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A Light through the Cracks: A Climber's Story
Renowned rock climber Beth Rodden’s inspiring memoir about overcoming devastating trauma, refusing to be held hostage by fear, and taking a leap toward healing.
Beth Rodden is twenty years old and already an elite rock climber when a climbing excursion in Kyrgyzstan escalates into a nightmare. Beth, her boyfriend, and two other climbers are kidnapped by militant rebels. After six harrowing days of hiding, marching, and dodging gunfire, they miraculously escape captivity. But fear follows Beth home, and pushing past it becomes a fixation.
She and her boyfriend, Tommy, train obsessively, achieving rock-climbing greatness and conquering each groundbreaking goal they set, all the while burying the terrors of Kyrgyzstan deep inside. Then comes an unexpected breaking point. For Beth, a woman at the top of her profession, the only way to overcome the anxiety that still controls her is to let go of the lifeline she’s been clinging to. Blowing up her successful and familiar life, Beth clears a path to a new one—a healthy new normal beyond the anxieties of the past and the myopic pursuit of athletic perfection.
Charting a powerful journey of ambition, hope, love, physical and emotional endurance, and the true fulfilment of being oneself, A Light through the Cracks is Beth’s story of climbing up and through life.
Beth Rodden is twenty years old and already an elite rock climber when a climbing excursion in Kyrgyzstan escalates into a nightmare. Beth, her boyfriend, and two other climbers are kidnapped by militant rebels. After six harrowing days of hiding, marching, and dodging gunfire, they miraculously escape captivity. But fear follows Beth home, and pushing past it becomes a fixation.
She and her boyfriend, Tommy, train obsessively, achieving rock-climbing greatness and conquering each groundbreaking goal they set, all the while burying the terrors of Kyrgyzstan deep inside. Then comes an unexpected breaking point. For Beth, a woman at the top of her profession, the only way to overcome the anxiety that still controls her is to let go of the lifeline she’s been clinging to. Blowing up her successful and familiar life, Beth clears a path to a new one—a healthy new normal beyond the anxieties of the past and the myopic pursuit of athletic perfection.
Charting a powerful journey of ambition, hope, love, physical and emotional endurance, and the true fulfilment of being oneself, A Light through the Cracks is Beth’s story of climbing up and through life.
291 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 1, 2024
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 182 reviews
April 2, 2024
Prior to reading Beth Rodden’s memoir, “A Light Through the Cracks,” I knew nothing about her and very little about rock-climbing beyond what I’d seen in popular films like “The Eiger Sanction,” “Mission Impossible 2,” and “Star Trek V.” But the promotional materials painted an interesting picture: the story of an elite woman climber who, along with her team, escapes capture by rebels in Kyrgyzstan and “push[es] past” that experience to “achieve rock-climbing greatness,” only to “blow up” the successful life she’d built with her fellow captive and climber husband for a chance at a more fulfilling life.
I found the beginning of the book highly challenging. Rodden starts off describing, not her six-day captivity, but her reaction to it as she flew back to the U.S. and tried to resume her life. What she writes is very emotion-centric (as is much of the rest of the book) and, to me, seemed self-absorbed, even narcissistic. I wasn’t sure how much I liked Ms. Rodden or whether I wanted to continue. But then I hit page 50 (approx.) where she begins to describe her Kyrgyzstan experience and found it absorbing enough to keep reading.
I also found the “language” of the book difficult, initially. Unfamiliar with rock climbing, I had to learn lots of its vernacular, some of which Rodden defines and some of which she doesn’t. In fact, I spent time on the internet looking up various terms and equipment she mentions: “El Cap,” (short for Yosemite’s El Capitan Mountain), “dirtbags” (actually an accolade), “racking up,” “jugging,” “bouldering,” “freeing,” “sending,” “belaying,” “cams,” and “Miuras” (a brand of climbing shoe) just to mention a few. I also watched several clips of her, which helped to impart some context. Those unfamiliar with rock climbing may wish to undertake similar research. (And those who find foul language and/or frank discussion of bodily functions offensive should know that the book contains both).
Ultimately, what I found was a very interesting story about a first-tier athlete and the physical and mental demands both her sport and her experience in Kyrgyzstan placed upon her. It includes a great deal of information about climbing and “climbing culture.” Some of Ms. Rodden’s descriptions of her ascents (or “sends”) had me on the edge of my seat. I also learned a great deal about the commitment, self-discipline, focus, physical training and sacrifice the sport requires.
