roles, but the basis of it is good. It makes sense, and it's important. This book was very, very important.
I honestly believe that all medical staff should read this book as well. When my mom was dying, we met all sorts of doctors: the doctors that gave no hope and the doctors that were positive. We met all sorts of nurses, and I agree, the kindness that we were shown meant everything. Everything.
I also felt, while walking home last night, that after reading this book I was less afraid of my own eventual death. That it is completely natural. And this is a big step for me, because after seeing my mother die, I have been plagued with anxiety and panic attacks. I feel very peaceful now in comparison to what I have felt.
I am thankful that this book helped spur the creation of hospice care. I can't imagine what my mother's death would have been like without it.
I do think that this book is a little outdated in terms of certain terminology and gender roles, but the basis of it is good. It makes sense, and it's important. This book was very, very important.
June 16, 2015
One of those comfortable books,that I re-read as my partner of 39 years lay dying from bone cancer in the magnificent Princess Margaret Cancer Palliative care unit,in Toronto, were he was treated with great love, care and compassion, in spite of very little of what we like to call "Quality of life" he was cared with much love. I was able to spend 24 hours a day with him, a bed was provided for overnight stays, Robert passed away while I was with him. much of the care given there, originated with this great book.
Sorry if I digress, but it has been a rough ride these past few weeks, Robert is at peace and pain-free. hence my re-reading of Kubler-Ross's book, it provides comfort, information and understanding about a subject we hear far to little about, this book should be taught in junior schools, let's get real, everyone of us will die one of these days, it deals with the patient and common sense ideas for care-givers, I have recently borrowed some books on bereavement and grief,that simply do not have the information, their content tends to be scientific "blather" I still give Dr. Kubler-Ross a #10 for her book, which is easy to read, its contents easy to understand,based on her personal "hands on" research. whether you agree with it or not.
I highly recommend this book!
Sorry if I digress, but it has been a rough ride these past few weeks, Robert is at peace and pain-free. hence my re-reading of Kubler-Ross's book, it provides comfort, information and understanding about a subject we hear far to little about, this book should be taught in junior schools, let's get real, everyone of us will die one of these days, it deals with the patient and common sense ideas for care-givers, I have recently borrowed some books on bereavement and grief,that simply do not have the information, their content tends to be scientific "blather" I still give Dr. Kubler-Ross a #10 for her book, which is easy to read, its contents easy to understand,based on her personal "hands on" research. whether you agree with it or not.
I highly recommend this book!
November 25, 2017
On Death and Dying is Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' discourse on the psychological stages of grief before and after death. Ross headed a study in the 1960s where she and a team of students, doctors, and clergy interviewed patients who were suffering from various maladies with low to fair prognosis. Some of these patients knew they were in the end stages of life, others did not. Some interviewed were family members of the patients. Ross covered the various stages of death and grief and the effects on patients, family, and attending medical staff. Some were able to handle news of their prognosis better than others. Some were reluctant to talk, but all opened up once the questions began and felt better to have their stories told, their fear vocalized, and their hearts opened. It became evident that all wanted and needed to talk, even if it was just to open themselves to the inevitable.
This is a classic book written in the 60s but many of the lessons still ring true today. Everyone handles death and grief a little different but most go through the basic stages of denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Having recently lost my father and having lost my mother many years before, I realize that each died in much the same way and I now know that when it was time they were ready and were peaceful.
This is a classic book written in the 60s but many of the lessons still ring true today. Everyone handles death and grief a little different but most go through the basic stages of denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Having recently lost my father and having lost my mother many years before, I realize that each died in much the same way and I now know that when it was time they were ready and were peaceful.
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