Most importantly, I found this to be a story about Ms. Rodden’s capacity for growth and her ability to see past her all-consuming drive for perfection and greatness in order to find a more balanced life in which the chance for true fulfillment is greatly enhanced.
Could the book have been better written? Could better editorial choices have been made? Probably. But all in all, I found it a worthwhile reading experience and am glad I continued with it. 3.75 stars rounded up to 4.
I found the beginning of the book highly challenging. Rodden starts off describing, not her six-day captivity, but her reaction to it as she flew back to the U.S. and tried to resume her life. What she writes is very emotion-centric (as is much of the rest of the book) and, to me, seemed self-absorbed, even narcissistic. I wasn’t sure how much I liked Ms. Rodden or whether I wanted to continue. But then I hit page 50 (approx.) where she begins to describe her Kyrgyzstan experience and found it absorbing enough to keep reading.
I also found the “language” of the book difficult, initially. Unfamiliar with rock climbing, I had to learn lots of its vernacular, some of which Rodden defines and some of which she doesn’t. In fact, I spent time on the internet looking up various terms and equipment she mentions: “El Cap,” (short for Yosemite’s El Capitan Mountain), “dirtbags” (actually an accolade), “racking up,” “jugging,” “bouldering,” “freeing,” “sending,” “belaying,” “cams,” and “Miuras” (a brand of climbing shoe) just to mention a few. I also watched several clips of her, which helped to impart some context. Those unfamiliar with rock climbing may wish to undertake similar research. (And those who find foul language and/or frank discussion of bodily functions offensive should know that the book contains both).
Ultimately, what I found was a very interesting story about a first-tier athlete and the physical and mental demands both her sport and her experience in Kyrgyzstan placed upon her. It includes a great deal of information about climbing and “climbing culture.” Some of Ms. Rodden’s descriptions of her ascents (or “sends”) had me on the edge of my seat. I also learned a great deal about the commitment, self-discipline, focus, physical training and sacrifice the sport requires.
Most importantly, I found this to be a story about Ms. Rodden’s capacity for growth and her ability to see past her all-consuming drive for perfection and greatness in order to find a more balanced life in which the chance for true fulfillment is greatly enhanced.
Could the book have been better written? Could better editorial choices have been made? Probably. But all in all, I found it a worthwhile reading experience and am glad I continued with it. 3.75 stars rounded up to 4.
April 8, 2024
I wanted to like this book badly. I have a lot of empathy for Ms. Rodden, who was (is) clearly suffering from PTSD after her experience in Kyrgyzstan. I wanted to hear more about her experience and less about the aftermath in trying to rediscover herself.
June 1, 2024
3.5 stars from me! I'm glad that Beth was able to tell her story in full with regards to her early career, her relationships, and her image and body struggles throughout. However, I really was engaged towards the end where she delved into motherhood and her new relationship with climbing! That's the story I would have liked to hear even more about. But it wasn't my story to tell!
April 28, 2024
I'm not a climber so maybe I would have liked this better if I was. I connected more with Beth's experiences towards the end of the book, and I'm glad she found peace and growth, but it was really hard to get past how unlikeable she is the first 70% of the book.
June 22, 2024
What an absolute badass, powerhouse. My heart bled with her own heartbreak and PTSD, and soared with her successes. It’s absolutely mind boggling how humble she is while conquering the hardest rock climbs in the world
April 30, 2024
Story and Content: A
Writing: A
Narration: A (read by the author)
Best Aspect: Very raw with personal antidotes.
Worst Aspect: For a person who never need adventurw sports some of her descriptions are too real and made me want to get my feet on the ground.
Recommend: Yes.
Writing: A
Narration: A (read by the author)
Best Aspect: Very raw with personal antidotes.
Worst Aspect: For a person who never need adventurw sports some of her descriptions are too real and made me want to get my feet on the ground.
Recommend: Yes.
April 7, 2024
I did not, could not, finish this book. Although it is well written as far as “voice”, she spent too much time on the history of her and Tommy’s climbing experience—I was hoping she’d get into the meat of how they were kidnapped by page 20 at least.
May 1, 2024
I loved this book! Well written, it reads like a novel. The story of a professional rock climber and the traumatic experience she and her climbing group (including her then-boyfriend, and future husband) endured at the hands of terrorists who kidnapped them. Their days of captivity informed her personal and professional life until she was able to overcome the insecurities and fear by learning to live happily and decisively for herself.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 17, 2024
Amazing book, everything Beth writes about is so relatable to an anxious life and it was so interesting to read her story
April 27, 2024
I really wanted to like this book, but that is just not the case.
May 8, 2024
As someone who has admired Beth Rodden for many years, this was an engrossing read! The courage she found to share her story with such detail and honesty is admirable and a testament to her commitment to her healing journey. Her kidnapping, body issues, obsessive overtraining, affair, and fallout of her marriage; it's all there, exposing the pressures and consequences that this elite female climber experienced throughout her young adult life.
May 11, 2024
I sped through this. A raw and emotional journey through Beth Rodden’s life and climbing career. Tbh impressed by her bravery to share some of the super intimate moments in the book.
April 14, 2024
great story but too much climbing details.
Beth’s story was very engaging but there were too many technical climbing terms for me that could have been left out and made it more enjoyable for those of us who don’t climb.
Beth’s story was very engaging but there were too many technical climbing terms for me that could have been left out and made it more enjoyable for those of us who don’t climb.
July 21, 2024
I've never been a part of the climbing community (I'm terrified of heights when there is no ground below my feet to walk on), but I've been a part of other sport communities, though not as a professional. Still, I understood this memoir on so many levels, especially as a woman who has struggled with weight and self-image and a constant nagging desire to present myself as perfect. I am a cyclist and I used to really push myself to my limits, always taking the hardest, longest ride, ignoring my body, pushing past the pain just to prove to myself that I am as good as any man who also rides (but also for my own internal desire to see how far I could push myself).
Anyway, some have complained this book has too much insider-language. I guess so but maybe it's just being in a similar community, I didn't feel like I needed to look unfamiliar terms cuz I understood what they meant by how they were used in the sentence if that makes sense. I don't know, maybe I should have looked them up, but the use of such words didn't really get in the way of my enjoyment. I feel like Rodden explained them adequately. Still don't understand the difficulty rating system, though... I might have to google that one later.
Anyway, this was a fantastic tale of a woman's struggle to prove herself in a largely male dominated sport. There were so many layers to this story, though, that went far beyond the sport, about the long road to recovery from a horrific experience being kidnapped by rebels in Kyrgyzstan, and about Rodden's long path to finding herself amidst this recovery.
I was pulled in from page 1. Rodden is extremely honest about her naivety about going to Kyrgyzstan to "send" a hard climb -- she was young and others had been there and she was not fully aware of the dangers nor did she make herself aware. Who has not been there when they have their eye on some prize? She was in her early 20s and she felt invincible (I sky-dived 6x in my early 20s due to the same lack of understanding of risks and dangers and my own stupid belief that I was too young to die). It annoys me that some reviews on Amazon have victim-blamed her for this.... our society is a sad little unsympathetic place, especially on the internet, isn't it?
Anyway, this book kept my brain occupied on a long flight across country and two layovers. It was a great read and it gave me some insight into a group of people who I've often looked at as nuts while viewing their little tents against the side of a rock wall. But more power to them and all who love the outdoors. I'm so glad I picked this book up in my Amazon FirstReads!
Anyway, some have complained this book has too much insider-language. I guess so but maybe it's just being in a similar community, I didn't feel like I needed to look unfamiliar terms cuz I understood what they meant by how they were used in the sentence if that makes sense. I don't know, maybe I should have looked them up, but the use of such words didn't really get in the way of my enjoyment. I feel like Rodden explained them adequately. Still don't understand the difficulty rating system, though... I might have to google that one later.
Anyway, this was a fantastic tale of a woman's struggle to prove herself in a largely male dominated sport. There were so many layers to this story, though, that went far beyond the sport, about the long road to recovery from a horrific experience being kidnapped by rebels in Kyrgyzstan, and about Rodden's long path to finding herself amidst this recovery.
I was pulled in from page 1. Rodden is extremely honest about her naivety about going to Kyrgyzstan to "send" a hard climb -- she was young and others had been there and she was not fully aware of the dangers nor did she make herself aware. Who has not been there when they have their eye on some prize? She was in her early 20s and she felt invincible (I sky-dived 6x in my early 20s due to the same lack of understanding of risks and dangers and my own stupid belief that I was too young to die). It annoys me that some reviews on Amazon have victim-blamed her for this.... our society is a sad little unsympathetic place, especially on the internet, isn't it?
Anyway, this book kept my brain occupied on a long flight across country and two layovers. It was a great read and it gave me some insight into a group of people who I've often looked at as nuts while viewing their little tents against the side of a rock wall. But more power to them and all who love the outdoors. I'm so glad I picked this book up in my Amazon FirstReads!
May 30, 2024
I didn't read this one quite as fast as the push (1 day is hard to beat), but I'm just such a sucker for the BethandTommy story I read this book every chance I got on my travels this week. Really put their relationship in perspective hearing her side of things (No wonder she ended up in a relationship that didn't really feed her for so long with that kind of PTSD, damn.) It also made it seem more clear to me from a relationship psychology perspective that while it may just take one for a relationship to fail, it takes two fully committed open and vulnerable people for a relationship to thrive.While she didn't move on from her trauma and continued problematic behaviors and perspectives, Tommy enabled her, or overlooked serious cracks in the foundation. It's wild to me that they didn't talk about such fundamental problems regarding sex etc. Her struggles with confidence and body dysmorphia (it's incredible how accurately she recorded and/or recalled everything she ate) also made me really thankful for that not being a thing for me. The parts that got to me the most though was surprisingly (though maybe not surprisingly) the baby/family parts. I teared up during her birth description, standing up for herself ( literally and figuratively) and being supported and encouraged despite men (stupid doctors, amiright) telling her to do something different. It was really powerful. Also wild that she went on to have a relationship with Tommy and his family (though maybe not unexpected given how small the elite climbing circle is and how unavoidable their interactions must have been?) I'm not sure what gives people the strength to forgive, allow and move forward. Anyway super inspirational book that gave me a much needed boost as far as my climbing stoke goes, I have recently been trying to explore bouldering pretty intentionally for the first time as a possibly more sustainable, family friendly and lower stakes way to scratch the itch (tho being high above a mat is still scary). Seems like I'm just reinventing the wheel after all.
May 28, 2024
I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed reading "A Light through the Cracks: A Climbers's Story." Beth Rodden's memoir is captivating and emotionally charged and left me thoroughly invested from start to finish. As a long-time admirer of Rodden's rock-climbing achievements, I was thrilled to read about her journey, which she shares with remarkable honesty and vulnerability.
I also enjoy reading the "other's side" of books. This is the second half of the once married super-star rock climbing couple Tommy Caldwell and Beth Rodden, affectionally known while they were together as BethandTommy. You may have seen Tommy's film The Dawn Wall or read his book "The Push: A Climber's Journey of Endurance, Risk, and Going Beyond Limits."
The book begins with a gripping scene at the Amsterdam airport as Rodden returns home from a harrowing kidnapping experience in Kyrgyzstan during a climbing trip for one of her sponsors. From there, the story toggles through her life before, during and after this pivotal event, revealing details about her relationship with her then-husband and fellow climbing icon, Tommy Caldwell, her struggles with body image and eating disorders and her journey to find her authentic voice and stand up for what she truly wanted in life.
Rodden's courage in sharing the intimate details of her story is admirable and inspiring. She holds nothing back, exposing the pressures and consequences she faced as an elite female climber throughout her young adult life. From her obsessive overtraining and body issues to her affair and the fallout of her marriage, Rodden's raw and emotional storytelling is a testament to her commitment to healing and personal growth.
As a woman and rock climber, I found many parts of Rodden's story deeply relatable. Her journey serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of integrating our passions with the broader spectrum of our lives and the strength that comes from embracing our authentic selves. Rodden's ability to overcome her "small voice" and find her true voice through motherhood is a particularly empowering moment in the book.
"A Light through the Cracks" is an honest portrayal of a life lived with passion, resilience and the courage to be vulnerable. Beth Rodden's memoir is a must-read for anyone seeking inspiration and understanding, and it is a reminder that life's challenges can be overcome with determination.
I also enjoy reading the "other's side" of books. This is the second half of the once married super-star rock climbing couple Tommy Caldwell and Beth Rodden, affectionally known while they were together as BethandTommy. You may have seen Tommy's film The Dawn Wall or read his book "The Push: A Climber's Journey of Endurance, Risk, and Going Beyond Limits."
The book begins with a gripping scene at the Amsterdam airport as Rodden returns home from a harrowing kidnapping experience in Kyrgyzstan during a climbing trip for one of her sponsors. From there, the story toggles through her life before, during and after this pivotal event, revealing details about her relationship with her then-husband and fellow climbing icon, Tommy Caldwell, her struggles with body image and eating disorders and her journey to find her authentic voice and stand up for what she truly wanted in life.
Rodden's courage in sharing the intimate details of her story is admirable and inspiring. She holds nothing back, exposing the pressures and consequences she faced as an elite female climber throughout her young adult life. From her obsessive overtraining and body issues to her affair and the fallout of her marriage, Rodden's raw and emotional storytelling is a testament to her commitment to healing and personal growth.
As a woman and rock climber, I found many parts of Rodden's story deeply relatable. Her journey serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of integrating our passions with the broader spectrum of our lives and the strength that comes from embracing our authentic selves. Rodden's ability to overcome her "small voice" and find her true voice through motherhood is a particularly empowering moment in the book.
"A Light through the Cracks" is an honest portrayal of a life lived with passion, resilience and the courage to be vulnerable. Beth Rodden's memoir is a must-read for anyone seeking inspiration and understanding, and it is a reminder that life's challenges can be overcome with determination.
May 22, 2024
A thoughtful and compelling memoir of one of the best rock climbers in the world, Beth has had quite a life, from being kidnapped in Kyrgyzstan on a sponsored climbing trip when she was a young woman to marrying a fellow famous rock climber (Tommy Caldwell) to navigating motherhood as a professional athlete.
Beth is about a decade older than me and her exploits were famous amongst my group of fellow teen and young 20s rock climbers. When I heard her and Tommy were getting divorced, I remember thinking how sad it was - they seemed so cool, so happy together! Two of the best climbers in the world, married to each other! But of course we only ever see such a small part of anyone's story unless we're let into their world. Beth lets us in with her memoir, and it's clear that while there was certainly love in Beth and Tommy's relationship, their divorce actually enabled them both to move on, heal, grow, find partners better suited to each of them, and become more fulfilled versions of themselves.
I found Beth's authenticity and vulnerability, especially as she detailed the effects that the PTSD from her kidnapping had on her life, her worldview, and her marriage, so poignant. Additionally, her struggles with the toxic masculinity of climbing culture, the few opportunities given to women professional climbers, the sexualization of her body and her disordered thoughts around eating and body image were heartbreaking but powerful to read about.
Beth's journey to heal - from her eating disorder, from her PTSD, from the perfectionism and control that ran her life for so long - is an inspiring one, though she talks so openly about her struggles and failures and is so humble, I don't know if she sees it that way. She fought through so much to be the athlete, parent, and person she is today, and it leaves me feeling inspired that I can heal from my own struggles and setbacks.
Beth is about a decade older than me and her exploits were famous amongst my group of fellow teen and young 20s rock climbers. When I heard her and Tommy were getting divorced, I remember thinking how sad it was - they seemed so cool, so happy together! Two of the best climbers in the world, married to each other! But of course we only ever see such a small part of anyone's story unless we're let into their world. Beth lets us in with her memoir, and it's clear that while there was certainly love in Beth and Tommy's relationship, their divorce actually enabled them both to move on, heal, grow, find partners better suited to each of them, and become more fulfilled versions of themselves.
I found Beth's authenticity and vulnerability, especially as she detailed the effects that the PTSD from her kidnapping had on her life, her worldview, and her marriage, so poignant. Additionally, her struggles with the toxic masculinity of climbing culture, the few opportunities given to women professional climbers, the sexualization of her body and her disordered thoughts around eating and body image were heartbreaking but powerful to read about.
Beth's journey to heal - from her eating disorder, from her PTSD, from the perfectionism and control that ran her life for so long - is an inspiring one, though she talks so openly about her struggles and failures and is so humble, I don't know if she sees it that way. She fought through so much to be the athlete, parent, and person she is today, and it leaves me feeling inspired that I can heal from my own struggles and setbacks.
May 18, 2024
Thank you, Beth Rodden, for such a well-written and heartfelt memoir. It is amazing to hear Beth's story first hand and, more importantly, her journey to the place of growth she now firmly stands in. I am hesitant to rate memoirs, especially this one (I've followed Beth Rodden for years and pre-ordered this book) but, in my opinion, this is a very special one for the climbing community. A wonderful balance between flashbacks explaining the infamous Kyrgyzstan kidnapping, recounts of her adventures as a pro female climber (both pre and post becoming a mother), and revealing of her personal life. Don't shy away if you aren't a climber, Beth explains climbing terminology throughout and her story speaks to the beauty and freedom of surrendering control. I very much relate to having grown up with a harsh inner critic, and I am both pleased to reflect on my own growth and hear about the transformation of Beth's inner voice. I couldn't be happier for her.
April 12, 2024
It likely helped a lot that I'd watched The Dawn Wall a couple of years ago, so I at least had some background on Beth and Tommy and some of their experiences (highly recommend the documentary, too). I am not a climber, and as some reviews state, there is a lot of climbing jargon so that was occasionally a challenge to keep up. It doesn't detract from the overall story, but climbers would be able to relate to those sections of the book much more. (Luckily with my Kindle I can just highlight words to look them up, which is lovely!) If you know nothing about these people or climbing or aren't into outdoorsy-type people...then yeah, it's probably not for you. But I thoroughly enjoyed it and can only imagine how cathartic her writing was for her throughout these years. I highlighted a lot of sections during the read - her experience ending a marriage was eerily similar to my own, and I felt major empathy with Beth during that part, as well as with her anxiety and early trauma (Beth, you aren't alone in that you dealt with it for years before getting the in-depth ptsd help!) I think the book was raw and I appreciated that from her.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 27, 2024
This was a bit of a hard book to read, just because some parts were so relatable as a woman and athlete. I admire Beth’s courage to be completely vulnerable in this book, and reading it really brought to light the reality of what our passions can mean to us and how we must integrate them with the broader spectrum of our lives. I like how she shared the whole story; not just the picture perfect parts but the controversial parts as well. It shows that that’s how life it, and though we may do things we’re not proud of the world is forgiving and we can move past that.
June 3, 2024
While most climbing literature is of epic adventures on sheer walls or frozen mountains written by large egos who are trying to use the book to fund their climbing lifestyle, Beth’s story is far from that. While she first gained fame outside the climbing world by being kidnapped at 20 years old with 3 others who were climbing in Kyrgyzstan, she was also one of the best climbers in the world. (Note that I said climbers with no gender qualification.) And it is the struggle dealing with the guilt of the death of one of her kidnappers, with the eating disorders acquired from the feminine ideal of the time compounded with the mistaken drive to be thin acquired from the climbing culture, and with her relationships in marriage and with friends that Beth went through for the next twenty years that give the richness to her story.
Beth did an excellent job telling her story—much of which many of us would fear letting the world know. And the prose is excellent.
I am certain many of you non-climbers will enjoy Beth’s story as much as I did!
Beth did an excellent job telling her story—much of which many of us would fear letting the world know. And the prose is excellent.
I am certain many of you non-climbers will enjoy Beth’s story as much as I did!
May 6, 2024
Another winner from Amazon Prime free reads. I know people who are climbers; so I have a little inkling of what it entails. The author lets us know how she felt during her climbs and why she chose the paths she took both in climbing and in life. It's very compelling, and I could hardly put this book down. The kidnapping episode looms large throughout the book, but the actual encounter is only a small portion of it. I loved how the author struggled with and finally reconciled her goals and choices, especially those involving climbing.
June 3, 2024
Absolutely loved this book! Beth is such an inspiration to me and her courage is contagious!
June 15, 2024
Loved it! Focused on just the right parts, the rediscovery of herself and the continuous evolution of her relationship to herself and climbing.
July 25, 2024
What a bad ass. I’m not worthy!
July 24, 2024
A little tough to get through in the beginning but very worth the finish.
May 3, 2024
This was a wonderful read, and it made me happy to be a bad climber. Rodden was incredibly vulnerable and brave in her descriptions of her disordered eating as a pro climber, her trauma and anxiety post kidnapping, and in her descriptions of marrying the wrong person (when she was really just a kid). Because I had previously read Tommy Caldwell's book "The Push," at first I thought this book was mostly covering the same events (their kidnapping in Krygyzstan etc.) but as it goes on it opens up in really lovely and unexpected ways as the author's world expands through pregnancy and motherhood, love and community, dealing with injuries and setbacks. She learns a lot through "failures." I was especially moved by her friendship with Becca Caldwell. My favorite passages in terms of the writing were in the last chapter. This is from p. 284, "If someone had told me in my twenties that I would feel more alive being a mom, or being in love, or having a day out with my girlfriends than I did while freeing a route on El Cap, I would have nodded and smiled and walked away thinking they had no idea what they were talking about....I had treated myself like a robot for so long, thinking my discipline made me better than regular people...but If I wanted to have a big life, I needed to live a smaller one." Anyway, enjoy it.
April 8, 2024
I was expecting to read more of the kidnapping story. Also, it was a little repetitive when telling the climbing stories. It was interesting to read about her trauma and how she was able to work through it though.
June 7, 2024
I'm extremely touched by Beth's raw, and vulnerable, honesty. For someone who's life was already so public, to put even more of herself out there is incredibly brave. To go through so much at a young age and at a time where we didn't talk about therapy like we do now, it's eye opening. As a woman, a climber and someone who struggles with her own anxieties, I can relate to so much. I was mad at that man who spoke to you while you were building your house, I was scared with you on the wall, I heard my own voice when you were being tough on yourself and I was so so happy for you when you found your people.
Good luck being kinder to yourself, and thank you for the reminder. Thank you for sharing all this with us.
Some of my favorite quotes below but by all means not all: *Spoilers*
"I finally understood that pursing "greatness" didn't fill me the way a "normal" life did. If I wanted to have a big life, I needed to live a smaller one."
"I could be kinder to myself. I could be myself. I could begin to trust that if I showed the thoughts and feelings I had always hidden away, the people I cared about would still stay."
"I felt like I was part of something enormous, transcendent: millions and billions of births stretching back through human history and ahead through millions and billions more in the future."
"But what I do remember is that my cheeks were sore at the top of the climb from smiling and laughing so much. When was the last time I'd had sore cheeks on a climbing day?"
"screaming barfies"
"I know now that trauma is both rational and irrational. It is the body's response to danger, a deeply rooted instinct to protect itself. But it can manifest in unhelpful, unreasonable, and deeply unpleasant ways."
"On the last pitch, I led through the overhanging 5.12 section featured in that famous poster of Lynn on the Nose, the one I'd had on my wall for years. It was unreal: here I was, heel-hooking above my head, three thousand feet off the ground, and I thought to myself: I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I ever actually got this good."
"I climbed the Phoenix, rated 5.13a, a proud, gorgeous line that splits a headwall above Yosemite's Upper Cascade Falls. It was the first-and so far, still the only-female onsight ascent."
" When we pulled onto the low-angle slabs that marked our finish line, I took a picture of us that is still today one of my favorites: just two kids, in front of a disposable Kodak camera, with Half Dome in the background, nothing but happiness on our faces. We had made the first ever free ascent of Lurking Fear."
" El Cap was a Type-2 fun amusement park, the sufferer's Disneyland"
"Lynn Hill had been the first person, man or woman, to free climb the Nose, which drove the guys insane."
Good luck being kinder to yourself, and thank you for the reminder. Thank you for sharing all this with us.
Some of my favorite quotes below but by all means not all: *Spoilers*
"I finally understood that pursing "greatness" didn't fill me the way a "normal" life did. If I wanted to have a big life, I needed to live a smaller one."
"I could be kinder to myself. I could be myself. I could begin to trust that if I showed the thoughts and feelings I had always hidden away, the people I cared about would still stay."
"I felt like I was part of something enormous, transcendent: millions and billions of births stretching back through human history and ahead through millions and billions more in the future."
"But what I do remember is that my cheeks were sore at the top of the climb from smiling and laughing so much. When was the last time I'd had sore cheeks on a climbing day?"
"screaming barfies"
"I know now that trauma is both rational and irrational. It is the body's response to danger, a deeply rooted instinct to protect itself. But it can manifest in unhelpful, unreasonable, and deeply unpleasant ways."
"On the last pitch, I led through the overhanging 5.12 section featured in that famous poster of Lynn on the Nose, the one I'd had on my wall for years. It was unreal: here I was, heel-hooking above my head, three thousand feet off the ground, and I thought to myself: I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I ever actually got this good."
"I climbed the Phoenix, rated 5.13a, a proud, gorgeous line that splits a headwall above Yosemite's Upper Cascade Falls. It was the first-and so far, still the only-female onsight ascent."
" When we pulled onto the low-angle slabs that marked our finish line, I took a picture of us that is still today one of my favorites: just two kids, in front of a disposable Kodak camera, with Half Dome in the background, nothing but happiness on our faces. We had made the first ever free ascent of Lurking Fear."
" El Cap was a Type-2 fun amusement park, the sufferer's Disneyland"
"Lynn Hill had been the first person, man or woman, to free climb the Nose, which drove the guys insane."
June 3, 2024
In the same way that Jennette McCurdy's book is not about "being a television star" per se, Rodden's is not so much about "being a rock climber" either; sure there were parts of both in each, but largely it was about the trauma and taxing relationships and internal discourse/pressure that went along with it. While the few other climbing books I've read (largely male, so far) I'd argue have a larger focus on the climbing (prepping for a climb, training, the climb itself), this one has only a few of the 40+ chapters that do something similar. It took me a little longer to get through than it should have (possibly because I was expecting a dirtbag diaries/climbing gold type of storytelling), but I took a good portion of a Sunday to read the second half all in one go.
I think it's okay that I have mixed feelings about this. I do not know either BethorTommy, but they have public personas, movies and books about them, and like a watcher of reality tv or an inhaler of any kind of drama, there's a sense that we do, and that we should pick sides and have reasons for it and discuss it. But 1. That's really between them, and it seems like they've each found their happy endings and are genuinely happy for each other and 2. It was just a really really sucky situation, thrust as kids into something they didn't sign up for and trying to cope with that as two introverted/reserved people, while also having a professional athletic career to worry about, now inextricably braided together - literally tied to both ends of a rope. So yeah, it's uncomfortable seeing that get pulled apart, knowing (assuming?) they're both just good people who eventually ended up needing to go different ways, damage done to both sides in the process.
I really enjoyed being able to go to the Q&A in Berkeley for this, hearing how much work putting this book together took, and hearing some of the profound change in mentality of someone going from their competitive prime to enjoying / valuing being a mother (the birthing chapter was the best and most moving in the book) who is excited to be hopping on After 6 and some fun boulders with friends and family. She mentioned in the Q&A (and a bit in the book), how much of a toll the things she did to be competitive at a young age had long-lasting effects on her body, and it's understandable as a mature adult to value health and gratification beyond "the next send". But without those with that competitive edge, sports wouldn't progress, achievements would stagnate. Maybe that's okay? Maybe we don't need any more olympic/world records? I'm not sure. Can you tell an 18yo alpinist to stop soloing? Would they do it? Would they resent you and their lives if they did?
Anyways, lots of other dispersed thoughts. Overall good, well-told story.
I think it's okay that I have mixed feelings about this. I do not know either BethorTommy, but they have public personas, movies and books about them, and like a watcher of reality tv or an inhaler of any kind of drama, there's a sense that we do, and that we should pick sides and have reasons for it and discuss it. But 1. That's really between them, and it seems like they've each found their happy endings and are genuinely happy for each other and 2. It was just a really really sucky situation, thrust as kids into something they didn't sign up for and trying to cope with that as two introverted/reserved people, while also having a professional athletic career to worry about, now inextricably braided together - literally tied to both ends of a rope. So yeah, it's uncomfortable seeing that get pulled apart, knowing (assuming?) they're both just good people who eventually ended up needing to go different ways, damage done to both sides in the process.
I really enjoyed being able to go to the Q&A in Berkeley for this, hearing how much work putting this book together took, and hearing some of the profound change in mentality of someone going from their competitive prime to enjoying / valuing being a mother (the birthing chapter was the best and most moving in the book) who is excited to be hopping on After 6 and some fun boulders with friends and family. She mentioned in the Q&A (and a bit in the book), how much of a toll the things she did to be competitive at a young age had long-lasting effects on her body, and it's understandable as a mature adult to value health and gratification beyond "the next send". But without those with that competitive edge, sports wouldn't progress, achievements would stagnate. Maybe that's okay? Maybe we don't need any more olympic/world records? I'm not sure. Can you tell an 18yo alpinist to stop soloing? Would they do it? Would they resent you and their lives if they did?
Anyways, lots of other dispersed thoughts. Overall good, well-told story.
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